EX TEACHER. Just want to talk or flirting and hoping to end up in bed?

HHP

If you and your former teacher take a coffee in your apartment, lunchtime, and now decided to do it again soon (in beginning of november, he had a lot at work with tests etc right now) - what would you think?

This teacher always hugged you in school in his office - close twoarmed hugs, cheek to cheek. Also placed a hand on your waist as respons when you placed a hand on his shoulder or after hugs. Often he hugs you several times in a row. And he often takes your hand/hands after hugs. Smiling. He did the same thing after the coffee in the apartment - 3 hugs in a row, took hands. You answered. Then he said you two could meet again a day when there's more time.

You share the same interests in specific subjects (that's why you talked so often in his office). He has said several times you're his best student ever, you're not like everyone else, you enrich him etc. Has comment your body like "there's no many gram too much there" smiling.

You're 19, he's 55+ and married, has adopted young children.
It's in Sweden, you're both swedish, so hugs etc are not really in the culture.
You graduated in June, in the apartment was first time you two meet after graduation.

Is he friendly and fatherly or flirty and hoping to end up in bed soon?
I think he feels flirty actually, but seems like he takes it slowly. Although he's friendly too. Does he take it slow because he's not sure about how I see it? What do you think?

DesperateDan

WTF

The man in red and black

Ah here, definitely trying to get you into bed! Avoid him...unless you want it too?

HHP

The man in red and black wrote: »

Ah here, definitely trying to get you into bed! Avoid him...unless you want it too?

I like him too... But don't know what he wants. Could be friendly and he just want to see me and talk?

HHP

DesperateDan wrote: »

WTF

?

endacl

The man in red and black wrote: »

Ah here, definitely trying to get you into bed! Avoid him...unless you want it too?

He's married with young children. No unless. Just avoid, OP, And cop on. If you're serious of course.

If a troll, 6/10 for effort. 9/10 for formatting, spelling, grammar etc. Which of course reflects well on the quality of his teaching.

The man in red and black

HHP wrote: »

I like him too... But don't know what he wants. Could be friendly and he just want to see me and talk?

In my opinion he's trying it on. What you say isn't normal 55yo behaviour with a 19yo. That's bordering on inappropriate considering the teacher-student relationship...

Be very wary, he's not likely to be looking for anything serious with a 19yo is he?

HHP

endacl wrote: »

He's married with young children. No unless. Just avoid, OP, And cop on. If you're serious of course.

If a troll, 6/10 for effort. 9/10 for formatting, spelling, grammar etc. Which of course reflects well on the quality of his teaching.

Yes, so he might not want to then. But why keep seeing me? that's weird.

And no, I'm not a troll.

ger664

Can a mod move this to AH please.

herisson

Sounds like he is trying to get you into bed.

If you don't want to sleep with him then either avoid him. Avoid him like the plague.

If you want to sleep with him, that is your own choice. But bear in mind, he is married and he has kids. There will be consequences, no matter how much you think you won't get caught. I wouldn't if I were you. Married with kids... No!

The man in red and black

endacl wrote: »

He's married with young children. No unless. Just avoid, OP, And cop on. If you're serious of course.

If a troll, 6/10 for effort. 9/10 for formatting, spelling, grammar etc. Which of course reflects well on the quality of his teaching.

Actually I'm with endacl here. I was trying to avoid being the moral police but he's married. Stay away from him. He's only trying to get into a young girls pants. Very inappropriate from a teacher really!

DesperateDan

I'm sorry HHP, I thought you were trolling but now you've said you weren't I'll believe you (for the moment). If you truly are a 19 year old girl then my advice would be to not sleep with the 55 year old teacher pervert which could almost have resulted in him getting prison time.

HHP

Pixie-Fairy wrote: »

Sounds like he is trying to get you into bed.

If you don't want to sleep with him then either avoid him. Avoid him like the plague.

If you want to sleep with him, that is your own choice. But bear in mind, he is married and he has kids. There will be consequences, no matter how much you think you won't get caught. I wouldn't if I were you. Married with kids... No!

I don't know what he wants... But if he want to - and how should I find out, kiss him when he hugs? - who would even find out, if we meet at my place etc, no one will know.

HHP

So, no one believe he only want to met me and see me as a friend?

