boyfriends turn ons

nuegirl

Hi all

Probably not as serious as most issues here but I’d like to see what people think.

My boyfriend loves seeing me all dressed up on nights out (pretty normal!) and I know he has favorite outfits he likes me to wear. But when we're out (or I'm out in college) he has a thing for other guys looking at me and ‘wanting me’. It’s like he wants to show me off which I have no problem with really, I take it as a complement. Now he never wants me to actually do anything like cheat or kiss other guys in a creepy way but I think it’s like a fetish for the thought of it happening, or the thought of me teasing him by flirting with other guys, or again the thought of me doing something bold when dressed up on a night out.

I know he loves me to bits, he’s a wonderful guy and I want to be with him forever. He loves me just as much and I really think we will be together forever. I have no real problem with this fantasy as long as it doesn’t get too weird. I’d pretty much be the exact opposite as I’d hate other girls looking at my guy! I know he was cheated on before in a previous relationship and for some reason I think it stems from that.

I’m not sure how I can make him happy with this fantasy so I guess my question is has anyone been in a similar situation and how did they approach it? Is it something I should be worried about? Is it normal?

wirelessdude01

Guess it is the old get the girl to go to the bar on her own and while the boyfriend is sitting in the corner watch all the men try to chat her up and then swoop in at the end and pull her. Standard enough fantasy if your up for it.

nuegirl

nuegirl wrote: »

I know he was cheated on before in a previous relationship and for some reason I think it stems from that.

I wouldn't think it stems from anything at all, definitely not from being cheated on. He might feel some enjoyment in the fact that other guys want you, but only he actually can. As long as you tell him your boundaries e.g. not actually doing anything with another guy, then I don't really seem a problem and would consider it pretty normal actually. As long as they're not insecure, jealous, or paranoid, you'd find a lot of people would feel the same.

keithsfleet

He likes the idea he has something another man can't get.
Standard enough for most men, it's a bit like wanting the biggest house on the street or the best car in the drive.

nuegirl

Thanks for the replies guys! I guess when I think of it like that it seems very normal

My only concern is he still wants guys looking at me when I'm out and he isn't. He'd prefer to have guys after me and then likes to hear me tell him how I was loving all the attention and was flirting all night etc etc. Is this a step further that just the usual showing me off? He never gets jealous at all. As I mentioned before I'm the opposite! Could it be he likes the challenge of competition too?!

I doubt it's any competition really as he's already won.

beks101

To be honest I don't really agree with other posters and would find this a bit weird. He gets off on other men wanting you? So he gets off on the whole ego side of being with you, as opposed to just the fact that he thinks you're hot?

nuegirl

beks101 wrote: »

To be honest I don't really agree with other posters and would find this a bit weird. He gets off on other men wanting you? So he gets off on the whole ego side of being with you, as opposed to just the fact that he thinks you're hot?

I probably should point out this isn't an everyday occurrence this just seems to crop up every now and again. I know he fancies me regardless of it but I guess this is just what he gets his kicks from...

littleblackDRS

I don't think it's a fetish or anything like that at all... I think its just an ego boost, he wants other guys to see what he has. I think you've way over thought this, and turned it into something completely different.

alias06

beks101 wrote: »

To be honest I don't really agree with other posters and would find this a bit weird. He gets off on other men wanting you? So he gets off on the whole ego side of being with you, as opposed to just the fact that he thinks you're hot?

I totally agree with this. It's as if he you wants you as his trophy wife to boost his ego, rather than wanting you for who you really are. Its not good.

Faith

Eh, I've a bit of a different take on this. It sounds to me (from your second post, at least) that he could have serious trust issues and is trying to trick you into saying that you enjoyed all the attention/ fancied one of the guys/ acted on the flirting.

I could be completely off the mark, but it doesn't really sound like normal behaviour to me. My boyfriend is incredibly un-jealous but he'd have a heart attack if I told him about tonnes of guys flirting with me when I was out. You said:

likes to hear me tell him how I was loving all the attention and was flirting all night

That's about your behaviour, not about the behaviour of guys who are attracted to you. I totally understand him getting off on guys fancying you but I don't get him wanting to hear about your reactions.

Taltos

Hi keithsfleet, welcome to PI/RI. Please have a quick read of our charter, mass generalisations are not welcome here.

Thanks
Taltos

heretochat

I would agree with beks and those that would be a bit put off by this... It sounds like he is using you as his own little ego boost... He comes across to me as a little shallow and superficial..

I take it you are a very good looking girl? Question then is would he be with you if you weren't?

LegacyUser

Everybody is shallow to an extent. Everybody.

I started talking to my girlfriend because of how she looks and she looked at me because she thought I was very attractive. So, we initiated things based on attractiveness, i.e. we're shallow. How many other couples, who have met on nights out, who have met online, who have met anywhere, have started for these reasons? I would assume that the vast majority have.

We became a couple because of how each of us are, not what we look like.

She's an extremely attractive girl, especially when she's dolled up for a night out and it would be completely ignorant of me to think that guys won't talk to her or won't try it on with her. It's pretty much a given, especially in night clubs. We went out together, she went to get me a drink and some guy at the bar started to flirt with her. Didn't bother me, because I know her. I know how much she cares for this relationship so I trust her completely.

In fact I kind of like it because it is an ego boost. But there's nothing wrong with that essentially, because that's not the sole reason we're together. If it was, then therein lies the problem. The way I see it is that they can flirt with her, talk to her, or look at her all they want, I'm the one she's going home with, so the rest doesn't matter as such.

Heck, I've even broached the topic of her possibly hooking up with someone, of which he was thinking about it before coming to the conclusion that she wasn't interested. And that was the last time I've thought about it and the last time I'll ever bring it up. Sure, some people may say how that is weird but there is nothing wrong with it.

The OP themselves say how good a boyfriend this person is, how great they are and the fact that they're in it for the long haul. Just because some people may think something is weird, doesn't mean it is wrong.

OP, if you have some concerns about it, discuss it with your boyfriend. If he is as good as you make him out to be, he'll listen and adjust.