question on a girl.

Amprodude

Hi there. I need some advice. I met a lovely girl out the last night and i got on well with her. We kissed and had a great night. We went to the chipper for food afterwards and then i dropped her back to her place I got her phone number and I really liked her. She was crazy bout me too. So next day i texted her and that went well. She texted me last night and we had another good conversation. She found me on facebook and then we were talking until late. Today i sent her a message to see how she was getting on etc and she hasnt responded. I take it she isnt interested in me any more?

I am very down about it at the moment because i really thought this was my opportunity to finally meet the girl of my dreams. She was a nice girl but seeming she hasnt responded im fearing the worst??

Should i leave it go few days or what advise would people offer me here?

Thanks for listening.

The_Kew_Tour

She will make you wait.

Dont respond anymore. She will text you back. Just have patience.

Hi Amprodude, I've moved your thread to the relationship issues forum as you will get better answers here. Please read the charter before posting.
Best of luck

Brego888

There could be any number of reasons why she hasn't been able to reply.
Give it time.
And don't put all your eggs in one basket regardless as you've only just met her.
And don't text her back asking why she hasn't replied!

Amprodude

Brego888 wrote: »

There could be any number of reasons why she hasn't been able to reply.
Give it time.
And don't put all your eggs in one basket regardless as you've only just met her.
And don't text her back asking why she hasn't replied!

She usually responds rather swiftly so thats why im fearing the worst.

Sligo1

you know her 1 day, you don't know how she normally responds

just chill and dont text again.

Amprodude

Sligo1 wrote: »

you know her 1 day, you don't know how she normally responds

just chill and dont text again.

And if I don't hear back from her, il give it a few days, is that a sign to move on?

wirelessdude01

Amprodude wrote: »

And if I don't hear back from her, il give it a few days, is that a sign to move on?

Move on from what? You don't really know her. Just get on with your life.

ifElseThen

Maybe you are coming on too strong? 1 meetup and she's the girl of your dreams? Relax and don't be too crowding maybe?

Denisovan

Amprodude wrote: »

Hi there. I need some advice. I met a lovely girl out the last night and i got on well with her. We kissed and had a great night. We went to the chipper for food afterwards and then i dropped her back to her place I got her phone number and I really liked her. She was crazy bout me too. So next day i texted her and that went well. She texted me last night and we had another good conversation. She found me on facebook and then we were talking until late. Today i sent her a message to see how she was getting on etc and she hasnt responded. I take it she isnt interested in me any more?

I am very down about it at the moment because i really thought this was my opportunity to finally meet the girl of my dreams. She was a nice girl but seeming she hasnt responded im fearing the worst??

Should i leave it go few days or what advise would people offer me here?

Thanks for listening.

Your putting far too much importance on this. You only know her a few hours. Who knows why she hasn't texted back, maybe she's working. Chill out, with this attitude you'll repel her.

Amprodude

Denisovan wrote: »

Your putting far too much importance on this. You only know her a few hours. Who knows why she hasn't texted back, maybe she's working. Chill out, with this attitude you'll repel her.

I am i suppose. My gut instincts are usually right though. Sometimes i do have a 6th sense and can see things hsppening before they happen.

strobe

Amprodude wrote: »

I am i suppose. My gut instincts are usually right though. Sometimes i do have a 6th sense and can see things hsppening before they happen.

Ever hear of the term "self fulfilling prophecy"?

You don't have a 6th sense - you have fears.

If you go through life allowing your fears to over rule your sense of rationality and your common sense and to dictate your actions you're gonna be in for a very rough ride.

Bad things will sometimes happen, you can't always preempt or avoid them. Approaching situations with the expectation that they will go bad will just ruin the good ones when they (or before they have a chance to) come around. Creating bad things in your own mind before they happen is just gonna dump a bunch of phantoms on top of the real things for you to try and deal with.

Perhaps you'd benefit from looking into something like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy?

Amprodude

strobe wrote: »

Ever hear of the term "self fulfilling prophecy"?

You don't have a 6th sense - you have fears.

If you go through life allowing your fears to over rule your sense of rationality and your common sense and to dictate your actions you're gonna be in for a very rough ride.

Bad things will sometimes happen, you can't always preempt or avoid them. Approaching situations with the expectation that they will go bad will just ruin the good ones when they (or before they have a chance to) come around. Creating bad things in your own mind before they happen is just gonna dump a bunch of phantoms on top of the real things for you to try and deal with.

