Parents asking me for money

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I have a tough situation here.

I moved home after 7years thinking I could save.

I make 1900 a month. I pay rent to parents, health insurance/gym/phone bill/contribution to parents' bills, food (yes I have to buy my own stuff), transport costs and other general expenses. I'm in a long distance relationship the last 7 months (was not always this way but it is temporary) and I have to get flights twice a month. So this 1900 doesn't really last long.

My payslip came to the house recently, and parents opened it. And now they think I'm loaded.

They asked me for a 1500 euro until a cheque they received clears and they said they'll pay me back at a later stage, but they'll accept 500 first and then the other 500 later.

I only have 680 euro in my account and they want the money immediately and I just don't have it. I gave them the 500 and said sorry I don't have more. They're being weird with me now and being really distant.

This does not feel natural my parents asking me for money. I know it would be only temporary but I don't get it. What happened to their pensions? Their savings? Anything? They own their own house and have 2 cars, I pay them rent and contribute to the bills. So this should not be this way. It just doesn't feel natural to me. Their attitude to me is strange too and I don't understand that either.

I have had a tooth ache all week and it's worse today. I would have had that spare money to go to the dentist but now I'm not able to go because if I need a filling I won't be able to afford it. And I don't know when my parents would pay me back.

I feel a type of resentment I never felt before. And it feels so awkward. I really don't know why they put me in this position. I have other siblings, they all work too and I am on the least money, so I don't know why my parents have come to me. I told my sister and she told me she would've just told them no. And my brother said he has no money on account of his mortgage.

How do I try make things normal again? Is it on me to make things normal again?

homemadecider

Ask them for the money back, explain you need it for the dentist. Next time they ask for money, politely but firmly say no.

I'd be more concerned about the fact they opened your payslip, by the way. I think you should move out asap.

Chattastrophe!

I'm guessing you're paying well below the market rate for rent seeing as you moved home thinking you would be able to save?

How do your parents feel about you being at home? I know I wouldn't like to be in their position, unless I knew for sure it would only be temporary.

You're not on a bad wage, and you should be able to save, even paying normal rent. If I were you I'd be moving out into a house share - it's not normal that they'd go opening your payslip, and it sounds like the atmosphere isn't great. It's not worth saving a few euro on rent if you end up straining your relationship with your parents.

Re. lending them money - I have a rule that I will not lend ANYONE money that I can't afford to lose. Whether they're family or otherwise. It's something you should consider in future. Don't let anyone bully you into giving/lending them money - just say no, if you can't afford it or if you don't want to, it's that simple.

mashedbanana

Your parents opened your post? your payslip? wow, that in itself is a massive lack of respect. They obviously feel they are entitled to know what you are earning. you need to move out. you just have to. Even if it's just house sharing. I can't believe in this day and age there are parents, still tapping their kids for money. When they have their own source of money coming in. Your paying them to live there, contributing to the bills (even though you aren't there by day, and using most of the electricity) buying your own food, and they are still tapping you????? not to mention no set date as to when they will pay you back.

I would help anyone out in a heartbeat, but my parents wouldn't take money from me...if it meant i was left short. To be honest, the only times my parents, who are OAP's mentiones big sums of money, it's to do with a loan. Are they up to their ears in debt need to pay a loan super quick? Like alot of OAP's, the mortgage is paid, no big bills any more, the overheads aren't there. So whats the panic?

They'll except 500 now and 500 later? what about the other 500? If I were you I'd take my 1900 a month, and leave. don't forget Christmas is around the corner! Maybe thats when the other 500 will be requested!

(we as a family have gone throught this, and thinking about it still bugs me)

GarIT

I think you are under reacting here. They opened mail addressed to you. First thing you should do is contact the gardai, its a criminal offence to open somebody else's mail. As well as moving out and if it was me I'd find it very difficult to ever speak to them again.

