Wife reading texts

LegacyUser

Im a married man. Im friends with a woman that is not my wife. Good friends. Weve been friends for a long time now. She is an attractive woman but im not interested in sleeping with her or having a relationship with her. I love my wife. I get on great with the other woman and I enjoy spending time with this her.

Just now my wife told me she read all our texts. From what she read she made an assumption that I was buying this woman gifts. I am not.

On one hand im very annoyed about this. On the other hand I think maybe its not ok for me to have close female friends as a married man. Is it?

Of course it's ok and your wife should not be reading your texts like that

boomkatalog

Its perfectly normal to have other female friends.

Did she not know about your friend previously? Most of my best friends are male but himself is well aware of them.

Main point though, your wife shouldn't be checking up on you. There's a big problem with communication when couples begin to snoop.

stargazer 68

TextyMcTexterson wrote: »

Weve been friends for a long time now. She is an attractive woman but im not interested in sleeping with her or having a relationship with her. I love my wife. I get on great with the other woman and I enjoy spending time with this her.

Maybe your wife thinks differently. Not condoing her reading your texts but if you read all the other threads on here about cheating partners they are usually found out by checking their texts and FB.

Czarcasm

TextyMcTexterson wrote: »

Im a married man. Im friends with a woman that is not my wife. Good friends. Weve been friends for a long time now. She is an attractive woman but im not interested in sleeping with her or having a relationship with her. I love my wife. I get on great with the other woman and I enjoy spending time with this her.

Just now my wife told me she read all our texts. From what she read she made an assumption that I was buying this woman gifts. I am not.

On one hand im very annoyed about this. On the other hand I think maybe its not ok for me to have close female friends as a married man. Is it?

In a case like this, it doesn't matter what people on the Internet think. It only matters what you and your wife think.

LegacyUser

I think it is all circumstantial.

If she hasn't read your texts before and she suddenly decided to check your phone, there must be something that triggered to do so. It is always that flip of a second kinda moment when somebody decides to do this because there is a reason to believe that something's not right. Do you think, subconsciously, that you might have led your wife to do this by acting differently or out of ordinary?

What is the circumstances behind your wife believing that you will buy a gift to your female friends?

I believe a married man can become friends with a female friend as long as the boundaries are there. There's a fine line between being flirtatious and being friendly and playful between different sexes. I think as a married person, you have to know what that line is and make sure your spouse doesn't feel insecure about it if you care about your relationship.

December2012

The problem is not between you and this woman - the problem is between you and your wife. If she feels uncomfortable about it then you might want to change how you and your friend communicate.

Nicman

I agree with many of the posters. The basic couple of things to understand here are:

1) It's not cool to be married and have very close friends of the opposite sex when the OH isn't very familiar enough with.
If you insist on being mates with this woman, you need to be totally open about every aspect of the relationship (eg, instead of waiting for your wife to check your phone to see why the hell you might be receiving late texts etc etc why not say "oh thats just mary, wondering if ....x...) OR arrange a meeting with you guys all together??

I have a close male friend who was around before my OH and I believe that the only reason we're still good healthy friends is because I involved my OH in the relationship with him and ALWAYS was open about me & him meeting for coffee or lunch for example. You need to make sure your wife has reason to trust you and therefore the other relationship must be completely transparent in order to work.

2) Know the boundaries. Eg: texting her while your out - not cool. Her texting you late at night when you are chilling with the missus - not cool. Meeting her for lunch/ coffee/ whatever without filling in the missus in a casual way - not cool. etc etc etc

3) Which relationship is more important to you - your wife, or yer one?
If yer one, why? If your wife, then work on it.
The way to do this is to put yourself in her shoes. It may seem like she is being conniving and intrusive, but lets say she has a guy friend who you feel is a little closer than he should be ........ what actions would make you feel he is too close? WOuld her saying "we're just friends" put you at ease? Would you feel better about it if you guys went for a pint together and you knew a bit more about him, or if she told you when she was meeting him/ texting him etc?

think about it...

Catari Jaguar

Your wife needs to cop on. She's disrespecting your privacy. She doesn't trust you. She had no reason to snoop, as you say it's totally platonic. Bloody cheek of her.

It's totally fine to have close female friends if you're married. Your wife doesn;'t own you. Her insecurities lie with her and tbh it's up to her to get over it.

kryptonmight

Catari Jaguar wrote: »

Your wife needs to cop on. She's disrespecting your privacy. She doesn't trust you. She had no reason to snoop, as you say it's totally platonic. Bloody cheek of her.

It's totally fine to have close female friends if you're married. Your wife doesn;'t own you. Her insecurities lie with her and tbh it's up to her to get over it.

This sounds about right to me OP.

david75

Are you meeting her for lunch etc?
Do you work with her?
Do you involve and include your mrs when meeting her?