Other guy - Need to sort my head out

LegacyUser

I'll try not to go off on a tangent and await the floods of criticism as I know it's deserved and i've behaved awfully.

I kissed another guy on my bf, I told him about it and we moved on. Ran in to this guy at another time and he asked if we could just chat (we'd both been out drinking, it was early the next day) or get some breakfast. I eventually agreed, but made it clear nothing was going to happen. He said he knew that he felt bad about what had happened(I was quite upset about kissing him on my bf). We sat out on a green and we're just chatting and having something to eat in the sun. I did let him put his arm around me. I know this is probably worse than a kiss in some peoples eyes. He would make remarks like what better way to start the day than with a beautiful girl, sitting out in the sun. He said he didn't want to cause problems in the relationship, but would like to see me again and felt we had a connection. I told my by we chatted that day, but not what he said. The day I kissed him I didn't really know my own name but I know we chatted for hours and not just about the weather. On a night out after that he was out and so was my bf, so I basically ignored him.He had kissed my friend the day he kissed me, but it was only that night she was given out to him, that she said oh he's "f***d me over time and time again" She said to me she didn't have an issue with me, they had only kissed a few times from what i'm aware.I actually felt a pang of jealousy about this. I genuinely didn't know they had a "thing" going, but my other friend reckons she told me that weekend I kissed him, in fairness she could have told me I was batman that weekend. I left with my bf and told him why. I had spoken to him on FB a couple of times and a while after the night out when my bf was there, apologised for ignoring him. I have stupidly sent him drunken messages on FB and still nothing. I blocked him on FB(we weren't friends so he wont know any different) the other day, so that's the end of it.

Few issues, firstly most important. I feel terrible for doing this on my bf, I know he knows about the worst of it but still he doesn't know i'd spoke to him on FB on those 2 other occasions. We have been having issues and a few of my friends have said they're not surprised it happened.

I don't want it being portrayed that I have betrayed my friend, but don't want to make a big deal out of something that happened months ago either.

Finally, need to get my head around why this guy had such an impact on me, was he just telling me what I want to hear? He knew nothing was going to happen that day, so why say those things? He's not exactly George Clooney but something just draws me to him. Am I being a mug? I'm guessing he could be just an absolute player.

I feel awful as i've hurt my bf, potentially my friend and maybe this guy too. He possibly thinks i'm a bunny boiler too after the drunken msgs. I want to just move on from this but still feel terrible and a bit head wrecked.

strobe

Am I being a mug? I'm guessing he could be just an absolute player.

Yep, you're a mug.

And yep, he was playing you like a fiddle.

Getting stuck into you and your friend at the same time. A few other girls at the same time too probably. Telling you all how he feels "this connection" calling you all beautiful, doesn't want to get in the way of your relationship (thereby ensuring you know beforehand that he's happy to throw a length into you but don't go getting any ideas about breaking up with your bf and having any kind of relationship with him)

...like a fiddle.

Czarcasm

You got played like a violin by a charmer because things weren't going well with your boyfriend and you didn't feel too good about yourself. This guy spotted your vulnerability a mile away and went for it.

Patch things up with your boyfriend and your mate and forget about that arse hole. You owe him nothing.

Merkin

Yep, he's playing you for an absolute mug. Going around scoring a group of mates and yet feeding you lines which you the actually believe?

To me it sounds like you're probably not all that happy with the guy you're with. If you were you wouldn't be chasing after this guy. Maybe sort out the relationship you're in (put an end to it if there is no future in it for you both) and then you are free to pursue and kiss whomever you choose.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys for the sound advice. Feel like a plank.

wirelessdude01

You know what, it sounds like you like the attention this other guy is giving you. Break up with your bf and let him find someone who will treat him like a gf should. You don't deserve him based on what you have said.

LegacyUser

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

You know what, it sounds like you like the attention this other guy is giving you. Break up with your bf and let him find someone who will treat him like a gf should. You don't deserve him based on what you have said.

You know nothing about my bf, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be treated like your important or special in someones life.So Yes I did enjoy the attention. My bf had me in tears on a very important celebration because HE didn't want to go out and celebrate. This is one of many things I could mention. So its not all one sided. If you want to have a go at ME for MY actions, that's fine, but you can't make sweeping statements like that.

wirelessdude01

Goodgirlgonestupid wrote: »

You know nothing about my bf, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be treated like your important or special in someones life.So Yes I did enjoy the attention. My bf had me in tears on a very important celebration because HE didn't want to go out and celebrate. This is one of many things I could mention. So its not all one sided. If you want to have a go at ME for MY actions, that's fine, but you can't make sweeping statements like that.

As I said it was based on what you initially said. What is worse, your bf not bringing you out for drinks/dinner or you cheating on him?

LegacyUser

wirelessdude01 wrote: »

As I said it was based on what you initially said. What is worse, your bf not bringing you out for drinks/dinner or you cheating on him?

As I said my bf knows I kissed him, or did you miss that bit.

Faith

Goodgirlgonestupid wrote: »

You know nothing about my bf, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be treated like your important or special in someones life.So Yes I did enjoy the attention. My bf had me in tears on a very important celebration because HE didn't want to go out and celebrate. This is one of many things I could mention. So its not all one sided. If you want to have a go at ME for MY actions, that's fine, but you can't make sweeping statements like that.

