turning down interviews

LegacyUser

hello, im desperate for a job since i left my part time job over a month ago, but the reason i left was i was finding it hard to get the hang of things and i felt completely stupid i have no confidence what so ever, and ive got two to three interviews since all which ive turned down because i felt i wouldnt be able to do the job on offer for example a bakery i felt i couldnt use a coffee machine and would make a mess of it,and customers would be angry waiting on me when i havent a clue what im doing i have myself worked up so much and all i keep thinking when i see a job advertised is id never be able to do that like work a lottery machine in a shop or serve petreol in a garage etc, how am i ever going to get a job when i feel like such a let down and feel like im plain stupid

freshpopcorn

You just have to believe in yourself a bit more.
Coffee machines might be hard to use the first couple of times but you will be shown how to use them. After a couple of days it will be an easy enough task but the more you practice these things the better you get.
Same goes for the lottery machine in the shop. You will be shown how to use it and you'll get used to it. You might be slow at first but if you take your time and try and focus on the task you should be able to use the machine.
You were able to come on here and post this message this is something that you had to learn how to do. This is the same as doing task at work. You just have to learn what to do.

R.D. aka MR.D

Have you spoken to your GP about your extreme low confidence?

You say that you are desperate for a job but you are turning down interviews for reasons that to others might seem trivial. If these reasons are such a big deal to you then i would definitely recommend getting professional help.

LegacyUser

i do suffer from anxiety and depression at times, im starting to feel like im lazy even tho i held down a full time job for years before and i dont want to be sitting at home because its driving me mad, im just really slow at getting the hang of things and in these really busy shops coming up to Christmas i will be made feel like im a failure when someone shows me something 5 or 6 times and i still go blank when im meant to do it... i know from working in places before staff members would say i dont know why you cant do it i showed you enough times and then i feel so hurt

Merkin

Two things. I definitely think you need to see a GP as your anxiety is obviously quite severe and I also think you would benefit from having a chat.

Secondly, it's totally fine to ask for help and ask questions until you get a task right. Having a notepad and paper might help so that if part of your job is to work a coffee machine, you write down a step by step approach to it when you're given instructions.

You're not thick, just lacking in confidence so go easy on yourself x

spankysue

OP, I can understand how you feel. I used to be like you years ago, used to convince myself that I couldn't possibly do certain jobs and that I'd keep fecking things up and everyone would be angry at me.

But it's honestly in your head, nobody would expect you to know everything about a new job straight away and it's illogical to think that they'll get angry at you for not knowing it right away. Some people just pick things up quickly and some don't (I'm one of the ones who doesn't btw), it definitely does not mean you're stupid at all.

And if someone does give you crap about not picking things up straight away just ignore them (unless they're a manager of course) or ask them if they just walked in and knew it all instantly. Don't be so hard on yourself and remember, pobodys nerfect

Est28

serverunhappy wrote: »

hello, im desperate for a job since i left my part time job over a month ago, but the reason i left was i was finding it hard to get the hang of things and i felt completely stupid i have no confidence what so ever, and ive got two to three interviews since all which ive turned down because i felt i wouldnt be able to do the job on offer for example a bakery i felt i couldnt use a coffee machine and would make a mess of it,and customers would be angry waiting on me when i havent a clue what im doing i have myself worked up so much and all i keep thinking when i see a job advertised is id never be able to do that like work a lottery machine in a shop or serve petreol in a garage etc, how am i ever going to get a job when i feel like such a let down and feel like im plain stupid

Op, are you REALLY desperate?
That sounds like a whole lot of excuses. Look, there's people out there who've flown to the moon and back. If you've never used a coffee maker before then you won't know how but the whole point is THEY WILL SHOW YOU and then after a day or two it's like you've been doing it all your life. Same as any other job.

How do you think any of us manage? We don't know how to do something, but we just go and try it and learn how to anyway because WE WANT TO DO whatever it is, it is, be it a job, or anything else.

