Girlfriend Hanging Around With Wasters

rover23

Firstly, My girlfriend and I are both 20 and have been going out for almost a year now. We get on really well, never argue and are very much in love with each other. We are currently in a long distance relationship as I am studying abroad and so far that has been going ok. We miss each other a lot but try to see each other as much as possible.

The only issue I have with our relationship is the people she sometimes hangs around with in college. You see my girlfriend is a shy, immature, slightly naive girl who I think craves male attention. She is also stunningly beautiful. Shortly before we started going out she began hanging out with a group of lads, about six or seven. You could say they are typical young lads who go out drinking all the time,trying to pull women, smoking drugs.

They are always flirting with my girlfriend and slagging her on twitter and facebook and I know she goes out with them sometimes on nights out. I know for a fact that a couple of these guys are interested in her too. One of the guys invited her over to do drugs with them a few weeks ago (pills) and she said she might like to try it. This is totally unlike her as she is normally a "good girl". I don't have a problem with people using drugs byt I think in this scenario I think its wrong. I feel they are leading her astray in many ways. Unfortunately I am not there and cant do much about it.

She always rings or calls me on a night out telling me how much she loves me and how much she misses me. Sometimes in tears.

I really don't understand why she wants to hang around with them. Personally I think she just craves the attention. She came from a house with three brothers too so maybe this has something to do with it.

I don't want to come across as jealous or controlling, because I really love her and I want it to work, she has plenty of other male friends who I have no problem with, its just these lads are basically a pack of wasters.Sometimes I feel like it would be the equivalent of me hanging out with a group of slutty girls.

Am I overthinking or overreacting a bit or should I ask her to stop hanging out with them ? Really don't know what to do.

LegacyUser

First off, who are you to judge anyone? Just because someone does drugs doesn't mean they are wasters. I'm not saying that because I do drugs. Some of the greatest quotes, ideas etc ever thought of, have come from people who use(d) drugs. Bob Marley, John Lennon to name but a few.

I think the issue here is an issue of insecurity on your part and I know how you feel. In my humble opinion, you have nothing to worry about. If she is ringing you when she is on nights out, it means she is thinking about you and it is generally, in my experience, a sign that she is into you. It is tough being apart; I know that.

The thing to remember here is, what will be, will be. If she decides to try pills, she will try them regardless of your opinion of her friends. Definitely don't ask her to stop hanging out with these guys. That would be way too controlling for most and you'd need to be prepared for the possibility that she would choose them over a controlling boyfriend.

Sorry if my response isn't what you wanted to hear. It is just an honest response

strobe

Your gf has to be free to chose her own friends. Unless you think these guys are an actual danger to her, it's not your place to say who she can and can't hang around with or what she get's up to with them. As long as she's faithful, it's her call.

However being honest it'd kill me to be living in another country and know my gf was going out drinking and doing pills with a bunch of lads I knew would **** her in a heartbeat bf or not. It'd drive me nuts.

But, ultimately, you either trust her or you don't. I think no harm in you telling her it makes you uncomfortable, maybe even voicing your concerns about her taking pills for her first time with them, but you can't go telling her who or who not to hang around with.

Crikey.

Your girlfriend is a grown woman and she can choose who she does and doesn't want to be friends with. Just because they do drugs doesn't necessarily mean she they're not good people and that they're not fun to hang around with. And if she wants to do pills, then that's her choice too. Doesn't make her any less of a person for wanting to experience something.

Virgil°

I think people are getting the wrong idea here. The OP's issue is clearly not her taking drugs or wanting to experiment somewhat. But rather her being willing to leave herself in a drug induced daze around a bunch of lads who would sooner stick it in her than shake her hand.

And to be honest that would drive me insane too. Honestly i think its either a bit callous that she spends so much time, in this manner, with a group of sex hungry chimps (who's intentions I assume are clear to the OP) or more likely that she is naive to their intentions.

As above OP i would mention that while you have no problem with her trying some recreational drugs(as long as she is being safe) or having male friends, that being so companionable to a bunch of lads who are clearly only after one thing is making you uncomfortable.

Best of luck.

