Puberty ruined me

ThisIsMichu

I'm 17 and male.
Before puberty I was quite a good looking lad. Puberty made me look worse while all my mates became better looking. I had an issue with spots from the age of 13.5 to about a year ago. My skin was perfect before but now even with the spots gone my skin isn't as smooth as it should be. I don't have scared but my skin just doesn't look like it use to.

My fear is I will never meet a girl and settle down with kids. Having 2 kids is my dream and I'm afraid girls won't find me attractive

I don't really know what in looking for i just had to post somewhere and would like to hear about people in similar situations.

kjl

Sorry what do you mean by slits?

ThisIsMichu

kjl wrote: »

Sorry what do you mean by slits?

Spots sorry

ABajaninCork

OP means ZITS! Possibly teenage acne...

@OP. You're only 17! Relax. Slow down. Skin changes all the time, and yours is still going though puberty changes. It'll take a while to settle down. Don't forget too, you've probably started shaving and that'll irritate your skin as well. And you've loads of time to meet someone nice.

Meanwhile - what do you do for a skincare regime? What do you use to clean your face; do you exfoliate?
Use a mild cleaner (The Simple range is the best,or possibly Nivea for Men), and don't make the mistake of washing your face too often - it'll make your skin worse. Drink plenty of water to flush out toxins and eat a healthy diet. You'll soon be flying!

kjl

Ok everybody gets spots when they are younger. Sometimes over treating them makes them worse.

I do a system called the caveman method, it basically involves only washing your face with water. In the shower you rinse your face with hot water, and when you get out splash some cold water on your face. Believe it or not this has worked wonders for me, the science behind it is that your skin has a certain protection layer and PH, constant scrubbing of your face breaks down this protection barrier and the likes of clearasil drastically changes your skins natural PH.

I've been doing this now for about 5 years, before this I used to get breakouts that would last for days and since starting I have had maybe 6 spots and the all went away very quickly.

LegacyUser

Don't worry OP, puberty just changed you and is still changing you. It is a cruel time. It is generally a bit of an ugly duckling phase for everyone, if not physically then mentally.

You will meet someone, be happy and you will hardly remember your teen years. I felt so horribly ugly and awkward as a teenager. I thought I was fat, spotty and just not attractive. I look at photos now and I wasn't, I was just so lacking in confidence. I met my boyfriend when we were eighteen and he still had spots, braces and was worried that he would be alone forever. We are still together a decade later. I should add that I thought then that he was the most gorgeous man on the planet then and I still do now but luckily for me few others did so I got him.

Your skin will smooth out, you will get used to it and not notice it. Don't doubt that others are looking at you seeing only an occasional spot while you see volcanoes and craters. We are our own worst critics. Take care of yoyrself, try not to obsess and before you know it, it will all be behind you.

iusedtoknow

Puberty can go on beyond when we think it does. Your body is still settling down into adulthood.

Skin renews itself continually, however remember that being male, testosterone changes the texture of our skin a bit - it won't be as smooth as it was pre-puberty - it is just something to get used to - it is however VERY normal.

Call Me Jimmy

Puberty will have changed you OP, but not in a good or bad way. We cannot look the same after puberty as we did beforehand, this is a fact of life for all of us. You need to realise that there is an old self-image that has been changed but not to pine after the old one because that is in the realm of fantasy.

If you look closely at most men's skin texture it is rarely smooth, but there is a term that you are aware of 'rugged' which is a very attractive quality for a man.

In my experience with body image issues, I could guess that you are good-looking but that won't make a difference to you.

Do you spend much time in the mirror analysing the changes? Be careful because body dysmorphic disorder, which is not dissimilar to anorexia, can develop at exactly this time in your life.

The more you focus on this perceived notion the more dissonance occurs and can lead to severe difficulties. Please, take the advice of someone who went into the mirror and hasn't really come out of it in 10 years, the more you look the more it gets worse. You are different to 12 year old you but that is it. There is no other conclusion to be derived. Stop there. You are just becoming a man.

I wish you all the best.

beks101

Regarding the skin -
- Drink a sh1t tonne of water (I aim for 3 litres a day, which is more than even the recommended 2 litres - it makes a MASSIVE difference)
- Invest in a good moisturizer for men (any beauty counter in any place like Boots, Brown Thomas etc will help you out)
- Eat a super clean, healthy diet (I know the jury is out on this one, but having suffered from acne for about eight years, trust me, it brightens up your complexion immeasurably)
- Get at least eight hours sleep a night
- Go easy on the booze (I know you're only 17, but def worth mentioning if you're anything like I was!)

Adolescence is an awkward time. I wouldn't go back for all the money in the world. I was a pretty little child, gorgeous skin and hair, slim and almost exotic looking...and it seemed like virtually overnight my skin erupted, my hair lost the plot and I gained about two stone that didn't settle on my body until my late teens. Add the raging hormones to that and I spent most of the time feeling like an ugly whale of a yoke, just misery!

So try to go easy on yourself. Acne alone can cripple your self esteem and you need to be your own best friend. Do you work out much, keep fit? That's a great mood booster and can really alter the way you feel about yourself and harden your determination to take care of your body. It's the only one you've got! And women love a fit man

Working on things like your dress sense, how you cut your hair, facial hair and even things like how you smell, as well as all of the above, play a big role in who you attract.