Typer Monkey

GarIT wrote: »

I think you are under reacting here. They opened mail addressed to you. First thing you should do is contact the gardai, its a criminal offence to open somebody else's mail. As well as moving out and if it was me I'd find it very difficult to ever speak to them again.

You think a reasonable approach here is to commence legal action against his parents which may result in an arrest and him giving evidence against them in court?? That's just ridiculous.

To the OP, I second the moving out advice. You should also have a reasonable sit down with them and explain tht you don't have much disposable income due to your outgoings and that you won't be in a position to loan them any further money. Discussion and honesty is always a better approach.

Chattastrophe!

GarIT wrote: »

I think you are under reacting here. They opened mail addressed to you. First thing you should do is contact the gardai, its a criminal offence to open somebody else's mail. As well as moving out and if it was me I'd find it very difficult to ever speak to them again.

Oh come on. They were certainly completely in the wrong to look at the payslip, but telling him to call the Gardai over it is just absolutely ridiculous.

Meauldsegosha

GarIT wrote: »

I think you are under reacting here. They opened mail addressed to you. First thing you should do is contact the gardai, its a criminal offence to open somebody else's mail. As well as moving out and if it was me I'd find it very difficult to ever speak to them again.

That's an over reaction. Of course his parents were wrong to open his post but he is not going report them to the gardai.

OP I agree with the other posters here that you should move. You are not saving anything by living home so maybe a house share closer to work would afford you that opportunity.

GarIT

Typer Monkey wrote: »

You think a reasonable approach here is to commence legal action against his parents which may result in an arrest and him giving evidence against them in court?? That's just ridiculous.

To the OP, I second the moving out advice. You should also have a reasonable sit down with them and explain tht you don't have much disposable income due to your outgoings and that you won't be in a position to loan them any further money. Discussion and honesty is always a better approach.

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

Oh come on. They were certainly completely in the wrong to look at the payslip, but telling him to call the Gardai over it is just absolutely ridiculous.

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

That's an over reaction. Of course his parents were wrong to open his post but he is not going report them to the gardai.

OP I agree with the other posters here that you should move. You are not saving anything by living home so maybe a house share closer to work would afford you that opportunity.

I don't see what makes parents any more special than anyone else, they commit a crime against me and they deserve to face the consequences. If either of my parents opened my mail I would be furious and wold think they deserve jail time. They really need to be put in their place.

I can't see any way of dealing with them severely enough to fit the crime that wouldn't have the OP on the wrong side of the law other than going to the gardai himself.

The_Conductor

GarIT wrote: »

I can't see any way of dealing with them severely enough to fit the crime that wouldn't have the OP on the wrong side of the law other than going to the gardai himself.

How do you reckon this is a proportionate response?
Even suggesting contacting the Gardai is hysterical in nature- certainly they shouldn't have opened the OP's post- no-one is disputing that, but contacting the Gardai would be an over-reaction of quite remarkable proportions.

GarIT

The_Conductor wrote: »

How do you reckon this is a proportionate response?
Even suggesting contacting the Gardai is hysterical in nature- certainly they shouldn't have opened the OP's post- no-one is disputing that, but contacting the Gardai would be an over-reaction of quite remarkable proportions.

Because they knew what they were doing was wrong before they did it, they made the choice to do that on him. If a postman opened your post would you go to the gardai? How is the parents doing it different? They obviously have no respect for him, why should he have any for them, facing criminal proceedings is good enough for them IMO.

I'm not saying that the OP is under reacting if they don't go to the gardai. But they are under reacting saying nothing about it.

Meauldsegosha

GarIT wrote: »

Because they knew what they were doing was wrong before they did it, they made the choice to do that on him. If a postman opened your post would you go to the gardai? How is the parents doing it different? They obviously have no respect for him, why should he have any for them, facing criminal proceedings is good enough for them IMO.

I'm not saying that the OP is under reacting if they don't go to the gardai. But they are under reacting saying nothing about it.

