Is this abuse or neglect or grand and no harm.

A friend was telling me this.

Her son is 12, he has a good friend of the same age who has been given a smart phone that has Internet accesses this friend is also allowed play over 18 games which he gets from his older brothers, parents don't seem to care, now my friend and her husband are worried about the porn aspect they are not stupid but were hoping to keep him away from porn for as long as possible they cant stop the friendship as it a small place and he is in school with his friend. The best they have come up with is talking to their son and trying to manoeuvre him towards friends with more responsible parents.

In my opinion it is a form of neglect to give a smart phone with internet accesses to a 12 year old without close monitoring and it the same with giving a 12 year old an over 18 game they are over 18 for a reason.

pundy

maybe they have some sort of monitoring app set up on the phone?
at least he's not drinking yet??...

DellyBelly

You think it's neglect they obviously think it's not and as it's their kid I suppose they have the right to do this

Dravokivich

Internet Access can be restricted. Have you spoken with the kids parents to see if that was the case?

I wouldn't be too worried about games, as long as the kids understood it was a game and how it's not socially acceptable to act in such ways.

Chazz Michael Michaels

I saw my first porn when I was twelve. No harm.

listermint

mariaalice wrote: »

A friend was telling me this.

Her son is 12, he has a good friend of the same age who has been given a smart phone that has Internet accesses this friend is also allowed play over 18 games which he gets from his older brothers, parents don't seem to care, now my friend and her husband are worried about the porn aspect they are not stupid but were hoping to keep him away from porn for as long as possible they cant stop the friendship as it a small place and he is in school with his friend. The best they have come up with is talking to their son and trying to manoeuvre him towards friends with more responsible parents.

In my opinion it is a form of neglect to give a smart phone with internet accesses to a 12 year old without close monitoring and it the same with giving a 12 year old an over 18 game they are over 18 for a reason.

They are not your kids, so in fairness realistically its none of your business.

As for your friend, she will find that if she tries to decide who her son can hang around with it wont pan out as she thinks.

In fact it will achieve quite the opposite. But she tell her to go for it, shes bound to buck the trend like.

kneemos

Most lads would have seen porn mags at that age back in the day.Bit more extreme now though I suppose.

pundy

as well, just come to think of it - surely it's far from neglect if they can monitor his whereabouts through some sort of "child-watch" app or whatever it would be called.

Wacker The Attacker

Nothing a good crack on the arse wouldn't cure.

harry Bailey esq

i buy my little fella violent games i have to admit,but the smartphone no because of the availability of the porn.he has an old Nokia that works fine and just uses it to contact me and his ma or vice versa.he's 9.

Seachmall

They might recognise the futility of trying to prevent a 12 year old from accessing adult material and so have decided to take a more open approach in an attempt to build, and maintain, a level of trust in their relationship which may not exist if they force their child to keep these matters from them.

But probably not.

DellyBelly

DellyBelly wrote: »

You think it's neglect they obviously think it's not and as it's their kid I suppose they have the right to do this

However people are quick to admonish parents who feed their children junk and have all sorts of opinions on what child neglect is, but I have found when discussing this there are parents who are happy to let young children have over 18 games and see no harm in it, there was more universal uneasy over a child having unmonitored smart phone.

Seachmall

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

i buy my little fella violent games i have to admit,but the smartphone no because of the availability of the porn.he has an old Nokia that works fine and just uses it to contact me and his ma or vice versa.he's 9.

Why is violence more acceptable than sex?


Make love, not war!

beakerjoe

Ah porn is different now,

back in my day you were happy with a nipple from a torn, discarded page 3. Kids these days are spoilt.

That nipple got me through tough times

Genghiz Cohen

There are 2 sides (at least) to the argument.

Will a child find pornographic material unless they are looking for it? If they are looking for it are they ready to see it? If they are ready to see it, it is damaging for them to see it?

On the other hand, such material, while not damaging, could imprint an incorrect image of normal sexuality. So if the child is actively searching for this material, is it time for The Talk?

SEPT 23 1989

kneemos wrote: »

Most lads would have seen porn mags at that age back in the day.Bit more extreme now though I suppose.

more extreme than the swimwear section of the Family Album?

i doubt it

elfy4eva

In regards to porn I would say a lot of kids are going to be brought up a little more tech savvy than their parents. You can try block their access as much as you like but They'll figure out ways to get their porn if they want it

I Heart Internet

I'd try to avoid giving my 12 year old boy (or girl for that matter) a smart phone.

