On going family issues help please.

burke027

Firstly let me start by saying if this needs to be moved please move.

Let me start by saying I'm 29 I'm 30 in afew days and hope someone could shine some light or help me out or what ever.
Basiclly il start at the point of I have a son of two n a half and I split from the relationship as we just weren't ment to be together.she tryed to stop me taking the child and all that and last year I had brought her to court and got gaurdianship and the younglad every Fri sat and home Sunday afternoon.I wasn't sure about this on the day in court but I accepted it as the soliciter told me it's a very good outcome.
So I work full time and some times around the weekend also.a little more information is I'm engaged to my childhood sweetheart who also has a 2 year old daughter they now live with me full time.so my sons mother works during the week and my mam or dad take the child for her and I've no problem with that.but this is where it gets tricky some days I could be working nights and somedays just days but when my parents have the child they offer to take him and I feel under pressure to run home and take him off them for a while which I don't mind because I love having the little man.so we then get to Friday and I try finish early to take the child on Friday after noon. If I'm working mam or dad will take him that's fine no hassle at all.now I need to work all I can I order to buy the best for the child and put a roof over both mine and the young lads head and also now my fiance and her little girl.so no problems so far the little lad stays with me Fri and sat nights and I'd have to take him during the week also.if I say I'm working late or that my parents seem to freak and say u know u need to take the child and I'm like of course but I also have to work to pay bills so it always ends up in a argument so if I end up working saturday morning or that it's only for maybe 3 hours my fiance or my mam and dad will take him.
So lately I'm thinking the child is very hard work and il be honest he's so so hyper it's hard to deal with bringing him to shopping centers and all doesn't work as he just acts up and it's hard I'm trying to teach him right from wrong and to be good and he isn't a bold child just always going and going.
So both my fiance and I work full time all week and her little one is with us most nights also.being honest or relationship is only a year old and we are engaged but as I said we are child hood sweet hearts for the past 8 years so our relationship is super but I will be honest we both feel like we need some time alone and some time away from kids which is understandable. I tried thst approu with my parents to talk about it and they lost the plot o mean lost the plot.it's not thst we don't want the kids we love having them it's just we feel we need some time so I suggested to my parents as I Said I'm just 30 should have there full support at this age.so what I said was the young lads mother has every weekend free and maybe two nights during the week also so what I came up with was. On week one id take him wed thur and Fri he goes home Fri evening then week two would be he stays wed night home thur and back to me Fri sat and home Sunday evening. That way every second weekend we would have some spare time so my mam and dad freaked and said I'm not caring about the child and all that and I have no intrest in him.now I want to go to court and get this done as the young lads mother won't agree either and why would she when she has all the time off in the world.I just want it to be fairer but my parents don't except that so I hit them back up and tried saying it was for the child to get more stability and a structure and they still didn't fully get it.my problem is that I should be able to tell them we as a couple need time together we are trying to plan a wedding but I can't tell them that.and my fiances daughter would be in her dads also when my young lad is with his mam on the weekend.
Basiclky I think there being unfair and I'm looking for some advice as to what to do.I think my parents are wrong may e some one else can help.
So needless to say things with my parents are not good and I feel like crap over it.my fiance then texted my mam to see was she planning anything for my birthday as a suprize seen as it's my 30 birthday and she said no because she's not happy with me.I was very hurt by that as I tought it's ment to be a special birthday maybe I'm wrong can any one help me out in any way.
Right now I don't wana talk to my parents because I think there completely unfair.
Any one any ideas
Am I over reacting
Thanks

littlemac1980

1. Your post is unfortunately very difficult to understand, simply because you have not used any spaces between paragraphs, bear that in mind, you are asking people to read it and give their views, and most people will find it too difficult to read.

2. Your child is your responsibility - not your parents. You should be grateful for whatever support they are prepared to offer, and not critical of them for refusing to do more.