How do you know they did it on purpose. Maybe the OP and his father share the same name. The OP should speak to his patents about it but your reaction is completely OTT.

Chara1001

Op, don't listen to GarIT's rubbish-
but you do need to explain to your folks that you will leave as soon as you can. In the meantime they must stop asking you for money and make it clear to them how unacceptable it is for them to open your mail. Meauldsegosha makes a good point and that has happened in my house also as my brother and father have the same name

Gatling

I'm going to completely disagree with some of the posters .
Op have your parents given you money when you needed it in the past like all parents I suspect they have your parents, are giving you a roof over your head when there under no obligation too either ,
Molly coddled comes to mind
,i know they opened a payslip belonging to you but I doubt it was done in malice,( seems somebody around here has parent issues )no related to the op,

Have you tried sitting down with your folks in a civil manner at all about your current situation

Santa Cruz

Chara1001 wrote: »

Op, don't listen to GarIT's rubbish-
but you do need to explain to your folks that you will leave as soon as you can. In the meantime they must stop asking you for money and make it clear to them how unacceptable it is for them to open your mail. Meauldsegosha makes a good point and that has happened in my house also as my brother and father have the same name

Never mind all that explanation stuff. Start organising alternative accommodation and say you are going. They are probably expecting it anyway.

taytobreath

Moving out is probably not a short term solution to his problem, especially when he would have to come up with 1 months deposit and 1 months rent in advance straight away.

Speak with your parents by bringing them proof like a bank statement. They see that you are earning 1900 a month and they don't see that you have all these outgoings, your bank statement for a few months back will be the proof of this.
good luck

Graham_B18C

GarIT wrote: »

I don't see what makes parents any more special than anyone else, they commit a crime against me and they deserve to face the consequences. If either of my parents opened my mail I would be furious and wold think they deserve jail time. They really need to be put in their place.

I can't see any way of dealing with them severely enough to fit the crime that wouldn't have the OP on the wrong side of the law other than going to the gardai himself.

Would you get a grip. Imagine the phone call "Hello Police? Hi, could you arrest my mam for opening a letter addressed to me, that came to her house, that I live in". My mother has opened letters for me in the past and I've always put it down to her not looking at who it was addressed to, she runs the house so whether the letter is for her or my stepfather, she'll be the one who looks after it.

I also have to agree with Gatling here too. The Ops parents are pensioners and they asked their son for a lend of money, I really can't see why anyone could think this is a bad thing for them to do. Even if the brothers and sisters earn more, they may have felt more comfortable asking the one that still lives in their house for the money they need.

Emme

leftwithoutachoice? wrote: »

Hi there,

I have a tough situation here.

I moved home after 7years thinking I could save.

My payslip came to the house recently, and parents opened it. And now they think I'm loaded.

They asked me for a 1500 euro until a cheque they received clears and they said they'll pay me back at a later stage, but they'll accept 500 first and then the other 500 later.

I only have 680 euro in my account and they want the money immediately and I just don't have it. I gave them the 500 and said sorry I don't have more. They're being weird with me now and being really distant.

This does not feel natural my parents asking me for money. I know it would be only temporary but I don't get it. What happened to their pensions? Their savings? Anything? They own their own house and have 2 cars, I pay them rent and contribute to the bills.

It wasn't fair of your parents to open your payslip unless it was a genuine error and you share a name with one of them. You seem to be paying your fair share so far. And to ask you for 1500 euro straight out? What is going on?

Are they desperate for money despite having the house and two cars? What about the mysterious cheque that is taking so long to clear?

Have they asked your siblings for money or just you? Perhaps you and your siblings should get together and approach your parents and ask them if they are having money problems. It doesn't seem normal to ask one child for 1500 euro straight out.

In the meantime do up a list of your income minus expenses and show them exactly how much money you are left with. Also ask them for some of your money so you can go to the dentist.

When you can, move out to a house share. Before that you need to sort out the current situation otherwise you might end up in a situation where your parents take all your money and you can't afford to move.

