Suicidal-How can I help?

poeticjustice

Hey,

My good friend has been hospitalized now for around 6 months with severe depression and has tried to commit suicide on a number of occasions. She began self harming a few years ago and now she can't stop. She is one of the nicest and kindest people I know and only 20 years old. I've tried everything to help her get through this but despite spending time with various therapists and psychiatrists in two hospitals, she is seeing no improvement whatsoever. I don't know what to do anymore.

She is being heavily dosed with medication and is restarting cognitive behavioural therapy again in a few days time after a few weeks break. She definitely went further downhill when the CBT stopped but this was due to the hospital not having the service available at the time. Right now, they don't seem to have any plan other than keep her locked up in a supervised ward. There doesn't seem to be any hope at the the moment.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and come out the other side? Any suggestions would be very helpful. Thanks

Moved from Humanities to Personal Issues.

Honestly, there's not much help anyone can give you, because ultimately it's up to the person themselves to move passed it. That's the unfortunate thing about mental health issues. The only thing you can really do is to keep doing what you have been doing - I know it is hard to see them in this way, but she's going to lose a lot of friends during this time, trust me. Don't let yourself be one of them. Let her know you're still there. It might give her enough of a crutch to get over this.

Taltos

banquo - please respect the privacy of the OP here, don't ask questions that may lead to the person revealing themselves and limit yourself to only posting constructive advice.

Thanks
Taltos

poeticjustice

Deleted User wrote: »

Honestly, there's not much help anyone can give you, because ultimately it's up to the person themselves to move passed it. That's the unfortunate thing about mental health issues. The only thing you can really do is to keep doing what you have been doing - I know it is hard to see them in this way, but she's going to lose a lot of friends during this time, trust me. Don't let yourself be one of them. Let her know you're still there. It might give her enough of a crutch to get over this.

Yeah, I know you are right. I just feel so powerless. There should be something I could say or do to show her that life's worth living. It doesn't help that she's stuck in hospital in the most depressing of places. I honestly don't know how anyone can get better in there. Thanks for your reply

LegacyUser

OP, I've been where your friend is and it is not a nice place to be. I took too many meds alot, cut myself and spent the best part of 15 years permanently suicidal. Hard to believe, but true. (to those who say, if you really meant it, you'd do the first time - you're missing the point)


Finally, finally, I began to understand my being suicidal was my way of saying, my pain is too much, I can't cope with the way I'm feeling. This is so bad that I would rather die than feel these feelings. And it could be any feeling - sadness, depression, anger, even happiness.

It was psychotherapy that finally helped me. Now, I get times of wanting to die but not wanting to kill myself. And straight away, my therapist says, what's the feeling? It feels pretty good to be able to get a handle on it and understand it.

As to how to support your friend, you're helping just by being there. Don't try to reason her out of it. Try to understand the absolute agony she is in.

Re: the services she is getting, if it's public, be prepared to fight for every little thing. Ask about DBT - dialectical behaviour therapy. Part of it is living with distress, which can be useful for people who are constantly suicidal.

Best of luck

poeticjustice

beentheredonethat wrote: »

OP, I've been where your friend is and it is not a nice place to be. I took too many meds alot, cut myself and spent the best part of 15 years permanently suicidal. Hard to believe, but true. (to those who say, if you really meant it, you'd do the first time - you're missing the point)


Finally, finally, I began to understand my being suicidal was my way of saying, my pain is too much, I can't cope with the way I'm feeling. This is so bad that I would rather die than feel these feelings. And it could be any feeling - sadness, depression, anger, even happiness.

It was psychotherapy that finally helped me. Now, I get times of wanting to die but not wanting to kill myself. And straight away, my therapist says, what's the feeling? It feels pretty good to be able to get a handle on it and understand it.

As to how to support your friend, you're helping just by being there. Don't try to reason her out of it. Try to understand the absolute agony she is in.

