Feeling homesick after three months (more info)?

LegacyUser

Im in my early 20s and long story short, my life was and, still is now, pretty much crap. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that it is better than some people's lives I know of (which are ten times worse) but at the same time i dont think anyone I know would swap lives with me anytime soon.
I am always anxious, family life is ok but not great at the same time, it very hard to get on with some members of my family. I have always been the black sheep tbh, because of my eccentric personality and tbh I think I am just an embaressment when we are together with other company.
I barely have that many friends and the ones I do have are beginning to drift away due to pregnancies, boyfriends, work etc. So when I got a college offer for a course I wanted where the college was a couple of hours away, I was over the moon, thinking that this would be a great change for me, I meet new people, make new friends, join a gym or club and get a part-time job to help with finances. move to a completely new place when no one from my past would know me, and I thought I could make a totally fresh start.

But fast forward on three months into my course, and I have no part-time job, only got to join one club because my timetable and lectures is so much longer in the day than I realised, so because of that I am too tired and too busy to join a gym or even go for a walk so my weight is creeping back on again, which I worked so hard to keep off. Apart from hanging out with a couple of international students, I have made any proper college mates that i can feel comfortable enough to go out with because some came in groups already or made friends with people who came from the same county as them, and I think I am the only one so far who's county is hours away and my anxiety got the better of me at teh start of the year. As the course itself, I like it but some lectures are beginning to lose effect with me, and I hate it because I really want to make an effort this year.

So because of all this, even though I have always wanted to get out of my home county, I am actually beginning to feel homesick. I have always gone by the saying "No reason to stay is a good reason to go." and that is why i left because it applied to where I live.
Now it is applying to when I am now, because apart from my course, I have no other reason to keep staying here, and now because I feel homesick its becoming more of a struggling to keep coming into college.

I am just wondering that is this normal to feel like this, to feel homesick and really miss your home even though you never liked it there in the first place?

seanie_c

When I moved out of home, it was brilliant, no more drama. I'm sure there was a mutual benefit for all. Having the independence and no longer listening to parents lecture me, complain about my disobedience, disruptive behaviour.

But after a while, I did begin to miss them and they missed me too. So I would go home for a couple of days or they would visit, usually on the weekends. And if not a visit, I'd call up for a chat on the phone and that was good enough.

Of course, I didn't live so far away as you and eventually had to tell my parents to stop calling in. I felt they couldn't let go of me not being around them anymore and it saddened them, even though when I did live at home, it was non stop drama..arguing..etc

The problem for you here might be quitting your studies, going home only to regret it later. Would you say not having money or friends is the main problem?

For me, it was a little of both. Not having the comforts of home and not really knowing anyone.

Butterface

You're coming near to the end of the semester, so you probably have assignments due and exams to do. My advice is to concentrate on doing well on the course and keeping up with your work, for now.

You'll have time off at Christmas to re-evaluate your feelings on whether you'd like to continue on the course or not, and whether you'd like to return to live in your home county.

Try and reach your goal of sticking it out until the Christmas break and you'll feel better about it.. tis only a few weeks away. When you come back in the new year for your next term, think of it as a new start. New subjects, lecturers, change of locations etc. You might even have more time in your timetable to join another club.

I'm studying abroad at the moment, and many of my friends here graduated last year so I'm finding my social life less hectic. However, I'm reminding myself that it's not forever.. only another half year to go, and it will fly.

the_syco

Go home for your xmas break, and by the time you have to go back to college, you'll be counting down the days. Everyone gets homesick after a while, so don't worry about it. And yes, after a while you just don't get homesick.

As for the weight, try getting up a half an hour earlier, and go for a 30 minute walk; you'll get exercise, and you'll get a bit of energy from it.

LegacyUser

seanie_c wrote: »

The problem for you here might be quitting your studies, going home only to regret it later. Would you say not having money or friends is the main problem?

For me, it was a little of both. Not having the comforts of home and not really knowing anyone.

It is the same for me too, having no income of my own and also not having any proper mates. I just feel like if I was earning and paying my own way in college, that if I did decide to drop out and maybe wait again till next year and apply somewhere else, it would be of my own doing and it would not feel like I wasted my family's money. Also I would be afraid to, because the points I got in my LC were not great, I only just barely passed, and my PLC points were better but not over three distinctions which is the minimum that a lot of colleges look for and points seem to just keep going up every year. I was lucky to have even got a place here.

I dunno I think I got my hopes up a bit too high, I did make an effort with some people, and with my social anxiety I think i did the best I could do, but just something did not click, and now the classmates I do hang out with at lunch or partner up with in class might not be even here anymore after christmas because they cannot afford to stay on any longer. A part of me thinks it is because I live with a digs on my own while others live in student accom or just travel from their own neighbouring towns, so I am on my own a bit apart from the landlady, but I would imagine even if I lived with other students, I am either lucky enough to get along and be best mates, or we could actually end up having nothing in common and disliking each other (or they might not like me in general) and the second part was the reason I went with digs for first year at least.