Rubylolz

If my mam opened my payslip, I have no doubt that she would think I was minted!! She would never consider my expenses, an thats not badness on her behalf its just she deals with a pension of 190 (I dont know or want to know her pension its her business as my salary is mine) or whatever it is a week so when she see's a payslip x2 / x3 times her monthly income obviously she thinks of all that 'spare' money...
If I were you I would tell them your expenses and outline the fact that you couldnt even afford to go to the dentist as a result of loaning them the money.
Then I would look towards moving out, you actually would probably save more? I'm assuming the opening of the payslip happened in error you propably have the same name as one of your parents etc? If it is then this is an innocent mistake if its not then thats something I'd be pretty pissed off about an would definitely mention it to your parents. Your paying your way at home an deserve a level of respect as a result.

Butterface

Firstly, I think it's bad form your mother opened your mail. However, in past house shares I've had complete strangers open my mail, so I would be forgiving of my parents.. they are my parents after all.

I don't see why a parent should not ask one of their children for a loan if they were stuck. You haven't said why they are stuck for money. I think people quickly forget how much their parents have spent raising them.. even into adulthood, through college and setting them up afterwards too in some cases.

My brother ended up going to one of the ridiculously expensive private business schools years ago. I was only a teenager at the time so never realised how much it cost my parents to send him there. They had to add several thousand euro to an existing loan. I only found that out this year and asked my mother if he ever tried to pay them back... not a bit of it. My brother now has a fantastic career and is earning a lot of money. My dad is a retired pensioner and my mother works part-time these days but the loan is paid off long ago. They don't crib about it because honestly, they believed that was part of their job as parents.. to provide for their kids.

However, if taking that loan out had left them stuck, then I don't see why they couldn't ask my brother to start contributing to it. You've moved home in order to save money.. you're effectively using your parents again, 7 years after you've left the nest, so that you can benefit financially from living in their house. I think that's a bit rich to be honest.

Matteroffact

You have to tell your parents you are now stuck for money after lending them the 500, that you didn't like to refuse but now you can't even afford to go to the dentist and you are in pain. You also have to tell them that you don't have much left after you pay for your day to day living, and that while you told them you would give them another 500 you are now telling them that you cannot do this. Just add that if you had the money flush you would give it to them but the fact is that you don't. I don't understand how they would not understand this.

Neyite

While your parents should not have opened your post, only you know if that was likely to be a genuine error or a deliberate act to see what you earn.

See it from their point of view: you have much less outgoings living at home than you would in a flatshare - you say yourself you moved home to save money - so they are facilitating that. Your assistance is helping them a little with bills, and their assistance is helping you a little with savings.

So I can see that if for instance, they badly need to fill up the oil tank or fix a boiler for the winter, and they see that you bring in €1900 after tax and are jetting off every 2 weeks for your long distance relationship, that its reasonable to ask you for a temporary loan until a cheque clears. Flights are a luxury item after all.

But, to loan them that amount of money, I feel you'd be entitled to know what the loan is for, and when this cheque is due (and also where that is coming from) so that you could have assessed whether this is a loan, or a "loan".

The other point thats kind of obvious is that you said you had €680 in savings and gave them €500. So you do have money to get your toothache seen to. But I think that you are saying you are broke because you regret giving them the money in the first place. Expecially since you realised your siblings would have refused.

How about a compromise of sorts? Tell them that you dont have the other €1000 that they are looking for, and since they need it in a hurry maybe your siblings can give €500 too? That way nobody is cleaned out a few weeks before Christmas.

LegacyUser

Thank you to all posters for your insight and advice.

I do not share the same name as my father, so the payslip, like other mail I have received, has always been opened and it was said "It might've been urgent and you'd be in work all day". Fair enough, but still not on.