3. The situation already sounds very unstable from the Child's point of View, and what (I appear to understand from your post) you're suggesting should now occur, appears even more unstable.

4. Most importantly - there are free family Mediation Services available in many areas throughout the Country. Information regarding these is often available in the Family Court offices, it sounds to me you and your ex-partner would do well to seek advice from these services before deciding what proposals might be made to the Court.

brian_t

littlemac1980 wrote: »

2. Your child is your responsibility - not your parents. You should be grateful for whatever support they are prepared to offer, and not critical of them for refusing to do more.

Your 30th Birthday is a non-issue. Forget about it.

As above - keep your parents onside.

TheBoffin

The most important part of all of this is the Child. Birthdays, weddings etc all come second.

You need to sit down with the child's mother, away from the home (cafe or something) just the 2 of you, no parents... and discuss how you both can work out a schedule that will be best for the child. If you feel its not possible to do it face to face, get someone completely independent to sit with you, someone neither of you know but is a rational thinker and not easily led. You have to work and the mother has to work, there will be some give and take in this, nobody will be 100% satisfied with the outcome but at the end of the day the best outcome will be where the child is with you and not with your parents.

Try not to go down the court route, things like this are often best resolved person to person, however, at the same time you have rights too (as small as they are) and if you are getting no give with the mother at all, then talk to your solicitor.

Hope it works out for you buddy!

burke027

Hey thanks for the replys.
I'm not sure if I made it clear but I have being to court already as I was refused access to my child. The mother is not rational at all and there is no way of talking to her.
Yes my parents are involved in minding the child and that is only when I'm working as it saves having to pay for a child minder

TheBoffin

There is nothing worse than dealing with an irrational person.

Personally I would stop the parents minding the child as this seems to be causing grief for you. You are the child's father and you are the person that should be spending time with the child.

You also have to work, earn a living, pay the bills and the maintenance. Go to your solicitor and set out your case, that you wish to have your child at times when you are not working. You are happy to work out a flexible schedule but the mother is not (apparently)

Esel

burke027 wrote: »

Firstly let me start by saying if this needs to be moved please move.

Let me start by saying I'm 29. I'm 30 in a few days and hope someone could shine some light or help me out or whatever.

Basically I’ll start at the point of I have a son of two and a half and I split from the relationship as we just weren't meant to be together. She tried to stop me taking the child and all that and last year I had brought her to court and got guardianship and the young lad every Fri Sat and home Sunday afternoon. I wasn't sure about this on the day in court but I accepted it as the solicitor told me it's a very good outcome.

So I work full time and some times around the weekend also. A little more information is I'm engaged to my childhood sweetheart who also has a 2 year old daughter they now live with me full time. So my son’s mother works during the week and my mam or dad take the child for her and I've no problem with that.

But this is where it gets tricky some days I could be working nights and some days just days but when my parents have the child they offer to take him and I feel under pressure to run home and take him off them for a while which I don't mind because I love having the little man.

So we then get to Friday and I try finish early to take the child on Friday after noon. If I'm working mam or dad will take him that's fine no hassle at all. Now I need to work all I can I order to buy the best for the child and put a roof over both mine and the young lad’s head and also now my fiancée and her little girl.

So no problems so far the little lad stays with me Fri and Sat nights and I'd have to take him during the week also. If I say I'm working late or that my parents seem to freak and say you know you need to take the child and I'm like of course but I also have to work to pay bills so it always ends up in a argument so if I end up working Saturday morning or that it's only for maybe 3 hours my fiancée or my mam and dad will take him.

So lately I'm thinking the child is very hard work and I’ll be honest he's so hyper it's hard to deal with bringing him to shopping centres and all doesn't work as he just acts up and it's hard. I'm trying to teach him right from wrong and to be good and he isn't a bold child just always going and going.

