Family problems caring for ill father

LegacyUser

At the end of my tether and have to make a decision. Please help.

I am in a family of four and our father is very unwell with pretty advanced dementia. Relationship with my siblings has broken down over the last number of years but we have all communicated for my father's sake and he has been very well looked after. I did the most of the caring until last year but things went downhill - not the fault of my brother who took over- but he left me out of key decisions like consultants, tried to bias the social worker against me by saying i wasn't coping with Dad's decline, even though he had been overdosed at the time due to a mistake by the new consultant my brother got when he took over the care, and I put up with everything for my Dad's sake.
It has been a terribly hard year. I've had success in other parts of my life but this is a constant tough part of my life and I've now reached my limits.

I had scheduled an appt with dad's old consultant, the ultimate expert in the condition my Dad suffers from, for next month, but it seems too far away and is only appt available. My brother didn't agree with this consultant's diagnosis and brought my Dad to the other consultant which led to new medication being introduced and an accidental overdose at the time which my Dad has never recovered from and which sped up his decline.

My brother has had control of my father's finances and has been controlling me through that as I have to go through him to get money to pay carers when it's my turn to pay them, or money for anything in the house, etc. and in general we also just disagree on a lot of things, even on getting magazines for a new carer starting.

I can't take any more of the disagreements for the sake of my own health but can't abandon Dad. I don't want him to go to a nursing home yet. He is close to that stage, but not yet. And I want to see if this appt with his former consultant can change anything, if even for 6 months or so.

I've been in charge of a new schedule change and finding a new live in carer and it has been incredibly demanding. Practically all of our current carers are just unbelievably brilliant and have done so much for our father but they have all been doing short shifts and we are now looking for a new live-in carer to cover for HSE cutbacks, and also to make sure someone is always there, no matter what.

I had arranged to pay them tomorrow and have collection points, etc. all arranged since last week. I told my brother also last week when I was going to pay them and when I wanted the transfer for, and he has tried to sabotage it by scheduling it to leave today from the account, knowing well it takes 3 days to go through.

I now won't have the money to pay the carers and have to ring and apologise and make new arrangements. some of them have mortgages to pay, etc and they are expecting this money.

I can't take anymore, this has just done me in. I've worked really really hard on getting this new system going, on finding a new carer, and I haven't been sleeping properly.

I am cracking up now and my boyf is no good of a help as he is biased and tells me to leave it behind me and let Dad go to a nursing home as he thinks that's what my brother will force to happen anyway.

Please help.

Taltos

OP here is a link to your original thread on this issue for you.