Next point: I have been working since I was old enough to, and worked through school days aged 15 onwards, and moved out just after leaving cert, there was no question of pocket money and no question of support: it didn't work that way. I was made to feel a hindrance when growing up, so I worked to get what I wanted. My mother made it clear back when my sister had been in college that she wasn't financially supporting anyone. My sister left college and joined a government organization for work because she couldn't afford college. She's now back in college through this job she has and is making her way that way. I worked nights, 12 hour shifts and paid my own way all the time. I asked for money (75 euro I was doing my final exams and had to ring in sick to work and had a bill due) once in college and was told that I'm old enough to look after myself.

There was no explanation given for any of this. I'm of pocket now but it's fine, I'm going to ring my dentist and explain and see if he'll let me pay him off the next time, been going to him 15 years so i hope it shouldn't be a problem. i've always paid in full, so he'll know this is a genuine situation.

I'm moving out at the start of January, and I won't be around the place that much over the next few weeks as we're quite busy in work, but I will be printing out my bank statement and I will leave it on the table for them to see that I am out of pocket. And so that they can realise that this was a big ask for me, especially at short notice and with no indication as to when I'm going to receive it again from them.

Thank you for such sound advice on this topic. I am grateful to all.

Big Bag of Chips

leftwithoutachoice? wrote: »

the payslip, like other mail I have received, has always been opened and it was said "It might've been urgent and you'd be in work all day". Fair enough....

You see this is where I think you are going wrong. It is not fair enough that they open your post because "it might have been urgent". Nothing comes in the post that can't wait for someone to get home from work. What do people who work all day, and don't live with their parents do? They wait until they get home from work to open their post!

I know you are living at home, and this is allowing you to save money. You still could have said "no" to loaning them such a large amount of money. If you wanted to give them some, then you should have given them what you could afford to give, and explain that that is all you could afford.

They don't respect you as an adult. That is why they open your post, not because "it might have been urgent". You need to tell them that you don't want them opening your post anymore. You need to tell them that nothing will be that urgent that it can't wait until you get home. Your mam's nose might be out of joint for a while, but she will get used to not be privvy to every small detail of your life!

I think that you should help your parents out with a loan (or even a loan that you know won't be paid back) if you can afford to. But I don't think you should accept that it's "fair enough" for your parents to open all your post on the off chance that "it might have been urgent". Maybe if you weren't living there, and mightn't see them for a few days, but if you live there, and will be home that evening it is unnecessary.

Edit: Just as a matter of interest - has anything ever come for you that was actually urgent, and needed to be opened and actioned before you got home from work?

MagicMarker

OP, tbh, your parents asked you for money because they need it, and because they thought you have it. That's really all there is to it.

If you're not happy with the situation, then move out.

ShaShaBear

As far as the opening of mail goes, my mother did do this quite regularly on me. In hindsight, I can see why she did - she was able to intervene when I was getting into a bit of financial bother with my student loan years ago, and when I lied about the results I got in my college exams. It seemed like utter nosiness at the time, but I know she was concerned for my welfare and knew I'd be liable to say nothing for fear of appearing dependant.

It did continue far past what it should have, when she was opening bank statements and letters from a debt collector. I confronted her and said there is no need for it, she is in no position to aid me financially, so her knowing what my finances are like is useless.

I still get college post to the house, as well as post from Social Welfare, and my mother knows what the envelopes look like. I do give her permission to open anything like that because, with social welfare, it usually cannot wait until I get home.

Opening a payslip is extreme, but fair enough if your mother thought it was important. But making assumptions on your financial status based on the figure is ludacris. Someone with their own house and two cars should well know that your boss doesn't print your outgoings on your payslip, and since a large portions of your outgoings are, in fact, to her - well it shows that she knows right well how much you don't have, and possibly thought you were the easiest target to make demands from.

Emme

leftwithoutachoice? wrote: »

Thank you to all posters for your insight and advice.

I do not share the same name as my father, so the payslip, like other mail I have received, has always been opened and it was said "It might've been urgent and you'd be in work all day". Fair enough, but still not on.