So both my fiancée and I work full time all week and her little one is with us most nights also. Being honest our relationship is only a year old and we are engaged but as I said we are childhood sweethearts for the past 8 years so. Our relationship is super but I will be honest we both feel like we need some time alone and some time away from kids which is understandable.

I tried this approach with my parents to talk about it and they lost the plot. It's not that we don't want the kids, we love having them it's just we feel we need some time so I suggested to my parents. As I said I'm just 30, should have their full support at this age.

So what I said was the young lad’s mother has every weekend free and maybe two nights during the week also so what I came up with was this. On week one I’d take him Wed Thur and Fri; he goes home Fri evening then week two would be he stays Wed night home Thur and back to me Fri Sat and home Sunday evening.

That way every second weekend we would have some spare time so my mam and dad freaked and said I'm not caring about the child and all that and I have no interest in him. Now I want to go to court and get this done, as the young lad’s mother won't agree either and why would she when she has all the time off in the world.

I just want it to be fairer but my parents don't accept that so I hit them back up and tried saying it was for the child to get more stability and a structure and they still didn't fully get it. My problem is that I should be able to tell them we as a couple need time together. We are trying to plan a wedding but I can't tell them that. And my fiancée’s daughter would be in her dads also when my young lad is with his mam on the weekend.

Basically I think they’re being unfair and I'm looking for some advice as to what to do. I think my parents are wrong. Maybe some one else can help. So needless to say things with my parents are not good and I feel like crap over it.

My fiancée then texted my mam to see was she planning anything for my birthday as a surprise seeing as it's my 30th birthday and she said no because she's not happy with me. I was very hurt by that as I thought it's meant to be a special birthday maybe I'm wrong can any one help me out in any way.

Right now I don't want to talk to my parents because I think they’re completely unfair.

Any one any ideas? Am I over-reacting?

Thanks

I edited your post, as it was very hard to read tbh.

One thing jumps out at me though - you are 30, yet you still expect your parents to agree to whatever you want. They have their own lives to live.

I honestly can't see a legal issue here, but I am not an expert in that field.

jack7

Turning 30 is no big deal, spend your money on your bills and your son and forget about your 30th and your wedding plans. Your parents are great, they have their own lives and should not have to be free childcare

Bepolite

burke027 wrote: »

Basiclly il start at the point of I have a son of two n a half and I split from the relationship as we just weren't ment to be together.

Honest question. Why would you not have decided this, and ideally married*, before having a child?

*from the legal point of view not the religious.

burke027 wrote: »

So I work full time and some times around the weekend also.a little more information is I'm engaged to my childhood sweetheart who also has a 2 year old daughter they now live with me full time.so my sons mother works during the week and my mam or dad take the child for her and I've no problem with that.but this is where it gets tricky some days I could be working nights and somedays just days but when my parents have the child they offer to take him and I feel under pressure to run home and take him off them for a while which I don't mind because I love having the little man.so we then get to Friday and I try finish early to take the child on Friday after noon. If I'm working mam or dad will take him that's fine no hassle at all.now I need to work all I can I order to buy the best for the child and put a roof over both mine and the young lads head and also now my fiance and her little girl.so no problems so far the little lad stays with me Fri and sat nights and I'd have to take him during the week also.if I say I'm working late or that my parents seem to freak and say u know u need to take the child and I'm like of course but I also have to work to pay bills so it always ends up in a argument so if I end up working saturday morning or that it's only for maybe 3 hours my fiance or my mam and dad will take him.

You need to start looking for a job that fits around your commitments more, or you need to approach your manager about more flexible working.

burke027 wrote: »

So lately I'm thinking the child is very hard work and il be honest he's so so hyper it's hard to deal with bringing him to shopping centers and all doesn't work as he just acts up and it's hard I'm trying to teach him right from wrong and to be good and he isn't a bold child just always going and going.
So both my fiance and I work full time all week and her little one is with us most nights also.being honest or relationship is only a year old and we are engaged but as I said we are child hood sweet hearts for the past 8 years so our relationship is super but I will be honest we both feel like we need some time alone and some time away from kids which is understandable.