Porn WILL be found....before it's out of the box I'd say. Especially if friends already have them.

beakerjoe

I Heart Internet wrote: »

I'd try to avoid giving my 12 year old boy (or girl for that matter) a smart phone.

Porn WILL be found....before it's out of the box I'd say. Especially if friends already have them.

Giggiddy!

kneemos

Genghiz Cohen wrote: »

There are 2 sides (at least) to the argument.

Will a child find pornographic material unless they are looking for it? If they are looking for it are they ready to see it? If they are ready to see it, it is damaging for them to see it?

On the other hand, such material, while not damaging, could imprint an incorrect image of normal sexuality. So if the child is actively searching for this material, is it time for The Talk?

There's porn and there's porn.What you can get on the web is quite often disgusting.

Genghiz Cohen

kneemos wrote: »

There's porn and there's porn.What you can get on the web is quite often disgusting.

Aye, you can get anything you want. But not without looking for it. And if you're looking for it, are you prepared for it?

kneemos

Genghiz Cohen wrote: »

Aye, you can get anything you want. But not without looking for it. And if you're looking for it, are you prepared for it?

I'm pushing fifty and I wouldn't be prepared for some of it.

seamus

Genghiz Cohen wrote: »

Aye, you can get anything you want. But not without looking for it. And if you're looking for it, are you prepared for it?

Indeed a 12 year old has no idea what they're looking for and will come across all sorts of crazy ****.

Chances are the parents just aren't that aware of what's available on the smart phone. Yes some people are just that stupid.

I'm all for honest and open talking about sex and porn, just like I'm all for giving 14 year olds a glass of wine with their dinner to encourage responsible drinking.
But unfettered web access is the equivalent of giving your child a bottle of vodka and sending them off into the nearest field.

Dyr

tell "your friend" to tell their kid that the phone kid is retarded and has to have a smart phone that will alert the hospital if he forgets to keep breathing.


basically if your kid thinks the smart phone kid is a bit of a spa he wont go near him

sorry, "your friends" kid

Tombi!

I'd be more worried about what type of porn/violent material they'd find, TBH.
Or any of the chat sites.
I'm not gonna be one of those "oh think of the kids" but it's very, very easy to be coming across an adult on chat sites aimed at kids.
Not to mention online bullying via social media.

Any idiot can google "boobs" or whatever so I don't think looking at a naked woman is gonna be the main issue.

I wouldn't call it child abuse so much as it is negligence on behalf of the parents.
It's more annoying these days I think for parents compared to the days of grabbing the playboy from your older brother or whatnot.

kneemos

Bambi wrote: »

tell "your friend" to tell their kid that the phone kid is retarded and has to have a smart phone that will alert the hospital if he forgets to keep breathing.


basically if your kid thinks the smart phone kid is a bit of a spa he wont go near him

sorry, "your friends" kid

Whaaaa!

lukesmom

My son (11) has an iPod and can use the internet with the wifi at home. I check his safari but there is never any record of anything looked up so I questioned him about this last night . He said he only ever goes on YouTube to look at gaming stuff and music which he is big into. I'm wondering now if he knows how to delete all history. He plays the xbox too and has xbox live and yes he has a few older age games.

Seachmall

lukesmom wrote: »

My son (11) has an iPod and can use the internet with the wifi at home. I check his safari but there is never any record of anything looked up so I questioned him about this last night . He said he only ever goes on YouTube to look at gaming stuff and music which he is big into. I'm wondering now if he knows how to delete all history. He plays the xbox too and has xbox live and yes he has a few older age games.

You can check the router to see what he's looking at if you have logging enabled, if not then enable logging.

lukesmom

Seachmall wrote: »

You can check the router to see what he's looking at.

/snitch

How do I do that

Tombi!

lukesmom wrote: »

My son (11) has an iPod and can use the internet with the wifi at home. I check his safari but there is never any record of anything looked up so I questioned him about this last night . He said he only ever goes on YouTube to look at gaming stuff and music which he is big into. I'm wondering now if he knows how to delete all history. He plays the xbox too and has xbox live and yes he has a few older age games.

