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Am I Missing Something?

  • 29-10-2013 02:43PM
    #1
    likeaboson
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20 ✭


    Hi All,

    OK so I was in a relationship for 5 years, about 18months ago it ended badly (c'est la vie) but at the time I was a lot more effected by it than I thought

    It took time and personal reflection but eventually I realised that I was better off, if things hadn't have ended we both would have ended up worse off. I accepted that I played my part in the relationships end and that I also put my ex up on a pedestal and was blind to the real situation.

    This realization was also brought on by going on a few casual dates.

    I was seeing a girl up until pretty recently (about 2 months ago) , she wanted something casual and so did I, we went on a few dates, had some fun but things didn't go anywhere, this was fine by both of us and we are still friends.

    The thing is she has told me that when we were seeing each other she got the impression I wasn't over my ex and that I was still very bitter towards her. I don't understand where this is coming from, she asked me what had happened so I told her just what happened, I don't bad mouth my ex because I see it as being pointless negativity and I never mentioned her other than when I was asked

    My Question is, how can you tell when you are really over a past relationship? is there something I could be doing or saying that suggests I'm not over it?

    The thing is


Comments

  • #2
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Nobody can tell you when you're really over a past relationship. Only you might know that.

    Have you asked this girl why she felt that you weren't over your ex?


  • #3
    likeaboson
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20 ✭likeaboson


    She said it was just an impression she got, it wasn't anything I said just a feeling she got :confused:


  • #4
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    You're sure you didn't mention her unprompted, even in the most casual of ways? Like "oh yeah my ex used to do that too...my ex was a big fan of (whatever)...my ex used to make me do (whatever)....I went there with my ex" etc etc

    In my experience, sometimes guys (and girls too probably, I've never dated any!) can almost instinctively bring up the ex as a sort of "female comparison" if you will, when talking about things. Somewhat naturally I would say, as that was their last encounter with female closeness or whatever, so it's probably normal to draw comparisons and mention previous relationships.

    I've been with guys who would do this a little TOO much, and subsequently things would go down the sh1tter - so I've always had this pegged as a warning sign.

    If you don't think it's that, maybe it could've been something negative you said when discussing your ex that stuck in this girl's head. Personally, a guy b1tching, or being in any way negative or bitter about his ex, triggers a massive alarm in my head. Because it makes me think, "what's to stop him treating me the same way?"

    If you're feeling that this girl's evaluation of you is truly 100% off the mark, I'd definitely say it to her and ask her to pinpoint exactly where this feeling is coming from, because it's a bit alarming seeing as it's just not true.


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