It is understandable where two people have thought about what they're doing before they made two kids. You've both managed to make children with people you're no longer with so sorry, it'll either work as it is or it won't. I highly recommend not making anymore kids until you're coping.

burke027 wrote: »

I tried thst approu with my parents to talk about it and they lost the plot o mean lost the plot.it's not thst we don't want the kids we love having them it's just we feel we need some time so I suggested to my parents as I Said I'm just 30 should have there full support at this age.

You are joking right? Firstly you're not mature enough to stand on you're own two feet at 30? Secondly you decided to have a child when you're still not old enough to look after yourself? Cop on.

burke027 wrote: »

so what I said was the young lads mother has every weekend free and maybe two nights during the week also so what I came up with was. On week one id take him wed thur and Fri he goes home Fri evening then week two would be he stays wed night home thur and back to me Fri sat and home Sunday evening. That way every second weekend we would have some spare time so my mam and dad freaked and said I'm not caring about the child and all that and I have no intrest in him.

I'm liking your parents more than you I think they, at least, have a clue. So you're suggesting disrupting the, already far from ideal, routine of a young child with behavioral issues - I'd suggest you get some proper professional advice.

burke027 wrote: »

now I want to go to court and get this done as the young lads mother won't agree either and why would she when she has all the time off in the world.I just want it to be fairer but my parents don't except that so I hit them back up and tried saying it was for the child to get more stability and a structure and they still didn't fully get it.my problem is that I should be able to tell them we as a couple need time together we are trying to plan a wedding but I can't tell them that.and my fiances daughter would be in her dads also when my young lad is with his mam on the weekend.
Basiclky I think there being unfair and I'm looking for some advice as to what to do.I think my parents are wrong may e some one else can help.
So needless to say things with my parents are not good and I feel like crap over it.my fiance then texted my mam to see was she planning anything for my birthday as a suprize seen as it's my 30 birthday and she said no because she's not happy with me.I was very hurt by that as I tought it's ment to be a special birthday maybe I'm wrong can any one help me out in any way.
Right now I don't wana talk to my parents because I think there completely unfair.
Any one any ideas
Am I over reacting
Thanks

You're planning a wedding but the relationship is in need of alone time for it to develop? You're also fetching because you're mammy is not throwing you a birthday party?

Stop. Uncomplicate your life, the most important thing in it now is the child you made, if that means you have to sacrifice you're current relationship so be it. At the age of thirty you need to start being a man.

Also for when your child starts at school and needs your help in learning to read and write get some help with your spelling and general writing. I'm not trying to be a knob here you genuinely need to spend a bit of time on this for the child's sake. I know it can be hard if you suffer from dyslexia or didn't get the education but there are free services that won't take too much time if spread over the next couple of years.

EDIT: this is not a legal issue and should be in the parenting forum IMHO.

Neyite

Bepolite wrote: »

EDIT: this is not a legal issue and should be in the parenting forum IMHO.

Specifically the Teens and Pre-teens sub-forum by the sounds of it.

I cant actually believe that you are annoyed your parents are not throwing you a party for your 30th. Dont they do enough week to week for you in terms of unpaid childcare?

I'm totally confused by the arrangement that you propose, no wonder your poor kid acts up.

hullaballoo

Moved to Teens and Pre-Teens. Please report threads if they are in the incorrect forum.

Local mods, apologies if this is inappropriate.

Edit: I see it is inappropriate and I apologise for not actually thinking before moving this!

Sligo1

Christ it sounds like you really need to grow up! Your parents sound like Angels tbh! I had my first baby at 29 a year after me and my partner got engaged. got married 5 months later and got pregnant again a week after we got married. So I'm just turned 31 and my hubby is only just gone 28. I never had a 30th or a 31st! We spent the day with our baby and hubby bought me a lovely card from him and baby!!! How on earth could you even want anymore!!

