Breastfeeding Villains and Heros

banbhaaifric

Today when I was in town, I sat on a window ledge in Dealz in Cork to breastfeed my daughter. Lots of other people came and sat there during my time there but I was singled out by a member of staff and told I should move because it was 'unsafe' there.

I was completely covered (I dress knowing I'm going to be feeding when I'm out so my top comes down to the baby's face), just in case anyone thinks I was sitting there with my top off waving my boobs around

I complained to the manager who said he would speak to her but he really gave me the brush off.

So, I thought we should start a thread where we can name and shame places who make breastfeeding women feel unwelcome, and just as importantly, name those places where we are made to feel welcome.

TK Maxx in Cork gets my vote as a place you feel welcome (and normal!) Members of staff chatted to me as I fed there and it was a great experience.

Dealz on the other hand flirted with illegal behaviour.

Have you any Heros/villains you'd like to mention?

I'm comfortable breastfeeding when I'm out, but I hate to think how someone who is maybe just starting out would be made to feel by an encounter like that :mad:

pwurple

Sounds like you handled it ok anyway. Talking to the manager was the right thing to do. What else did you expect them to do, other than speak to the person involved?

How Strange

I was Jo Jo maman bebe in town during the summer returning something I'd bought. A was really fussy and the lady working there commented. I said she was starving and I'd go find a cafe to feed her in after. She told me I could feed upstairs. She brought me up to their first level store, gave me a comfie seat while another worker got me a huge jug of water. They offered to bring up nappies or whatever else I needed.

They said any mums can come into their store to feed any time.

On my son I went into Siam Thai in town for lunch. The Thai women working there were fussing over O. When I started to feed him they said they'd make up a special lunch with lots of food that were good for breastfeeding mothers.

I haven't really had any bad experiences.

Sweet_pea

banbhaaifric wrote: »

Dealz on the other hand flirted with illegal behaviour.

Genuine question but what is the actual law that makes it illegal to ask a breastfeeding mother to leave and how does it stand against an establishment right to refuse service.

I'm hoping to breastfeed and have heard the horror stories of being told to go to the toilet but have no personal experience as of yet of negative attitudes towards it.

Neyite

I breastfed for a year and a big part of my routine was going out and about the shops. Never had a negative experience, only every positive ones.

Usually I stuck to the breastfeeding rooms if I was near, but have on occasion fed the baby in coffee shops and that was fine too.

Stepping Stone

banbhaaifric wrote: »

Today when I was in town, I sat on a window ledge in Dealz in Cork to breastfeed my daughter. Lots of other people came and sat there during my time there but I was singled out by a member of staff and told I should move because it was 'unsafe' there.

I was completely covered (I dress knowing I'm going to be feeding when I'm out so my top comes down to the baby's face), just in case anyone thinks I was sitting there with my top off waving my boobs around

I complained to the manager who said he would speak to her but he really gave me the brush off.

So, I thought we should start a thread where we can name and shame places who make breastfeeding women feel unwelcome, and just as importantly, name those places where we are made to feel welcome.

TK Maxx in Cork gets my vote as a place you feel welcome (and normal!) Members of staff chatted to me as I fed there and it was a great experience.

Dealz on the other hand flirted with illegal behaviour.

Have you any Heros/villains you'd like to mention?

I'm comfortable breastfeeding when I'm out, but I hate to think how someone who is maybe just starting out would be made to feel by an encounter like that :mad:

Look, not defending the staff members attitude but the window of Dealz is not the safest. It is made up of large sheets of old, single glazed glass. It is very easy for one of these to break if pressure is applied to it or if something is thrown at it. I have seen plenty of crazy things happen around Daunt Square so it is not a spot that I would ever choose to sit in myself, nevermind bring a baby there. I kind of think she did you a favour.

I spend a lot of time at work assessing risks so it just comes naturally outside work. I know that isn't normal but I would just avoid those windows full stop from now on if I was in your shoes.

