Don't know what to do

afterglow

Hi everyone 
Very much hoping for some advice here. 
In september I went to stay with a friend. We had only known each other a short time before I went to see her, but the weekend was great, and we got on like a house on fire, she's a lovely girl and we still get on great and chat and text regularly. 
When we made the arrangements for me to come visit, it was agreed that her husband would pick me up, my friend can't drive, so I said fair enough, no issue with that. 
Husband picks me up, and because he had added me on facebook before the visit, and we'd chatted back and forth a bit, drive to the house was fine, and we were just chatting away as anyone would. 
I can't remember when exactly, but sometime during the first day, before I went to bed, he started going on that there were cameras in my room, that he could see me when I was sleeping etc etc........ 
Now, I of course did feel uncomfortable with this, but I did not want to seem like a stick in the mud, so I laughed along, and even stupidly played along sometimes. I know this was stupid/wrong of me, but I didn't know what else to do. my friend was there when all of this was going on and she didn't say anything or seem to have any problem with it. All I talked about when I was there was my bf. How we were in a long term relationship etc. When it wasn't creepy we did have some laughs and when that happened I would always say how my bf would have enjoyed the craic etc. 
Now fast forward to last week. Out of the blue one evening, I got a message from him on facebook that said :hey sexy" 
I was totally taken aback!!!!!!! I hoped his facebook had been hacked, didn't reply and just forgot about it. 
Then yesterday morning he sends me another message, this time by text, he had had my number for when I was traveling back on the train, to let me know that he had let train people know that I would need assistance when I reached my destination. 
So the text yesterday said "morning gorgeous how are you"? 
Now at this point I am getting really freaked out. I have told my boyfriend and he thinks it is weird/not right for him to be doing as he's married etc. 
I don't want to stop being friends with this girl as I like her a lot and she's lovely as I have already said, but I don't know what to do about these messages. I have not replied to any, and I certainly never gave her husband any idea that I fancied him or anything so I have no idea why he's sending me these creepy messages. 
Advice on how to proceed from here would be great. 
Thanks and sorry for such a long post 

username123

If I were you I'd ask your friend to ask her husband to stop contacting you inappropriately.

I think you are being naive here, you probably cannot maintain this friendship without also either (a) suffering his advances or (b) whistleblowing to your friend, which may end the friendship anyway.

Plus, the stuff about cameras IS creepy, and if she thinks it's ok her husband says that to her female friend who has come to stay over, perhaps she is also a party to the creepiness and not as innocent as you seem to assume.

LegacyUser

Text your friend with:

"hey, i think your hubby is accidentally sending texts to my phone that are meant for you".

message her

message her wrote: »

Text your friend with:

"hey, i think your hubby is accidentally sending texts to my phone that are meant for you".

I think this would be the best plan

Brego888

I wouldn't go down the route of telling your friend yet. But I'd send a very clear and firm message to her husband that you're not happy with his inappropriate contact and that it needs to stop or you will have to tell your friend.

Hopefully he gets the message.

D.R Adams

Would tend to agree with Brego on this one, probably best to confront the husband first. Doesn't have to be friendship ending, just a simple "I think its inappropriate of you to do this, please stop" and if it continues then think about mentioning it politely to your friend.

It is totally inappropriate....and if its making you uncomfortable....then something needs to be said!

afterglow

Hi all

Thanks so much for your replies.

I will leave it this time and if he sends another message, which will render him obviusly stupid, then I will definitely send a text with something along the lines of he needs to stop doing this, it's inapropiate etc.
Thanks again

Meauldsegosha

Why wait to send the text? What he is doing is inappropriate now, not after he send another text. He is being stupid now, not after he sends another text.

If someone was making me uncomfortable I would let them know. It's obvious from this thread and others you've posted that you don't like confrontation and don't assert yourself in certain situations. But sometimes you need to stand up and make your voice heard.

afterglow

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

Why wait to send the text? What he is doing is inappropriate now, not after he send another text. He is being stupid now, not after he sends another text.

If someone was making me uncomfortable I would let them know. It's obvious from this thread and others you've posted that you don't like confrontation and don't assert yourself in certain situations. But sometimes you need to stand up and make your voice heard.

I know you are right, I will give what you have said some thought. What I am afraid is as other posters have said, that if I say anything, it could be the end of my friendship with this girl. However it is making me uncomfortable so I know I have to do something about it.
Thanks for your reply

stargazer 68

afterglow wrote: »

Hi all

Thanks so much for your replies.

I will leave it this time and if he sends another message, which will render him obviusly stupid, then I will definitely send a text with something along the lines of he needs to stop doing this, it's inapropiate etc.
Thanks again

I would be inclined to do the same OP. He sent the text yesterday so you should have replied there and then but as you have ignored it that may be the end. If, however, another text or fb message comes I would definitely reply. Its completely inappropriate.

Now, on the other hand, perhaps his wife knows what he is doing (stranger things have happened). You said she was there when he was saying the things about the camera etc. Perhaps they were 'sussing' you out! You only know her a short time - just a thought!

P. Breathnach

Consider the possibility that he has a juvenile sense of humour and is really quite harmless.

jdsk2006

P. Breathnach wrote: »

Consider the possibility that he has a juvenile sense of humour and is really quite harmless.

I know someone that has the most unusal sense of humor coupled with an ability to remain deadly serious! people really sometimes think he is serious

IrishEyes19

P. Breathnach wrote: »

Consider the possibility that he has a juvenile sense of humour and is really quite harmless.

I'd have agreed with this one, if he didn't send the second message with flirty behaviour in it. Considering that the OP didnt reply to the first one kind of sends the message that they didn't approve of it. I also think the language is very forward.

LegacyUser

OP, that guy is really really creepy, if I were you I wouldn't go near that house again or be put in a situation where I was alone with him. He sounds like the type of guy who would force himself on you. People might think I'm over-reacting on this, but I would be awful careful. His behaviour shows that firstly, he has no respect for his wife, and secondly, he has put you in an incredibly uncomfortable position. It sounds like he's not afraid to take advantage, and do what he pleases, with no regard for the consequences.
If he's not afraid to text you-twice-with no reply, and say creepy over-bearing things like there's a camera in your room-especially after the first time meeting you?! I doubt he would be afraid to do much worse.

username123

jdsk2006 wrote: »

I know someone that has the most unusal sense of humor coupled with an ability to remain deadly serious! people really sometimes think he is serious

I'd have to consider the possibility about such a person that in fact, an unusual sense of humour is just a cover story to justify indulging in cruel, bullying or unwanted behaviour. It's not funny if someone if made to feel uncomfortable or put in the position that the OP has been put in. Anyone who tries to justify that with 'ah I have a weird sense of humour' is talking nonsense and not taking responsibility for their behaviour when it affects others.

Czarcasm

afterglow this guy is just testing the waters to see would you do anything with him.

message her wrote: »

Text your friend with:

"hey, i think your hubby is accidentally sending texts to my phone that are meant for you".

This is brilliant!

P. Breathnach wrote: »

Consider the possibility that he has a juvenile sense of humour and is really quite harmless.

P. I have a ridiculously juvenile sense of humour and I'd often be considered quite harmless, but what this guy is at is a fair bit more sinister. Straight in there like with the "hey sexy", "morning gorgeous" clichés?

I'd be telling him to piss off, but the anon posters advice above would be much more my juvenile sense of humour