how do you teach your child to stand up for themselves?

LegacyUser

My daughter is 7. We had her friend over last night and on several occasions I saw what a push over my daughter can be. She does what her friends tell her to do, picked up her friends belongings when told, carried her friends book for her, as well as her own. Threatens my child with 'I'm not going to be your friend anymore if....' when I questioned my daughter as she why she's push over she said 'but then I won't have any friends'.... I then got cross with her which was so wrong and she ended in tears. Yes very bad approach on my part but I couldn't stand hearing her being treated this way and it's not just this friend, there is another who treats her similar if not worse.

Boys who sit at her table in class use her markers but when she tries to borrow theirs she gets told 'we are only sharing ours with boys' (as she shares her school desk with 3 boys).



How do you teach a soft, sensitive 7 year old to stand up for themselves? And learn to say no where necessary. Her self esteem is obviously low and it kills me

Her dad isn't around much so that might have something to do with her self esteem? And maybe I too was a push over , hence why it makes me angry to see my child this way....

Any suggestions please???.

Lisha

Gentle gentle encouragement is how you build her up

http://www.antibullying.net/knowledge/alltheauthors.htm

Check out dr Brendan byrne's book.
I attended a talk by him once and it was great and he really knows his stuff. He did say that we as parents could equip our kids so they are not targets by bullies. He has a book and I really think he is worth listening to. He all about encouraging child to look people in eye and Speak clearly. I would suggest letting them buy and pay for things in shop themselves. Encouraging them to make their own decisions.

Saw a prog by David Coleman and the suggested role play ie you could play boy who wants her stuff and you encourage her to say no and so on.

I would not label her as 'shy' when she hears you talking about her. Praise all the way, it will come but it's slow.
A friend of mine heard that for every one negative comment a child hears it take TEN to rebuild them.

I know people will disagree but if I heard friend 'Mary' telling my daughter 'Anna' to pick up Mary's coat, I would quickly step in and say 'in this house we pick up our own coats Mary'

Would she like to do speech and drama or another type of acting maybe? Or a sport ?
Check out what's available to you in your area

In holidays I would enroll her in camps be it activity/sport whatever. It might suit her to get to know different kids.

I hope it improves fir you and her, best of luck
I gave to say it really bugs me that we are made to feel that shy kids need to change. If I had my way I'd change the bloody bullies.

Could you speak to teacher for guideance?
I know our school changes who they sit with after midterm do she might get nicer table mates tomorrow all going well

Best if luck

December2012

Do you allow her to stand up to you?

Do you stand up for yourself and does she see it?

By this I mean are you calm and rational and confident?

What about her concerns and issues she has in the family - as in if she doesn't want to do something you want her to do, do you give her a proper way to respond?

You don't have to give in, but sometimes it's good to give her a win.

clairefontaine

Enroll her in martial arts.

She will learn to respect others and also learn what is acceptible from others.

It will create a demeanor in her that inhibits others from pushing her around.

LadyMayBelle

Lisha wrote: »

I know people will disagree but if I heard friend 'Mary' telling my daughter 'Anna' to pick up Mary's coat, I would quickly step in and say 'in this house we pick up our own coats Mary'

With this, I agree.

Children model what they see, it's how they learn. If she sees you standing up and being assertive in situations she will too, in time. It'll take time.

Role play is super (again, you are modelling). Try it in the car. Create scenarios on cards and talk them through perhaps if ye are on a journey, with possible solutions.

I second the Speech and Drama, and martial arts, if you can afford it or have classes nearby. Gets her out of her shell and she can assume a persona in acting.

It may be a backlash from her Dad leaving, but you can help her now by modelling, gentle encouragement and praise; praise what you want to see more of and in time she will blossom.

Encourage her to recall one good thing that happened that day, and you can do it too.

A quick activity: My sister was bullied and was not very confident; we used to play silly little games together when in town, or even on a walk somewhere (it sounds odd, but a lot of us use it here in work!). You pick a silly word, or the child does, and you start off saying it quietly; take turns, but each time the other person has to say the word louder; naturally a loud kid will roar it, but a shyer kid takes time, and if they see you being silly and not being shy, they will get louder, till ye are both shouting 'stinky socks!' or 'Jellybeans!' super loud. Funny as it sounds, it will help confidence, in a fun way!