Leaving party: nobody came

LegacyUser

Hi there, I am casually seeing a guy who worked on one of the other companies in my building (there are a few companies in the same building). I know he's popular-ish because he was always talking to someone out in the smoking part of the building, and I know he has friends because he was occasionally attending social events.

However after his 4 years in the company, he made arrangements for an area in the local bar-restaurant where people always go for these things.. And only 3 of his workmates (2 who don't even work there anymore) showed up and for less than an hour.

I brought my usual Friday crowd with me (friends who work in the area from previous jobs who always come out on a session night). But that was all he had. Then the three of those guys left, and he was suddenly with us on his own, he started making excuses but we were like "ah no it's just a matter of timing, after halloween everyone is probably hung over" etc. But I was completely flabbergasted nobody from his team showed up, despite his apparent popularity, I did not know what to say to him.

He has a best friend who was always with him and she only lives up the road and even she didn't go.. We all just acted like it was a normal Friday night, and had a bit of craic. But then on the walk to the taxi rank with him on his own afterward he said he felt ignored by me (I didn't know what to say to him to be honest in the pub about none of his friends showing up). I was not sure what to say to him after that either.

None of his friends came out to see him... I now don't know what to say to him when i see him again... How can I advise him/console him?

Tiddlypeeps

It really does sound like it's just a case of awful timing. The day after halloween isn't gonna be a day that most people want to go to the pub.

Anybody in work that sees him as a good friend probably knows that they will see him again, so going may not have been a big priority. They also may have assumed that there would be lots of others from the office so their absence wouldn't really be missed.

Tramps Like Us

Sh!t craic for him, I wouldn't think too much about what he said to you about you ignoring him, understandably he was probably just feeling really bad, plus he didnt know your mates

It is a combination of people being pricks and bad timing. I mean if one of my mates was leaving I'd at least turn up to it, even if it was just for a while. Did they all say they'd go? If the timing was the main issue they should have said it to him and asked him to reschedule it because they want to be there.

It was bad timing though so I'd just say that to him again but I'd also say that it was bad form of his workmates there's no point sugar coating it too much. He might like to vent a bit about them. Tell him its not that big of a deal.

You say you are casually seeing him, I dunno how close you are/you want to be, but maybe it would be a good idea to take him out for a meal or something to cheer him up, just something nice.

Don't ignore it though, but you don't have to make a big deal out of it.

beks101

Ah God the poor lad. I think that kind of scenario is everyone's greatest social fear and it's always at the back of my mind any time I'm organizing a night out.

For that reason, I'm always pretty thorough and specific about what exactly is happening and where, and follow up individually with people as well as the group message / facebook event invite or whatever. I'll usually call people too to make sure they know I'd personally like them to come - a message which often gets lost when you set up a generic facebook event and randomly add people to it. And always make sure to give plenty of notice - and reminders too.

People are flakes. That's just a reality of life that you'll be presented with no matter where you are or what you're doing. Most likely in this case it was timing, the guy's method of invite not being effective enough, and a mindset of "sure there'll be loads of people there, he won't even miss me".

I don't think anything you can say will really make a difference. Don't make a big deal of it, this kind of thing happens all the time. If he mentions it, just tell him you had a great night, yeah a bigger turnout would've been nice but you just never know how these nights will pan out and sure at least he's leaving the company anyway, he's the winner!

cloudatlas

Hmmm could it be the case that he was friendly with everyone but nobodies friend? Some corporate environments are like that. People are playing a game everyday to keep on everyones good side. If I finish up working somewhere and come away with one good friend who I can phone and meet up with I'm happy. I don't think he should take it to heart. It sounds like that particular environment was just very work centered and nothing more. (Was he in sales?) To be honest I'd probably go with the 'it was just after halloween' approach and try to steer him away from over analyzing it.

Stavro Mueller

I wonder what did he tell people? If he made it too casual or vague maybe they didn't go? Or perhaps the poor chap is unfortunate enough to have worked with people who didn't care that he was leaving. Friendships between workmates is a funny thing anyway. Sometimes the friendships survive people leaving but very often they just fizzle out.

From your point of view it could be that he'll not want to talk about this again anyway? His way of dealing with this might be to retreat into a corner and lick his wounds, so to speak. If he does mention it, do more listening than talking. He'd probably just want to get it out of his system really. If he does, I'd just say that they're a shower of so-and-so's and that at least he won't be working with them again.

MagicMarker

I always get emails in work from people leaving who say they'll be having drinks in x place at x time. I never go and most others don't either.

I really wouldn't think too much of it, it's not even something that should come up in future conversations.

Potatoeman

That's an awful time for a leaving do.I work in a company with over 200 people and there are leaving drinksall the time. You just can't make them all and people have otherplans too. You need to give notice, pick a time away from holidaysand near pay day too. There could be between five and forty people atthese but it does not reflect on the person. I find there are usuallya few people from a department or none. People don't always want toturn up alone.

You could have scored some seriouspoints if you gave him some attention when this happened.