You really need to start thinking of your child! And as for time alone... The only time me and my husband of 6 months get together is when baby goes to bed and we can watch tv for an hour or 2 in peace. It's called being a grown up.

Sorry if this post is harsh... I just can't believe how selfish your opening post comes across. Children and babies can be difficult. It's the parents job to get them into a stable routine and put them before their own needs. When you bring a child in to the world... You can never put your own needs first again. Your son needs to come before your relationship, job, wedding or birthday.

Karede

I think everyone is jumping down the OP's throat! Relax

OP I think you should def keep your relationship with your child separate from your parents relationship with their grandchild. If they want to see or mind the child let them organise that themselves and dont get involved.

Then when you have your child you shouldnt get them involved or ask them to look after him for you. Some families can do this but i dont think yours can.

I completely understand that you want time to yourself also. And time with your partner and everyone needs this. (People will prob jump down my throat saying they dont get time off) You are a person, a parent and a partner and all these sides of you deserves time and effort :-)

However ^^^ this might be easier said than done. Especially if your ex is difficult around access. You will prob have to go back to court to have the access varied and you have to be aware that it might not go your way. The judge could say to you take it or leave it! Or if you were lucky they might agree to the changes.

Weigh up your options carefully before you decide anything.

pwurple

That way every second weekend we would have some spare time

What on earth is this about? No wonder your parents are angry. They are right to be angry! I can't fathom why you want to have every second weekend off, from a child that you barely see to begin with. For spare time. Come off it. You are a parent, and allegedly a grown up.

Don't get me started on the whinge then about no party being planned, again, by your parents?

I feel so sorry for the poor little child being shoved from pillar to post to suit your party and new girlfriend.

pwurple

Karede wrote: »

I completely understand that you want time to yourself also. And time with your partner and everyone needs this. (People will prob jump down my throat saying they dont get time off)

Karede, he GETS time off. He only has this child once a week as it is.

ElleEm

OP, you seem so immature. You need to start seeing how fantastic your parents have been to this point, giving you free childcare. They are not your babysitters, and have NO obligation to you or your relationship. You are a grown man, mammy and daddy don't have to throw you a party for your birthday.

Your parents babysitting for your ex during the week is their business though. I can see how you would be frustrated taking the lad during the week and at weekends for "your" time. Maybe you need to speak with your parents and tell them that you want to stick to court allocated access. Does your ex know that you often take your son mid- week? Seems strange that she with- held access a year ago, now he seems to spend most days/ nights with you.

It seems that you are struggling with your son's behaviour too. You should maybe get in contact with a family centre (Barnardos, etc.) locally to you to enrol in a parenting class, or even read a book about how to tackle his behaviour.

Family mediation is probably the way to go with your ex. If you are finding your son staying with you every weekend overwhelming, while you are working a fulltime job, then you need to do something about this. Your son is not getting the best out of you with all this stress and negativity around, but you also need to realise that being a parent is a fulltime job, even when the child is not with you all the time. When he is with you, you need to be present, and loving and fun FOR HIM. Your relationship with your girlfriend comes second to that.

Thoie

You're hitting 30 (which is not "special" - you're an adult). You're using your parents as free childcare for your ex while she's at work, and for you when you're at work. You think they should be doing more for you, and possibly mind a second child, who isn't related to them, at times as well. Also they should throw you a party, and give you more support "at your age".

To answer your original question, yes, you're over-reacting. At this point in your life you should be thinking about how you can help your parents, and make their lives easier, in return for everything they've done for you over the years.

Big Bag of Chips

For a start you are an adult. This is relevant for a few reasons...

If you want a 30th party, then you organise it.. or your gf does. Not your parents.

Also, you are a 30 year old man with a child. Your parents should be grandparents to the child, not giving you their "full support". I had 3 children at 30..do you know what I did if I needed to go out... I occassionally asked for, and gratefully accepted help from my mother, but mostly I paid for a babysitter.