Re: the services she is getting, if it's public, be prepared to fight for every little thing. Ask about DBT - dialectical behaviour therapy. Part of it is living with distress, which can be useful for people who are constantly suicidal.

Best of luck

Thanks a million for your reply. And sorry to hear about your own circumstances. Yes, she is public and the services she needs just haven't been available for her recently. Which is really infuriating because she was definitely making progress when she was seeing a therapist on a regular basis. DBT, I hadn't heard of that before but I'll look into it for her. I'd love to talk with you more about all this if you could, although I would totally understand if you didn't want to.

Thanks again. Very much appreciated!! And hope you are doing well now

Taltos

OP please don't ask posters to get in touch with you. This is as much to protect you as it is them.

Thanks
Taltos

ahnow

Hi OP, I've been in a similar position to your friend, is there anyway she can afford to go private? Just so she can get weekly, or multiple sessions of counselling a week?
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is good for helping to get a handle on your cutting, and similar compulsions. They use it for those kind of behaviours, eating disorders, compuslive thinking etc. Doctors and GP's are always very quick to recommend CBT because a client's behaviour can be quantitatively tracked, and the results are concrete.
There is a major drawback of CBT however, and that is, it does not tackle any deep-seated trauma. So obviously, with your friend the CBT is acting as a crisis management for her right now to get through this very tough bit, but really some psychotherapy-which is a slightly different type of counselling could also help her. This is very, very important.
Can I just say also, that there is always, always hope. The person will have to believe it from the inside, and that does not come easily, but until she's strong enough to do that, she will need to be carried, any and all help available she should try and get. When I think of severe and suicidal depression I use the Tesco motto when it comes to getting help-Every little helps. Anything and everything, and as much of it as possible to get you through-every little helps.
In my own recovery, and I'm sure this must be for others,what I yearned for was a sense of hope that I could get through this, and the only way I could do that, was to look for examples of how other people in similar situations had survived. If you look at help websites relating to what is underlying all of her distress, email them and ask could they forward you some information to help your friend, and perhaps ask them about where you might find some messages of recovery and hope from people who have been through what she's going through. It helps keep that light on while you're in the very dark tunnel.
Good luck.

poeticjustice

ahnow wrote: »

Hi OP, I've been in a similar position to your friend, is there anyway she can afford to go private? Just so she can get weekly, or multiple sessions of counselling a week?
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is good for helping to get a handle on your cutting, and similar compulsions. They use it for those kind of behaviours, eating disorders, compuslive thinking etc. Doctors and GP's are always very quick to recommend CBT because a client's behaviour can be quantitatively tracked, and the results are concrete.
There is a major drawback of CBT however, and that is, it does not tackle any deep-seated trauma. So obviously, with your friend the CBT is acting as a crisis management for her right now to get through this very tough bit, but really some psychotherapy-which is a slightly different type of counselling could also help her. This is very, very important.
Can I just say also, that there is always, always hope. The person will have to believe it from the inside, and that does not come easily, but until she's strong enough to do that, she will need to be carried, any and all help available she should try and get. When I think of severe and suicidal depression I use the Tesco motto when it comes to getting help-Every little helps. Anything and everything, and as much of it as possible to get you through-every little helps.
In my own recovery, and I'm sure this must be for others,what I yearned for was a sense of hope that I could get through this, and the only way I could do that, was to look for examples of how other people in similar situations had survived. If you look at help websites relating to what is underlying all of her distress, email them and ask could they forward you some information to help your friend, and perhaps ask them about where you might find some messages of recovery and hope from people who have been through what she's going through. It helps keep that light on while you're in the very dark tunnel.
Good luck.

Thanks for replying Ahnow and again, i'm sorry to hear you were in a similar situation. Private doesn't seem to be an option at the moment. Problems with health insurance. I understand what you're saying about psychotherapy. I didn't realise there was a difference between that and CBT so maybe she had been getting this sort of therapy. All I know is she was definitely seeing an improvement when she was talking to someone regularly. At the moment shes just stuck in a ward with nothing to do and too much time to think and I don't see how this can be helping her mindset.

