Sex Issue With New Guy

LegacyUser

I recently started seeing a guy-we get on great and I'm really into it. We have a great laugh together and a find him really attractive.

The only issue is in the bedroom...it's all been fine, and we've been intimate plenty of times, but..how do I put this...he hasn't "finished" very often. Once, to be precise. This is after ages of going at it, and plenty of foreplay.

He claims being circumcised (when he was a kid) desensitized his penis, and that he's enjoying it even if he doesn't finish.

I feel a bit silly for seeing this as an issue, but I want him to fully enjoy the sexual side of things too...is it likely he's just not turned on enough?

Czarcasm

LetsTalkAbout... wrote: »

I feel a bit silly for seeing this as an issue, but I want him to fully enjoy the sexual side of things too...is it likely he's just not turned on enough?

This is actually quite a common issue or side effect of circumcision OP, and certainly no indication that he's not enjoying himself or that he's not turned on enough. It's good too that you can talk about it as the more relaxed he is about it, the more likely he is to be able to relax during intimacy and just "enjoy the moment" so to speak, rather than feel pressured to come as if ejaculation is the end goal.

I understand it could probably be exhausting and even frustrating for you when he doesn't come, but by that same token - that's when you need to relax too and just enjoy being in the moment rather than seeing his delayed or inability to ejaculate as any sort of a failure on your part.

I'm not circumcised myself, but delayed ejaculation for me usually means that once my wife is satisfied and has nodded off to sleep, I'll finish myself off. Sometimes my wife will finish me off manually afterwards, so that might be something you could consider?

Merkin

Circumcision could be a factor as could the fact he may just be so used to masturbation that he may need to retrain himself into ejaculating with someone. Could that be a factor too do you think?

LegacyUser

Merkin wrote: »

Could that be a factor too do you think?

Possibly-I don't think he's been involved with someone for a while.

Czarcasm- I tried oral stimulation but, much as he enjoyed it, it still didn't do the trick.

I guess I'm just wondering if this is something that might improve as time goes on and we become more comfortable with each other....?

Tasden

Previous posters have given some good advice and feedback, just wanted to add that just because he doesn't finish doesn't mean there's any problem as such. Many women don't finish through penetrative sex and its seen as the norm, and many women enjoy the sex regardless. Its the same for men, its just that its not as talked about. This isn't me saying that either women or men should resign themselves to a sex life where they don't even try to experience it but its not always the be all and end all of sex and I think because its more the norm among women they understand more that its about the act rather than the end result if this makes sense.

iusedtoknow

I was circumcised a couple of years ago, so was obviously active before and afterwards. It was medical for me and the best move I've made as per my sexlife. However I did notice for a while I was finishing less, or was going on longer than was even comfortable for my partner. I also noted a lack of sensitivity in certain areas.

The most sensitive part for circumcised people is the frenulum. It looks likes a line on the bottom of the exposed penis. Use this to your advantage. There are a lot different positions that allow this area to be touched which will generate an orgasm for him. After my operation, it took a lot of work for me to get to orgasming every time. This included " manual assistance" after penetrative sex. It was through this that we discovered the parts that were still sensitive and generate an orgasm.

Your attitude is great, and it may take some time to figure out what works best for him (and you) to both enjoy sex.

CaraMay

Aside from the circumcision would he be worried about pregnancy or anything like that?

LegacyUser

CaraMay wrote: »

Aside from the circumcision would he be worried about pregnancy or anything like that?

I don't think so, we've been very careful every time we've been together.

It did occur to me that perhaps he finds condoms very uncomfortable, as he's fairly well endowed. Could that be part of the issue?

Czarcasm

LetsTalkAbout... wrote: »

Czarcasm- I tried oral stimulation but, much as he enjoyed it, it still didn't do the trick.

May I ask you OP, which is more important to you -

The fact that your boyfriend enjoys sex with you, or the fact that he has to come so you can know for sure he enjoys sex with you?

I mean, I presume he's able to maintain an erection so you're definitely doing something right, or at least he's really enjoying being with you.

But having him come is a totally different thing altogether. You could ask him really during foreplay what's working for him, and tease that out a bit longer, then during sex switch up positions (remember you still have to enjoy yourself too!), and see how he reacts.

Try not to focus yourself so much on the end goal, because he'll pick up on that and then he'll become consciously aware that he has to "perform", and the whole thing could put him right off.

Age too might be a factor OP, how old are you both?

wirelessdude01

Funny how a lot of times ladies aren't happy with a guy sexually because he doesn't last that long and this lad lasts far too long. Just enjoy the relationship. Sex isn't just about penetration ya know.

LegacyUser

Czarcasm wrote: »

Age too might be a factor OP, how old are you both?

We're both in our mid twenties, so we've a fair bit of experience before each other

I don't want to make him overly conscious of it, which is why I've kept mentioning it to a minimum. Plus I genuinely enjoy when we're intimate!

I was just looking for input from others, as it's not something I've ever dealt with before.

HalloweenJack

I had something similar at the start of my current relationship and maybe my story might give you some insight.

When I started my current relationship, I only came about once or twice out of the first ten times. It was really worrying me. Now, my girlfriend didn't mind, I don't think she picked up on it at the time. But it started nagging me and weighing me down and left me a bit frustrated as every time we had sex I knew I wouldn't come. I was able to take care of myself but with her it just didn't happen.

For me, the problem was the whole nervousness of being in a new relationship. Just getting to know her and trying to figure out how much she liked me and where it was all going, that kinda thing. Then there was the added (self-imposed) pressure to "impress" her in the bedroom. This realisation didn't end my problems, it only went away after I settled into the relationship, a month or so later.

Once that anxiety left me, things were perfect in the bedroom.

Maybe some of this stuff could be affecting your BF.

loveisdivine

A good few years ago I was with a a guy that was circumcised. It used to take him an age to ejaculate. I also know that it still is a problem for him so I dont think its something that will just magically disappear.

It will either require effort to find new ways to stimulate him or just acceptance that he wont always ejaculate.

I do understand though that when you are used to ejaculation being the primary goal, its difficult to suddenly forgot about it.

trihead

Merkin wrote: »

Circumcision could be a factor as could the fact he may just be so used to masturbation that he may need to retrain himself into ejaculating with someone. Could that be a factor too do you think?

I agree with Merkin

Have a search for 'delayed ejaculation’ (DE) - its quite a common issue for guys who have been watching too much porn and have become desensitised to the real thing (Not saying this is the reason in your case).

LegacyUser

90% of Americans are circumcised and they have no problem ejaculating (I'm generalising, obviously)

This happened to two guys I started a relationship with, and in both cases had to do with the condom. If the guy is not used to wearing a condom (maybe his past gf was on the pill) and/or he is big, the normal durex condom can be quite uncomfortable. This was the case with my bfs.

Not sure if it's allowed to "advertise" here, but Boots and the likes of it carry another brand (SKYN) which has a "large" size. Solved the problem with my guys

Also, it could also be nerves, maybe he is worried/insecure or trying to impress you.

Good luck!