You and your fiancee have 2 children between you. I'm afraid when kids arrive "free time" or "time off" tends to be rare.

You could try to arrange every second weekend with your ex. Because as he gets older school and homework will take up Monday to Friday, and the only fun time will be the weekend. So you will get the fun times, while the mam is getting the hard work.

The underlying issue here though is that you are a 30 year old man. (You seem to think you are still a teenager) You need to start taking responsibility for your life, and stop this expectation that everyone owes you something. You have a child. You are in a relationship, hoping to get married, to someone who also has a child. "Time to yourselves" is going to be limited, and, if you're not willing to pay for a babysitter, at the goodwill of your parents.

I'm guessing that your parents see more of your son than you, as they mind him while you and your ex are at work. That is probably why they are reluctant to take him even more just so you and your gf can have a "weekend off".

I think you are young (immature) and were not ready to be a dad. I think you are not ready to be a stepdad either, but that is where you are now. And you need to adjust your thinking to realise you are now an adult, and a parent. Your parents are no longer responsible for you and your life. It's all down to you now. If you want something, you do it yourself. Your parents job of "looking after you" has long since finished.

They've had 30 years of it... Give them a break. Your son is only 2, and already you're looking for a break

Sweet_pea

What happens if you have a child with your fiance, where would you put that child to get some time off.

I'd understand maybe if you had asked for the odd night off but you basically want everyone else to change their schedules so you can have every 2nd weekend off. Can you see why people may think you're being unreasonable?

You fought for access and than want to change things just because it's gotten a bit hard. You and your fiance both knew getting into the relationship that it would be a bit complicated but you're a father first. You as the parent are the one that makes the sacrifices not the child and defiantly not your parents.

XxMCRxBabyxX

So basically, you're having difficulties with fitting your son into your life, it's not going your way so you're letting your parents look after him instead and now YOU'RE upset with THEM?!

I'm sorry, but grow up. If you want to sort this situation out sort it out between your ex and yourself (and your fiancée if needs be). I have no idea why your poor parents are involved at all and, more importantly, why they seem to be named as the bad guys in all this.

What would you and your fiancée do if it was her ex proposing to do this? That he didn't have time for his daughter and wanted you to work with his "schedule" because he wanted "free time."

rockatansky

burke027 wrote: »

it's not that we don't want the kids we love having them it's just we feel we need some time

That's something you say to a friend who has overstayed their welcome, not your own children :eek:

paperclip2

Reading your post left me quite cross I must say OP. Your son is tough going. Yes. He's two. That's pretty normal. I didn't sleep a night through till my son was nearly 4. Considering he has such a fragmented routine, not helped by your working patterns, it not hard to see why he might be acting up at times.
Perhaps more time spent with you might help this. You have to work, yes but your post gives the impression, rightly or wrongly, that your work is a higher priority to you than your son.

You seem to be just coming to the realisation that parenting is hard. Parenting a lively, energetic two year old boy is tough work. Shared parenting and parenting as part of a blended family is challenging, but so what. Lots of things are tough and you didn't end up in this situation through an act of god. Its of your own making which also means you can make it better if you really want to. Your son wont be two forever. He won't ever be at this age again. Please OP, make the most of this time with him. You wont realise how precious it is until its gone.

Your parents owe you nothing. Nothing at all. You are a grown man, you are independent. They don't have to provide childcare for free. They really don't have to throw you a party. For Gods sake throw one yourself if it means that much to you.

You want time off to spend with your fiancee. Sorry OP you get your 'time-off' in the evenings when your son is not with you and your step daughter is in bed. Like most parents.

Have a read of some of the posts here from dads who have had to fight tooth and nail to get and then hold onto just some of the kind of access you have with your boy. Maybe also contact creches in your area and get a quote for the childcare rates you would have to pay if you didn't have your parents.