I like your idea about emailing people who have survived this before. I've tried buying her books from people in similar situations but she doesn't seem too keen. she can't have her phone or ipod in the ward so music isn't even an option to cheer her up or lift her spirits. I try to visit her when I can though but its a good journey and i work 6 days a week. I realise hope is so important in her situation but in her current environment I struggle to see where it comes from. Like you said if there was an option for private care it would make a huge difference I think.

Thanks a million and hope you are feeling well now

JuliusCaesar

ahnow wrote: »

There is a major drawback of CBT however, and that is, it does not tackle any deep-seated trauma.

As a psychologist, I have to interject to say that this statement is factually incorrect.

ahnow

Perhaps I didn’t word what I said very clearly, I meant it does not tackle deep seated trauma in the same way that psychotherapy does, and this may be helpful for some people, for others not, and it might be helpful for people to be aware of this. Some people want to talk and be heard when it comes to things that have happened in their life, and that in itself helps to heal the issue. From my own personal experience, I did not find CBT helpful because it only tackles the here and now of an issue.

poeticjustice

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

As a psychologist, I have to interject to say that this statement is factually incorrect.

Hey Julius,

Are psychologists covered on health insurance at all? Or can tax be claimed back on therapy sessions? The hospital shes in didn't have a therapist on site so shes not been getting therapy for the last 2 months or so. I think now they are finally arranging someone to come in to talk with her soon but she could probably do with more sessions than would be offered to her. But obviously this would work out very expensive. She at least saw some improvement when she was getting CBT but has gone way downhill since then.

Thanks

singsong321

It's unfortunate that your friend has been inpatient for such a lengthy period. Although it's unavoidable that she needs to be supervised in her condition. I would advise that you help her focus on being discharged. A part of CBT is to set goals for the individual and this would seem a good and realistic one. Perhaps encourage her to distract herself with creative activties like reading , writing, drawing etc. Also to help her feel involved with the "real world" you could bring in newspapers and tacky magazines to laugh at. Wishing all the best!

poeticjustice

singsong321 wrote: »

It's unfortunate that your friend has been inpatient for such a lengthy period. Although it's unavoidable that she needs to be supervised in her condition. I would advise that you help her focus on being discharged. A part of CBT is to set goals for the individual and this would seem a good and realistic one. Perhaps encourage her to distract herself with creative activties like reading , writing, drawing etc. Also to help her feel involved with the "real world" you could bring in newspapers and tacky magazines to laugh at. Wishing all the best!

Thanks Singsong. Yeah, I bring her in magazines and books to try and remind her of the things she loves and get a bit of fire back in her belly for life again. But with the meds they have her on she says her focus is gone and reading is hard. She had set a goal to be home for Christmas but that's not looking likely now either. It's like she has nothing to motivate her right now She's also quite stubborn and i'm afraid if I suggest things that may help her, she will ignore them because she doesn't want anyones help. I appreciate your post. Thanks a million

JuliusCaesar

poeticjustice wrote: »

Hey Julius, Are psychologists covered on health insurance at all? Or can tax be claimed back on therapy sessions? The hospital shes in didn't have a therapist on site so shes not been getting therapy for the last 2 months or so.

Unfortunately in Ireland Clinical Psychology is only covered for children in a very limited way. But privately tax can be claimed back I think if you are referred by a medical doctor.

There should be a psychology dept in every mental health service, they are often alongside psychiatry and members of the multi-disciplinary team (MDT). Many members of the MDT whether social workers (SWs) or occupational therapists (OTs) or nurses or psychiatrists will have had extra training in psychotherapy, so it may not always be a psychologist your friend sees. It would be unusual for NO therapy to be provided. There might be some more useful information in the psychology forum stickies (Science -> Psychology). I'll butt out now, with apologies to the mods here. JC