Wasted my 20s because of depression

LegacyUser

So I recently realised that I suffer from depression and possibly a personality disorder as well. I've started working on it with self-help books and will hopefully start CBT in a few months. The thing is, I feel bitter and resentful that I've wasted the best years of my life. I'm 28 now. Not old, I know, but I should have been having the time of my life for the last 10 years, and I just wasn't.

I remember in college feeling so shy and anxious that I barely ever went out. I spent most of college sitting in my room, worrying and obsessing about my health, my studies, everything. Things seemed to get a bit better when I left college and got my first boyfriend, but my mental health problems seemed to plague every aspect of my life. I always had problems with jobs, getting on with people, everything. I always felt angry for no real reason and got wound up about the smallest things. In my last job, I ended up p*ssing off the boss with my 'bad attitude' and everyone I meet seems to end up disliking me because I'm so negative and down on everything.

I also feel angry and resentful that in all this time, not one person has ever asked me if I'm ok, if I'm depressed. They just seem to complain that I'm miserable and negative, as if it's a character flaw, and it makes me feel even worse. I hated myself and am only trying to get over this now.

I am doing my best to get out of this pit now but I will never get my twenties back. I could have been living it up, having a great time and enjoying myself, making loads of friends instead of being bitter and miserable. I feel so down about this.

skinny_guy

Hi OP,

I can really sympathize with you, but you are still so young! You still have so many opportunities to get out there and meet new people. Go travelling (if possible) and pick up a new hobby you enjoy.

Also I hear CBT has some amazing results! I really wish you the best!

Challo

Easier said than done but there is no point in looking back with regret. One of the main difficulties in accessing appropriate mental health services for many people is the delay in recognizing the symptoms.

Another way of thinking about it is that you're 28 - how great that you are now on the road to recovery and you're set up for a great decade in your 30s

shanered

What your feeling is normal, i.know you said you were depressed, but im 25 and i can see all my mates realising that age is coming on and life is getting on, which is funny if you think how young we are, but here is a saying ive been thinking recently, "your depressed when your living in the past, your anxious when your living in d future and your happy if your living in the moment" I think this applies to you, your worring about the past and future.and not enjoying the present properly, for me, its things like looking across the sea/stars/landscapes, or turning the shower real cold after a hot one that makes me just live in a moment, we should all be happy to take a breath, to.contemplate life and just be, because its one of the most amazing things in the world, life is full of ups and downs smiles and frowns, enjoy.it best you can by just being amazed for a few.moments a day at least if you can pull your mind to do it.
Dunno if any of that makes any sense to you, hope it helps, good luck and dont worry too much about the past/future, enjoy now.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I know exactly how you feel. I'm 28 and I developed depression in my late teens. Thankfully things have improved a lot recently and I haven't had a major depressive episode this year.

During my 20s, my depression really changed me into a different person. I was socially isolated, didn't take care of myself in terms of finances, health and career progression. Now that I'm over the worst of it, I'm looking back at the last ten years as a kind of lost decade. At my age, I should have progressed more in my career, I should have more money saved and I have put on too much wieght than I wanted to.

The really troublesome part is that I'm starting to see other people my age getting married, buying a house and having kids but I have been single for so long due to the depression. I feel like I'm coming in last in a race and I have so much to catch up on. The social isolation was by far the most damaging aspect of my depression.

However, I can honestly say that I am a stronger person than I was in my early 20s. I used to be very shy and couldn't engage with a group of people. Perhaps it is the "whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" philosophy, but I am now far more confident and self assured that I ever was, and I am surprising myself on a weekly basis.

I'm still not content - the lack of any meaning relationships in my life is a huge hole in my life and the countdown to 30 is looming over me. But I'm actively trying to loose weight and hopefully in the new year I'll find myself a partner.

So I know first hand that there isn't a random phrase that I can say to make you feel better. All I can say is that you have been through a cruel damaging portion of life, but you are probably a better person because of it, and using that knowledge you can start to rebuild your life and look forward to your 30s.

Wishing you all the best.