The man in red and black

HHP wrote: »

I don't know what he wants... But if he want to - and how should I find out, kiss him when he hugs? - who would even find out, if we meet at my place etc, no one will know.

Wind-up. Nobody could be that naive!

HHP

The man in red and black wrote: »

Wind-up. Nobody could be that naive!

Well, there's a chance of course, but not a big chance.
But yes, that's maybe why he don't want anything.

FearDark

Drop the hand on him, see what happens?

endacl

If you want to know what somebody's intentions are, a tried and trusted method is to ask them. I suggest you try that. If he says that he is interested in you, walk away. He has a wife and children, and you have no business getting involved. If he says he isn't interested, you might suggest he reassess his thinking around boundaries.

HHP

Another thing.. When we decided to meet again, he couldn't see me this week, said we should await - since he has a lot of work, tests etc., this week. And it seems we can only meet on time gaps etc. I don't know why.
Is that a sign he might don't want to? But why doesn't he just say so?

endacl

HHP wrote: »

Another thing.. When we decided to meet again, he couldn't see me this week, said we should await - since he has a lot of work, tests etc., this week. And it seems we can only meet on time gaps etc. I don't know why.
Is that a sign he might don't want to? But why doesn't he just say so?

See post above.

HHP

endacl wrote: »

See post above.

Yeah, I'll ask him next time we meet I guess. I didn't dare to ask or do something last time. But what about the thing I wrote?

herisson

HHP wrote: »

I don't know what he wants... But if he want to - and how should I find out, kiss him when he hugs? - who would even find out, if we meet at my place etc, no one will know.

Right here is the harsh truth.

You need to cop on to yourself. do you really want to be that girl that sleeps with a married man with kids? Do you really want to be the (possible) cause of a marriage breaking up? To say no one will never know is extremely naive, someone will always find out.

For example, you could let it slip to one of your friends, someone could see you both, word gets out and the wife and family knows and you will be the girl that broke up a marriage.

For your sake and the sake of his family I would advise you not to sleep with him.

You need to grow up and think of the serious consequences of your actions. It isn't just sex, you are enabling a man over twice your age to cheat on his wife.

endacl

^^
This. The most important bit, of course, is 'grow up'...

HHP

You're right.... but why does he want to wait to meet again? because he has a lot of work this week he says? And why does he only want to meet me on time gaps etc? (during times he should be working)

endacl

HHP wrote: »

You're right.... but why does he want to wait to meet again? because he has a lot of work this week he says? And why does he only want to meet me on time gaps etc? (during times he should be working)

Hold on. I need to recharge my crystal ball...

herisson

HHP wrote: »

You're right.... but why does he want to wait to meet again? because he has a lot of work this week he says? And why does he only want to meet me on time gaps etc? (during times he should be working)

None of us can answer that. If its during times when he should be working, it sounds like an excuse he can use, he could be meeting up with you and say to his wife that he was working.

HHP

Pixie-Fairy wrote: »

None of us can answer that. If its during times when he should be working, it sounds like an excuse he can use, he could be meeting up with you and say to his wife that he was working.

Yes, maybe. And he always working late + don't live in the same town. But if he really wanted me he would find time to see me, wouldn't he? but if he don't want to meet, why does he say he want to meet? why doesn't he just say he don't want to....
he wrote we should await and we could meet in 2 weeks.

HHP

HHP wrote: »

Yes, maybe. And he always working late + don't live in the same town. But if he really wanted me he would find time to see me, wouldn't he? but if he don't want to meet, why does he say he want to meet? why doesn't he just say he don't want to....
he wrote we should await and we could meet in 2 weeks.

???

herisson

HHP wrote: »

Yes, maybe. And he always working late + don't live in the same town. But if he really wanted me he would find time to see me, wouldn't he? but if he don't want to meet, why does he say he want to meet? why doesn't he just say he don't want to....
he wrote we should await and we could meet in 2 weeks.

People are confusing.

Look, don't get emotionally involved. Do yourself a favour and cut ties with him. It's not worth it. At the end of the day, the majority of people who cheat will not leave their spouses or family. Don't expect him to.