I don't think that it was illegal to ask you to move though, since you were not asked to leave.

Sligo1

Stepping Stone wrote: »

Look, not defending the staff members attitude but the window of Dealz is not the safest. It is made up of large sheets of old, single glazed glass. It is very easy for one of these to break if pressure is applied to it or if something is thrown at it. I have seen plenty of crazy things happen around Daunt Square so it is not a spot that I would ever choose to sit in myself, nevermind bring a baby there. I kind of think she did you a favour.

I spend a lot of time at work assessing risks so it just comes naturally outside work. I know that isn't normal but I would just avoid those windows full stop from now on if I was in your shoes.

I don't think that it was illegal to ask you to move though, since you were not asked to leave.

Surely if your point is valid and if the widows are that dangerous then it is a health and safety risk for anyone there??? If this is the case there are kids running round the shop all the time and would pose a threat to them also if one fell over against the windows or near them?? That I would think would come under Dealz remit to ensure they were safe in that case?.... Just saying...

pwurple

Sligo1 wrote: »

Surely if your point is valid and if the widows are that dangerous then it is a health and safety risk for anyone there??? If this is the case there are kids running round the shop all the time and would pose a threat to them also if one fell over against the windows or near them?? That I would think would come under Dealz remit to ensure they were safe in that case?.... Just saying...

Dealz in daunt square in the city center is a pound-shop. It's a low budget shop, with zero effort in maintenance. I'd guess they lease that place rather than own it, so wouldn't give a monkeys about the windows. There's a McDonald's right next door which has loads of seating. And about 10 cafe's within 2 minutes walk.

Stepping Stone

Sligo1 wrote: »

Surely if your point is valid and if the widows are that dangerous then it is a health and safety risk for anyone there??? If this is the case there are kids running round the shop all the time and would pose a threat to them also if one fell over against the windows or near them?? That I would think would come under Dealz remit to ensure they were safe in that case?.... Just saying...

I was just saying that it is not a spot that I would choose to sit in. The window ledges are not designed to be used as seats, the fact that they are is what raises the risk of something happening. It probably falls to Dealz staff to tell people to move but they may not do that.

My overall point was that on weighing up the risks, I wouldn't advise sitting there. While the staff member may have been abrasive, it was in a way solid advice. I have seen plenty of fights breaking out suddenly in that area, hence my reference to pressure or things being thrown.

Sligo1

Yea I see your point. I'm just a bit touchy bout the subject coz recently I was asked to move to outside seating and to all intensive purposes leave... As there was no outside seating left which the employee knew in a cafe when I had brought my 11month old son in to get some lunch... "because it wasn't safe for the child due to hot drinks and food being served". What utter nonsense! Just to note... This was a large cafe with loads of space, we weren't blocking any exits or fire exits... And we were well out of the way of anyone! When i questioned her on this, she replied it was for the safety of my child... Making out i was risking my childs safety! The employee was a tyrant and I left in tears! Nothing to do with breast feeding I know.... But it was "ristretto cafe" in Merrion centre Ballsbridge in Dublin... I might actually do a trip adviser review on the place.

Stepping Stone

Mine is more general advice. I think I spot risks where others wouldn't. Nothing may ever happen there but my advice would be to avoid the risk, old or young.

cyning

http://www.friendsofbreastfeeding.ie/wp/info-packs/breastfeeding-basics-0-12-months/breastfeeding-in-public-and-the-law/

The above are the laws that protect you as a breastfeeding mother. The Equal Status Act and the Intoxicating Liquour Act. Breastfeeding in public can be daunting, staff members have absolutely no right to ask you to move, or leave when you are breastfeeding. I don't think anyone who hasn't had a bad experience feeding can fully understand how daunting it is. My worst experiences have been in hospitals, never an issue in cafés/pubs (for lunch!)/parks etc. Well two old biddies suggesting I was disgusting but they left so I wasn't too bothered!

