Unsure what to do123

LegacyUser

I'll try keep this short and to the point, I've been with my gf for over a year, things are great most of the time but more recently i'm getting feed up and drained. i'm couple of years older than her and we meet when i was doin my masters part time and her doin her undergrad. i work full time and she doesn't have a job (had one for a while when we were first going out). we dont live together but we spend the weekends doin stuff but she also spends a couple of nights during the weekdays.

the weekdays are draining me, i've said to her i need some days to myself during the week cos its hampering my work as i'm always tired but she doesn't seem to understand and its really starting to annoy me.

i have a decent enough job but staying over 3/4 nights a week on work days is getting way to much, how do i approach this conversation again?

when i do bring it up she doesn;t seem to get where i'm coming from, she's a pure nightowl, goes to bed late gets up around 12 and wonder why i'm wrecked (i'm 9-6 5 days a week) and then she just stays in my house till i come home and does nothing, no cleaning and i generally have to clean the place up when i come home, and yes i have said this to her, this doesn;t lead to an argument or discussion cos she wont communicate cos she doesn;t like fighting, which i think is ridiculous

i'm just getting to a stage where i think we're not compatible at all.

what should i do, or any opionions on this

i thought i was in love but i just dont know what to do anymore, try make it work by having a long conversation again about this or just to end things. we do have a great time together but i'm not sure if its worth it

thanks for reading

December2012

Try talking to her again. She's not listening to you.

And if not then it may be time to call it a day.

Raminahobbin

There's a big difference between fighting and having a discussion- have you tried bringing it up in a completely non-aggressive manner, just to have a reasonable discussion about it?

On one hand, she's being quite immature and selfish, but equally I'm wondering if you have an issue with confrontation and enforcing your boundaries. Some people are clueless to vibes. You need to get more consistant about telling her no; if you tell her not to come over and she does anyway, don't let her in!

LegacyUser

I had a similar situation myself with an ex of mine.
I worked 9-5 monday to saturday with an hour drive back and forth.
At the time my girlfriend had a part time job where she worked very casually for 3 or 4 hours a day once or twice a week.

She didn't understand that because I was so tired and even suffer from an underactive thyroid which certainly doesn't help the tiredness, that I didn't want to go out for a night out in a club till 4 in the morning when i'm in work the next morning.

When we stayed in I'd try be asleep by 12 or 1 at the very latest but she was a night owl on the laptop till 4 in the morning ruining my sleep. We#ve fought over it many times.

We eventually broke up as she basically got bored of me and simply couldn't understand what I went through on a daily basis.

My advise OP is to obviously try talk it out. Sit then with her and explain these things if she refuses to listen due to the fact she doesn't like fighting almost force her into a fight show you're passionate and see if that takes you anywhere.

Best of luck.

blatantrereg

Yes. Things are very one-sided now from the sounds of things. She's not being considerate of you at all.

One thing I would say is that you don't need to have a fight to talk about this sort of thing. Some people shut down in response to arguing.

Often the best way to talk about contentious matters is to talk about yourself, rather than the other person. This invites them to look at things from your point of view, and avoids placing them in a defensive mindset - though you might be doing this already, given the reasonable tone of your post.

If she still doesn't listen I would take it that she doesn't really care, and is just happy to keep exploiting you, and call it a day.

LegacyUser

thanks for the responses, vhelpful to get other views

@Raminahobbin, i've brought it up numerous times but she doesn't get it and thinks i'm being uptight and moody. ive done this in a non confrontational way but it seems to fall on deaf ears,

@blatantrereg, yes i do feel at times its very one sided. on the fight part, i prob didnt word it well, we dont fight cos like you said she shuts down when we have one of theses talks and it just goes nowhere. i'm not looking to get into an argument or that but i like to to have things out in the open but in her mind it'l lead to a fight so she shuts down and its just left to foster which makes matters worse, kinda why i'm on this i suppose

i am mad about the girl but it justs like im bangin my head off a wall at times, sometimes im thinking im being unfair but when i think about it more and more i feel like im being takin for a ride.

Tramps Like Us

You are being taken for a ride OP.

Mighty_Mouse

FFS sake will you just put the foot down.
"Sorry honey, not tonight, I'm busy with work".

I can't see the problem really.
She'll hardly decide to end it because your going through a busy patch with work? Don't lose your perspective here. Work is a major priority for 95% of people, for obvious reasons.

I'm not sure why she is in your house when you aren't there?

If she had to be up and out at 8am with you each weekday morning she would understand better.