But most of all - chillax! You are seventeen - so much of life to live before you start thinking about settling down, having babies, all of that will come with time.

Overheal

My fear is I will never meet a girl and settle down with kids. Having 2 kids is my dream and I'm afraid girls won't find me attractive

You're 17.

Chill.

There are all sorts of witchcraft theories about acne but while it's a fine thing to want to get some random web information as a basis point, this doesn't substitute real medical knowledge. Your case may always be different. There are also different specific acne circumstances which might merit special treatment, such as abnormal cysts/skin bulges or rosacea. So me simply telling you "eh, pop one out" or "stop eating high glycemic foods" is not a substitute for that advice and doesn't factor in whatever your unique situation may be. Randomly telling someone to stop eating bananas because it has a high GI doesn't factor the person could be a diabetic or a celiac or have eleventy other conditions.

Certain foods for instance have different glycemic loads in them, and foods like rice and white breads/bananas are examples of foods that have an abundance of the materials the body uses in the production of acne-related bacteria. Basically, pus is a defensive body reaction to things that get trapped in your pores and even under your skin (cysts). That friendly bacteria keeps growing around whatever foreign body is there.

Like kjl pointed out your skin/hair produces its own oils to coat and protect your pores. Its a good idea to wash it a couple times a day but washing too much leaves your skin exposed: the oil is there to protect, and the point of washing it away is all about just periodically washing away the things that oil traps and collects.

If you are going to take it upon yourself to pick at your face and go pop something, theres a right and a wrong way to do that, sometimes you can just spread bacteria around or make it appear worse. Basically don't mess with your face at all if you can help it. If they drive you crazy enough, only ever try to mess with them in front of a mirror after you've freshly washed your face and hands - they're a lot easier to deal with without the oil present and you won't be spreading around bacteria while you're at it (unlike idly picking at your face while you daydream in class - don't do this). and do not mess with spots until they have a white/yellow head and only then can you consider making a very small pinch/tear at that protrusion to let the pus escape. Its common compulsion to want to apply a lot of force/squeeze, and this can offer you relief if a spot gets particularly painful but it leaves behind a lot of bruised pink/red tissue around the spot so its going to stand out even more, and its going to make a mess. Wash your face both before and after you go messing with it (wash > pop > wash). For the purpose of wondering how often you should be washing your face, just consider that a single wash. Remember though that popping and squeezing and ripping skin to try and relieve pressure can always result in permanent scarring. So just know that you will not ever realistically completely rid yourself of acne (not at least well into your mid to late 20s) and don't go trying to pop out every little thing that shows up on the game board, or you will end up with scars/pits/permanent skin defects.

Always wash your face with hot water and soap in the shower, and IME I have just as much luck with hot/mild water and soap as I do wiping my face with a dry tissue or cloth if I can't access water. Again, don't wash the oil off your face more than perhaps 2-3 times a day.

In your teens and twenties acne is pretty common. If you have a serious breakout its worth consulting a dermatologist; at the same time everyone acknowledges a bit of acne is perfectly normal. Fact is, as far as looks go, the only thing I would tell you to be thoughtful of is your hygiene. That means, a couple zits are not girl-repellent, but grungy hair and all definitely is. Girls have to deal with acne too, so don't let it affect your self confidence. Acne is something we all go through together, pretty much. Girls just hide it better with makeup - which sometimes just results in more acne growth!

http://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/teen-acne-13/10-tips-for-preventing-pimples

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acne_vulgaris

Im 26 single and not done with the college degree and I'll probably retire past 70. Trust me, you're in no hurry.

TheminxIRL

Hi Op just wanted to throw something in there on top of all the advice.

I am female and if I meet a man who is loving, caring and honest I couldnt care less if he looked like quasimodo and had skin like a lizard.

Its just a layer or a piece of you, the whole thing is what matters not smooth skin.

Just relax and watch things fall into place when you stop worrying

fillefatale

I have a 17 year old brother and I keep saying that it does get better! I was a pimply ugly duckling at 17, but we keep maturing, when I hit my 20s I was more confident in knowing the sort of people of liked, what direction I wanted to go in - I still have a long way to go at 24, and now i've got adult acne but at 17 it can seem that the first thing everyone notices is how you look! Honestly, people want to get to know you, you'll form relationships on the basis of your personality, not your skin! In your teens though I know it can seem very shallow, but you are absolutely not the only one to feel self conscious, everyone has some sort of body hang up.

Basically, it'll be grand. You're 17!!

Feel bad for teasing my brother when he gets a pimple now!

xxmeabhxx

Basically, what everyone else is saying. You're 17, chill! There's no need to get too hung up over finding your future wife. Everyone you know has probably felt bad about themselves at some stage or still do. Your friends probably think they're the ones who have gotten worse while everyone is getting better. It's natural for your skin texture to change. Kids have super smooth skin, adults don't.

Basically, puberty makes everyone's body change and people feel bad about it. You're all however in the same boat and it will get better as you get older. It's likely that you're being your own hardest critic.

ongarboy

Also, for a guy, they generally get better looking as they enter their late 20s as they become more manly looking (which more women are attracted to) rather than boyish looking so you've plenty of years to blossom! I'm betting you're also far more critical of your appearance than anyone else and that you're appearance is in fact not "ruined"!

I won't deny that looks aren't important but they are not everything and partners will ultimately choose to be in a long term relationship with someone based on who they are as a person over how they look genetically.