What Should I do.....

dublinexplorer

I will summarise this as much as I can, I have been with my gf just short of 3 years, I am mid twenties and she is approaching 30. We have had alot of highs in that time however in the past number of months I have come to the realization that having kids is not what I am looking for even though I know its what my gf wants other than marriage, house, etc.

In the past 24 hours I have revealed my feelings to her as I felt it unfair not to be honest, she was obviously devastated yet appreciated me telling her. Because we love each other she says she probably wants to stay with me even if it means not having kids, i dont want to be selfish and take her chance of fufilling something in life that i cant give her.

If anyone has gone through a similar situation can you let me know what happened or what i should do to at least minimise her pain from the situation. I feel that i need to force her to dump me or leave to allow her to have long term happiness even if it means short term pain.

Any advice is appreciated as this is tearing both of us apart....

dublinexplorer

It is important to note that we live together at the moment

howamidifferent

Is it possible that if she stays with you , one or other forms of contraception may fail? What will you do then?

dublinexplorer

Thanks for the reply, i mentioned this last night, i could never let her get an abortion and id never leave her if she was pregnant so its my view it wouldnt be fair to bring a child into an uncertain situation like that

DeltaWhite

Fair play to you telling her, but after 3 years together that's gotta be a kick in the teeth for your GF. Apologies if that seems harsh but I'm with my OH 3 years and we've spoken about kids numerous times, and if he was to turn around to me now after 3 years and say he doesn't want them, of course I would be devastated. And I have to say I would probably be selfish and end it. If your GF really wants kids then I think it's only a matter of time before she lets you go Otherwise she is going to start resenting you, it would be hard for her to just accept the fact that she wont be having kids if she stays with you.

I dont think you should force her to do anything! She knows how you feel, the ball is in her court now. She will decide what to do, and I dont think you should be tearing yourself apart with guilt here either, you feel how you feel and nobody can change that!

Tokyo

dublinexplorer wrote: »

....I am mid twenties and she is approaching 30....

It's quite possible that your own feelings regarding having kids might change in the next few years too.

IrishEyes19

I think your girlfriends decision is very rash at the moment and she isn't thinking clearly. You need to sit down and discuss it properly.

LegacyUser

Most couples of your age that are going out for 3 years would have had the kids, future talk before now. Prehaps your girlfriend could have though that once you moved in together it was a sign that you were moving your relationship towards children/marriage ect.
Now you have told her that you don't want children when you know that having a family is important to her. I could understand why she is upset after hearing this.

Have you decided to have this talk with your girlfriend because she will be 30 soon or because people have started to make comments about you getting married/having children?

I have to be honest with you, I know several woman who ended long term realationships because there oh did not want children/marraige.
The reality is that if your girlfriend is almost 30 she does not have years to wait to see if you will change your mind in regards to this.

In your case I would be prepared to hear your gf tell you that it is over.