Body issues

LegacyUser

Hi all,

As my username suggests my issue is regarding my image.
As a child and teenager I was bullied about my looks and it's obviously still an issue for me.

I have an absolute fear of cameras and the thoughts of people having photos of me.
I have unusual features that with cosmetic surgery could be changed and it's something I could do.....well if I had money of course.

I know that on the scale of world problems this isnt really high up there but it's something that is constantly on my mind. I'd love to be able to accept the way I look but I just cant.

Also not sure what kind of responses im looking for but maybe someone has been in my shoes and can give me their experiences?
Thanks for reading.

kjl

I am pretty good looking and I also hate pictures being taken of me. Especially with modern cell phone technology where it never takes a good photo.

Also sometimes we see ourselves with much more exaggerated features, I remember when I was younger if I had a spot I would think everyone was focusing on it, but in reality, people are much more concerned about how they look and not how you look.

Make a pact with yourself, pretend the camera is your best friend, and every time someone takes a photo live it up and enjoy.

99% of this is in your head, so just try to forget about it.

Call Me Jimmy

I can guarantee you cosmetic surgery will not fix your problem and will lead to even worse problems.

I have suffered Body Dysmorphic Disorder for 10 years, which means, when I was younger I thought I was hideous when I wasn't.

Having been bullied about your looks it is almost completely logical that you would feel badly about this and focus on it.

Now the usual response is, 'but I am not good enough, my features are as I see them' and quite frankly you have to take a leap of faith. Do you think your biased mind, which suffered trauma directly relating to these features is in the best position to judge whether they are good or bad impartially? Of course it is not.

Add to this the fact that everyone is their own worst critic, except the people who have recognised this and transcended their own biases. So, if you weren't bullied, you would still be overly harsh on yourself. If you were, think about how harsh your own perception will be on you!

I don't really have answers, I would be a bit of a hypocrite to say that it is easy, but the earlier you address this, and the more faith you have in yourself and other people, the better the chance of moving past this is. I can tell you it is a bad road to indulge these compulsive thoughts unreservedly.

Remember, self-perception is always distorted, either negatively or positively. Nobody can see themselves exactly as they as, or at least it would be very rare indeed. Your perception of yourself is weighted negatively against you.

If you can't imagine that you are seeing a different image to what others see, think about anorexia. The distortions in the mind of an anorexic are simply unquestionable and you should remind yourself that its possible, indeed most likely that you have similar distortions in your perception, albeit at a more subtle scale.

I hope you can rise above or sink below your mind and find peace. Peace and comfort will lead to clarity.

Best of luck to you

beks101

I dunno, I think this sounds like a deeper issue than just "look at the camera and pretend it's your best friend" tbh. It sounds to me like the OP is projecting all these negative, depressive feelings about his/herself into his/her looks / "unusual features".

I agree that most of us get a bit "ah jaysus, get that camera away, the state of me!" regardless of how we look (probably not helped by the facebook culture of uploading and tagging pics of the most mundane events), and it's hard to tell without knowing the full scale of the problem, but it doesn't sound so far away from body dysmorphia if it's impairing his/her life as much as it sounds it is (Note to OP: I'm not a doc, might be talking through my aRse, but worth taking a visit to your own GP and getting a referral to a psychologist if possible)

I empathize with you OP - I have friends who have also been badly bullied because of their looks and still, in their late 20s/early 30s, struggle with the residual insecurities that has left them with. The funny thing is, these two girls would be considered absolutely stunning by any standards - but stood out back during our school years because of the "unusual features" that now make them stand out from the crowd. So I'd surmise that these features you speak of aren't quite as hideous as you imagine. The taunting that you got in the past is probably just stuck in your head.

As I already said, this may be something that is best dealt with professionally - a good psychologist or Cognitive Behaviour therapist would be a good place to start. They can help you to deal with the negative thoughts and leave the past behind you where it belongs.

sadie9

There is a chance you could be suffering from BDD as other poster said. So other people do have these similar feelings of not being able to accept their appearance. It is a known issue, and there are treatment options.

There is more information here:
https://sites.google.com/site/2920383/the-facts-about-bdd

There is a support group also I see, who meet once or twice a month.
https://sites.google.com/site/2920383/support-groups

Don't be alone with it anyway. It's not a trivial issue if it causes you distress. Other people just don't understand it that's all.