Girlfriend doesnt like because im 'clean freak'?

OscarMike

Hello everyone,
Me and my gf going out a while now (6mnths)
She doesnt like that im clean freak .... Im sorry but who like to live in a dump ?
And im trying to teach her that every little thing in our house has a home ,no visitors allowed ... Also i think keep place clean is not a bad thing right? I cant watch her washing dishes or making food , shes so messy .... And then she says that thats the way normal people cook or wash or w/e...

Am i being too .... what she calls clean, control freak ?

I want to hear your opinions Ops .

Thank you

Stench Blossoms

OscarMike wrote: »

And im trying to teach her that every little thing in our house has a home ,no visitors allowed ...

You are trying to teach your girlfriend something? Wow, very condescending.

I think yes you are very much a clean freak going by the above sentence.

Does she clean up after herself when she's cooking or does she just leave it there?

I'm a really clean person but I'm also a really messy cook and the place looks like a dump until i'm finished.

OscarMike

Stench Blossoms wrote: »

You are trying to teach your girlfriend something? Wow, very condescending.

I think yes you are very much a clean freak going by the above sentence.

Does she clean up after herself when she's cooking or does she just leave it there?

I'm a really clean person but I'm also a really messy cook and the place looks like a dump until i'm finished.

She does clean it ... but here fairy traces and bubbles on a plates and all ... But like her room is allways a .... everything on a floor and stuff...

Merkin

Stench Blossoms wrote: »

You are trying to teach your girlfriend something? Wow, very condescending.

+1. I stopped reading after that statement tbh

LegacyUser

OscarMike wrote: »

She does clean it ... but here fairy traces and bubbles on a plates and all ... But like her room is allways a .... everything on a floor and stuff...

Bubbles on plates? Seriously???? I agree with your gf! That is just ridiculous!

ElleEm

You don't allow visitors?
That is ridiculous.
You need to come to a compromise, and allow for your home to be 'lived in' but be clean. Sometimes having a home that is too clean can be a bit sterile looking.
From your post, it seems you live together yet you refer to 'her' room... do you live together? You aren't together that long, so living together without really knowing someone can be hard, but you need to learn to compromise.

2Mad2BeMad

My gf happens to be a clean freak
I think she got it from her mother though cause her ma is also a clean freak

and to be honest , I'm not messy but if I finish my dinner I tend to leave the plate on the kitchen table for a while just to let my food actually go down
but she gives out and cleans it herself calling me lazy, when I'd clean it myself if I had chance

its really annoying and maybe you should give your gf a break, only way to handle it is , to stop cleaning up after her, she will eventually clean it herself.

wallycharlo

OscarMike wrote: »

...And im trying to teach her that every little thing...

I think it's pretty clear from the post that the OP's mother tongue is not English, so, to be fair, I would not get too hung up about the exact words which were used.

wirelessdude01

I know a girl that sounds just like in relation to everything having to have a place/home in the house. She is over 30 and single. Personally I think could be part of the reason as it appears she doesn't have a problem getting men but does holding onto them.

Relax the beans a little and learn to compromise.

OscarMike

Thank you Ops for all of your responses.
Its clear that Im to thick with her.

Are you joking?

Are you joking? wrote: »

Bubbles on plates? Seriously???? I agree with your gf! That is just ridiculous!

Does OP mean that she washes up and doesn't rinse, leaving suds sitting on the dishes? Because that drives me mental as well and I'm not a clean freak. It's disgusting and leaves the dishes covered in residue so you have to wipe them before you use them. My bf (otherwise really clean and tidy) does this and it drives me mad.

Stavro Mueller

What do you mean no visitors? Your house sounds like an army boot camp, not a home.

Obliq

cymbaline wrote: »

What do you mean no visitors? Your house sounds like an army boot camp, not a home.

I took it to mean everything has it's own special home in his place, and they don't get to 'visit' each other by being in the wrong place.....

Honestly? I'd say you've a touch of the 'ol obsessive compulsive disorder there OP! Can I ask you who it is hurting that your girlfriend's room is a mess, or that she doesn't clean as she goes while cooking? Because if it is just you, and nobody else has a problem with it, then perhaps you could wonder how you could go about meeting half way? I mean, if you are actually PAINED to see a cup left on the wrong side of the sink for 2 hours, and you HAVE to put it away, then you genuinely have a bit of a problem and it may effect your relationship further.

OscarMike

OscarMike wrote: »

And im trying to teach her that every little thing in our house has a home ,no visitors allowed ...