Seriously just cut all ties, it would be best on the long run for both of you.

endacl

HHP wrote: »

Yes, maybe. And he always working late + don't live in the same town. But if he really wanted me he would find time to see me, wouldn't he? but if he don't want to meet, why does he say he want to meet? why doesn't he just say he don't want to....
he wrote we should await and we could meet in 2 weeks.

In the midst of your wondering, you appear to be operating under the misapprehension that other contributors to the thread are also wondering. Have we not been clear? Maybe you should talk to a 'bestie' (or whatever it is the kids are calling their closest confidants these days. I can't keep up...). You're really starting to read as a bit adolescent-gigglygirl now. 'Do you think the boy likes me?'

Either way, if you have a non-self absorbed reaction to this scenario, you won't be with him. For all the obvious reasons already explained to you. (A) He's not interested and you're playing out an adolescent fantasy. (B) He is interested, but as he is married, you will have enough respect for yourself, his wife, and his children, not to get involved.

HHP

Pixie-Fairy wrote: »

People are confusing.

Look, don't get emotionally involved. Do yourself a favour and cut ties with him. It's not worth it. At the end of the day, the majority of people who cheat will not leave their spouses or family. Don't expect him to.

Seriously just cut all ties, it would be best on the long run for both of you.

I don't expect him to leave his wife. I don't even want him to, and why would he... plus we live so different lifes it would never work anyway.

But he want to meet again, right? He just don't have time these weeks. He said himself when he was here we should meet again... but on e-mail that we should await and meet in the beginning of november. It's just two weeks, but anyway. Is that just him taking it slowly? Or what? If he didn't want to he would say so, or not answer, right?

endacl

HHP wrote: »

I don't expect him to leave his wife. I don't even want him to, and why would he... plus we live so different lifes it would never work anyway.

But he want to meet again, right? He just don't have time these weeks. He said himself when he was here we should meet again... but on e-mail that we should await and meet in the beginning of november. It's just two weeks, but anyway. Is that just him taking it slowly? Or what? If he didn't want to he would say so, or not answer, right?

OK. I'll just give you what you came for so we can all head off to bed....

Oooooohhhhh! He deffo lyks u! Where are u goin 2 mt him? Wat will u wear? *giggle giggle*!!!

Will that do you for tonight?



Edit: The above 'wink' is not intended to impart a flirtatious tone to the preceding text. Just so we're clear...

HHP

endacl wrote: »

OK. I'll just give you what you came for so we can all head off to bed....

Oooooohhhhh! He deffo lyks u! Where are u goin 2 mt him? Wat will u wear? *giggle giggle*!!!

Will that do you for tonight?



Edit: The above 'wink' is not intended to impart a flirtatious tone to the preceding text. Just so we're clear...

Fine. Sorry if it's a stupid question in the first place. There's just NO ONE I can talk about this with, that's probably another reason why it's so confusing.

I'll just wait and see what happens when we meet again, who knows what he wants.

TheChizler

endacl wrote: »

Hold on. I need to recharge my crystal ball...

This. OP it feels as if you expect posters to know the background details. The first reply basically sums up my thoughts! Can you start from the beginning and work forwards chronologically?

COYVB

HHP wrote: »

You're right.... but why does he want to wait to meet again? because he has a lot of work this week he says? And why does he only want to meet me on time gaps etc? (during times he should be working)

because you're 19 and he's 55 and he really, really has things he sees as more important - but at the same time he's still willing to put a bit of spare time into getting into your knickers if at all possible?

HHP

TheChizler wrote: »

This. OP it feels as if you expect posters to know the background details. The first reply basically sums up my thoughts! Can you start from the beginning and work forwards chronologically?

Well...

I had him as a teacher two years as total. The first year he was just a "normal" teacher to me, he often said my work was good etc., but nothing flirty or so. In the autumn 2012 he asked me if I wanted to read his courses (which we should have next year) before the others. I said I wanted that. Reading courses before the others led to more alone time with him plus we had contact by e-mail (his private e-mail) during that summer, e-mailed a lot about random stuff, not just school. In the autumn I also got him as my tutor for project work.

