Trans or just a feminine guy?

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, my male partner has very recently told me that he is very confused about his gender identity and asked me to post here on his behalf since he wants help in figuring himself out. He knows that he has always had a very strong attraction to women but never to any men so he obviously he doesn't feel that he is gay.

Here's a list of things we have thought about together that we feel might give some indication:

-he has always felt different/uneasy around others
-he likes to crossdress, especially lingerie and nightwear
-he feels very uncomfortable around people he thinks might be trans
-he really wanted to do subjects like home-ec but felt forced to do woodwork
-he's very caring towards kids(even though we both know that this can be also be a male trait rather than purely a feminine one)
-he's always felt close to his mum and wanted to help her with housework growing up
-he wanted to be just like his mom
-he's absolutely terrified of what his family + friends might think
-he's incredibly sensitive
-he once tried make-up on when he was kid
-he sometimes wanted to imitate other girls around him
-he's completely into women
-he's honestly the nicest and most genuine guy I've ever met in my entire life!
-he's constantly worried about accidentally having a girly posture
-he's very insecure about his looks + body
-he's worried about being too hairy
-he's constantly worried about his weight
-he's figure is not like that of a typical man as it is very curvy in areas such as the back, bottom etc
-he sometimes thinks about having boobs
-he finds masturbating with his hands extremely uncomfortable and weird
-sexually he prefers grinding over other forms of intercourse
-he enjoys the thought of rubbing boobs with another woman
-he sometimes imagines himself having sex with me with himself being a woman
-at one point he used to tweeze hair in places like his stomach and toes almost daily
-he doesn't like having rough skin
-he can be very self conscious about what he wears

On the other hand though he also has a "male" side
-he enjoys stuff like action and kung fu movies
-he enjoys nerdy stuff like comic books
-he likes fighting and FPS video games
-he's energetic
-he wants to be "fit",athletic
-he regularly checks out women
-he enjoys social drinking
-he still enjoys fast food + junk food without focusing too much on weightloss
-likes collecting games
-likes cars

I know that some things on that list might not necessary apply to gender indentity but he's starting to get really anxious from the uncertainty. He wants to know if he really is trans or is he just overanalyzing his non-masculine traits? I want to be as supportive as I can for him so would be grateful for any advice!

Links234

seeking_advice_about_this wrote: »

On the other hand though he also has a "male" side
-he enjoys stuff like action and kung fu movies
-he enjoys nerdy stuff like comic books
-he likes fighting and FPS video games
-he's energetic
-he wants to be "fit",athletic
-he regularly checks out women
-he enjoys social drinking
-he still enjoys fast food + junk food without focusing too much on weightloss
-likes collecting games
-likes cars

I don't think that someone else can tell a person if they are or aren't trans, we could give a guess at best to be honest. It's really down to the person themselves to make that call, and what they would like to do. You can't tell if a person desires transition on a checklist of likes and dislikes.

What I can tell is that the above list doesn't mean your partner is not trans. Being interested in games and comic books doesn't rule out a person being trans, and hell, I'm a huge nerd, I love comics, games, anime, action movies, and I'm also a huge metal head. You'll find loads of trans folks who have as wide and varied interests as anyone else.

Really what it comes down to is if your partner is comfortable in their body or not, and whether they would like to transition or not. You could ask them that, and tell them to ignore all the likes/dislikes, and see what they say.

Hope this was helpful to you.

syklops

I am a straight male, however:

-he has always felt different/uneasy around others

Me:Same here, totally.

-he likes to crossdress, especially lingerie and nightwear
-he feels very uncomfortable around people he thinks might be trans

Don't have that problem myself.

-he really wanted to do subjects like home-ec but felt forced to do woodwork
Me: I also wanted to do Home Ec, and consider myself a decently skilled amateur chef.


-he's very caring towards kids(even though we both know that this can be also be a male trait rather than purely a feminine one)
Yeah i really look forward to humankind evolving to the point where men can spend time with kids without an ulterior motive.

-he's always felt close to his mum and wanted to help her with housework growing up

Im 30 and still ask my mum for a hug.


-he wanted to be just like his mom
-he's absolutely terrified of what his family + friends might think
-he's incredibly sensitive
-he once tried make-up on when he was kid

Done that. Whats the big deal?

-he sometimes wanted to imitate other girls around him
-he's completely into women

Women are fantastic. How could you not like women?

