Past infidelity, new relationship, how to trust again??

im confused again

I am in a relationship with a truly amazing woman. She is soloving, affectionate, thoughtful, caring, honest, the list is endless. We areseeing each other for about 9 months now and everything is amazing. We are bothin our late 30’s, have both been married before and are both separated forabout 5 years. The problem I have is that my marriage ended because my excheated on me. We tried to make it work for a while but the damage just couldn’tbe repaired. My new partner is the complete opposite of my ex but having beencheated on before I find it so hard to shake the fear of the same thinghappening again. I can get jealous but not that much, it’s not really a jealousything, it’s a fear of history repeating itself. In so many ways my ex made afool of me, for example asking me did I think two people of the opposite sexcould have a purely platonic relationship, of which I replied yes of course,only to find out later that she was having an affair with the person she hadasked me about. So now I wrongly question “Is it possible for a man and a womanto be good friends without them ending up having an affair”, of course theanswer is yes it is possible, but because I have been scarred in the past I can’tbelieve it. Of course I think all the obvious things like the fact that this isa new relationship so don’t compare this new wonderful woman to my ex. My newpartner is very attractive and has a wonderful personality, she could have herchoice of many men, but at the same time I know she loves me. Because of mypast I keep a very straight line in the way I behave towards other women, Mypartner is a little more touchy feely (only a little), and while I know shemeans nothing by it, sometimes I think men get the wrong idea, as she getsasked out on occasion either because the person got the wrong idea, or it couldjust be because she is very attractive.
I have to get over this fear. There must be some way ofdoing it?? Any advice?

wirelessdude01

You answered your own query there. You just have to get over it. This lady has given you no reason to even begin thinking the way you are. There are loads of similar threads on here to this and the general advice is one of two things.

1. Get over it and let the relationship have a chance to progress or
2. End it and get over the issues that your e has left you with.

Really is it as simple as that.

CaraMay

Your ex didn't make a fool of you, she made a fool of herself. There is nothing wrong with trusting your partner even if it turns out that they are dishonest - that's not a negative on your part, it's the complete opposite.

I can see why you feel like this but just let go of it if you can. Don't bring your ex into this new relationship. Her place is in the past and she shouldn't still have an impact on your present. Good luck and enjoy

chubnut

Its conventional wisdom that the sexes are different in their thinking but I'm not so sure, I think its a fallacy that Women have to have an emotional attachment to have sex. I cant think of any Man with an attractive partner that hasnt thought of her cheating on you and I certainly felt it in early marriage. I beat my jealousy by resigning myself to the fact that if we truelly loved each other nothing would change, no throwing her out the house etc and it cured me. Of course if you dont love each other thats another matter.