I know they say it is the course you should concentrate on, not focusing on my friends so abdly, but it would have been nice to not feel like an outcast for once, or to come across as an ignorant snobby person as that has happened a lot with people who try to get to know me, rather than realise that I am just awkward, they mistake it for being snobby.

Sorry for this long rant, I just really need to think about what the hell I am suppose to do.

LegacyUser

Butterface wrote: »

You're coming near to the end of the semester, so you probably have assignments due and exams to do. My advice is to concentrate on doing well on the course and keeping up with your work, for now.

You'll have time off at Christmas to re-evaluate your feelings on whether you'd like to continue on the course or not, and whether you'd like to return to live in your home county.

Try and reach your goal of sticking it out until the Christmas break and you'll feel better about it.. tis only a few weeks away. When you come back in the new year for your next term, think of it as a new start. New subjects, lecturers, change of locations etc. You might even have more time in your timetable to join another club.

I'm studying abroad at the moment, and many of my friends here graduated last year so I'm finding my social life less hectic. However, I'm reminding myself that it's not forever.. only another half year to go, and it will fly.

I actaully always wondered, say if I got through first semester and passed everything, can you used that to transfer to another college or course in the new year, or use what you have to apply again the next year? Or are results from the 1st semester in first year good enough to have on your CV?

Sorry if this is confusing it's just that I heard in different countries you can transfer if you wish to different uni's or colleges after 1st semester, but I am not sure if you can do it in Ireland.

ivytwine

struggling wrote: »

I actaully always wondered, say if I got through first semester and passed everything, can you used that to transfer to another college or course in the new year, or use what you have to apply again the next year? Or are results from the 1st semester in first year good enough to have on your CV?

Sorry if this is confusing it's just that I heard in different countries you can transfer if you wish to different uni's or colleges after 1st semester, but I am not sure if you can do it in Ireland.

Afaik you can't. Irish colleges are quite inflexible. I did my study abroad in Oz and literally everyone seemed to have changed course at some point, but not in Ireland sadly

I think you can transfer between sister colleges- I know someone who transferred from Mary I to UL for example, as it is the same college essentially.

However, there is a date in Oct that you can drop out before and not pay fees. If you drop out after Xmas you will be liable for full fees when you start again next Sept.

OP I found college very tough at times too. I stuck with it because dropping out wasn't an option. My parents and relations- my dad especially, he never even went to secondary- were so proud of me for getting there and the money wouldn't have been there for me to start over, unless I worked for a year or two and then went back.

I didn't like my course at first. I tried to transfer and I missed that October deadline by a day! But I made the best of it and ended up enjoying it.

For me my problem was that college started brilliantly for me. I made friends, got a great boyfriend, but then we broke up and they were his friends, not mine.The second semester of first year was horrible. I felt very adrift. I had three good friends from my course and then I bucked up a bit more. I also got a weekend job which, because it was dealing with the public, was very good for my confidence and development.

I would take a look into part-time jobs and seasonal. Working will help you in lots of ways, not least financially. I know it's hard to find something but keep banging in CVs and hopefully something will turn up.

I know what the anxiety is like, it makes you feel that everyone is having fun without you and you're an awkward interruption. But it's lying to you, trust me. Another piece of advice is to take advantage of the free counselling services if your college has it, or even talk to the chaplain if you feel comfortable with them.

One of the cons of digs is that it does restrict your social life. That's an universal experience for anyone in digs. Housemates ARE a lottery. I've lived in around seven or eight shared houses at this stage. I've had wonderful experiences and terrible experiences. It's so hard to know what way it will go. I've lived with friends and wanted to kill them; I've lived with strangers who became friends. There really is no way of telling how that will go.

I'd advise you to stick with it unless you feel really really miserable. This is a totally overwhelming life change, and it's incredibly hard to adjust to. Nobody ever says it but I think a lot of people find college hard. You're not alone by any means x

neemish

I read once that it takes four years to fully settle in a new house/city. FOUR YEARS!
Now I don't think it takes that long, but it does take longer than three months.

We all had great ideas about how fantastic life was going to be once we escaped the tyranny of our parents house and could do our own thing all the time. And then reality strikes. For me, it was the little things like hearing people getting up in the morning or coming home and having to start into cooking dinner.
You lived there for 20 years. Whether you loved or hated it, it was home.


Give yourself a chance. Say to yourself, I'm going to stick the year. That way, you have something to build on and to use to get into another course. Try to make where you're living more homely for yourself. Whether it's your favorite books, posters, pictures, dvds, be comfy in your accommodation. Make life easy for yourself.
Try to get to know one or two people from your course. Tutorials can be an easier way to talk to people. And remember that people change in college. They don't always want to hang onto childhood friends.
If don't like your digs, is there any chance of moving on campus after Christmas? You are assigned housemates and ye just have to get on with it. For the most part, people are doing their own thing and are like ships passing in the night at home.

Finally, get yourself a bit of support. Find out if you have a mentor or student advisor. Or chaplaincy can be a good place. (you don't have to be religious!). They are there to help get you through. And there is nothing you can say that they haven't heard before.


You're doing great. Stick with it