trying to cut down on alcohol

LegacyUser

hi there. i dont like the way i behave on beer. i havent always been like this but its getting worse. i dont want to stop alcohol as its the only social out let i have. i have a pretty weak constitioun so so i get drunk quick. how can i cut down? i feel wierd and self conscious alternating alcoholic drinks with non alcoholic drinks. also when drinking in peoples houses i dont have that oppurtunity. so how can i cut down? i have alreay given up spirits and stronger beers and dont have the money for bottles

One shot on kill

Why not just stop drinking altogether. And only have a few at special occasions.

Its prity obvious to me sorry.
If you can't control it give it up.

Sorry tough love.

joeguevara

You could try half and half shandy's. That way you look like your drinking a pint but only drink half the amount of alcohol.

Alternatively, non-alcoholic beer is pretty good for the scenario that you are in.

Finally, there is no shame in not drinking alcohol. If you don't like how it makes you act, then you should not be under pressure to drink it. It would not be usual to force someone in to having a drink (maybe the first time) but a firm no thanks would usually suffice.

Only in Ireland would such a thing be an actual issue ...

OP, nobody is going to say anything about you drinking non-alcoholic drinks. If they do, f*ck them. They're not worth your time. And find other social outlets!

cloudatlas

There is a good forum on here called the Non Drinkers Group, even if you want to cut down it's good to read some of the posts for advice. I'm trying to cut down at the moment, health and economics are good reasons to stop, there is a lot of peer pressure in this country to drink just have your excuse ready and be firm. Guinness and Blackcurrent is nice.

iusedtoknow

Deleted User wrote: »

Only in Ireland would such a thing be an actual issue ...

OP, nobody is going to say anything about you drinking non-alcoholic drinks. If they do, f*ck them. They're not worth your time. And find other social outlets!

Hmmm - not true - i don't drink in the US and it always comes up when out. ALWAYS. In Spain less so, but it would still come up.

OP - i was like you, i used to be able to take the beer, then I started losing the ability to hold it, and turned into a wreck before long. I nearly lost everything - wife, job. Nearly.

I pulled myself together and cut back enormously. I ended up drinking just weekends, and limiting myself to 2 or 3. It helped a long time. Then I had an operation and was on pretty strong antibiotics for an infection for 2 weeks. It meant I couldn't drink at all. By the middle of the second week, I was feeling up to meeting my friends, and went out and sat drinking tonic water all night.

I had great craic with them, and then it hit me, i didn't need beer to keep social. Since then (going on 18 months) I haven't had a drink - i feel great, am still very social and have lost around 1.5 stone in weight.

If you can't handle it - don't do it.

LegacyUser

the thing i drink less now than i have done before but my resistance to beer has weakend considerably i get drunk in no time. i suffer from social anxiety and use the beer for courage. but i get very drunk while others around me are just tipsy. i slo suffer from depression and dont talk out problems(dont know if that is relevant )

Santa Cruz

You will have to stop feeling weird about not drinking. If it doesn't suit you don't drink. Irish society is messed up because people feel pressured into drinking to excess. Start looking around and see what other social outlets there are that will allow you reduce your time availability for the pub

bluefinger

Very very tough to cut back to being sensible. I would recommend stopping. Try it for a month At least and see how you feel. There are always other social outlets that don't need to involve alcohol.

emmabrighton

I heard someone say once that people who take drugs think everyone takes drugs.

The same applies for drinking, in my opinion. I used to drink to excess and always thought everyone I hung out with did the same. It was only when I stopped drinking that I realised there were so many in my peer group who drank very little or not at all. The drunk people tend to ignore this fact as they down another jager-bomb...

Honestly, if you stopped/cut down you would suddenly discover many of your friends dont drink nearly as much as you thought they did...

LegacyUser

the other problem is i use alcohol to talk to girls. without it i am lost/stiff totally self conscious and i am totally clueless

SilSil

.op here.... wrote: »

the other problem is i use alcohol to talk to girls. without it i am lost/stiff totally self conscious and i am totally clueless

Why, girls are not so dreadful. Try to think that you are smarter than them, or imagine you're talking with your mother, I think this will provide you confidence for sure :cool:

emmabrighton

Hey OP,

Again, the girls would much prefer you sober. If they are not drunk and you are, they are thinking:

"Who is this loud mouth obnoxious git that is talking shíte"? He is slurring his words so much, I can't understand him. I wish he would go away!"

One of my closest male friends does not drink, at all. He is the same at work or out. Remember your best friend in junior school? That is this guy. And these are the guys girls really want. They want a best friend who they can do everything with. Whats the fun in going out with a guy who only ever wants to go to the pub?

I have so much fun with him. We talk about books, tv, music. He is always up for doing new adventurous stuff like going to hill walking, going surfing, going to the cinema etc. All the things that someone dying with a hangover would never want to do. He is 100% a nerd - doing a PhD in Computer engineering and he wouldn't have gotten this far going out on the píss. He is going to be some catch for the girl who ends up bagging him. He is humble and kind. He is thoughtful and generous. He is not like those as fore mentioned a-holes that I used to hang out with when drinking. They would stand there pretending to listen to me and were probably thinking, is she going to come home with me tonight?

Girls will respect you much much more if you are sober. My most fun relationship happened when I was 16 and it lasted 7 years. For the first few years I didn't drink and he didn't drink. We did lots of fun stuff together. But then we both started drinking too much and both became too cool for school. Soon we both were too arrogant for each other and we ended up going our separate ways. Today I am with another non drinker and from what I hear, he is with a non drinker too.

LegacyUser

trying to cut back wrote: »

....... i dont want to stop alcohol as its the only social outlet i have..........

