Confused.....

LegacyUser

Ok so I'm with my bf for nearly 6 years now we met in school, I got pregnant at 17 and we had a baby girl. A lot has changed since then, we're still together but we have seem to drifted apart he keeps breaking promises and we're not living together at the moment because he was let go last year n I moved back home in my parents house with my dd and he moved back to his parents that was a year ago and he hasn't even made a great effort to find somewhere. I finally had enough and found a nice apartment but he's making up excuses now about it saying it's to built up etc. I don't know what to do I feel like giving up on our relationship but at the same time I love him but I'm worn out at this stage. I am starting to get paranoid now thinking it's me and every time he comes over I lose the head at him for no reason. I don't know what to do:(

ivytwine

Six years.... So that means you're 22 now?

We change so much in those years, I'd say looking back you probably don't recognise some aspects of yourself at 17, and he's probably the same.

Also having a baby is a huge strain on any relationship, especially for those so young.

I think you and him need to have a big conversation about where all this is going. Be prepared for both best and worst tho.

Good luck OP x

LegacyUser

I do agree with the above post.

People change so much over the years - I used to think I knew everything when I was a teenager but I've changed so much in my 20's, every 2-3 years your thoughts will change as you experience more and see more around the world and meet new people.

I am a firm believer that life is too short and you only live once. There's no reason to stay in a toxic relationship if it's not doing any good to yourself or to your child.

You are still VERY YOUNG and you can always meet someone new who will cherish you for who you are.

If you're unhappy in that situation, please leave it. Also, please use protection.

Tasden

Anonjustcuz111 wrote: »

I do agree with the above post.

People change so much over the years - I used to think I knew everything when I was a teenager but I've changed so much in my 20's, every 2-3 years your thoughts will change as you experience more and see more around the world and meet new people.

I am a firm believer that life is too short and you only live once. There's no reason to stay in a toxic relationship if it's not doing any good to yourself or to your child.

You are still VERY YOUNG and you can always meet someone new who will cherish you for who you are.

If you're unhappy in that situation, please leave it. Also, please use protection.

Little bit patronising there telling a woman in her twenties to use protection. She asked for relationship advice not a sexual health lesson.
Op I was in your exact position last year. He ended up leaving and descending into drugs and a lifestyle fit for a teenager. Not for one second implying your partner will! But in my situation I was much happier without him (apart from all the **** he put me and his child through, but in myself I was happier). I gained confidence in myself as a person for the first time. Pm me if you want to chat.

I'd say ask him straight up what he wants/if he's ready to commit and based on the answer he gives trust your gut. I knew for a while things weren't right but ignored it. Usually we know deep down what's right. In theend my ex wanted it all back-grass is always greener- but I realised in my time alone that I had essentially grown out of him but didn't realise til he was out of the picture.

All the best x

December2012

You could go and talk to a relationship counsellor to improve your relationship and communication.

Cork selfbuild

Op, you really sound like you did everything to get the relationship on track, getting an apt etc without any input from OH... These years from teenager to young adult to adult are the most formative years of our lives, we change out thoughts and views on practically everything!

You need to have the chat and see whether he is in this for the long haul or not, however as said above be prepared for good / bad answers, it's not fair on you to be strung along if he is not willing to commit, e.g. The apartment, not moving in with his OH & child's p, given the length of the relationship, and choosing to stay living with his parents because it's "too built up" just doesn't cut it in my eyes....

Big Bag of Chips

Confusedahhhh wrote: »

I am starting to get paranoid now thinking it's me and every time he comes over I lose the head at him for no reason. I don't know what to do:(

To be honest it's probably a bit you and a bit him. When a relationship starts to slip it's rarely down to one person. Both people in a relationship have a responsibility to make it work, and both usually carry a share of the blame if it starts to go wrong.

The fact that you lose the head at him every time he comes over will not be helping your case of convincing him you should start living together again. Living together with rent, bills and a child can be very stressful. If you are fighting all the time now, he's probably thinking that wouldn't be much fun 24 hours a day.

You need to communicate with each other. You need to both be honest with each other. You mightn't like all of what you (both) hear, but it needs to be laid out honestly so you can both move on from the hole you are stuck in now.

It could mean moving on together as a stronger couple with a better understanding of each other, or it could mean moving on seperately. But at least if you have that talk and be totally honest, you will be making a decision with all the information. Rather than struggling on at the moment both of you suspicious of the other.