need advice

LegacyUser

so I was at a party last nite an cheated on my boyfriend of 5 years with his cousin
I am a mess today thinkin about it
my boyfriend is a lovely guy an iv never done this before ..I don't know wat to do ,I think I should tell him as the guilt is eating away at me. if I don't tell him I know he will never find out as his cousin also has a girlfriend so he wont say anything but I don't know if I can live with this guilt
please don't judge me or abuse me as I know I did wrong but I cant turn back time unfortunately

Tokyo

silly_girl wrote: »

if I don't tell him I know he will never find out

There's a good chance he'll find out.


What exactly do you mean by "cheating", because this is going to be a big factor here. Are we taking about a drunken kiss in a corner for a minute or two, or did you end up sleeping together?

If this happened at a party then someone else knows about it, or at the very least as strong suspicions, probably enough for word to get out. I don't envy your position, as not only did you cheat on your b/f, but you did it with a family member, which could cause a lot of family strife for years to come.

You're going to need to provide more information - your b/f might forgive a drunken once off kiss, but anything over that, not so much...

Tokyo

For what it's worth, I'm not trying to put you down for what happened - these things unfortunately do happen, especially where alcohol is involved, and your obviously pretty cut up over it this morning. I have to wonder if his cousin was just drunk and out of character, or if he was making a move on his cousin's g/f as some message or part of some pissing competition - hard to say without knowing the exact circumstances of the hookup.

One thing you do have to bear in mind is that if you go down the road of never telling him, you will have to suck up whatever guilt you feel for a long time to come, will have to resist the urge to blurt it out, the constant fear that your boyfriend will find out in a day, a month, a year, and if it's a long term thing, then you WILL be meeting this cousin again in the future and will have to deal with that. Factor that into your decision too.

Tramps Like Us

Yes you should tell him, but expect to be dumped. It was his cousin for gods sake, drink is no excuse.

I imagine there were people you both know at the party, the chances of him not finding out about it at some stage are very very slim. If he finds out from someone else there is probably zero chance he will forgive. so tell him.

LegacyUser

OP here... it wasn't just a drunken kiss I slept with him
it didn't happen in the pub, we were walkin home wen it happened..we are good friends so its not unusual for us to walk home together.
im still tore up over it an know I will never get over what I done, bf has a big couple of weeks coming up so I definatly don't want to say anything at the minute ..
his cousin was also very drunk but he did tell me he has wanted me with a couple of years, so I don't know were that stands, all I know is all I want is my bf and nobody else..
the only bit of hope I have is that if I tell my bf or if he finds out he will find it in his heart to forgive me, we have had our fair share of ups and downs with him cheating on me in the past and texting other girls, all of which I forgave him for..don't get me wrong I know it takes time but I love him an that's why I forgave him so I hope he can forgive me too :~(