Pregnancy and Sex

Sleevoo

Hi,

My wife is pregnant with our second child. She is 28 weeks pregant. We last had sex one month ago, afterwards she felt some unusual pains so I told her we would quit sex until after the birth to be safe. However we also don't have oral sex or any other form of sexual contact. I don't want to bring it up as I feel guilty hassling her at this stage of her pregnancy. Just would like to hear other peoples thoughts on this?

ted1

Sleevoo wrote: »

Hi,

My wife is pregnant with our second child. She is 28 weeks pregant. We last had sex one month ago, afterwards she felt some unusual pains so I told her we would quit sex until after the birth to be safe. However we also don't have oral sex or any other form of sexual contact. I don't want to bring it up as I feel guilty hassling her at this stage of her pregnancy. Just would like to hear other peoples thoughts on this?

No need to give up sex, just change the positions. During our two pregnancies we probably had more sex.

Merkin

There are certain positions that are better in pregnancy so just enjoy those, no need whatsoever to abstain, you won't harm the baby or your wife. Best of luck with the rest of the pregnancy!

December2012

Have you spoken with your dr? Is there any reason why you should stop having sex? It's usually no problem unless there's some risk factor.

If there is - there's absolutely no reason to stop oral or handiwork.

Toots

If you want to bring up the topic gently, test the waters so to speak, then do. Make it clear that you're not pressuring her but that you miss the intimacy, although I'd suggest she checks with her doctor (if she hasn't already) that it's safe to continue having sex. If the doc says it's ok and she's comfortable with it then you should be good to go.

nikpmup

You need to sit her down and explain that while you respect that she might feel uncomfortable having sex, there's no need to stop being intimate. That goes for both of you - you can't very well expect oral sex on tap if you aren't reciprocating with whatever pleases her. It's really important, IMO, to maintain sexual contact and intimacy throughout pregnancy; it reminds you both that you were a couple before you were parents! It also means that if sex is off the table after the birth for a while, you still have that recent closeness. (BTW - there is no medical reason not to have sex during pregnancy, unless she is bleeding or has been told to avoid it by her doctors, but it can make a woman feel fragile and vulnerable)
Keep the lines of communication open, and give her lots TLC.
(*from the mother of a three week old baby who had sex up until a few days before labour )

Czarcasm

OP you mention that this is your second child on the way (congrats btw!), but were you having sex when your wife was pregnant with your last child?

I know when my wife was pregnant it'd have been more fun spooning a hedgehog tbh, as loving and fantastic and all as she was in every other way outside the bedroom, sex was just, well it was uncomfortable for her, she just didn't "feel" sexy sometimes, and when she didn't feel sexy, she wasn't in the mood for oral either.

She was tired and exhausted because of the pregnancy and just generally feeling drained. Our sex life has bounced back since though (well, that was nine years ago and she suffered from PND after giving birth), but maybe you could as others have suggested, ask your wife how she feels, talk to her, because while it's all fine to say there's no medical or physical reason why not, human beings are not automatons, and she may just be feeling the same way - that she too would like to have sex, but the pregnancy may leave her exhausted, unsexy and frustrated, which can be a real mood killer.

Sleevoo

Czarcasm wrote: »

OP you mention that this is your second child on the way (congrats btw!), but were you having sex when your wife was pregnant with your last child?

I know when my wife was pregnant it'd have been more fun spooning a hedgehog tbh, as loving and fantastic and all as she was in every other way outside the bedroom, sex was just, well it was uncomfortable for her, she just didn't "feel" sexy sometimes, and when she didn't feel sexy, she wasn't in the mood for oral either.

She was tired and exhausted because of the pregnancy and just generally feeling drained. Our sex life has bounced back since though (well, that was nine years ago and she suffered from PND after giving birth), but maybe you could as others have suggested, ask your wife how she feels, talk to her, because while it's all fine to say there's no medical or physical reason why not, human beings are not automatons, and she may just be feeling the same way - that she too would like to have sex, but the pregnancy may leave her exhausted, unsexy and frustrated, which can be a real mood killer.

To be honest on average we usually only have sex about once every couple weeks over the past few years. The last time we had consecutive night's sex was trying for this baby. She almost never initiates sex and gets in a foul mood if I ask her for oral sex. I constantly feel rejected, it feels horrible. She just doesn't seem to have a high sex drive. It was always low but manageable but now its fairly non existant since the first baby was born.

We've talked about it and she said we should try to have sex twice a week but nothing ever comes of it.

December2012

Would you think of going to a marriage counsellor to talk this problem out?

njs030

I second the above post! Op if you are a regular reader you will have seen the many many posts from men who were I your position....and are now in a situation where the baby making is done, the marriage is sexless and they are stuck in a horrible position.

Your problem isn't pregnancy it's your wife's sex drive and I would urge you to go and see someone asap before the situation deteoritates further and becomes unfixable.

Best of luck.

Neyite

Closing thread as OP appears to be sitebanned.