Maintenance for 18yr old college student

Tremone

Hi,
I promise I have a question but I need to give you the background of my story. 20 years ago I was going out with a girl, we split up but just as I was finishing college we hooked up and she fell pregnant. We had a daughter and throughout the 18years I have always paid regular maintenace on time and any extras.On a weekly basis I made the journey from Dublin to Donegal to see my daughter. I always made it clear that it was 'two ships in the night' and was not interested in a relationship. Everything was fine until I would have a girlfriend things could get angsty. But all hell broke loose when I met a girl now my wife and things were serious from the start. My wife has been so understanding and always encouraged me to see my daughter but we've had to live through some serious bull**** such as my daughter's 5th birthday party when her mother(who refused to let me do anything) announced to the gathering that there would be no cake as I was supposed to do that and forgot! Another time my daughter was fed lines(i could hear her mother's voice in the background)that she didn't want to come to my house anymore.

There were many of these types of incident but throughout this I always kept a relationship with my daughter and paid my maintenance.In all those years I ahve never been able to have mature dialogue with the Mother on our daughters future plans.

My wife and I have 2 children and my son has autism & adhd, my income has reduced and my wife can't work as she has to care for my son. I reduced maintenance in January this year as I could no longer sustain it. It was then announced by the mother by text that I need to come up with €10K a year as she was sending her daughter to a private college. I told my daughter that I was not made aware of the plans and that I couldn't afford this to which after 18 years she walked away and has broken all contact. When she finished school and was now 18 I stopped maintenance as last I heard she was working in a hotel.
After 3 months of term we received a solicitor's letter(previous history would suggest to me that all the grants and bursaries had been received) demanding we reinstate maintenance at the original high rate. We resonded with an offer that we could afford stating our means but we have now been called to court.
We have never gone to court as I paid for a mediator before to sort out the original arrangement and I am wondering what a judge could ask me to pay.

TBH we are under enough stress with the autism & adhd and I have no contact with my first daughter. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Bepolite

You post is very difficult to read due to lack of proper paragraphing. Editing it might yield some more replies, but having said that legal advice is prohibited in this forum.

From the little I know it is possible for a maintenance to be due when a child is at college but you would be better off asking a solicitor if it's likely.

Tremone

Duly noted and edited, I just want to know the procedure on the court day, is what I have told you in my original post relevant, will the judge take intro account that I now have other children(one with a disability) and that I cannot maintain the same maintenance as when I was single and in a better job.

Bepolite

Tremone wrote: »

Duly noted and edited, I just want to know the procedure on the court day, is what I have told you in my original post relevant, will the judge take intro account that I now have other children(one with a disability) and that I cannot maintain the same maintenance as when I was single and in a better job.

I'm not really in a position to give you advice but as far as I know, your current situation will of course be taken into account.

NamelessPhil

Please read the Section on Maintenance on the Courts Website.

If you want the maintenance varied you will have to prove that your circumstances have changed, receipts, payslips etc.

nuac

If the original mediator is around (s)he may be able to help

If your first daughter is living in a university town, and qualifies for grants, 10K seems OTT

Ken.

Get every reciept you have. Mortgage payments(3 months or more bank statements). Doctors bills. Letter from the doctor stating that your childs illness is an ongoing and lifelong illness. Car insurance bill,petrol reciepts for as long back as possible. Ask for one every time you fill up. Phone bills. School expenses for your 2 children including the ill child. I can't think of anything else right now but gather up all outgoings you can think of.

Don't take my use of the word illness or ill child as denigration of the childs condition. I can't think of any other word.

notharrypotter

Slight thread hijack.
Apart from the moral imperative is a legal obligation on a parent to fund their child's education beyond second level?

say for argument you want them to go to the local campus and live at home thus reducing costs.

while they have ideas about UNI.

Bepolite

notharrypotter wrote: »

Slight thread hijack.
Apart from the moral imperative is a legal obligation on a parent to fund their child's education beyond second level?

say for argument you want them to go to the local campus and live at home thus reducing costs.

while they have ideas about UNI.

I forget the cases but yes there has been obligations imposed on parents beyond 18 for children in full-time education. I'm afraid I can't be more specific than that.

James Jones

Tremone wrote: »

We have never gone to court as I paid for a mediator before to sort out the original arrangement and I am wondering what a judge could ask me to pay.

Literally whatever he wants, as there are no guidelines for maintenance in this country. However, given your history over the last 18 years, chances are he will be fair enough, once you can show you have been stepping up to your responsibilities.

Check out Citizens Information


It is interesting though that an unmarried or separated father has a legally enforceable duty to maintain his children until 23 whereas a married father show his children the door at 18.

etd21d22d24

I think our whole system in this country is messed up,there are people getting hand-outs that dont deserve them.you have done the right thing by your daughter supporting her all these years and now her mother decides you need to pay till she is 23.As in another quote if your married and have an 18 year old you can tell them to leave home and you dont have to support them till there 23.I am a single seperated parent who has a 12 year old daughter outside of my marriage and I 100 euro a week to her mother for maintenance.I used to have my daughter 2-3 times a week,but that has stopped because her mother has turned my daughter against me,and has threatned me I will be paying the maintenance till my daughter is 23.I used to get a one parent tax credit because I am not allowed to claim tax back on the maintenance because I was not married to her mother.It does not make sense ,if I had have been married to her I could have claimed tax back on the maintenance.The primary carer only gets the one parent tax credit now,so I lose out on that.I know people will say that I should not be getting these tax credits,but I live in a flat on my own and have to pay high rent and still pay 100 a week maintenance and pay for other things my daughter needs,

Bepolite

etd21d22d24 wrote: »

I think our whole system in this country is messed up,there are people getting hand-outs that dont deserve them.you have done the right thing by your daughter supporting her all these years and now her mother decides you need to pay till she is 23.As in another quote if your married and have an 18 year old you can tell them to leave home and you dont have to support them till there 23.I am a single seperated parent who has a 12 year old daughter outside of my marriage and I 100 euro a week to her mother for maintenance.I used to have my daughter 2-3 times a week,but that has stopped because her mother has turned my daughter against me,and has threatned me I will be paying the maintenance till my daughter is 23.I used to get a one parent tax credit because I am not allowed to claim tax back on the maintenance because I was not married to her mother.It does not make sense ,if I had have been married to her I could have claimed tax back on the maintenance.The primary carer only gets the one parent tax credit now,so I lose out on that.I know people will say that I should not be getting these tax credits,but I live in a flat on my own and have to pay high rent and still pay 100 a week maintenance and pay for other things my daughter needs,

Honestly - what is it with family law posts and paragraphs!

I'm not sure how the single parent tax credit would apply if you're not the primary carer.

Out of interest - before having a family why did you not marry? Would not making a legal commitment to each other come before starting a family?

etd21d22d24

Bepolite wrote: »

Honestly - what is it with family law posts and paragraphs!

I'm not sure how the single parent tax credit would apply if you're not the primary carer.

Out of interest - before having a family why did you not marry? Would not making a legal commitment to each other come before starting a family?

It was not a planned pregnancy which happens a lot in this country.I pay my maintenance and support my child,but my point was why should married parents that are seperated who pay maintenance be entitled to claim tax on that maintenance and those that are not married who pay maintenance are not entitled to claim tax.The point on single parent tax credit is you were entitled to it if you take your child a least one day a week,but that allowance only goes to the primary carer now.They have just taken it away from the other parent.