You can't get angry at people for giving advice when you haven't provided the whole story.

It sounds to me like your relationship isn't very good. It's obviously missing something if you're craving attention from this other guy. My advice is to stay away from the other guy full stop, but also to really evaluate your current relationship. Establish whether you're happy and fulfilled by it. If you're not, think about why and if and how you could fix that. It may be just that the relationship has run its course and this other guy is a symptom of that.

wirelessdude01

Goodgirlgonestupid wrote: »

As I said my bf knows I kissed him, or did you miss that bit.

Poor man doesn't know the rest though does he. Tell him the full story and let him know what you fully did. Sounds like the relationship isn't on the soundest of ground.

Novella

Goodgirlgonestupid wrote: »

You know nothing about my bf, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be treated like your important or special in someones life.So Yes I did enjoy the attention. My bf had me in tears on a very important celebration because HE didn't want to go out and celebrate. This is one of many things I could mention. So its not all one sided. If you want to have a go at ME for MY actions, that's fine, but you can't make sweeping statements like that.

Quite frankly, there IS something wrong with wanting to feel important or special in a mans life who is not your boyfriend. If I wanted or enjoyed attention from other guys, I would seriously be considering the status of the relationship with my bf.

Also, I get that your boyfriend upset you by not wanting to go out but this isn't relevant. Two wrongs do not make a right. Feeling annoyed at him isn't justification for cheating on him.

Denisovan

Novella wrote: »

Quite frankly, there IS something wrong with wanting to feel important or special in a mans life who is not your boyfriend. If I wanted or enjoyed attention from other guys, I would seriously be considering the status of the relationship with my bf.

Also, I get that your boyfriend upset you by not wanting to go out but this isn't relevant. Two wrongs do not make a right. Feeling annoyed at him isn't justification for cheating on him.

How is it even wrong to not want to go out.

OP, why do you need to "sort your head out". This is all very simple, you were attracted to another man and betrayed your boyfriend.

What part of your head needs "sorting out"?

LegacyUser

Denisovan wrote: »

How is it even wrong to not want to go out.

OP, why do you need to "sort your head out". This is all very simple, you were attracted to another man and betrayed your boyfriend.

What part of your head needs "sorting out"?

I had just got the results of my finals for a degree, that I worked my ass off for and was looking forward to going out to celebrate, but he didn't want to. I never said it was as bad or justified what I did or that two wrong don't make a right. I was just given this as an example of the way bf goes on some time. Also I meant that wanting to feel special or important in my bfs life and I didn't so perhaps that's why I enjoyed the attention of this other guy. I've no problem with criticism but saying things like oh your poor bf, your a terrible gf when you don't know the ins and outs of it, isn't fair. I'd given the information I was looking for advice on.

burke027

I can tell you one thing if my fiance craved attention from another lad she would be gone.secondly if I new even half of what u done on him I woukdnt be sticking around for one reason only and thst is there will always be crap in you relationship and it will lead to problems.I know for a fact that me and my oh crave each other we would do anything for each other.
Personally if you are both doing things wrong which it sounds like I reckon your relationship isn't very sound.
I'd lose the plot if my woman was sitting down on the grass with another lad and I'm sure anyone would.u don't deserve him at all yous don't deserve each other even .
Personally I'd walk away and find someone that makes you happy and u wont need n e attentionfrom n e oone else

burke027

I can tell you one thing if my fiance craved attention from another lad she would be gone.secondly if I new even half of what u done on him I woukdnt be sticking around for one reason only and thst is there will always be crap in you relationship and it will lead to problems.I know for a fact that me and my oh crave each other we would do anything for each other.
Personally if you are both doing things wrong which it sounds like I reckon your relationship isn't very sound.
I'd lose the plot if my woman was sitting down on the grass with another lad and I'm sure anyone would.u don't deserve him at all yous don't deserve each other even .
Personally I'd walk away and find someone that makes you happy and u wont need n e attentionfrom n e oone else

dellas1979

See, the bottom line (that posters are trying to point out to you) is that, take this other guy out of the pic, you just dont seem happy in your current relationship.

Other guy is like a symptom.

If you were happy, you wouldnt want to do these things.

Karen8

<...>He had kissed my friend the day he kissed me, but it was only that night she was given out to him, that she said oh he's "f***d me over time and time again"
<....> We have been having issues and a few of my friends have said they're not surprised it happened.

+ to the other advise that has already been given:


Stop discussing your problems with all your friends, address it to your boyfriend.

Tribb

Goodgirlgonestupid wrote: »

I had just got the results of my finals for a degree, that I worked my ass off for and was looking forward to going out to celebrate, but he didn't want to. I never said it was as bad or justified what I did or that two wrong don't make a right. I was just given this as an example of the way bf goes on some time. Also I meant that wanting to feel special or important in my bfs life and I didn't so perhaps that's why I enjoyed the attention of this other guy. I've no problem with criticism but saying things like oh your poor bf, your a terrible gf when you don't know the ins and outs of it, isn't fair. I'd given the information I was looking for advice on.

Ok you want to feel special, do you make your boyfriend feel special?