masturbation to sex

john petersonb

After years of masturbating through my teen years, I had sex. Only thing is it was a very bad experience... I mean very boring and no feeling for me what so ever.

I used a condom but have to say I was dissapointed.. She even tried to keep me intrested by ''handling'' me but it was no use.

I was wondering does the feel of masturbation ruin the actual feel of sex?

Czarcasm

john petersonb wrote: »

After years of masturbating through my teen years, I had sex. Only thing is it was a very bad experience... I mean very boring and no feeling for me what so ever.

I used a condom but have to say I was dissapointed.. She even tried to keep me intrested by ''handling'' me but it was no use.

I was wondering does the feel of masturbation ruin the actual feel of sex?

It can do, yes, as in you can become desensitized both physically and mentally and sex just may not, as has been your experience, feel the same as DIY.

However, if you were to leave yourself alone for a while, everything should return to normal. If you're using porn to stimulate yourself, I'd lay off that for a while too. Sometimes it can leave you with false expectations of what sex "should" be like and should feel like, and neither you nor your sexual partner are porn actors nor actresses.

ivytwine

What age are you OP? First time sex is generally pretty disappointing, it's built up to so much and it can't possibly live up to it.

When you say she handled you, is that it terms of foreplay? If that was basically it between ye then essentially it was more mutual masturbation than fulfilling sex. You can get the job done yourself but it's the touch of another person, anticipation etc that makes the real thing so great. To be honest the whole experience sounds pretty cold and clinical so no wonder you're disappointed.

Keep trying OP. Yes condoms can deaden sensation but not to this extent (and plus they're worth it to prevent pregnancy and STDs!)

The other poster has a good point about porn, real sex doesn't bear too much relation to it.

Gannicus

Czarcasm wrote: »

However, if you were to leave yourself alone for a while, everything should return to normal. If you're using porn to stimulate yourself, I'd lay off that for a while too.

I agree Maybe take a break from both masturbation and porn for a while and let your body (for lack of a better term) detox and you'll develop the feeling.

ivytwine wrote: »

First time sex is generally pretty disappointing, it's built up to so much and it can't possibly live up to it.

Yeah for the first time can be undcomfotable and unenjoyable for most people but don't dwell on it. Just relax and learn from each others movements and talk about it. Discuss what you do and don't like so yous can relax and enjoy the experience.

john petersonb

ivytwine wrote: »

What age are you OP? First time sex is generally pretty disappointing, it's built up to so much and it can't possibly live up to it.

When you say she handled you, is that it terms of foreplay? If that was basically it between ye then essentially it was more mutual masturbation than fulfilling sex. You can get the job done yourself but it's the touch of another person, anticipation etc that makes the real thing so great. To be honest the whole experience sounds pretty cold and clinical so no wonder you're disappointed.

Keep trying OP. Yes condoms can deaden sensation but not to this extent (and plus they're worth it to prevent pregnancy and STDs!)

The other poster has a good point about porn, real sex doesn't bear too much relation to it.

I'm 19. shes 18 but a bit more experienced. She actually prepared me for a disappointing time she actually said ''first time is usually crap''. By ''handled'' I mean she started to masturbate me with her hand..

As we began having sex I felt tightness but after that I just felt nothing. I was actually more worried about losing my erection whilst we were doing it..

I was so pissed off with it all.. porn really does have the young fellas ruined:mad:

OP, I would suggest that you buy different brands of condoms until you find the kind that suit you. Don't worry about moving away from Durex - I've found that other ones, like Skins Condoms, to be as good, if not better. And try different types - you'll eventually find one that you feel suits you better.

As for masturbation, I've found that it can affect how sensitive you can be during sex. Various things that you can do is loosening the grip you use to simply not masturbating for perhaps a few days before having sex.

Also I hope you realize that sex isn't just all about penetration. Foreplay should make up the bulk of what you do. And don't be afraid of trying new things - explore! Adapt positions that you've tried, by simple things like lifting her leg slightly, adjusting your position slightly, arching your back - different things that can make such big changes.

Don't worry about loosing your erection. Trust me - if you start to think about this, then you will likely loose it. Just enjoy it. Honestly - if done right, then sex can be absolutely wonderful.

Heck, even non-sexual things like a massage can make it that bit much better.

And as a final note - yes, everyone's first time isn't as good. I've yet to meet a person who has a good tale to tell about their one. The important thing is to not let it dishearten you. Keep going. Keep trying. Keep experimenting. Keep adapting. And eventually you'll hit your stride.

With regards to not using condoms -
If this is something you want to do, you should definitely wait until there is something more solid there and especially that she is on some form of contraception. However it should be known that no contraception is 100% effective and would depend on many many factors. Alongside this, if it is something you want to pursue, then both of you should undergo an STI screen, just to be 100% certain.

kunst nugget

john petersonb wrote: »

As we began having sex I felt tightness but after that I just felt nothing. I was actually more worried about losing my erection whilst we were doing it..

I was so pissed off with it all.. porn really does have the young fellas ruined:mad:

That reads like performance anxiety... I doubt it has anything to do with porn and everything to with being nervous.

TheChizler

OP I really think you shouldn't consider changing your attitudes to masterbation and porn based on a panicked response to first time sex. Noone I've ever talked to about it, male and female, achieved anything remotely pleasurable out of it.