Come on, seriously... at least try. What sympathy do you expect here?

If you are on the Dole, I would be careful about it not getting back to the social welfare about you turning down interviews.

mikemac1

You are being very hard on yourself OP. Nobody walks into a job knowing every task but it can all be picked up.

If for example you get a barman job and you are nervous and hesitant about pulling a pint you will serving a pint of foam! If you can just relax you can pull that pint and take on even more orders from someone else. But it takes time.

In any job some gifted souls grasp things instantly and the rest of us need a few goes and maybe a notebook to jot stuff down. It's no issue asking for help and your teammates can enjoy helping and coaching. People get pleasure from that

Your low confidence is going to impact you no matter if you are serving coffee or getting 60k to run high level reports in a corporation.

+1 for talking to a GP.

sligoface

op most of us feel like that to a certain extent, it is all in your head and you are probably much more capable than you realize. Even a veteran barman will drop a glass, people who write for a living make spelling and grammatical errors, even doctors kill patients by mistake. Making someone wait a few minutes for a coffee or whatever is not a big deal and once you are hired somewhere, even if you are struggling at first you will be given a chance to imorove. The more you do something the better you get at it, but if you do the same thing for hours on end you will inevitably have a mistake here and there and that's all normal.

I felt the same when i started my last job, as i was put into a more complex role than the one i applied for, and made worse due to the other guy also just hired to do the same job being super confident, saying 'this is piss easy,' etc during training. But guess who was the first one to make a mistake and mess up the (very expensive) machine?

One story i always remember when i feel like that: I once started work in a call centre and was terrified of taking calls from customers who were usually really angry. When I mentioned being nervous, a guy starting with me pointed to the rows and rows of cubicles filled with agents on the phone, and said 'if they can do it, we can do it.' And we did. Soon we were experts at apologizing for everything, putting people on hold, promising manager callbacks, referring customers to the terms and conditions of their contracts, brazenly trying to upsell, and all the other crappy things you have to do in such work.

A book called 'stop thinking, start living' by richard carlson might be of interest, look up CBT also, it's a good tool for anxiety and depression.

Stavro Mueller

If I was a shop manager looking to take someone on, a person like you is who I'd like to give the job to. Someone who has shown they're capable of holding down a job and is reliable. Not a 20 year old who might get bored on day 3 and quit or ring in sick on Monday mornings.

You said you held down a full-time job for years. Now I'm sure you had to learn new things in that job and that things got busy at times. The difference now is that your confidence is shot. I second the advice of the others to go talk to your GP as soon as you can.

I manage people in my job and sometimes have to train them. Some people do take a bit more time to pick things up but it's not something I mind. Once they do learn the new thing there's no difference at all in how they carry out their work. I'd much rather be trying to train someone who's finding it that bit harder to learn but is interested than someone who's bristling with hostility and doesn't want to know.

Lunni

OP it sounds like you have really low self esteem and maybe you would benefit from counselling. I used to be like you and still am to some extent. I'd be afraid of applying for jobs because I felt like I'd never be capable of it. I thought everyone else was much more capable than me. It sounds crazy now. You have to remember that everyone is in the same boat. There is no reason at all why you wouldn't be able to operate a coffee machine. You just need to believe in yourself and give yourself a chance.

Est28

Why does EVERYTHING come back to councellors, GPs, psychotherapists, depression, etc, etc, etc????

How is a councellor going to help the OP work a coffee machine?
It's basic training that EVERY job will give you.

I worked on a Master's degree for years and guess what... my first day of work, I hadn't a clue. The culture of the company, the way the work, figuring out all their systems, etc was new to me, even though I had trained extensively in the technologies for the job.... it's called BEING NEW!

Honestly... this is ridiculous. How can a councellor or similar professional help here? Will the councellor take the OP to the tea room and help her make a mug of coffee?

