Trust issue

LegacyUser

Me and my boyfriend had a silly argument the other day because he was all grumpy after work and he was like 'I'm sorry I just have a lot on my plate at the moment'

And I was just thinking about that again yesterday and I asked him what he meant by that, and he said about work annoying him and stressing him out which I knew already and I asked what else and he was like 'ah just some stuff, its personal I don't wanna talk about it' etc and that freaked me out a bit and I asked could whatever it was affect us and he kinda hesitated and said no probably not and was just acting a bit weird, but I didn't wanna go on about it.

Then a while later he was showing me something on his phone and a whatsapp text popped up from this girl he was friends with years ago who was mad about and she kinda broke his heart because the love was unrequited and I think she got with one of his friends and he was just heartbroken over it, so that freaked me out more but I didn't say anything, but then I know this is really really bad but I was playing a game on his phone so I looked at his texts and he's been texting her loads! I didn't read many cos he was right there but she was saying stuff about freaking out cos she's nearly 30 and doesn't have a boyfriend or house and she really wants to have kids and all. And she was just generally being a bit flirty too from what I saw.

And now I'm really freaked out because my boyfriend is a few years older than me and he probably wants to have kids sooner than I do and now I'm scared hes gonna wanna break up with me and get with her!
But I can't say anything because I can't say I looked at his messages.

If he is slightly tempted and considering it I kinda would understand because he probably spent ages wishing she'd love him and all and now shes being like this with him, and it would be understandable for him to kinda think about, I can understand and not be angry about that, and its grand that hes enjoying reconnecting with her but I really hope thats all it will be!

What should I do?

Just say nothing and hope for the best and trust he'll do the right thing? Its making me crazy knowing but not knowing

LegacyUser

lulita wrote: »

What should I do?

Just say nothing and hope for the best and trust he'll do the right thing? Its making me crazy knowing but not knowing

Definitely not this. The cat is out of the bag if you saw a whatsapp message from someone you know - and he knows you know - he had the hots for in a major way, and as you said broke his heart. What is bothering may have nothing to do with her. It might be something like hours or wages in work being cut you never know.

So leave it for a day and then when you are both relaxing together say some words of comfort "Things can get everyone down, and I care about you. How are things with you? Are you looking after yourself?"

From there, at a later point. Bring up the message that you both saw coming into his phone. Imagine you are referring to an old mutual friend you guys have. How is she keeping? Etc etc. These provide ample opportunities for him to come clean if something is going on. Leave it a week or two and if you are still having doubts ask can you use his phone to send a text when you are out and about keep it casual. If there is a hesitation, or you see something on his phone then get out of there.

Sit down and talk to him. Probably the easiest thing to do really.

Czarcasm

OP how long are you both together and has he talked to you about this girl before, as in before she ever came back on the scene?

It's just I'm thinking that if he could talk to you about her then, he should be able to talk to you now about her.

It's not very fair of this girl to think she could pick up with your boyfriend where she left off and expect that he's supposed to solve all her problems. Your boyfriend knows you know, I mean, letting you play games on his phone while he had the conversations from her on it? He's hardly very discrete tbh, probably because his head's a mess too.

I don't think there's anything going on OP but at the same time - your boyfriend has moved on with his life, is with you now, and yet still feels some twisted obligation to be there for this other girl while she's at a loose end.

I'd suggest you bring it up with him OP before it gets any messier, and just tell him to open his god damn eyes, this other girl is only playing him like the world's smallest violin, "poor me" style and your boyfriend can't help but feel sympathetic towards her.

LegacyUser

Hi guys thanks for the input

I know the issue has to be addressed but I don't know how I can bring it up without him knowing I looked through some of his texts, and if he knows that then I'll be the bad guy for doing that.

I can't really ask how she's getting on because she's not a mutual friend, he knew her before we met. I just know the story about him being mad about her and having his heart broken because hes told me about anytime we've talked about previous loves and all that. As far as he knows I don't even know they're talking because I didn't say anything when the text popped up.

I think she's just freaking out and knows he used to love her and thinks she can get him back and I'm scared she will.

He has been acting a little weird lately but it could just be normal stress from work and normal relationship problems. I know he loves me and he does show it but other times he can act really cold and uninterested. I think now though that this is in my head I could be over thinking stuff and making myself think that any problem he has is to do with that.

I know he'd never cheat but I'm still worried he's gonna pick her over me

I don't even know this girl but I hate her now. She knows he has a girlfriend. What a bitch to be trying this.


Oh and we've been together nearly 3 years.

ibarelycare

Just tell him that you saw a message pop up when you were playing a game. That doesn't make you a bad guy. Say that you didn't know he was still in contact with her, and ask him a few questions about her, like if they talk much. Gauge his reaction from there.