Next point: I have been working since I was old enough to, and worked through school days aged 15 onwards, and moved out just after leaving cert, there was no question of pocket money and no question of support: it didn't work that way. I was made to feel a hindrance when growing up, so I worked to get what I wanted. My mother made it clear back when my sister had been in college that she wasn't financially supporting anyone. My sister left college and joined a government organization for work because she couldn't afford college. She's now back in college through this job she has and is making her way that way. I worked nights, 12 hour shifts and paid my own way all the time. I asked for money (75 euro I was doing my final exams and had to ring in sick to work and had a bill due) once in college and was told that I'm old enough to look after myself.

There was no explanation given for any of this. I'm of pocket now but it's fine, I'm going to ring my dentist and explain and see if he'll let me pay him off the next time, been going to him 15 years so i hope it shouldn't be a problem. i've always paid in full, so he'll know this is a genuine situation.

I'm moving out at the start of January, and I won't be around the place that much over the next few weeks as we're quite busy in work, but I will be printing out my bank statement and I will leave it on the table for them to see that I am out of pocket. And so that they can realise that this was a big ask for me, especially at short notice and with no indication as to when I'm going to receive it again from them.

Thank you for such sound advice on this topic. I am grateful to all.

Taking all the above into account it seems that you won't save money living with your parents. It isn't fair for them to open your post.

Well done with the plan to move out. but If you stayed with your parents they might well have found a reason to ask you for money every month. Start putting money away NOW for a deposit and whatever other expenses might be incurred in moving next January. If your parents ask you for more money in the meantime tell them you don't have it.

If your parents see your bank statement they will see how little you have left. However don't be surprised if they sit you down and tell you where you're spending too much money and how you should spend your money.

homemadecider

leftwithoutachoice? wrote: »

I will be printing out my bank statement and I will leave it on the table for them to see that I am out of pocket. And so that they can realise that this was a big ask for me, especially at short notice and with no indication as to when I'm going to receive it again from them.

Don't do that. Why on earth would you do that? You'd just be inviting them to view all your financial details. It's also quite passive aggressive, like leaving little notes around the place. Discuss it with them instead.

Ask for the money back, don't lend any more and get out of that strange environment. It's that straightforward.

Catari Jaguar

What's the point in forking out for health insurance if it doesnt even cover the cost of a filling??

ABajaninCork

If something's come in the post, then it isn't urgent! If it was, then you'd get a call or e-mail. So what your Mum says doesn't make sense.

Did you ask your parents why they needed the money?

LegacyUser

I would not print out your bank statement and give your parents any more information about your financial means. I would ask them when will they pay you back they money they owe you as you need this.

Your are doing the right thing moving out of home as your mother will keep opening your post and if they got money from you now they will come back to you again any time they are stuck.

If you are still keen to save money I would have a look at the budget planner on www.consumerhelp.ie under tools and calculators. With this you can put in what you spend a week, a month, a quarter and yearly on bills

I would also have a look under your money also for more tips.
I would look at your mobile phone, heath insurance cost ect.
If you buy a lunch everyday at work at €5 a day €5x5= €25 a week x 48 weeks work a year = €1200 a year.

mdebets

The whole story got me thinking. Could it be a ploy on your parents side to get you to move out again. They might be annoyed of you moving back in with them again, but don't want to throw you out outright, but instead trying to annoy you enough, so that you will move out on your own (and asking for money, if you moved back to ave money might be a good idea to do that).

LegacyUser

leftwithoutachoice? wrote: »

Hi there,
My payslip came to the house recently, and parents opened it. And now they think I'm loaded.

They asked me for a 1500 euro until a cheque they received clears and they said they'll pay me back at a later stage, but they'll accept 500 first and then the other 500 later.

I only have 680 euro in my account and they want the money immediately and I just don't have it. I gave them the 500 and said sorry I don't have more. They're being weird with me now and being really distant.