-he's honestly the nicest and most genuine guy I've ever met in my entire life!
-he's constantly worried about accidentally having a girly posture
-he's very insecure about his looks + body
-he's worried about being too hairy

I know the feeling.

-he's constantly worried about his weight

Unsurprising in this easy to get calories world we live in.

-he's figure is not like that of a typical man as it is very curvy in areas such as the back, bottom etc
-he sometimes thinks about having boobs
Im sure most men do also. Think Joey at the beach house in Friends.

-he finds masturbating with his hands extremely uncomfortable and weird
-sexually he prefers grinding over other forms of intercourse
-he enjoys the thought of rubbing boobs with another woman
-he sometimes imagines himself having sex with me with himself being a woman
-at one point he used to tweeze hair in places like his stomach and toes almost daily
-he doesn't like having rough skin
-he can be very self conscious about what he wears

Annasopra

seeking_advice_about_this wrote: »

Hi everyone, my male partner has very recently told me that he is very confused about his gender identity and asked me to post here on his behalf since he wants help in figuring himself out. He knows that he has always had a very strong attraction to women but never to any men so he obviously he doesn't feel that he is gay.

syklops wrote: »

I am a straight male,

Sorry I'm a bit confused - are you saying that both of you are straight males in a gay relationship? but that your partner is always attracted to women?

syklops

mango salsa wrote: »

Sorry I'm a bit confused - are you saying that both of you are straight males in a gay relationship? but that your partner is always attracted to women?

Im a straight male in a straight relationship. I assumed the OP was a female in a straight relationship.

Annasopra

syklops wrote: »

Im a straight male in a straight relationship. I assumed the OP was a female in a straight relationship.

Sorry I presumed you and the OP were the same poster!

Hamhide

If he's confused weather he's trans or not maybe he should talk to somebody. Its how I got started

LegacyUser

Take away the gaming and the comics and this is me, pretty much. However, I know who and what I am: A straight male who happens to prefer some things in life that I'm not 'allowed' have. For me, transitioning has been and will probably stay, a fantasy.

I don't think the things you list are necessarily indicative of someone being or not being trans. As other, probably better qualified, people have already said here, maybe he needs to have a chat about it with someone who can help.

seeking_advice_about_this wrote: »

Hi everyone, my male partner has very recently told me that he is very confused about his gender identity and asked me to post here on his behalf since he wants help in figuring himself out. He knows that he has always had a very strong attraction to women but never to any men so he obviously he doesn't feel that he is gay.

Here's a list of things we have thought about together that we feel might give some indication:

-he has always felt different/uneasy around others
-he likes to crossdress, especially lingerie and nightwear
-he feels very uncomfortable around people he thinks might be trans
-he really wanted to do subjects like home-ec but felt forced to do woodwork
-he's very caring towards kids(even though we both know that this can be also be a male trait rather than purely a feminine one)
-he's always felt close to his mum and wanted to help her with housework growing up
-he wanted to be just like his mom
-he's absolutely terrified of what his family + friends might think
-he's incredibly sensitive
-he once tried make-up on when he was kid
-he sometimes wanted to imitate other girls around him
-he's completely into women
-he's honestly the nicest and most genuine guy I've ever met in my entire life!
-he's constantly worried about accidentally having a girly posture
-he's very insecure about his looks + body
-he's worried about being too hairy
-he's constantly worried about his weight
-he's figure is not like that of a typical man as it is very curvy in areas such as the back, bottom etc
-he sometimes thinks about having boobs
-he finds masturbating with his hands extremely uncomfortable and weird
-sexually he prefers grinding over other forms of intercourse
-he enjoys the thought of rubbing boobs with another woman
-he sometimes imagines himself having sex with me with himself being a woman
-at one point he used to tweeze hair in places like his stomach and toes almost daily
-he doesn't like having rough skin
-he can be very self conscious about what he wears

On the other hand though he also has a "male" side
-he enjoys stuff like action and kung fu movies
-he enjoys nerdy stuff like comic books
-he likes fighting and FPS video games
-he's energetic
-he wants to be "fit",athletic
-he regularly checks out women
-he enjoys social drinking
-he still enjoys fast food + junk food without focusing too much on weightloss
-likes collecting games
-likes cars

I know that some things on that list might not necessary apply to gender indentity but he's starting to get really anxious from the uncertainty. He wants to know if he really is trans or is he just overanalyzing his non-masculine traits? I want to be as supportive as I can for him so would be grateful for any advice!