I have to say that this is likely one of the worst sentences I've read on this section in quite a long time. Where to start? First off, you're trying to teach her something? Christ. Absolutely condescending tone. But the way you phrase the sentence, which makes it sound like you're talking to a baby.

"has a home, no visitors allowed".

If anyone talked to me like that and I mean seriously talked to me like that, then I would take huge umbrage to it.

I don't think how your girlfriend washes dishes is the main problem, the main problem, to me, is how you see her. OP, she's not a child. She's not a baby. If anything it is you that should grow the hell up.

LegacyUser

Are you joking? wrote: »

Bubbles on plates? Seriously???? I agree with your gf! That is just ridiculous!

You think it is healthy to eat off of soapy plates?


OP it is not clean freakiness, to expect a grown adult to know how to wash a plate.
Or to have a floor in their bedroom.
Your girlfriend is a slob. It might be common behavior amoungst a generation of over-mammied Irish people. It is not normal.

I presume when you say visitors, you mean that, you don't want things out of their place?
She isn't going to be able to make cleanliness and tidiness, second nature overnight.
If you are blowing up, over these smaller details. It is easier for her to write off your valid concerns as overreaction/controlling behavior.
Getting agitated as she cooks etc, helps noone. (Unless she is risking food poisoning or something)

I think you need to get the point across, that this isn't the way you want to live.
It will crush your spirit in the long term, if you dont find a compromise.
It will affect your relationship.
Then keep working with her, on the bigger issues.
Until she starts to appreciate, the benefits of a clean home.

Degringola

Must say I agree with the OP about 'a place for everything and everything in its place'. Otherwise how do you ever find anything again?

The Corinthian

OscarMike wrote: »

And im trying to teach her that every little thing in our house has a home ,no visitors allowed ... Also i think keep place clean is not a bad thing right? I cant watch her washing dishes or making food , shes so messy .... And then she says that thats the way normal people cook or wash or w/e...

Am i being too .... what she calls clean, control freak ?

Hell are you ever!

Look at it this way; you are instructing (teaching) her on were everything goes in your (plural) home. Have unilaterally decided that visitors are not permitted. Cannot deal with the way she approaches cleaning or preparing food, to the point you can't even watch her doing so (presumably as you'd end up having to 'teach' her if you did), and reject any suggestion that your way of doing things is not the only way of doing them 'right'.

Now reverse the roles and she effectively bullies you into living in a 'dump'. Doesn't feel very nice, does it? And not simply because she's bullying you, but also because you are forced to live by her standards, her rules in your (plural) home.

So, yes; even if she is a walking biohazard, it's clear that you have no interest in doing things anyway other than your own; it's your (singular) home and she should follow your (singular) rules - for her own good.

Wrong. When people move in together, it stops being your (singular) rules and becomes your (plural) rules. It's not your (singular) home, but your (plural) home. This generally means compromise; she would become 'cleaner', but you would have to lower your own expectations too and meet her half way.

You don't appear to be doing this - most of what you say screams narcissistic control freak, TBH. And so while someone may compromise with you, it'll at best be temporary if they see that it's one way.

If you want to find a solution to this and remain together, you're going to have to sit down and agree with her that compromise. If you want her to change for you, you'll have to make a simelar effort.

Otherwise, I suggest you part ways sooner rather than later and either find someone who is perfectly in line with you on hygiene and tidiness in the home, not to mention everything else in life - people who expect others to follow their (singular) rules seldom limit themselves to homemaking, after all.

Or stay single and live on your own.

Patricktom

OscarMike wrote: »

Hello everyone,
Me and my gf going out a while now (6mnths)
She doesnt like that im clean freak .... Im sorry but who like to live in a dump ?
And im trying to teach her that every little thing in our house has a home ,no visitors allowed ... Also i think keep place clean is not a bad thing right? I cant watch her washing dishes or making food , shes so messy .... And then she says that thats the way normal people cook or wash or w/e...

Am i being too .... what she calls clean, control freak ?

I want to hear your opinions Ops .

Thank you

She sounds filthy and not in the good way either. You are best rid I would say

Taltos

Tramps Like Us - we have deleted your post, you are repeating a point made earlier but more importantly you are not offering any advice to the OP. As you know PI is strictly moderated, if you cannot post inline with our charter then you are kindly asked not to post as even what you consider a minor breach of the rules can and does result in moderation action being taken.

Thanks
Taltos