Make him a gmail account. Tell him it's for his email. Tell him to use it for YT. You *should* be able to check the history of the account viewed on YT unless he manages to delete that.

Other thing you might be able to do (I have no idea about iPhones but this might work): if you can use Google Chrome on the iPod then you could make an account and again, if you log into that on your own Chrome browser it'll more than likely show the history.

I imagine you might get to do it with Safari too. But I'm not sure.
One word of advice: tell him before hand. Or at least tell him you want to see the history.

Bambi

Bambi wrote: »

tell "your friend" to tell their kid that the phone kid is retarded and has to have a smart phone that will alert the hospital if he forgets to keep breathing.


basically if your kid thinks the smart phone kid is a bit of a spa he wont go near him

sorry, "your friends" kid

Mine are grown up, I doubt that would work at braking a long standing friendship her son has been friends with this guy since they were tots, they are trying to manage the situation a bit with out making it obvious. Its fact that there is no consensus about it among parents I find interesting.

I think some parents are well aware of the issue but are ignoring it.

Seachmall

lukesmom wrote: »

How do I do that

Find out what your router's IP address is (it's probably 192.168.1.1).

Type that address into your browser.

Log in with your username and password.

Check "Logs" or "History" or whatever.

The exact instructions will depend on what router you have. Google for further assistance. You'll also have to determine which logs are relevant to your son, but just assume all porn is his or your husband's.

If Logging isn't enabled enable it in Settings. If your router doesn't have logging available buy a new router.

Galwayguy35

kneemos wrote: »

I'm pushing fifty and I wouldn't be prepared for some of it.

Like what?

I watch porn and it's all normal stuff I see on the sites that I would be looking at.

As someone else said if someone wants to find weird/illegal stuff they have to look for it.

UCDVet

I don't see the need or point in restricting children's access to the internet, movies, video games, or even pornography. Certainly not a 12 year-old. 12 is plenty old enough to understand the difference between 'real' and 'fake' and to understand that most people are nice, but some people are mean/bad/sick and that they should behave appropriately (on the internet or otherwise).

Probably not a popular opinion, but it's 100% what I believe.

lukesmom

lukesmom wrote: »

My son (11) has an iPod and can use the internet with the wifi at home. I check his safari but there is never any record of anything looked up so I questioned him about this last night . He said he only ever goes on YouTube to look at gaming stuff and music which he is big into. I'm wondering now if he knows how to delete all history. He plays the xbox too and has xbox live and yes he has a few older age games.

Well if he is playing gta v does it matter what he googles after that...

Tombi!

UCDVet wrote: »

I don't see the need or point in restricting children's access to the internet, movies, video games, or even pornography. Certainly not a 12 year-old. 12 is plenty old enough to understand the difference between 'real' and 'fake' and to understand that most people are nice, but some people are mean/bad/sick and that they should behave appropriately (on the internet or otherwise).

Probably not a popular opinion, but it's 100% what I believe.

You know how easy it is to look up various shocksites or gore? I mean okay sure, a lot of people are okay with them but they can really mess up some people.

CrazyRabbit

lukesmom wrote: »

My son (11) has an iPod and can use the internet with the wifi at home. I check his safari but there is never any record of anything looked up so I questioned him about this last night . He said he only ever goes on YouTube to look at gaming stuff and music which he is big into. I'm wondering now if he knows how to delete all history. He plays the xbox too and has xbox live and yes he has a few older age games.

This may come as a bit of a shock to you, but your son has been watching porn.

Clever enough to delete the history, but not clever enough to use a portable browser.

So, he knows about it, is seeking it out, and is watching it. Perhaps it's time to have a talk about how unrealistic porn is, especially in how it depicts women in such subservient roles. That's going to be far more successful in protecting your son than any futile attempt to prevent him from seeing porn.

OhHiMark

Brutal Deluxe wrote: »

Any idiot can google "boobs" or whatever so I don't think looking at a naked woman is gonna be the main issue.

...........I'll be right back.

elfy4eva

Whatever you do, don't be condescending towards him
with the always awkward "Boys and Girls have different
parts" speech.

And don't do what my mam did and hand em cheesy pamphlet
to "have a read of". Don't make out that porn is some kind of
"hush hush" "naughty naughty" "I wouldn't know anything
about that" thing

Be an approachable parent and tell em simply that sex is a lot different in
reality than how it appears in the porns! I would particularly point out the
use of condoms!