The only thing the OP needs is a bit of get up and go. Stop making excuses and just do it. This is nothing that everyone one of us hasn't gone through many many times in part time and full time jobs through life and if the OP REALLY wanted a job, they would just go apply and accept any offer they are lucky enough to receieve. It just sounds like excuse making. Why does everyone have to be babied through everything all the time?

Lunni

Est28 wrote: »

Why does EVERYTHING come back to councellors, GPs, psychotherapists, depression, etc, etc, etc????

How is a councellor going to help the OP work a coffee machine?
It's basic training that EVERY job will give you.

I worked on a Master's degree for years and guess what... my first day of work, I hadn't a clue. The culture of the company, the way the work, figuring out all their systems, etc was new to me, even though I had trained extensively in the technologies for the job.... it's called BEING NEW!

Honestly... this is ridiculous. How can a councellor or similar professional help here? Will the councellor take the OP to the tea room and help her make a mug of coffee?

The only thing the OP needs is a bit of get up and go. Stop making excuses and just do it. This is nothing that everyone one of us hasn't gone through many many times in part time and full time jobs through life and if the OP REALLY wanted a job, they would just go apply and accept any offer they are lucky enough to receieve. It just sounds like excuse making. Why does everyone have to be babied through everything all the time?

Because most people have the clarity of mind to realise that operating a coffee machine isn't that hard. People with anxiety or serious self-esteem problems create barriers that stop them living their lives because they're afraid of what 'might' happen.

You are really displaying an incredible lack of understanding of how hard it is for some people to do very simple things. It has nothing to do with being 'babied'. A counsellor can help someone work through self-doubt that is stopping them from doing normal things like applying for a job in a coffee shop. If it was as simple as you suggest, wouldn't OP have just done it by now?

LegacyUser

Est28 wrote: »

Why does EVERYTHING come back to councellors, GPs, psychotherapists, depression, etc, etc, etc????

How is a councellor going to help the OP work a coffee machine?
It's basic training that EVERY job will give you.

I worked on a Master's degree for years and guess what... my first day of work, I hadn't a clue. The culture of the company, the way the work, figuring out all their systems, etc was new to me, even though I had trained extensively in the technologies for the job.... it's called BEING NEW!

Honestly... this is ridiculous. How can a councellor or similar professional help here? Will the councellor take the OP to the tea room and help her make a mug of coffee?

The only thing the OP needs is a bit of get up and go. Stop making excuses and just do it. This is nothing that everyone one of us hasn't gone through many many times in part time and full time jobs through life and if the OP REALLY wanted a job, they would just go apply and accept any offer they are lucky enough to receieve. It just sounds like excuse making. Why does everyone have to be babied through everything all the time?

It is this attitude that perpetuates the stigma surrounding mental health issues in this country. It makes me sick. If god forbid you were in a car crash in the morning and were seriously injured, would you still go to work that evening? no? why not? sure it's only serious laceration, you're only gushing blood? Stop making excuses, if you REALLY wanted to work you'd bear the excruciating pain and just do it. Go to a doctor? sure how could a doctor help? what's a doctor going to do? Will the doctor take you to the tea room and help you make a mug of coffee? no.
Here's a crazy thought. Perhaps the doctor could treat your injuries so that in a few weeks/months time you'll be well enough to be capable of returning to work.

Just because you can't physically see a depressive or anxiety illness doesn't mean it's not real, or make it any less debilitating than physical injury.

1 in 4 people will suffer from a mental health issue at some point in their lives. Your post really saddens me. It is very likely that someone you know is currently going through or has gone through a depressive/anxiety related mental health illness, your mum, dad, child, wife, brother, sister, friends? It's very disturbing and saddening that people (or pretty likely someone in your own life) still have to suffer in silence because of the quite frankly disgusting attitudes of people like you.