Perhaps you'd benefit from looking into something like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy?

I think i will be single forever. Every girl finds something wrong with me. Thats why everything is negative with me.

Ande1975

Amprodude wrote: »

I think i will be single forever. Every girl finds something wrong with me. Thats why everything is negative with me.

You have created a self defeating cycle for yourself. You are unhappy and see that the cure for your unhappiness is having a girlfriend. You find someone you like, put all your focus on her (since you believe she will cure your unhappiness).
You live for every text, email etc as it focuses you away from your unhappiness to the point that any delay will unsettle you, you fear the worst and start to panic and become needy.
Its been stated over and over that no one can make you happy, only you can.
This is why you think every girl finds something wrong with you. You are great to begin with. You have to be that person and work on your insecurities.
How you are feeling right now after only meeting the girl is very unsettling for her. You don't know her and its not a nice feeling knowing someone is way too invested in you when you are not sure yourself.
Focus on something else. You are too available and your value is decreasing in her eyes as she'll just think you are so desperate for someone you'll choose anyone and she's not special.
We always want what we can't have and we always want to feel that out of all the people in the planet - you were the one they chose.
However, you don't say it, you show it with your actions.

strobe

Amprodude wrote: »

I think i will be single forever. Every girl finds something wrong with me. Thats why everything is negative with me.

Look dude, it's really seeming to me like you have issues beyond a girl not texting you back. That's ok. ****, we all have issues. The important thing is being honest with that, and accepting it, and starting to work to address them.

The thing with thinking negatively is it's learned behaviour, and like with anything learned, the more you put it into practice the 'better' you get at it. And eventually, like a musician that plays an instrument all the time, it becomes second nature, and happens instinctually.

It sounds like this is the road you're looking down right now.

But the sooner you accept and recognise that this is the path you've started down, the easier it'll be to head the other way and undo the programming you've started.

The way you seem to be thinking isn't healthy and more importantly it isn't accurate. But that's humans for you, we're all prone to that kind of thing. It's not a big deal, just something that has to be watched if it starts affecting your life.

There's 3.5 billion women in the world, some won't like you but you'll like them, some will like you but you wont like them, Some will like you amd you'll like them but it still won't work out how you like because life is screwy like that. But one thing is for certain, if you're going into situations waiting for, or expecting, or looking out for them to turn bad, then that's where you'll lead them more times than not.

Amprodude

strobe wrote: »

Look dude, it's really seeming to me like you have issues beyond a girl not texting you back. That's ok. ****, we all have issues. The important thing is being honest with that, and accepting it, and starting to work to address them.

The thing with thinking negatively is it's learned behaviour, and like with anything learned, the more you put it into practice the 'better' you get at it. And eventually, like a musician that plays an instrument all the time, it becomes second nature, and happens instinctually.

It sounds like this is the road you're looking down right now.

But the sooner you accept and recognise that this is the path you've started down, the easier it'll be to head the other way and undo the programming you've started.

The way you seem to be thinking isn't healthy and more importantly it isn't accurate. But that's humans for you, we're all prone to that kind of thing. It's not a big deal, just something that has to be watched if it starts affecting your life.

There's 3.5 billion women in the world, some won't like you but you'll like them, some will like you but you wont like them, Some will like you amd you'll like them but it still won't work out how you like because life is screwy like that. But one thing is for certain, if you're going into situations waiting for, or expecting, or looking out for them to turn bad, then that's where you'll lead them more times than not.

I have issues beyond the OP and i accept that. I have had them at a young age and it has never left me even when i have tried to look at things positively. I think i need help big time.

strobe

Amprodude wrote: »

I have issues beyond the OP and i accept that. I have had them at a young age and it has never left me even when i have tried to look at things positively. I think i need help big time.

Well that's not necessarily a big deal man. I mentioned CBT, I don't have any personal experience with it, or an indepth knowlege of it, just a general understanding of the approach it takes etc, but it seems to help people. There's loads of books out there on it. Maybe have a google around, find one that's highly thought of and pick it up/torrent it and have a read through.

Or maybe if you think it might be a help, and it's feasable, consider seeing a counsellor or therapist.

Just a matter of learning a new way of thinking about things or techniques to help you manage or change the negative way of thinking about things. No different than learning any other skill.

