Does He Want Something To Happen?

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, I'm in a bit of a dilemma and would really appreciate some opinions.

I got to know a guy through work about 2 years ago. We hit it off straight away. I was attracted to him from the beginning but as there is an age gap I didn't want to act on it. I'm in my 20s and he's in his 40's.

However, over the past six months we have become very close. He has asked me out twice in the past month. I said no the first time he asked me out, then a few weeks later he asked me for coffee, I went and had a great time. The problem is I'm so confused as to what he actually wants. He has made it very clear that he likes me, but the other day I asked him to go for coffee, he totally brushed me off and said maybe for Christmas or something (his exact words), then the next day he asked me to go for coffee. I don't no why he brushed me off and then backtracked the next day, I just don't get it.

I have told a few friends about him and surprisingly, they have all told me to go for it. I thought they would tell me the age gap is too much. So what do you guys think? Is the age gap too much? And does it look like he wants something to happen or not??

thegreatgonzo

Well if he asked you out he must want something to happen, but what that is I couldn't say because I don't know the man.
Only you can say if the age gap is too much, everybody is different. Have you got similar interests? If you were going out together would it be a problem if you wanted to go out clubbing every weekend or something and he wouldn't be into it?
I don't know about his brushing you off about coffee...if he was trying to play hard to get or whatever that is very immature for a someone his age. Or maybe he was just very busy at work. Are you still working with him?

Emme

confusedgirl123 wrote: »

Hi everyone, I'm in a bit of a dilemma and would really appreciate some opinions.

I got to know a guy through work about 2 years ago. We hit it off straight away. I was attracted to him from the beginning but as there is an age gap I didn't want to act on it. I'm in my 20s and he's in his 40's.

However, over the past six months we have become very close. He has asked me out twice in the past month. I said no the first time he asked me out, then a few weeks later he asked me for coffee, I went and had a great time. The problem is I'm so confused as to what he actually wants. He has made it very clear that he likes me, but the other day I asked him to go for coffee, he totally brushed me off and said maybe for Christmas or something (his exact words), then the next day he asked me to go for coffee. I don't no why he brushed me off and then backtracked the next day, I just don't get it.

I have told a few friends about him and surprisingly, they have all told me to go for it. I thought they would tell me the age gap is too much. So what do you guys think? Is the age gap too much? And does it look like he wants something to happen or not??

The age gap isn't what jumps out at me, it's the behavior highlighted above.

If he's going hot and cold already that's not a good sign. It was rude of him to brush you off like that. I wouldn't take things any further with him than a working relationship. If things did go further it could get awkward and have an impact on your working relationship because he doesn't seem to know what he wants.

Is he married or in a relationship? His erratic behavior indicates that this might be the case.

I would advise you to forget going out with him and find someone who is single and who follows through on invitations.

kunst nugget

Emme wrote: »

The age gap isn't what jumps out at me, it's the behavior highlighted above.

If he's going hot and cold already that's not a good sign. It was rude of him to brush you off like that. I wouldn't take things any further with him than a working relationship. If things did go further it could get awkward and have an impact on your working relationship because he doesn't seem to know what he wants.

Tbf, she said no to him first before saying yes a subsequent time. He might be wrestling with a lot of the same issues she is and be just as confused. One or other of them is going to have to lay their cards on the table and state what they want out of their friendship. There seems to be a bit of pussyfooting going on from both sides.

LegacyUser

Op here again, thanks for the replies. One of the posters put it very well by saying there is a lot of pussyfooting going on, there is because I have no idea what's happening. We don't work together at the moment, but still see each other at least once a week. I was very surprised when he acted so cold towards me, it came out of nowhere. I have feelings for him but I'm really not sure if he's worth it, maybe I should just distance myself from him

miss no stars

confusedgirl123 wrote: »

Op here again, thanks for the replies. One of the posters put it very well by saying there is a lot of pussyfooting going on, there is because I have no idea what's happening. We don't work together at the moment, but still see each other at least once a week. I was very surprised when he acted so cold towards me, it came out of nowhere. I have feelings for him but I'm really not sure if he's worth it, maybe I should just distance myself from him

Maybe he was just having a bad day? He was already stressed, still a little hurt from rejection and blew you off. Calmed down afterwards and realized he was a bit mean with his reaction and so asked you to coffee? I'd stop overthinking it. Think of him as a potentially close friend, go to coffee and if something more develops and you're okay with it developing then happy days, of not you might have a new friend out of it.

Merkin

Emme wrote: »

If he's going hot and cold already that's not a good sign.

I agree. It's a classic tactic of players as well and ultimately never bodes well.

Are you sure he's not attached OP?

LegacyUser

Op here again, he is divorced and isn't in a relationship at the moment. I'm torn between wondering if he is a player or if he was hurt when I shot him down the first time.

Merkin

confusedgirl123 wrote: »

Op here again, he is divorced and isn't in a relationship at the moment. I'm torn between wondering if he is a player or if he was hurt when I shot him down the first time.

He's in his 40s so he's a big lad and can take it. I'd be wary. Not because of his age, just from his carry on.

Czarcasm

confusedgirl123 wrote: »

Op here again, he is divorced and isn't in a relationship at the moment. I'm torn between wondering if he is a player or if he was hurt when I shot him down the first time.

OP tbh he sounds like a guy who is looking for an easy target to make him feel like he's "still got it". You're only in your 20's and this guy has already been married and divorced so has plenty of emotional baggage that could be a bit of a head melt for you to deal with.

He's a bit old now to be playing mind games and playing "hard to get" in all fairness, and just sounds like he'd be more "hard to deal with". If older men are your thing, there's plenty of single older men that won't fcuk you about over something so simple as going for a coffee or going to lunch.

Imagine trying to cope with asking him to go for dinner or a drink!

Matteroffact

I would say that he likes you but he is afraid you are too young for him and he doesn't want to get into anything that won't work out.