DeltaWhite

Hey OP


I have 3 brothers also but that wouldnt make me want to pal around with men more, in fact - the opposite! We're not all the same, but the one worry I would have is, if anything happened to your gf, would they step up and look after her? Are they really going to be there for her if something should happen to her? Would they be TRUE friends, or just casual blokes who couldnt give a toss about her if the sh*t were ever to hit the fan...

That's what my worry would be!

Matteroffact

You cannot control your g/f OP but that doesn't stop you letting her know what your moral standards are. I would not like to be around anyone who takes drugs and I am not ashamed to say it. By all means tell her how you feel but in the end she will do what she wants to do, but do not condone what she is doing. I don't think you are overreacting, just trying to look out for your g/f and that is very commendable. So tell her how you feel and if she has any respect for you she will understand your concerns. I don't think she should be worrying you with stuff like this especially when you are away and there is nothing you can do about it. I am sure you would prefer not to hear it.

sReq | uTeK

So......OP clearly states he has no problem with people doing drugs and yet you all jump down his throat and turn this into a "WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE" thread honestly read what he's posting before jumping.

Do you not think that the girl he described "shy, naive, attractive, has never done drugs" is being led by these guys to try pills, do you not think that pills are dangerous to a persons well being? ah it's okay it's just 1 or 2 sure they never hurt anyone, if he stated she was injecting heroin would you all react the same way.

The fact of the matter is you have NO IDEA how this girl would react to taking pills, would she get off her face, do something out of character, cheat, open herself up to advances she wouldn't normally do sober? People who get addicted to drugs all start somewhere, I'm not saying this is the beginning of the end but to say that this couldn't have an adverse reaction to both her life and their relationship is to close your eyes and say "a shur drugs are grand"

The lads you've described seem like 90% of lads in college up for a good time and a bit of crack, that normally settles down after 1st year, judging by your age I assume you're both in 1st year.

I know I couldn't go through what you're doing, it would do my head in, personally the drugs would be a deal breaker for me but that's just cause I've seen 1st hand what they can do to people, let alone taking them in the presence of 6-7 guys who would get up on a cracked plate.

You really can't tell her to choose her friends nor can you dictate what she can or can't do in life, but you could advise and as her loving boyfriend the input you provide could be valuable, just ask her why she wants to try the drugs and ultimately what benefit she stems to gain from these, just ask her to do a bit of research, and if she really wanted to try them why not wait for your return so you can be there if there is a turn for the worse instead of 6-7 lads off their head who either won't give a **** or can't wait to pounce.

freshpopcorn

rover23 wrote: »

You see my girlfriend is a shy, immature, slightly naive girl who I think craves male attention. She is also stunningly beautiful. Shortly before we started going out she began hanging out with a group of lads, about six or seven. You could say they are typical young lads who go out drinking all the time,trying to pull women, smoking drugs One of the guys invited her over to do drugs with them a few weeks ago (pills) and she said she might like to try it. This is totally unlike her as she is normally a "good girl". I don't have a problem with people using drugs byt I think in this scenario I think its wrong. I feel they are leading her astray in many ways. Unfortunately I am not there and cant do much about it.

I just highlighted a very points in your post. You see your girlfriend s being an immature, sly and naive girl. Maybe she is and maybe she isn't. She might be attracted to these guys because they are confident. Or because she might actually might be friends in them.
When you say she wanted to try drugs with a guy. It's her decision and not yours. It also doesn't make her a Good Girl or a Bad Girl. It just makes her a girl who wants to try drugs.
When people go to college. Sometimes it's the start of their independence and
they are interested in trying new things.Sometimes people want to experiment with drugs and others don't. If your girlfriend wants to try something it's up to her.
Do you think that your girlfriend might be attracted to these lads sexually? Would you feel the same if she was with a group of female friends and she wanted to try drugs?

You need to have a chat with your girlfriend about your worries if something did go wrong.

This website might be useful to you.

http://spunout.ie/health/category/drugs-and-alcohol

RoscommonTom

I think your right to be mad and worried about her, how would she feel if you were hanging around a group of horney girls all the time and doing drugs with them.