English as she is now spoke

BrensBenz

Brensbenz, I have proactively gone forward and given you a new thread on this :-)

However, and forgive me for going off topic but can anyone direct me to the book(s) that the author of this, recently received drivel might have studied and memorised. He / she advises us plebs to:

"Think pro-actively going forward; gas-pedal to every window; implement a periodic, inter-effort team thoughtshower strategy to promote a more cohesive mind-share experience; always take the low-hanging fruit to maximise client interaction and increase synergy with the corporate thought cloud."

"The goal is to flip FP&A’s emphasis from a rear-view mirror detailed variance reporting and analysis to a forward-looking predictive analysis on key operational drivers and trends. We believe this will provide better decision-making value."

The only thing I know about the "author" is that he / she is Irish and signs himself / herself Frankie. Might be pronounced Franque or Fronkee.

looksee

There seems to be a bit of a connection here bottom of page 2.

Charitably assuming you are not 'having us on' :-) where on earth did you get that bit of nonsense?

Later: having followed a few links I can see that this is standard FP&A (financial planning and analysis) garbage. Have you ever investigated Spell Czechs? I think you would enjoy it!

BrensBenz

looksee wrote: »

There seems to be a bit of a connection here bottom of page 2.

Charitably assuming you are not 'having us on' :-) where on earth did you get that bit of nonsense?

Many thanks, looksee.
Well, our company is infested with MBAs. Their career paths are so vertical that their "speak" is now seen as de rigueur, particularly at meetings (task-focussed interfaces) and has even infiltrated (my) electrons and bits of iron group. We were treated to the unseen "Frankie's" drivel via video conference (e-interface) and relayed to us by another MBA. I didn't include the full text, only the phrases that I managed to jot down while trying to look "engaged".

In the old days, us student electronics engineers were told that communication was "the transmission and reception of intelligence" and that "transmitting in a format known to be obscure was an inefficient and unfriendly act". Today, it appears that it is no longer required (or recommended) to even try to "communicate" outside your own clique. The more obscure you sound the better your career prospects!

Jellybaby1

And that is why I have now had to stop looking for a job any more. I just do not understand the drivel in the job adverts. What a pot of poo they speak! I thought there was a campaign for Plain English?

JuliusCaesar

A certain person, on applying for a job, read the specs which were in this kind of speak, and decided to fill in the form in the same vein. Unfortunately one of the interviewers was an Oulfella (probably from this curmudgeonly parish) and asked the certain person what on earth this was supposed to mean, which left the unfortunate interviewee in the regretable position of not being able to answer the question.





I got the job anyway.

Jellybaby1

Congratulation on getting the job Julius. They must have realised how useful you would be in befuddling the clients with your language skills!!

BrensBenz

Oh, it's not only job ads or the MBA endeavour environment! Fadó, fadó, while facing imminent unemployment, my buddy (John) and I decided to research the possibility of becoming professional photographers. We were invited to bring a small sample of our best work to a photo library, to be reviewed by their experts.

Long story short, (some chance!) John brought three action shots - masterpieces of timing - to the review panel. His work was discussed first. I can still see "Jerome's" glazed expression as he examined the 16 x 12, pin-sharp image of a pole-vaulter, caught just millimeters clear of the bar, hand outstretched as he released his pole, only his shoulders and head to go.....
The shot was technically perfect and had movement, drama, achievement - John should have been signed up on the spot.

"Hmmm, Nigel, what do you think of this.....snap???"

John's other two shots, including a wonderful shot of white rapids, a canoeist's helmet and one blade of his paddle, received a similar, dismissive review.

Now, I can't take action shots to save my life but, when invited to show my work, and angered by the panel's reaction to John's shots, I whispered to him "stand by".

My first shot was a silhouette of two blades of wild grass against a red, orange and yellow sunset, printed because the colours matched the decor in one of our bedrooms. The panel sat up in fascination and the comments were gushing. "Please tell us about this study". "Well," I said, as I glanced at John's face for a moment, "clearly, it's an exposition of the frailty of nature in juxtaposition with the magnitude of the cosmos". John subdued a giggle.

Straight-faced, I spouted similar verbage for the rest of my shots - John hid his face in his hankie for the entire performance. He wasn't but I was invited (and declined) to join the photo library while John eventually emigrated to Oz and was last heard of working as a successful, freelance sports photographer.

To this day, whenever I hear or read verbage, I know that the source is on either a leg-pulling or a wool pulling-over-my-eyes expedition.