I have had a tooth ache all week and it's worse today. I would have had that spare money to go to the dentist but now I'm not able to go because if I need a filling I won't be able to afford it. And I don't know when my parents would pay me back.

Firstly your parents opened your post thats a total invasion of privacy.
Also regardless of who they are I can't believe you just willingly handed over 500 quid without even asking questions, and now you have left yourself short and can't pay for the dentist. I don't buy the story about the cheque clearing, why are they willing to wait until next months pay cheque for the remaining 1 thousand they are looking for.
I would not print off any bank statements to show them as its not of their business and they will probably use it as more ammunition to ask you for more. You really need to stand up for yourself.

Koptain Liverpool

GarIT wrote: »

I don't see what makes parents any more special than anyone else, they commit a crime against me and they deserve to face the consequences. If either of my parents opened my mail I would be furious and wold think they deserve jail time. They really need to be put in their place.

I can't see any way of dealing with them severely enough to fit the crime that wouldn't have the OP on the wrong side of the law other than going to the gardai himself.

What an idiotic reponse! What age are you - 5?

They could say the same about their son and have told him to get lost when he asked them the massive favor of moving back home with them for a while. Of course the parents shouldn't have opened the mail but if every parent guilty of this was sent to jail the prisons would be overflowing.

Don't listen to this idiot OP
Regarding the money issue you just need to have some balls OP.
It sounds like you are more than paying your way in terms of living back at home.
Any extra loans your parents ask you for should be discussed like adults not just handed over. And if you can't afford it just tell them!!

Neyite

Koptain Liverpool wrote: »

What an idiotic reponse! What age are you - 5?

They could say the same about their son and have told him to get lost when he asked them the massive favor of moving back home with them for a while. Of course the parents shouldn't have opened the mail but if every parent guilty of this was sent to jail the prisons would be overflowing.

Don't listen to this idiot OP
Regarding the money issue you just need to have some balls OP.
It sounds like you are more than paying your way in terms of living back at home.
Any extra loans your parents ask you for should be discussed like adults not just handed over. And if you can't afford it just tell them!!

Personal abuse towards another poster is not tolerated on Boards. Read the charter of the forum, and also the site FAQ before posting again.

The Corinthian

leftwithoutachoice? wrote: »

I do not share the same name as my father, so the payslip, like other mail I have received, has always been opened and it was said "It might've been urgent and you'd be in work all day". Fair enough, but still not on.

So urgent that the letter could not be read until that evening or even the next morning? Sure :rolleyes:

Next point: I have been working since I was old enough to, and worked through school days aged 15 onwards, and moved out just after leaving cert, there was no question of pocket money and no question of support: it didn't work that way. I was made to feel a hindrance when growing up, so I worked to get what I wanted. My mother made it clear back when my sister had been in college that she wasn't financially supporting anyone. My sister left college and joined a government organization for work because she couldn't afford college. She's now back in college through this job she has and is making her way that way. I worked nights, 12 hour shifts and paid my own way all the time. I asked for money (75 euro I was doing my final exams and had to ring in sick to work and had a bill due) once in college and was told that I'm old enough to look after myself.

That's life and unfortunately those who work hardest are expected to pull their weight and that of those who don't work at all. Wait till you start earning serious money and then check your payslip; then you'll know what I mean.

There was no explanation given for any of this.

You do need to bare one thing in mind though; the duties of family cut both ways. Just as they paid for a roof over your head when you were a child, you're going to have to reciprocate in their dotage - consider that one of them eventually needs care and their pension doesn't cover it; guess what then? That's how it works, I'm afraid - there is no explanation necessary with family - so you should get used to the idea of paying for your parents, rather than vice versa, were I you.

You're not going to save, living at home (and this may be exactly their plan, as they may be trying to gently push you out), so you're best off out.

But don't leave any bank statements about. Silly idea; what do you want? That they feel guilty for taking money from poor little you? Please, I hope you've more pride than that.