OP If your anxiety is so extreme that it's preventing you from taking up work then you should really discuss your anxiety with your GP. It's perfectly normal to feel a little overwhelmed when starting a new job, no matter what the job is. It's also perfectly normal to make mistakes at the start. I know I'm rubbish at following instructions, it's pretty hard to get the hang of anything by standing there watching someone else do it. You learn by doing, so of course things will look wayy more complicated when you're watching someone else. The more you do it yourself however the more it becomes second nature after a while. But definitely go see your GP and ask about being referred to a councellor, all the best OP

Neyite

Est28 wrote: »

Why does EVERYTHING come back to councellors, GPs, psychotherapists, depression, etc, etc, etc????

How is a councellor going to help the OP work a coffee machine?
It's basic training that EVERY job will give you.

I worked on a Master's degree for years and guess what... my first day of work, I hadn't a clue. The culture of the company, the way the work, figuring out all their systems, etc was new to me, even though I had trained extensively in the technologies for the job.... it's called BEING NEW!

Honestly... this is ridiculous. How can a councellor or similar professional help here? Will the councellor take the OP to the tea room and help her make a mug of coffee?

The only thing the OP needs is a bit of get up and go. Stop making excuses and just do it. This is nothing that everyone one of us hasn't gone through many many times in part time and full time jobs through life and if the OP REALLY wanted a job, they would just go apply and accept any offer they are lucky enough to receieve. It just sounds like excuse making. Why does everyone have to be babied through everything all the time?

People are recommending a GP /Counselling because they cannot give medical advice due to the charter, but clearly see that the OP could do with a little professional help at the moment. So rather than trying to Diagnose by Internet, and risk get infracted or banned by us Mods, they are suggesting actual practical, helpful ways in which the OP can improve the situation because they see that 1. the OP worked for years without a problem, and 2. that feeling this way about a little bit of training is now out of character for the OP. So it looks like the OP's "get up and go" as you so quaintly put it, got up and went. And for that, the OP needs to see why that is, and a healthcare professional is clearly a decent place to start.

And of course a counsellor wont show the OP how to use a coffee machine, don't be stupid. Surely a Masters graduate would know this. But then, you did say that you were clueless despite your it. Difference is I suppose, that your high sense of self worth ensured that you took those things in your stride. But not all of us are blessed with such high self esteem.

Congratulations on your Masters by the way, you must be very proud of it, it comes across in your post that you are.

Est28

angryrightnow wrote: »

It is this attitude that perpetuates the stigma surrounding mental health issues in this country. It makes me sick. If god forbid you were in a car crash in the morning and were seriously injured, would you still go to work that evening? no? why not? sure it's only serious laceration, you're only gushing blood? Stop making excuses, if you REALLY wanted to work you'd bear the excruciating pain and just do it. Go to a doctor? sure how could a doctor help? what's a doctor going to do? Will the doctor take you to the tea room and help you make a mug of coffee? no.
Here's a crazy thought. Perhaps the doctor could treat your injuries so that in a few weeks/months time you'll be well enough to be capable of returning to work.

Just because you can't physically see a depressive or anxiety illness doesn't mean it's not real, or make it any less debilitating than physical injury.

1 in 4 people will suffer from a mental health issue at some point in their lives. Your post really saddens me. It is very likely that someone you know is currently going through or has gone through a depressive/anxiety related mental health illness, your mum, dad, child, wife, brother, sister, friends? It's very disturbing and saddening that people (or pretty likely someone in your own life) still have to suffer in silence because of the quite frankly disgusting attitudes of people like you.

OP If your anxiety is so extreme that it's preventing you from taking up work then you should really discuss your anxiety with your GP. It's perfectly normal to feel a little overwhelmed when starting a new job, no matter what the job is. It's also perfectly normal to make mistakes at the start. I know I'm rubbish at following instructions, it's pretty hard to get the hang of anything by standing there watching someone else do it. You learn by doing, so of course things will look wayy more complicated when you're watching someone else. The more you do it yourself however the more it becomes second nature after a while. But definitely go see your GP and ask about being referred to a councellor, all the best OP

This is not a deadly car crash. That is not even comparible.