All this led to some alone meetings + we discovered that we've got a lot of common interests in specific subjects. Which led to a lot of meetings. He started to hug me etc. During the winter/beginning of spring and since then we talked very often, like almost every week, for some time in his office. And he always hugged me etc. - but only when the door to his office was closed, never in the corridor or something, and even for instance when I just went to ask him a question in like 5 minutes or handed in an exam at his office.
We also often read and comment poetry, sayings etc together at his office. (Which he has said him and his wife used to do before they had kids...).
He also gave me a present once, a gift check on books - after I said no when he said he wanted to give me money because I let him copy some pages from a book I've got.
Another time wanted us to stay and talk despite the fact that the firealarm went on, which we did - and he joked a little about how "hot" it was in the room.

Then during the spring it escalate, I think - with lots of hugs in a row, hand on waist often as respons for intance if I placed a hand on his shoulder, he also said several times we should keep contact after I graduated, he took my hands etc.
And for instance one time about 5-6 hugs and we both almost started to "laugh" about it. He got red in his face, smiled very big, bit his lip etc.
He also often/or at least sometimes places his hand around his belt after hugging or between hugs? A bit werid, or it's nothing.

The last time we meet at his office, some days before the graduation, I asked him if he wanted to take a coffee or something some time. He said he wanted that, smiling a lot. That "meeting" in his office were about 5-10 minutes maybe, and almost during the whole time he held my hand/hands - which was a bit weird? and hugged me as usual, close. I answered, as always.

And well... then we e-mailed a little and decided to take the coffee in the autumn. At first we said in the city. Then when the autumn closed in on I said he could choose if he wanted to take the coffee at my apartment or in the city. (I had before that told him that I've moved to my apartment (before I lived with parents)).

So, now you know background details. Hope it helps! Now I want answers ;-)

Bungarra

HHP wrote: »

Well...

I had him as a teacher two years as total. The first year he was just a "normal" teacher to me, he often said my work was good etc., but nothing flirty or so. In the autumn 2012 he asked me if I wanted to read his courses (which we should have next year) before the others. I said I wanted that. Reading courses before the others led to more alone time with him plus we had contact by e-mail (his private e-mail) during that summer, e-mailed a lot about random stuff, not just school. In the autumn I also got him as my tutor for project work.

All this led to some alone meetings + we discovered that we've got a lot of common interests in specific subjects. Which led to a lot of meetings. He started to hug me etc. During the winter/beginning of spring and since then we talked very often, like almost every week, for some time in his office. And he always hugged me etc. - but only when the door to his office was closed, never in the corridor or something, and even for instance when I just went to ask him a question in like 5 minutes or handed in an exam at his office.
We also often read and comment poetry, sayings etc together at his office. (Which he has said him and his wife used to do before they had kids...).
He also gave me a present once, a gift check on books - after I said no when he said he wanted to give me money because I let him copy some pages from a book I've got.
Another time wanted us to stay and talk despite the fact that the firealarm went on, which we did - and he joked a little about how "hot" it was in the room.

Then during the spring it escalate, I think - with lots of hugs in a row, hand on waist often as respons for intance if I placed a hand on his shoulder, he also said several times we should keep contact after I graduated, he took my hands etc.
And for instance one time about 5-6 hugs and we both almost started to "laugh" about it. He got red in his face, smiled very big, bit his lip etc.
He also often/or at least sometimes places his hand around his belt after hugging or between hugs? A bit werid, or it's nothing.

The last time we meet at his office, some days before the graduation, I asked him if he wanted to take a coffee or something some time. He said he wanted that, smiling a lot. That "meeting" in his office were about 5-10 minutes maybe, and almost during the whole time he held my hand/hands - which was a bit weird? and hugged me as usual, close. I answered, as always.

And well... then we e-mailed a little and decided to take the coffee in the autumn. At first we said in the city. Then when the autumn closed in on I said he could choose if he wanted to take the coffee at my apartment or in the city. (I had before that told him that I've moved to my apartment (before I lived with parents)).

So, now you know background details. Hope it helps! Now I want answers ;-)

Sorry,

people have already told you stay away from him. From what I've read i'd be 99% certain he wants to get in your pants. The 1% is he's just plain weird.

It seems you don't really want answers. You want people to tell you it's ok to start some kind of creepy relationship with this guy.

Give up on this fantasy before you do anything you'll most likely (almost definitely) regret down the line.

spurious

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Thread locked.