Banbhaarific has specifically said she was the ONLY one on the window asked to move. So how was she causing a health and safety risk where the other people weren't? Does breastfeeding carry some other sort of risk? Not a dig at you stepping stone at all by the way it's not a place I'd feed purely cause I'm the one who would probably fall through a window or something daft!

One of the best most family friendly/breastfeeding friendly places I've been is Yummy Cafe in Tralee. Well worth the visit if anyone's ever around

How Strange

Apparently there's one very upmarket restaurant in Dublin City which is now the most breastfeeding friendly place ever. They once asked a mother breastfeeding her baby to leave, she complained to appropriate agency and they were prosecuted and fined. I can't think of the name of the place but I remember being told the story when I was feeding O as a baby.

Op, if you feel you were discriminated against then make a complaint. It may not be upheld if they find you weren't but as least you've done as much as you can.

pwurple

Sligo1 wrote: »

I had brought my 11month old son in to get some lunch... "because it wasn't safe for the child due to hot drinks and food being served". What utter nonsense!

That one was completely out of line. Sure a child being bottle fed would also be near food and drinks. Made no sense whatsoever.

banbhaaifric

Hi all,

Just to confirm that I was the ONLY person asked to move.

And also to say that the window of Dealz is not my first choice of places to breastfeed obviously. I had just given her an extended feed sitting in the cafe in Easons while I had my lunch (and encountered nothing but niceness there), so I was not expecting her to wake up from her nap 20 minutes later roaring crying. I went straight to the tills letting her suck on my little finger (she wont take a dodie), and as I went through the tills area, I saw a lot of people sitting on the low window ledge. I paid for my shopping and sat in a free space and started to feed. Once again I was the ONLY person approached. There were children sitting on the floor to my left, a woman who also had a small baby to my right. I can see no reason why I was singled out to be given this information that it was unsafe to be there. The woman said it was because they sometimes put trolleys there, and I said of course I would move if trolleys came. She said maybe it would be best to move anyway. And once again she said this to none of the other people who were sitting there.

Saying that there are other better places to feed nearby, or that the window might be unsafe is missing the point somewhat I feel. It seems fairly obvious that I was singled out because I was breastfeeding.

Anyone who has breastfed knows that it can be a very random thing when it comes to timings, especially in the early weeks. If they need to be fed they need to be fed. Why should I move somewhere else and delay feeding her to make other people feel comfortable?

banbhaaifric

Posted too quickly!

The point of this thread really is to share those places where you are made to feel comfortable, or the facilities are nice and to name and shame those places who, despite the laws protecting breastfeeding mothers, continue to make them feel at best unwelcome, and at worst self concious and embarrassed.

I am a self confident person, but the encounter in Dealz still left me shaking and close to tears. The saving grace for me was a sympathetic look from the other mother with a baby. She could see what was going on too. That kind of encounter could be the straw that breaks the camels back for someone who is struggling with breastfeeding.

Neyite

banbhaaifric wrote: »

Hi all,

Just to confirm that I was the ONLY person asked to move.

And also to say that the window of Dealz is not my first choice of places to breastfeed obviously. I had just given her an extended feed sitting in the cafe in Easons while I had my lunch (and encountered nothing but niceness there), so I was not expecting her to wake up from her nap 20 minutes later roaring crying. I went straight to the tills letting her suck on my little finger (she wont take a dodie), and as I went through the tills area, I saw a lot of people sitting on the low window ledge. I paid for my shopping and sat in a free space and started to feed. Once again I was the ONLY person approached. There were children sitting on the floor to my left, a woman who also had a small baby to my right. I can see no reason why I was singled out to be given this information that it was unsafe to be there. The woman said it was because they sometimes put trolleys there, and I said of course I would move if trolleys came. She said maybe it would be best to move anyway. And once again she said this to none of the other people who were sitting there.