You have a great arrangement going in many respects. You have access to your son weekly. You have free childcare. Don't underestimate the value of either of these things. There are dads and mams on here who would give their eye teeth for this.

Big Bag of Chips

You say you are almost 30, and you've been with your girlfriend for a year, but you are childhood sweets hearts for the past 8 years or so??? (Or was that a typo? Did you mean 18 years?)

You do realise 8 years ago you were 22... an adult. "Childhood sweethearts" suggests you were boyfriend and girlfriend as teenagers, maybe at 13, 14 or 15?

You really really need to get out of this mindset that you are somehow young and need your parents help to do anything. You have been a legal adult now for 12 years. You are not a teenager. You are not a young child who needs your parents to hold your hand and guide you through life. You might feel like you are still young - but that is because you have not grown up yet, and you have taken very little responsibility for your own life. Once you start doing that you will realise you are an adult.

You are a 30 year old man. Not a boy, not a teenager, not a "young fella".. a man. A man who needs to take responsibility for his own life, his own children, his own 30th party, and his own wedding. You were grown up enough to make a child with someone and to decide that the relationship wasn't good. So now you should also be grown up enough to discuss your child with his mother. To discuss how better to share access that it is fair for everyone.. you, her and most importantly your son.

Edit: Access should have nothing to do with your parents. They are involved in his childcare already. Access should be completely separate.

wolfpawnat

This is an odd one for me I have say. But I am not going to fly off the handle.

OP, you are 30, not 13. I had a child at barely 22 and have never really had anyone to pick up the slack, the occasional night maybe twice a year, but now with a second one that is gone completely. But I do understand the want to go to the cinema, etc. that is normal. My parents arranged that it was every second weekend for the full weekend and every second saturday for the day.

Try and arrange something with your ex. And stop taking your parents for granted, they are saving both you and your ex a small fortune in care, and they have already raised their children, they are doing ye a favour.

Talk to your ex, I dare say she is all too happy to have the weekends to herself going by the reluctance suggested. But if you see the child less, don't expect the relationship between you and your son to grow much.

You need to grow up a lot OP, parents are not their to serve our every beck and whim. They have done their prison sentence, it is now time for you to do yours.

LegacyUser

I'm guessing your parents are worried you are not as bothered about your son as they think you should be.
They probably take the child when your ex is working in order to get YOU more time with him not to give your ex "time off" as you put it.
Yes you work hard but they see you setting up camp with your new sweetie and her child and are quite rightly worried that your poor son is being shoved down the list of priorities and treated as an inconvenience you have to put up with! I'm sure you do love your son but you're not coming across well at all and maybe you need to talk to your parents and reassure them that you're just finding things a bit tough at the moment.
Also if your ex has been difficult in the past your parents could be afraid you are going to mess things up and they will lose contact with their grandchild!
Youre so caught up with what's "fair" and what your ex has but I'm assuming your ex isn't living with someone who also has a child. You chose to move in with someone, get engaged and support them so this is your life not your exs! If you can't manage it all postpone the wedding. Whats the rush?
And if you cant manage the supermarket with him, shop online. Have the bulk of your groceries delivered and then bring him to the supermarket for one or two things so he gets used to going but you're not under pressure.
If you want "time off" at the weekends get a babysitter like everyone else does. If your parents butt in tell them that the child is in bed anyway or just to mind their own business.
As for the birthday well if your family are the type to make a big fuss about the birthdays and are now not just to punish you then that might be an indication of how upset they are.

emmabrighton

Oh dear, I am afraid that I too agree with many of the previous posts.

Please take your needs and wants and put them right down your list of priorities.

Your number one priority is your son. Do your very best by him. Work hard every day to make sure that he is as happy as he can possibly be when he is with you. He doesn't get to see his daddy every day so this should be your number one priority.

Forget about your birthday. Parties are overrated.

