New Guy advice!!!!

lizwex88

Well I'll try to squeeze this all in....! Single for the last 5 months from a bad break up and still circumstances are creeping up from it! I told myself I would stay off the men track for a while when a month ago a guy I knew very briefly through mutual friends got in contact. Hadn't seen him in years and strangely enough only works down the road from me! We started txting.....constantly I might add and have met up several times in the last few weeks! Things have been going great, which I never expected and oddly enough found myself to liking him!

Anyways here the problem! Bank holiday weekend I went out wih my friends and him with his! Didn't txt for a few days as we were both busy but when we did finally talk he told me he kissed another girl! A friend of his whom he has fancied for years and thought she didn't feel the same....now she does! Now I wasn't over the moon but said that was ok as we hadn't defined anything as of yet! The situation is the this girl wants something proper with him and he's in two minds between the two of us as he says only being with me a couple of times but he feels there's something there already!!! I don't want any drama but was just having fun taking it nice and casual with him and am now confused as whether to say whether I actually want something with him or not!!!!

Any feedback would be great!

December2012

Before the bank holiday weekend - did you want to be exclusive?

Since then, the situation has changed - fair play (I suppose) he told you about it. What would you choose?

You can't control what he chooses.

But, personally I would not like to be with him if I thought he was still thinking of the one who got away and who he would be with if timing was different.

hucklebuck

You are better off without him IMO. If he was that keen on you he wouldnt have kissed the other girl, the fact you have only met a few times is irrelevant, he contacted you initially and if he was serious he wouldnt be thinking about kissing someone else never mind doing it.

Or the other angle is there is no other girl/ didnt kiss anyone and he has concocted this to put a gun to your head to force you into a relationship he knows/thinks you arent ready for.

Either way he strikes me as controlling and that is the worse kind of relationship.

lizwex88

December2012 wrote: »

Before the bank holiday weekend - did you want to be exclusive?

Since then, the situation has changed - fair play (I suppose) he told you about it. What would you choose?

You can't control what he chooses.

But, personally I would not like to be with him if I thought he was still thinking of the one who got away and who he would be with if timing was different.

Before the bank holiday weekend I hadn't really thought about it, I had seen him a good few times so to me, being who I am I just wouldn't be going off with anyone else! Mind you that's just my mind set! That's was I was ok when he told me and as you said fair play to telling me! He didn't have to! I wouldn't have known anything!

He says that he can't see either of us because he doesn't want to "choose" (he hates that word) and thinks it would be easier because he doesn't want to hurt me or risk their friendship by taking things up a notch with her!

Taking it mind he could have easily just kept seeing me and getting what he wanted and prob start doing the same with her! That's kinda what makes it difficult he's after being honest! Not a bad thing! Just a big ould spanner in the works!!!!

lizwex88

hucklebuck wrote: »

You are better off without him IMO. If he was that keen on you he wouldnt have kissed the other girl, the fact you have only met a few times is irrelevant, he contacted you initially and if he was serious he wouldnt be thinking about kissing someone else never mind doing it.

Or the other angle is there is no other girl/ didnt kiss anyone and he has concocted this to put a gun to your head to force you into a relationship he knows/thinks you arent ready for.

Either way he strikes me as controlling and that is the worse kind of relationship.

This is him telling me so not fact and not totally believing it! I'm not a woman who falls to everything she hears....she kissed him, he kissed her back and then stopped and told her he had been seeing someone ie me. She wasn't too happy about that!!! Just very confused and really don't want to start into a drama filled relationship or anything or the sort!!!

hucklebuck

lizwex88 wrote: »

This is him telling me so not fact and not totally believing it! I'm not a woman who falls to everything she hears....she kissed him, he kissed her back and then stopped and told her he had been seeing someone ie me. She wasn't too happy about that!!! Just very confused and really don't want to start into a drama filled relationship or anything or the sort!!!

You are best off well clear of him, send him a text and tell him you want to stay friends. It should be apparent from his reply where you stood/stand. I am a guy and if he playing games this early it will only get worse from here, I have seen it numerous times.

My advice is when you are ready go find yourself a guy who treats you right and makes you laugh and everything after that is a bonus, laughter and respect last but looks fade.

December2012

It seems like too much work to me OP.

Time to end it.

aisr1ofk43dpy5

You say you're just 5 months out of a bad break up so to me this is too complicated and messy a relationship to be getting involved in now. My advice is forget him and have some fun with your friends you don't need this now.

beks101

Telling you he's scored some friend he fancied for years and now isn't sure if he prefers you or her? You call that honesty, I call that lack of respect and tact.

Personally I wouldn't be sitting around waiting for some guy who's in "two minds" about me to decide whether or not he wants me.

Where's your self respect? You're worth more than that!

lizwex88

lizwex88 wrote: »

and he's in two minds between the two of us

Eh, you're not a chocolate bar
Tell him the decision is made and he can head off to her
As for you, work on your self confidence and move on