Saying that there are other better places to feed nearby, or that the window might be unsafe is missing the point somewhat I feel. It seems fairly obvious that I was singled out because I was breastfeeding.

Anyone who has breastfed knows that it can be a very random thing when it comes to timings, especially in the early weeks. If they need to be fed they need to be fed. Why should I move somewhere else and delay feeding her to make other people feel comfortable?

Well that changes things - if you were the only person out of a line of people sitting on the window being asked to move, then by all means, complain. I would.

liliq

Frangos in Dundrum, any Starbucks I've ever had to nurse in, insomnia on baggot street, the pepper pot in powers court town centre, accents cafe near Stephens green, milanos on baggot street, Siam Thai & wagamama in dundrum....
I've nursed a toddler in all of those and have only had positive experiences.

There's a new place on George's street, a barbecue place, pit bros, that I have on good authority is very pro Breastfeeding!

aniascor

I've fed everywhere - play centres, shopping centres, coffee shops, restaurants, playgrounds... Only ever had positive experiences despite my initial nerves. Nandos, Starbucks and ikea are some of the best places to feed.

Holiers

It's years since I had cause to use them but at one stage both mothercare and large boots shops had special bf rooms. You just had to ask for the key.

banbhaaifric

I must say almost all of my experiences have been pretty good really - I think that was why it was such a shock in dealz...

I know where I'll be heading from now on when she gets hungry in town anyway!

tricky D

A good few years ago I was trying to get a passport photo in the centre of Dublin. I asked at the counter where the photo booth was and the chap showed me over to it. There was a young woman breast feeding in the booth for privacy. The chap started giving out to her, but I stopped him pretty quick to say the least. What's a few minutes wait. It was an interesting clash of various attitudes, among other things.

Orion

Neyite wrote: »

Well that changes things - if you were the only person out of a line of people sitting on the window being asked to move, then by all means, complain. I would.

That's exactly what I was going to ask too. http://www.equality.ie/en/ are the people to contact. If others were sitting on the window ledges and you were the only one asked to move because you were breastfeeding then that is discrimination under the family status clause.

I spoke to them before myself. My partner was breastfeeding in the Beaumount House years ago and the owner told her to go to the toilet to do it. This was at lunchtime on a Wednesday. We all left immediately without paying for our food - about 10 people as I recall - less than 5 people left in the pub when we left.

SusieBlue

I'd definitely complain to the relevant authority too. Way out of line in this day and age, a mother should be able to feed her child without being asked to move.

Threads like this make me sad. Although attitudes have improved ten fold, there's always those few that are stuck in the past.

MurdyWurdy

Funnily enough, the two best places I've fed the baby are Nando's in Dundrum and MacDonalds on Blacrock in Dublin. In mcdonalds I was by myself and the brought my food down to me so I could feed ASAP, then kept asking if I was ok and needed anything more, that they'd get it for me. Then they took my tray away for me. Basic stuff but they went above their jobs to make sure I was comfortable.

The only place I ever had a problem, weirdly enough was at the births registration office on Lombard Street. Another couple with a baby were sitting opposite me, beside my mum who had come with myself and my husband. They saw me getting ready to feed (discreetly, might I add) and one said to the other (my mum could hear them), god I don't want to see this and they moved to the other side of the room.I guess their baby was definitely formula fed and they didn't agree with breastfeeding!!

So all in all very positive, the only negative was from another couple with a baby which is weird

MurdyWurdy

Also agree with Starbucks and baby shops. I fed J in the Mamas and papas in Belfast and it was very nice. They had a selection of breastfeeding pillows, comfy chairs and tissues etc. it was nicer than my sitting room!

wolfpawnat

Costa Carrickmines proudly show off their "friends of breastfeeding" sticker next to the door. I don't care where I am, luas and everything, as soon as we have whimpers, I get feeding, I always cover up a bit though. God protect the SOB that would dare tell me to go into a bathroom to do it!