Socially awkward Gay advice

tipperaryboy

Hi all, I'm looking for some advice. I've been kind of coming to terms with my sexuality recently and have got somewhat of an understanding of it personally just trying to understand. Have discussed with a counsellor and brother who is very open and he suggests talking to his gay friend but I wouldn't know where to start.

My problem is taking this forward to the next stage unfortunately I'm not at all good in social situations especially with new people which makes things that little bit more difficult. I know there's lots of groups etc around but I would be very apprehensive in that situation so I've a little trouble finding alternative?

Steve!

Hmmm. I myself am 21 now and came out two years ago. From my experience as someone who is also not really that great around new people I would still suggest you at least try them. Eventually you will start to feel comfortable and sometimes it's good to challenge yourself, for want of a better word.

I did the whole coming out thing when I started college but I never joined LGBT or anything. I just carried on as normal and I *think* in hindsight perhaps I should have. Having gay friends is great.

baby and crumble

Hey op. Congrats on coming out and getting happy.

If I were you, if there's a group you would like to join, message them before your first time. Most likely they'll have a person who meets new people beforehand if they want so it's not too scary. Everyone has been in your boat at some point, even if it's just 'normal' nerves.

Good luck!!!

tipperaryboy

Thanks for the advice forgot to mention I'm not in college and so don't know where to start with the groups thing but have contacted support centres (for want of better word) meeting with one of them soon but not sure how that will go.

Annasopra

tipperaryboy wrote: »

Thanks for the advice forgot to mention I'm not in college and so don't know where to start with the groups thing but have contacted support centres (for want of better word) meeting with one of them soon but not sure how that will go.

There are some lgbt groups in Tipperary

georgesstreet

tipperaryboy wrote: »

Hi all, I'm looking for some advice. I've been kind of coming to terms with my sexuality recently and have got somewhat of an understanding of it personally just trying to understand. Have discussed with a counsellor and brother who is very open and he suggests talking to his gay friend but I wouldn't know where to start.

My problem is taking this forward to the next stage unfortunately I'm not at all good in social situations especially with new people which makes things that little bit more difficult. I know there's lots of groups etc around but I would be very apprehensive in that situation so I've a little trouble finding alternative?

It sounds as if an LBGT group might be a step too far for you at this stage, reading what you have said. It's really great you can talk to your brother and he can offer support.

Thinking about any conversation in advance can often seem fraught with worry, but my experience is that thats only when we over-think it in advance. It's only a chat over a coffee or a pint, and you wouldn't even have to talk about anything gay-related if you didn't want to, and if it did come up you could be as honest with him as you have been here, you'll be fine.

Your brother sounds really good, and maybe he could even just invite you along when next he is meeting his friend for a coffee, and take the pressure off you to have to "make" conversation.

tipperaryboy

georgesstreet wrote: »

It sounds as if an LBGT group might be a step too far for you at this stage, reading what you have said. It's really great you can talk to your brother and he can offer support.

Thinking about any conversation in advance can often seem fraught with worry, but my experience is that thats only when we over-think it in advance. It's only a chat over a coffee or a pint, and you wouldn't even have to talk about anything gay-related if you didn't want to, and if it did come up you could be as honest with him as you have been here, you'll be fine.

Your brother sounds really good, and maybe he could even just invite you along when next he is meeting his friend for a coffee, and take the pressure off you to have to "make" conversation.

Thanks for your nice words of advice. I think I often over think things a lot and I'm also very anxious which doesn't help. Yes your right a LGBT group would be a step a little to far however I have arranged meeting with the head of a group just to see don't know what will come of it though?
Yes my brother is really good about it but I still find it a little uneasy talking to him about this, whenever I'm in the company of his gay friend I find it hard to make small talk yet alone bring up the gay topic ( somehow need to find the courage).

mdn

The most important person to 'come out' to is yourself and congratulations on your doing so. Do please remember that you are still the same person and that those who loved you before now will continue to do so. There are no guidelines to follow and as each of us are individual beings we all have our own unique way. Learn to be comfortable with yourself first. Seems you have had some very good advice from the posters here and it is good that you will meet that person from the 'gay group'. He or she will not have all the answers you need but perhaps it will be easier for you to talk to someone you dont know. Hope all goes well for you and best wishes for your future happiness.

georgesstreet

mdn wrote: »

Do please remember that you are still the same person and that those who loved you before now will continue to do so.

One of the issues seems to be that he is unsure that his parents will love him, bearing in mind their previous reactions as he discussed, so how you can claim that you know they will seems uncertain.

tipperaryboy

Thanks for all your good advice. Forgot to mention btw don't have the normal family situation sadly parents are deceased.

mdn

To georgesstreet: You jumped the gun a little bit buddy - I never mentioned parents!

georgesstreet

mdn wrote: »

To georgesstreet: You jumped the gun a little bit buddy - I never mentioned parents!

Apologies, I confused two threads!

I am intrigued how you know everyone who loves a stranger now will continue to love him in the future?

My observation is that no one can possibly know who they might love in the future, let alone state with confidence that they know who a stranger may be loved by by the future.

For example, I know with certainty that some of those in loving relationships now will not be in the same loving relationships in the future - statistics tell us that, but we can't say which ones will be and which ones will not be.

Annasopra

tipperaryboy wrote: »

Thanks for all your good advice. Forgot to mention btw don't have the normal family situation sadly parents are deceased.

Sorry to hear that. Would it help maybe to talk to someone on a helpline. See www.lgbt.ie

mdn

I accept your apology georgesstreet. Thanks. Unfortunately, one doubts if you really read what people post or do you 'see' things written that are not really there. To clarify: You asked of me the following question - I am intrigued how you know everyone who loves a stranger now will continue to love him in the future?

If you would return to my original post and read it with greater care you will see that I wrote ' that those who loved you before now will continue to do so'. Suffice it to say that those who loved him previously were unlikely to have been strangers. Clear for you? I hope it is because logic would suggest that its most unusual and uncommon to be loved by strangers. Most reasonably-minded people would accept that we are loved by family/friends.

You make the point that we cant be guaranteed to be loved by someone into the future. I was offering encouragement to the chap and we would all like to think that those who really love us would stand by us. Perhaps you are nitpicking a little. My comment was so innocuous and indeed, well meaning, that it hardly deserved your indepth and rather suspect scrutiny . Perhaps you should spend a little more effort in editing your own replies; it would save you having to apologise continuously.