Bit of advice....please!

oneforthe maybenot

Hi all,

yep, this is my first post here under a different username to what i generally use on boards and yep this is very genuine, for anyone who is interested here's my story for anyone that could be bothered reading and I am looking for a piece of advice be it in any form...

I am 35 and an alcoholic and I have absolutely no illusions otherwise and nothing telling me I am not, my route to alcoholism was fairly standard, started drinking when I was about 14/15 and progressed steadily on through school, college heavy drinking and then a lot of solo home drinking and pub drinking through to the age of 31 when I had the standard usual melt down and realised my life and head was in a **** state...I went down the route of AA and found it to be great for a year, I was spouting the usual phrases and giving it all the holier than thou talk and leading a healthy lifestyle and life was a lot rosier...something gave way and I just didnt want to be a part of it anymore, it was a combination of having a self serving sponsor who talked a whole lot of s*it and also one of my best pals since primary school who introduced me to him as he was a few years ahead of me in getting in on recovery had transformed into one of the most righteous know all ars*holes imaginable...I didnt want to change as a person like this and I started to hear myself spewing the AA gospel and i had somewhat of a moment of feck this, this is not me and also I like me and i do not want to change into this person...just want to say, this is not intended as AA bashing, it works for a lot of people, just not me and this is my choice. So I led four and half years of sobriety AA free and they had its ups and downs just likes its supposed to, drink featured very little nor did the desire to drink, until last month...long story short, nothing happened, no major disaster, no major celebration, i was away with my girlfriend and i decided to get pissed one night...nothing more, nothing less and I didnt really give it much thought, before, during or after. bit weird...never imagined it to happen that way. those drinking dreams you have early on came to fruition and i wasn't too bothered. my girlfriend said i was just funny and giddy, i guess the way it is when we all start. not that its relevant but ive only been with her a year and a bit and shes not a major drinker herself so she thought nothing of it really. I was away again over last weekend with one of my best pals from way back...needless to say we had a few, it was a cracking evening and i'll leave it at that, i dont want to send out the wrong messages here. all i do know is, that I dont want to become a drinker again, it'll go nowhere and will end badly. i like clarity, i like healthiness, i like positivity, i like being in control, i like having a healthier bank balance...this is enough to decide not to go down that route again.

anyway, on to the advice I am seeking; in the four and half years of sobriety I have had, I am well aware of the root cause of my drinking to begin with, I really feel this hasn't been dealt with in any proper form, the steps just dont cut it...does anyone have any non AA advice regarding any addiction counselling that could be recommended whether it is one to one or group based? I would pay but havent a ton of cash like most of us. if anyone has any suggestions or advice it would be greatly appreciated...

it may sound like I have a massive regret about my relapsing but I don't, I don't really care, I had two very good nights, I didnt particularly enjoy the drunkeness, enjoy the taste of beer the way I once did, and I certainly didnt enjoy the following day, I can also say to anyone who is in a bad state at the moment, the depressant element of alcohol is seriously underrated, I never felt as down in four years as I did for the two days after, down as in just pissed off with life, not with having made the decision to drink.

I am in a good happy place this friday and just want to get back on track but want to get the root cause taken care of professionally and not with these magic steps and a sponsor who if we are all being honest about it, none of which are qualified to deal with certain matters and certainly not mine.

To all of you who are starting out or who are well on the way of a life without alcohol, good luck...we all know it is a better place, not always the utopia we are promised, but definitely a better place.

And just for the record, AA is a great place for a lot of people, try it, it works for some people for a lifetime and it worked for me for a while and helped get me on the right road...I just dont want to go back to AA or drinking so I'm all ears if anyone has any suggestions...

Sunnyisland

I am 35 and an alcoholic and I have absolutely no illusions otherwise and nothing telling me I am not....anyway, on to the advice I am seeking; in the four and half years of sobriety I have had, I am well aware of the root cause of my drinking to begin with, I really feel this hasn't been dealt with in any proper form, the steps just dont cut it...does anyone have any non AA advice regarding any addiction counselling that could be recommended whether it is one to one or group based? I would pay but havent a ton of cash like most of us. if anyone has any suggestions or advice it would be greatly appreciated...

http://www.smartrecovery.org/

LifeRing Ireland: "LifeRing is an alternative to AA" says Irish Examiner
www.dublinlifering.com/2012/12/lifering-is-alternative-to-aa-says.html
No one philosophy or programme suits everyone ..

There are two, you can also go to the one of many one on one councilors who are about.

IMO If one does decide to drink....they certainly should try to get back on track and by all means come back here or go to other support groups for support. But, support comes in many forms.....I know, the best support for me has always been honesty.....and the true honestly of alcoholism is that We Cannot Drink!





Sobriety
Loses
It's
Priority

oneforthe maybenot

thanks very much realies...looks promising, i had heard of the alternatives and this looks like a few worth trying...

although I have to admit the AA acrostics, slogans and all the rest send a shiver down my spine. reminded me of when i was about 3 or 4 months off the sauce I started seeing this girl, my sponsor advised me to end it asap as I wasn't "ready" yet, whatever that is, I asked him why and he throws out "under every skirt there's a SLIP"...I looked at him slightly bewildered and was tempted to say, maybe you could pull a line like that off about 50 or 60 years ago when women actually wore them but what the feck you on about?.... but alas I didn't, I kept my trap shut as a subservient vulnerable little sponsee or sponsoree (or whatever they are called) should do until they have reached the higher echelons of AA, bragging rights and slogans in tow.

Let go, let god…thankfully i did, just in the nick of time.

Sunnyisland

A lot of AA meetings seem to be like that, or so I heard, the small few I went to were pretty good with lots of follow on meals etc where there was no such AA talk, Anyway I just took and used what helped me and left the rest with them :-)

johnsuperf

I have asked myself the same question as to what is the root of my alcoholism.I have seen councillors some ok and some useless I have been to AA numerous times I never got a sponsor even though it was recommended.I lost good jobs through drink goin to early house and not goin to work.But gettin back to your question as :the root:I started of normal drinking held down jobs and drink was a social thing and as time went by it stayed social for the people I drank with but not me it crept up on me and worst is I liked it.I was having great times but as we know they dont last and then all i got was hassle.You know I could go on but you know the story.I dont think a councillor is going to be able to tell you the root of your problem you are the only person that knows that.When I was young my mam and dad drank and had sing songs in the house so I was brought up in a drinking environment I am certainly not blaming them for my problem as they were never as bad as myself but it is just that drink was around me.I am 46 and the only answer I can give to the root of my problem would be a combination of differant things that led to my alcoholism.I wish you the best of luck.