Very difficult other half

LegacyUser

My other half is becoming increasingly difficult in various ways,tonights row is a result of her getting up out of bed roaring and shouting this morning,being in bad humor all day,and then accusing me of exactly the same thing,to be fair im not in great form as a result of her attitude,but im not shouting at anyone,every row we have is about her telling me how stressed and constantly tired she is and how im not doing enough around the house,even though shes habitually late for college as a result of not getting up until ten/eleven,while im up at 7 30 taking the kids to school,im not working a lot right now,and money worries are on me a good bit but apparently positive thinking is the solution,not budgeting properly,and no matter what row we have she has a way of beating me down,making herself right and my arguments trivial,and also in most rows she tells me how close to breaking up we are,shes just walked off there telling me she couldnt give a **** about me,

Whats a body to do??

Ann84

The roaring and shouting are a consequence of stress. You outlined several very justifiable reasons for this stress, money is a massive strain in families at the moment...

I am NOT justifying your partners way of expressing herself, but she is clearly unhappy (happy people don't act like that!)

The worrying thing is ye don't seen to be communicating well at all. You describe her behaviour, you list the reasons why, but you don't seem to really describe how you have tried to help ease the burden? You mention getting up with the kids, but that is routine!
Why is your other half not sleeping? Is she too stressed? It sounds like she under too much pressure...

The bottom line is this, you need to sit down and talk, talk about how you are also worried ye might split up, talk about how to ease the stress and work as a team to get your house back in working order... There are support services available to help budgeting, don't focus on the shouting and roaring, accept these as outputs of stress!
Its not ok, but it sounds like you know why so focus on the problem rather than highlighting it! In a month or two, might be worth starting a date night, don't have to leave the house, just cook a nice meal and get a DVD, try to get your partner back!

I hope ye dnot let stress and poor cimnunication ruin your family, and I hopw she hasn't given up too much to fix it either, best of luck

The Corinthian

It's very difficult to advise on this OP, as there's probably a load of stuff that you've not mentioned, possibly because you're not even aware of it.

What I would guess (and I may well be wrong) is that:

• You have children together.
• Your other half and you are probably not married - otherwise you'd probably have referred to her as a wife, rather than an 'other half'.
• There are financial worries, which are a cause of stress for you, likely also her, but this has also caused some friction given your comment about "not budgeting properly".
• She's putting you down a lot, but it's entirely possible that you're doing the same to her - only you haven't perhaps realized this or to what extent you're doing so.

As things stand, unless you can find a way to resolve this friction, the relationship is not long for this World, IMHO.

I would advise, as an exercise, both of you write a list perceived issues or grievances you have with each other. Then sit down and read them out to each other, but don't discuss them beyond explaining what you mean. The important thing is not that they're real, but that they're perceived and that you both recognise that this is how they're perceived.

Then walk away and consider what truth there may be to these grievances and even if there is not, consider how best to combat this perception.

Also try to grab a weekend away together, even a day-trip. Not to discuss issues, but to relax and spend time together.

As a split is potentially on the cards, I'd strongly recommend applying for guardianship (ideally with her support) for your kids if you don't already have it. If you've been cohabitation for over two years, you'll also want to read up on your potential financial responsibilities to her also.

Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.