Forget about your wedding. Put it off for a few years. It seems your head isn't in the right place. She waited 8 years for you. She will wait another 3, 4 or 5.

If your job means that you cannot be with your son when you have arranged to be with him. Start looking for a new job.

Thank your parents every time you see them. Call over to them when you don't have a favour to ask or you need something from them. Mow their lawn, tidy out their shed. Show them how grateful you are for their help and their input. They seem to have their heads screwed on. They are still together and they raised a healthy 30 year old. They have a lot to teach you.

Finally remember you have two ears and one mouth. Use them in that order with regards your parents and your son. Honestly, your so-called "life" is getting in the way of the most important relationship you will ever have.

Paddy Cow

Your parents are not being unfair. They have already raised their child (you) and any help they give in minding their grandchild should be appreciated. Lots of people don't have grandparents to mind the child and pay a fortune in child care costs.

I would suggest apologising to your mother and keeping her on side or she might start to feel like you are taking advantage of her and withdraw her child minding services.

Sorry to sound harsh but you are a 30 year old man, not a child and you should not still be depending on your parents for support. Your parents do not owe you babysitting duties or a party. You are a parent and it is up to you to support your child and you don't get "me" time that suits you. If you really want alone time with your girlfriend, then pay for a babysitter at the weekend so you can go out for a few hours. It would cause less tension all round.

LegacyUser

I would have to agree here with the above posts that it is time for you to grow up.
Your not a teenager any more. You had a child with a woman who you have told us you should not have been with and this is not your childs fault.
Since then you have moved on with your childhood sweetheart who also has a child.

At the momment you are doing the following -
a) Complaining that your parents are not willing to mind your child more.

a) It is not your parents job to mind your child. Do you not think that when your mother is minding your 2 year old that she is putting her own life on hold. What happens if one of her friends rings and asks her to go some where with them - she has to say no.
Also at this stage of her and your father life I am sure that they imagined that they could have more time together and be able to go away at a moments notice instead they are minding your child. At the moment you are giving out that they won't mind your child more.
Meanwhile they see that you have a child that you are unwilling to spend more time with.
They know how your feel about your ex and they see your son being pushed from piller to post. Along with this they see that you are not coping with him and could be worried about what will happen in the future with you and your son.

You should be thankful that they are willing to put there own lives on hold to mind your child. Why not price child care in your area and may be this will make you realise what a great deal you are getting here. As one pervious post here said you should be doing jobs for them and showing them some thanks for all they are doing to help you out at the moment.
I would also start to make plans to remove some of the child care from them within the next 12 months. Your parents should mind your child as a stop gap for a period of time and not be seen as long term childcare to suit you.

b) Giving out that your and your new woman don't have time on your own
Well you are both parents and as parents you have to realise that your children have to come before your freetime/social life. I know a lot of parents who have or had small children and there social life was put on hold untill the children got older or untill they got a good baby sitter ( not your parents).

c) Working long hours/weekend to make money and expecting other people to arrange there lives to suit you.
I know you have a child to support but at this stage you need to chat to your boss in regards to the hours you are working. Could you start earlier in the moring to get home earlier on the days you have you child. Could you work less weekend hours?
I would explain to them that I can't work next Sat morning but I could work late on /// this evening instead when you ex has the child.
You have to realise that you can't expect people to cancel there plans to mind your child when your working late/working on a Saturday. If your parents are minding your child during the week they need to have a Saturday and Sunday off.

At this stage I would see about the family medation service in you area so you both your and your ex can work together to build a better life for your son.
In your case I would also look into doing a parenting course which are run through out the country. This will give you a chance to meet other parents and learn skills which will help you out with your son.
You need to realise that your son deserves two parents who despite not being together want the same things for him. Also as your son gets older he will be very upset if you are not there to mind him, bring him to football ect.
Children will know at a young age if they parents don' like each other and if there parents never wanted them and your child deserves more than this.