Mental Health IS a very serious issue and for THAT reason I strongly disagree with throwing those terms around at every little thing. We all have issues we need to deal with in live, for some they are serious mental issues which hinder their life completely, for other issues, it takes a little get up and go and is NOT something you can diagnose someone with or start making them see professionals or taking drugs.
That is why this is important to me. Mental health is a serious thing and I HATE the way it's bandied about on here like every single problem in the world can be just put down to this and an excuse made. People with REAL health problems need the help and resources, NOT every little problem someone has.

We are not comparing the OP's problem to a serious car crash.
It is more like someone stubbing their toe and going to the ER. It's non-sense. They are wasting time and resources and taking it from REAL patients who MAY need serious help.

Whether the OP has issues or not, we do not know, so we cannot speculate. But it is HIGHLY irresponsible to bandie about those terms and let people use it as an excuse for any problems or actions.

Est28

Neyite wrote: »

Surely a Masters graduate would know this. But then, you did say that you were clueless despite your it.

Neyite wrote: »

Congratulations on your Masters by the way, you must be very proud of it, it comes across in your post that you are.

Highly inappropriate and in no way related to the OPs problems or this thread.
It was an EXAMPLE... i.e. Like THOUSANDS of other people... even when we TRAIN to do something... it is still difficult to know what to do without a little experience of just doing the job.

If you want to learn to drive a car. You can read a hundred books on the topic but it's not until you just go out on the road a few times that it all makes sense.

I was not rubbing in anything about a masters or not. It is irrelevant and just an example I had in mind. But thank you for your begrudgery and total unhelpfulness to the thread.

Lunni

Est28 wrote: »

This is not a deadly car crash. That is not even comparible.

Mental Health IS a very serious issue and for THAT reason I strongly disagree with throwing those terms around at every little thing. We all have issues we need to deal with in live, for some they are serious mental issues which hinder their life completely, for other issues, it takes a little get up and go and is NOT something you can diagnose someone with or start making them see professionals or taking drugs.
That is why this is important to me. Mental health is a serious thing and I HATE the way it's bandied about on here like every single problem in the world can be just put down to this and an excuse made. People with REAL health problems need the help and resources, NOT every little problem someone has.

We are not comparing the OP's problem to a serious car crash.
It is more like someone stubbing their toe and going to the ER. It's non-sense. They are wasting time and resources and taking it from REAL patients who MAY need serious help.

Whether the OP has issues or not, we do not know, so we cannot speculate. But it is HIGHLY irresponsible to bandie about those terms and let people use it as an excuse for any problems or actions.

No, what's HIGHLY irresponsible is to tell someone whose self-esteem is so low that they can't face working in a coffee shop to just 'get over it'. I've spent the last ten years thinking I should just try a bit harder (mostly due to meeting people like you) and if I'd copped early on that I actually had a severe anxiety problem, the last ten years might have been less hellish for me. There's no harm whatsoever with OP discussing this with a GP - they will not be 'taking away' resources from someone more 'deserving' (another harmful way of thinking that stopped me from getting help sooner).

Est28

Lunni wrote: »

No, what's HIGHLY irresponsible is to tell someone whose self-esteem is so low that they can't face working in a coffee shop to just 'get over it'. I've spent the last ten years thinking I should just try a bit harder (mostly due to meeting people like you) and if I'd copped early on that I actually had a severe anxiety problem, the last ten years might have been less hellish for me. There's no harm whatsoever with OP discussing this with a GP - they will not be 'taking away' resources from someone more 'deserving' (another harmful way of thinking that stopped me from getting help sooner).

Pardon me for thinking this was a discussion board where people could offer different opinions and solutions to people posting their problems to at least give them multiple options and more hopefully, something more than the usual advice people just throw out at any problem without trying to understand it.

God forbid someone might offer a different opinion on a public forum.