Relax, try again 5 or 6 times then review the situation! Experience has everything to do with it, nobody has a clue first time.

john petersonb

performance anxiety? To be honest after a few minutes I was just bored.. I didn't wanna say that to her obviousally lol




Also during sex she seemed to produce a huge amount of white material. Is this a good or bad thing? lol it looked like cum so I assumed it was?

Czarcasm

john petersonb wrote: »

performance anxiety? To be honest after a few minutes I was just bored.. I didn't wanna say that to her obviousally lol

Thinking about it far too much OP, analysing it and dissecting it, reality was never going to match expectations when Jesus it doesn't sound like either of you were all that bothered about enjoying it. By that I mean, this girl TOLD you your first time was going to be crap, and hey, no pun intended but you get out of it what you put in!

Also during sex she seemed to produce a huge amount of white material. Is this a good or bad thing? lol it looked like cum so I assumed it was?

Yeah, definitely overthinking it OP, it sounds like you're both treating it like some sort of clinical trial experiment.


ps. perfectly normal btw.

john petersonb

Czarcasm wrote: »

Thinking about it far too much OP, analysing it and dissecting it, reality was never going to match expectations when Jesus it doesn't sound like either of you were all that bothered about enjoying it. By that I mean, this girl TOLD you your first time was going to be crap, and hey, no pun intended but you get out of it what you put in!





Yeah, definitely overthinking it OP, it sounds like you're both treating it like some sort of clinical trial experiment.


ps. perfectly normal btw.

Well i'm sure she intended to enjoy herself. As I said she had a lot more experience than I did so she'd have done all her experiments by now i'd imagine lol

As for me, I overthink everything in life anyway lol.

Czarcasm

john petersonb wrote: »

Well i'm sure she intended to enjoy herself. As I said she had a lot more experience than I did so she'd have done all her experiments by now i'd imagine lol

As for me, I overthink everything in life anyway lol.

Y'know what john? Honestly, when it comes to sex with someone new, previous experience counts for nothing!

That's just previous experience of somebody else, not previous experience with you! Everybody is different so every experience with someone new is going to be different.

Sex is one of those things where just because you've done it plenty of times with different people, that doesn't necessarily mean you'll be any better at it than somebody for whom it's their first time.


Perhaps you could try thinking less about the mechanics of sex, and more about the person you're doing it with, think about what is it about them that excites you, what you feel when you're with them, try just enjoying being able to switch your brain off for a while and flying blind, going with what feels natural as opposed to what feels planned and analysed.

How are things between you and this girl outside the bedroom? Is there any passion or desire there, or is it just more of the same boredom? Perhaps you just might not be right for each other if you're not feeling the sexual chemistry...

A big part of sex is also communication. If she is doing something and you like it, tell her about it. Same goes for her with you.

john petersonb

Czarcasm wrote: »

Y'know what john? Honestly, when it comes to sex with someone new, previous experience counts for nothing!

That's just previous experience of somebody else, not previous experience with you! Everybody is different so every experience with someone new is going to be different.

Sex is one of those things where just because you've done it plenty of times with different people, that doesn't necessarily mean you'll be any better at it than somebody for whom it's their first time.


Perhaps you could try thinking less about the mechanics of sex, and more about the person you're doing it with, think about what is it about them that excites you, what you feel when you're with them, try just enjoying being able to switch your brain off for a while and flying blind, going with what feels natural as opposed to what feels planned and analysed.

How are things between you and this girl outside the bedroom? Is there any passion or desire there, or is it just more of the same boredom? Perhaps you just might not be right for each other if you're not feeling the sexual chemistry...

The passion between us is amazing.. Even texting her gets me gets me very sexually excited. We went out a few night ago in the car, started kissing and we were all over each other. I now know what the phrase 'chewing the face off each other' means :p We didnt have sex but she started rubbing herself against me. I think she called it 'dry humping' . I'd say we were messing around for probably 2-3 hours

Our personalities are very similar and I have noticed we can get angry with each other very easily but other than that no real problem.. We are very much attracted to each other anyway..

mikemac1

Not unusual OP. Now I know you said it was boring but you were probably a bag of nerves. You probably don't think you were nervous but I'd say you were

Take a break from the masturbation and porn OP and you'll see a difference with this girl but it mightn't improve a lot your second time, it may take more time then that

kylith

john petersonb wrote: »

Also during sex she seemed to produce a huge amount of white material. Is this a good or bad thing? lol it looked like cum so I assumed it was?

It was vaginal lubrication. Women don't cum like men do. Read up some sex-ed books so you can be as well informed as possible; not knowing what to expect from your partner's body and wondering if noises/juices are normal won't help create a relaxing bedroom atmosphere.

The first time you have sex is always crap. I'd recommend knocking the **** on the head for a couple of weeks to get the sensation back. Also, be aware that trying to copy moves from porn is a bad idea: they're designed to look good on camera, not to feel enjoyable.

TwoGallants

My first time was dreadful. Same for everybody. Try to relax and give it time. It usually takes 5 or 6 goes before it really gets incredible, you're still trying to suss each other out!*

*I'm not a fan of one night stands, by the way.

Big Bag of Chips

Closing thread as OP has another thread open in Personal Issues seeking advice.

OP, as per The Charter

You only need to start one thread - starting numerous threads over a short period of time will be considered attention whoring and they will be closed.