Strange statement

im confused again

I have been going out with the most wonderful woman for the last 12 months. We love each other dearly.

At a party on Friday night she did something strange, or maybe I'm being too sensitive.

A song came on that requested all the single ladies get up to dance. She jumped up, and when it was pointed out to her that she wasn't single, she said over and over about three times that she is single. Not only did I find that strange but I have to admit it hurt.

We are both separated and when I asked her later about it she said that all she meant was that she was free from her ex.

But in my opinion, going out with somebody for a year is not single, am I wrong? We have applied for a mortgage together, that's how serious we are.

No matter what the context, if I was asked whether I was single, the answer would always be no.

It's only a small thing I know and perhaps I am over reacting but it did seem strange.

Dixie Chick

I suppose in a way she was exultant in being free from her ex but it was tactless really .

username123

I think that she is equating:

single = not married

and you are equating:

single = not attached

Have you talked to her about it since and explained that you feel hurt? It sounds like miscommunication at the party, but given how you feel about it, you need to clarify with her how you view things as regards your relationship versus how she does to be sure you are both on the same page.

Ultimately I think its only a minor thing, but if you feel hurt you need to talk it out.

im confused again

username123 wrote: »

I think that she is equating:

single = not married

and you are equating:

single = not attached

Have you talked to her about it since and explained that you feel hurt? It sounds like miscommunication at the party, but given how you feel about it, you need to clarify with her how you view things as regards your relationship versus how she does to be sure you are both on the same page.

Ultimately I think its only a minor thing, but if you feel hurt you need to talk it out.

Yeah we are definitely on the same page, I guess that's one reason why I found it so strange.

And perhaps I'm thinking that if she's at parties where I'm not present, and jumping up saying she is single, then what message is that sending out to any single lads that are there. She wouldn't mean anything by it but I always think it's best not to send out messages that people can misunderstand.

im confused again

Dixie Chick wrote: »

I suppose in a way she was exultant in being free from her ex but it was tactless really .

True, but they separated 6 years ago so I'm thinking she should be passed that now

Czarcasm

im confused again wrote: »

I have been going out with the most wonderful woman for the last 12 months. We love each other dearly.

At a party on Friday night she did something strange, or maybe I'm being too sensitive.

A song came on that requested all the single ladies get up to dance. She jumped up, and when it was pointed out to her that she wasn't single, she said over and over about three times that she is single. Not only did I find that strange but I have to admit it hurt.

We are both separated and when I asked her later about it she said that all she meant was that she was free from her ex.

But in my opinion, going out with somebody for a year is not single, am I wrong? We have applied for a mortgage together, that's how serious we are.

No matter what the context, if I was asked whether I was single, the answer would always be no.

It's only a small thing I know and perhaps I am over reacting but it did seem strange.

With all due respect OP but context is EVERYTHING.

It was party, not a job interview, messing and letting your hair down at a party is normal. Have you any idea how many girls with boyfriends and husbands danced to Beyoncés "All the single ladies"? Millions. It means NOTHING.

You say you're both very much in love and all, but something like this is SO far down on the relationship scale it's ridiculous to be even talking about it tbh.

im confused again

Czarcasm wrote: »

With all due respect OP but context is EVERYTHING.

It was party, not a job interview, messing and letting your hair down at a party is normal. Have you any idea how many girls with boyfriends and husbands danced to Beyoncés "All the single ladies"? Millions. It means NOTHING.

You say you're both very much in love and all, but something like this is SO far down on the relationship scale it's ridiculous to be even talking about it tbh.

That wasn't the song but never the less I get your point. It wasn't about the dancing, I'm sure there were loads of married women up dancing too, it was just that she kept saying she was single over and over.

Anyway I get your point.

Czarcasm

im confused again wrote: »

That wasn't the song but never the less I get your point. It wasn't about the dancing, I'm sure there were loads of married women up dancing too, it was just that she kept saying she was single over and over.

Anyway I get your point.

OP may I ask- who exactly was it that was pointing out to her that she wasn't single? Whoever was at that seems like a very petty individual.

Honestly I think you're way over-thinking this one OP, a year together and you're letting something as trivial as this get to you, yknow?

I'd find it hard to imagine her intention was actually to send out messages to any single men that she's single, and I'm sure you know her well enough at this stage to know that she has no interest in any other men but you.

ash23

I would think that when someone was saying to her that she's not single, she was taking it to mean that they were pointing out that she had been married. So she was reinforcing her marital status as opposed to her relationship status if that makes sense?

Big Bag of Chips

I think she meant she's not married, and just clumsily explained that to you.

At a wedding when the bride throws the bouquet the band usually call "all the single ladies" up to fight it out.

"Single ladies" who are girlfriends and fiancées are regularly elbowing each other out of the way!!

LegacyUser

OP, single = Not Married


Whatever way you dress it up, both of you are single until you get married again.

beks101

Czarcasm wrote: »

With all due respect OP but context is EVERYTHING.

It was party, not a job interview, messing and letting your hair down at a party is normal. Have you any idea how many girls with boyfriends and husbands danced to Beyoncés "All the single ladies"? Millions. It means NOTHING.

You say you're both very much in love and all, but something like this is SO far down on the relationship scale it's ridiculous to be even talking about it tbh.

Yeah totally agree. In fairness OP, she was probably full of booze, Beyonce comes on, all her lady friends got up to dance, what did you expect she was going to do, "oh right yeah, sorry guys, I have to sit back down, I'm not single."

Seriously OP, this is almost laughable. And yes, you're being a bit over-sensitive. She meant single as in "no longer married" - a frequent interpretation of the word

amtc

Jesus, talk about over-sensitive - until there's a ring on it you're single. If you've applied for a mortgage, she would have put single! That's her legal status! (unless divorced etc.)

My friend was on the phone in my house the other day and described sister's boyfriend as her brother in law - they're not married! SO he isn't.