Can you stand back for one moment and see how pathetic this statement is? Alcohol is not a social outlet, How is it you think that you are obliged to consume alcohol? There are non-drinkers in every pub in the country who are not though any less than those drinking alcohol.

If you are that dependent on alcohol you are an alcoholic. If you cannot control yourself, or you cannot function, socially, without alcohol, then you need to remove yourself from the drinking culture.

Mark my words, you are being rated a hell of a lot worse because of your alcohol consumption that you think you will be if you don't drink.

bluefinger

emmabrighton wrote: »

I heard someone say once that people who take drugs think everyone takes drugs.

The same applies for drinking, in my opinion. I used to drink to excess and always thought everyone I hung out with did the same. It was only when I stopped drinking that I realised there were so many in my peer group who drank very little or not at all. The drunk people tend to ignore this fact as they down another jager-bomb...

Honestly, if you stopped/cut down you would suddenly discover many of your friends dont drink nearly as much as you thought they did...

http://people.umass.edu/aizen/nb.html

LegacyUser

i did something really embarassing while drunk but didnt know about it for a few weeks and i am mortified. i was still heading out because if i had known about it i wouldnt have went out for a while but i head leaving my place during daylight which has made me even more depresssed

cloudatlas

..op here... wrote: »

i did something really embarassing while drunk but didnt know about it for a few weeks and i am mortified. i was still heading out because if i had known about it i wouldnt have went out for a while but i head leaving my place during daylight which has made me even more depresssed

Could you change your social circle and do something that doesn't require alcohol like chess club, sport, hiking club.

RoscommonTom

Im in the same boat, I made a fool of myself on saturday and hhaven't been sleeping right since, I dont want to give up the drink altogether bit would like to be able to stop before j get to drunk. I can't drink like I used too thats for sure, and im not even that old,

December2012

Op - are you doing something proactive about treating your anxiety and depression?

fillefatale

Echoing previous posters, maybe you shouldn't really on the 'nights out' as your only social excursions if you're just going to be very reliant on drink. More often than not you meet someone out for the shift or to bring home for the night. You'll form much more sustainable relationships by meeting others through hobbies and activities that don't require alcohol as a social lubricant. There's nothing wrong with being shy, a couple of drinks can loosen you up, but if you start relying on them every weekend, it won't end well eventually.

LegacyUser

December2012 wrote: »

Op - are you doing something proactive about treating your anxiety and depression?

yes in the past i have tried but its almost like i have gone so far into myself. even my counsellor got fed up with me. the problem is i feel like i am not really living just existing. now i hat the thought of going back because i am becoming reclusive

LegacyUser

cloudatlas wrote: »

Could you change your social circle and do something that doesn't require alcohol like chess club, sport, hiking club.

the problem is i hate own even leaving my home i becoming more and more reclusive. important things are going undone because i dont want to go outside to deal with them

emmabrighton

trying to cut back... wrote: »

the problem is i hate own even leaving my home i becoming more and more reclusive. important things are going undone because i dont want to go outside to deal with them

Be under no illusion, this is the alcohol making you reclusive. I was like you, I had virtually stopped going out. I had stopped answering phones or reading emails. I couldnt look people in the eye.I felt ugly so didnt like going out. I had put on weight so people stopped chatting me up in bars and the like...

The only thing that made me feel normal was the drink. When I was drinking, I could be all the things I wanted to be: chatty, sociable, i felt I looked ok. But I didnt look ok, I was still fat - I just didnt care I was fat when I was drinking. I would initiate conversations - I felt articulate when I had drank a bottle of wine. But I was a mess, I was slurring my words. I was doing the most cringe worthy embarrassing things. There are photos of me when I was drinking, and today I hate looking at them. I was not attractive at size 16. Some girls are beautiful at that size, not me.

It took a while to become more normal after I stopped drinking - the first month was rough, but I choose to do a programme and that made all the difference to me. I left with 6 weeks sobriety under my belt. That was the springboard I felt. I didnt crave alcohol anymore. I didnt feel like I deserved it after a good day or a particularly bad day at work. I choose not to go out to pubs with my friends. They all still drink. I am still friends with them but I meet them for coffee and stuff now. I spent more time with my family. They are great people, I thought they were boring and nerdy and felt that my family and upbringing caused me to be the way I was. It wasn't it was the drink.

Your social anxieties will dissipate if you stop drinking, it may take time but they will. Go to your GP. They are there to help you. They will refer you to someone to talk out your issues. They can help you "detox". Sounds a bit harsh but I was only drinking a bottle of wine 3-4 times a week.

You don't have to be downing bottles of gin to need help. It is your lack of alcohol tolerance that is causing you to feel this way, not the amount you drink. I don't attend AA because I feel there are too many nuts in the meetings for my liking and I hate the way it feels cult-ish. I felt abnormal enough without attending them. Works for some people, just not me.

Honestly you will feel better if you dont drink. Your first port of call is your GP. Call them today. Thats the first step. Be honest with them. And if you think your GP is not supportive. Go to another GP. It is your job to ask for help. That should be your soul mission for today.

Today can be the first day of the rest of your life. I took that step and I am a much better, slimmer and healthier person for it.

Do it now.

cloudatlas

trying to cut back... wrote: »

the problem is i hate own even leaving my home i becoming more and more reclusive. important things are going undone because i dont want to go outside to deal with them

It's time to go back to your g.p and tell them the above. Perhaps they can recommend a new counsellor, you obviously don't trust your current counsellor. If you don't change any of the variables then everything will remain as it is and this situation will continue.

LegacyUser

but what i did was pretty bad i am paranoid even walking down the street.

December2012

Could you go talk to your dr today? Or get a home visit?