Tombi!

And remember. You might want to make sure he knows that male pornstars penises aren't representative of all males.
It'll save him about two lifetimes worth of being afraid to approach a woman.

Or at least I think it would have worked for me

UCDVet

Brutal Deluxe wrote: »

You know how easy it is to look up various shocksites or gore? I mean okay sure, a lot of people are okay with them but they can really mess up some people.

What if I take my kids into the woods and they see an animal eating another animal?

There is some gross stuff on the internet. The vast, vast, vast majority of it will never be an issue unless you seek it out. The stuff that could pop-up, unwantedly, can't be prevented. No matter what you do. So the options are teach your kids about the internet and be there to assist them, or remove the internet. And don't take the kids to the woods.

The most traumatic event of my childhood was watching a kid (intentionally) jump off a swing set and get his arm tangled in the chain; he broke his arm, and basically landed face first...scrapping along the ground. There was blood everywhere....as a small child (7), it upset me....and my mum gave me a hug and explained that accidents happen and sometimes people get hurt and there are doctors who fix them up. Nothing I didn't already know at seven, but I feel like some people here would just tell their child, 'NO - you didn't see that! It didn't happen! Life is rainbows and unicorns.'

Maybe I'm biased. Still, I can't fault parents who are investing time and trying to do what is best for their children - so I don't mean any disrespect.

Tombi!

UCDVet wrote: »

What if I take my kids into the woods and they see an animal eating another animal?

I'm responding to your entire post. I just didn't quote it all to save space.
Thing is though, that's natural. The kid falling was an accident. Wasn't done on purpose.
If you saw someone being beaten up then sure, you could say it's pretty bad but not how normal people behave.

Most people won't be able to watch a guy get beheaded and explain to their child what happened, why it was done and so on.

I get where you're coming from that there's only a handful of things you'll find out on their own but I dunno. Each parenting style is different. I don't have kids but at the end of the day I know most people online either "grew up" with it or else didn't. The ones that grew up on it seemed to be more used some of the stuff.

My niece got an iPhone 4S. I questioned it a bit, was told she I always watched with it and only uses apps and google, no social media. The child always has the phone with her, even when at school i.e. no parent around (she "needs" the phone so her dad can call her). She has unlimited data!!!

She's 8.

Do I think it's neglect? No, but it's pretty fcuking stupid.

Howard Juneau

lukesmom wrote: »

My son (11) has an iPod and can use the internet with the wifi at home. I check his safari but there is never any record of anything looked up so I questioned him about this last night . He said he only ever goes on YouTube to look at gaming stuff and music which he is big into. I'm wondering now if he knows how to delete all history. He plays the xbox too and has xbox live and yes he has a few older age games.

Perhaps he doesn't need to go on the net for porn. I hear one of his friends has some pics of a fine pair of boobies on his phone!

Menas

bluewolf wrote: »

Well if he is playing gta v does it matter what he googles after that...

Yup, would not want my kid seeing this in the game.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDTAtCnPamA

Sh1tbag OToole

[Deleted User] wrote: »

My niece got an iPhone 4S. I questioned it a bit, was told she I always watched with it and only uses apps and google, no social media. The child always has the phone with her, even when at school i.e. no parent around (she "needs" the phone so her dad can call her). She has unlimited data!!!

She's 8.

Do I think it's neglect? No, but it's pretty fcuking stupid.

Feck sake.

I dont even have unlimited data myself. When I was a young lad I hadn't the price of a bit of wire to join up two empty tins of baked beans

Howard Juneau

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

Feck sake.

I dont even have unlimited data myself. When I was a young lad I hadn't the price of a bit of wire to join up two empty tins of baked beans

You used to get baked beans!?!

elfy4eva

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

Feck sake.

I dont even have unlimited data myself. When I was a young lad I hadn't the price of a bit of wire to join up two empty tins of baked beans

How did this aid in wan*ing?

Oranage2

It's a smart phone and it's the 21 century

The_Captain

Parents buy their child a smart phone

OP thinks this is a sign of neglect

Sh1tbag OToole

Howard Juneau wrote: »

You used to get baked beans!?!

No I'd have to ask one of the rich kids for an empty tin