Telling a friends secret

annie jay

HI Ladies,

I need your help and insight. As the title says i told something to another girl that my best friend asked me not to say to anyone.

I am so annoyed and disappointed with myself and the guilt is eating me up.

To give you a background ,me and this girl have been friends for 2 years but are very close and get on great, but this girl is very cautious and private which makes this situation worse ! She told me something, it's not a huge secret,it will come out eventually, but me being the eejit that I am told the biggest gossip in the world, a common acquaintance,well really, she is a girl we both know and sometimes socialize with, i asked her not to say anything to anyone, but the moment i said it i was regretting it !!
I kinda ignored it for a while, but it has come back to haunt me now. a mutual friend(who i trust) told me this evening the "secret" but said that the gossip girl had heard it from someone else, which means she didn't say it was me who told her.
I know this sounds all kinda school yard ish problems but this is really bothering me., it's all i am thinking about the last week,I really appreciate and love my friend and I am so sorry for telling her secret !
This gossipy bithiness does not suit me, i normally stay out of all the talking behind backs business. I actually don't like working with women for this reason.
So should I not say anything and just keep my month shut (this time) and let it all settle down and hope it will be forgotten about ,like I said it will probally come out in the end.I should add that I feel that i cannot tell my best friend the truth.
Am i overreacting and overthinking this situation

Amirani

Hi annie jay. I'm going to move your thread to Personal Issues as it's more suited to this sort of thing. Best of luck.

CaraMay

I don't think you are overreacting as it was really bad form to do what you did. I think you should tell your friend and come clean so she can handle the comments made to her when she meets the gossips.

up for anything

I think you should tell your friend that you were indiscreet with her secret. If there is any damage limitation that she needs to do, she needs to know her secret is out in order to do it.

This gossipy bithiness does not suit me, i normally stay out of all the talking behind backs business. I actually don't like working with women for this reason.

I really don't understand this attitude. Bitchiness can happen in mixed working environments too. It a bit rich to state that as you have now become one of those women.

annie jay

I really don't understand this attitude. Bitchiness can happen in mixed working environments too. It a bit rich to state that as you have now become one of those women.[/QUOTE]


I understand this is rich as you say, and i know what it sounds like, i am just gutted about the possibilities of losing this girl as a friend. if i tell her the truth.
In my opinion working with both women and men through the years and now only women my personal experience is that it is a bithchy enviroment.

Has anyone been a similar situation and what was the outcome?

miamee

A 'bitchy' work environment has nothing to do with you blabbing your friend's secret.
Stop trying to blame your work environment, own up to your friend that people know and apologise for gossiping about her and her news with other people. If it's something that she was likely to tell people anyway, she might not be too mad. Though she has every right to be.

R.D. aka MR.D

Are you 100% sure that it came from you?

Are you sure that she didn't also tell some one else and they did the same as you?

You said the gossip told the other girl that she heard it from some one else. Are you sure she didn't?

If it makes you feel better then tell your friend that you told people but if i were you i wouldn't. Honestly, your friend must be pretty naive to think that a secret would stay secret if she told anyone.
You guys have only been friends for 2 years. I've been friends with a girl for 22 years and i don't tell her anything that i really really need to keep secret even though she is not a gossip in any way shape or form. People blab secrets, it happens.

Yes, you shouldn't have told anyone but move on and learn from it and don't do it again.

freshpopcorn

What was the secret?
This would be a factor on how much ye're friendship would be effected if she found out you told somebody her secret!

thegreatgonzo

annie jay wrote: »

I actually don't like working with women for this reason.

Don't try and blame a whole gender because you couldn't keep your mouth shut. Men gossip too and some women never do.
What's done is done but the remorse you are feeling is justified. Hopefully it will help you avoid making the same mistake in the future. We all make mistakes.

thefeatheredcat

annie jay wrote: »

but it has come back to haunt me now. a mutual friend(who i trust) told me this evening the "secret" but said that the gossip girl had heard it from someone else, which means she didn't say it was me who told her.

annie jay wrote: »

i am just gutted about the possibilities of losing this girl as a friend. if i tell her the truth.

Given you blabbed her secret you should own up and tell her you told a gossip, and as you have heard the secret back, you owe it to your friend to tell her there is gossip spreading around about her anyway.

If you are to lose her as a friend, that is really a consequence of your own actions. It is also the consequence of your friend taking you into confidence and trusting you with it. Both of you will learn from it in your own ways.

It is possible that your friend may have told someone else and that they also blabbed it. It may even be the case that your friend told enough people about a secret in confidence to make it not a secret anymore, but making others believe it is a secret to be kept quiet. I wouldn't know how likely that is, but I have known people to do just that.

I think if you feel genuine guilt and remorse, you owe it to yourself and your friend to own up about it. What happens and how would she feel, if she finds out, having only told you about this secret, that it has been spread around? Or what happens if she never connects you to blabbing it and then takes you into confidence again, how would you feel then?

annie jay

I appreciate the honesty as much as I don't like hearing it.
Like I said i instantly regretted telling the anyone the secret,i asked her not to say anything but obviously well you all know the story!!
There is a possibility that she might or someone else belonged to her might have said it casually and it is now gotten back to my circle of co workers???

I have learned from my mistake completely and never will say anything to anyone that is none of their business or my business.

Honestly, if I told a friend a secret, no matter how small it was, and I found out it was spread around, then you can be damned sure that such a person would no longer be my friend or at least I could never trust them again.

AnonoBoy

While you should not have told anyone the secret there is the possibility that your friend also told someone else and they are also leaking the information.

So you may be off the hook.

Still though. If someone asks you not to tell anyone, in future respect their wishes.

ganmo

As a person with trust issues, I have told people useless 'secrets' to see whether I could trust them with bigger 'secrets'.
I think you have to prepare to fight to regain that friendship and trust