Best of luck man.

Legs.Eleven

Hey OP.


Just following on from what Strobe wrote there, I bought CBT for Dummies recently out of curiosity as I have a few undealt with issues of my own (don't we all!). I'm reading it now and it seems incredibly practical and in fact, I'd recommend everyone give it a read (or another book on the subject). It's all about keeping your thinking in check and recognising that just because you think something, doesn't make it true.


Good luck with it all, OP. As others have said, pinning your happiness on practically a stranger believing she will be the solution to all your problems is a recipe for disaster.

Amprodude

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

Hey OP.


Just following on from what Strobe wrote there, I bought CBT for Dummies recently out of curiosity as I have a few undealt with issues of my own (don't we all!). I'm reading it now and it seems incredibly practical and in fact, I'd recommend everyone give it a read (or another book on the subject). It's all about keeping your thinking in check and recognising that just because you think something, doesn't make it true.


Good luck with it all, OP. As others have said, pinning your happiness on practically a stranger believing she will be the solution to all your problems is a recipe for disaster.

Thank you all. I hope one day i get there and end all negative thoughts which are killing me at the present.

ford2600

Amprodude wrote: »

Thank you all. I hope one day i get there and end all negative thoughts which are killing me at the present.

Hey OP
I know you from another forum, you always struck me as a decent chap.
Your a young man trying to find your way inthe world, sometimes it just hard. Take help where you can get it and try not put yourself under some much pressure.
Pressure is for gp4000's!
Best of luck with lady, but more than anything get yourself right first.
All the best

Amprodude

ford2600 wrote: »

Hey OP
I know you from another forum, you always struck me as a decent chap.
Your a young man trying to find your way inthe world, sometimes it just hard. Take help where you can get it and try not put yourself under some much pressure.
Pressure is for gp4000's!
Best of luck with lady, but more than anything get yourself right first.
All the best

Cheers Ford2600. Once i can get my head around things i tend to be ok but at times i find it difficult. Im trying to address these issues as i go along. I do agree i have alot to overcome but one day i hope i get there.

Thats why i turn to my bike to keep my mind active when things arent going well.

loudemer

Has the girl replied yet?

Forget all your issues that this thread has ended up discussing and text her this evening around 7pm! She May have had a busy weekend. I thought that men enjoyed the chase?!

Just keep the the text casual and see if she replies! If she doesn't, there is always next weekend to meet someone else! If she does reply suggest a meet up in your third response back to her. Something cheeky suggesting it!

Best o luck!

Amprodude

loudemer wrote: »

Has the girl replied yet?

Forget all your issues that this thread has ended up discussing and text her this evening around 7pm! She May have had a busy weekend. I thought that men enjoyed the chase?!

Just keep the the text casual and see if she replies! If she doesn't, there is always next weekend to meet someone else! If she does reply suggest a meet up in your third response back to her. Something cheeky suggesting it!

Best o luck!

She replied yesterday but said that she was busy last few days and that her ex boyfriend had been in touch with her again and they were trying to sort things out. She did say that I was very nice to her and thought it was unfair to text me when she wasn't sure where things were going. She said she might see me out some other night.

Not sure where that leaves me but it was good to know that there were other reasons and it wasn't just me.

wirelessdude01

Amprodude wrote: »

Not sure where that leaves me but it was good to know that there were other reasons and it wasn't just me.

I would have thought it was very clear where it left you. She has decided to try and give it another go with her ex. Your not part of the picture at all mate. Sorry to be so blunt about it. Her saying she will see ya out and about means that if at ll possible she wants to forget about you and concentrate on her future with the soon not to be ex.

Amprodude

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

I would have thought it was very clear where it left you. She has decided to try and give it another go with her ex. Your not part of the picture at all mate. Sorry to be so blunt about it. Her saying she will see ya out and about means that if at ll possible she wants to forget about you and concentrate on her future with the soon not to be ex.

I know exactly. I shouldnt have bother replying to her but i did anyway and said pretty much farewell.

LegacyUser

Sorry but there is nothing as worse as a needy guy. You came across too strong, I'm assuming texting her constantly.

Amprodude

chillax_1986 wrote: »

Sorry but there is nothing as worse as a needy guy. You came across too strong, I'm assuming texting her constantly.

Yeah good to know. I agree I probably came across way too strong. Next time I will delay my responses.