My husband is too helpful with MY diet

LegacyUser

I'm on a diet to lose the baby weight I gained. I have a major sweet tooth and I struggle with this so I try and leave some cals for my sweet fix. I've lost 1 stone so far.
I have some health issues that would improve with losing weight and have already improved.
Anyway my issue is that my husband is too eager too help. As in he grabs stuff out of my hands, Tells me 'No' if I pick up something in the store. For example I had a packet of cookies (two small cookies) and he grabbed them out of my hands and hid them. I really don't want his help. I have lost weight before on my own and I'm sure I can do it again. He eats loads of junk himself but is skinny. I'm finding it really controlling and embarrassing when we are out in public and he takes stuff of me. I've been upset about it and he says it's because he is trying to help me. Am I over reacting? What can I do?

Neyite

Tell him you are not a puppy or a toddler, but are a grown woman and if you want help with your diet or to feel like you are living with the Diet Police, you'll ask.

I think its terrible behaviour to snatch food off you out in public, and it to humiliates you - you need to let him know this. I would let rip at him when I got him home if that happened to me.

He sounds like a smug git who gets a kick out of making you feel terrible.

CaraMay

Have you been talking about it for months? I'm guilty of talking about losing weight but bit doing anything about it. I imagine it's frustrating to listen to for my oh.

wirelessdude01

Neyite wrote: »

Tell him you are not a puppy or a toddler, but are a grown woman and if you want help with your diet or to feel like you are living with the Diet Police, you'll ask.

I think its terrible behaviour to snatch food off you out in public, and it to humiliates you - you need to let him know this. I would let rip at him when I got him home if that happened to me.

He sounds like a smug git who gets a kick out of making you feel terrible.

Think the word humiliate is way out of proportion here. He is just over involved. The OP needs to just say that this is a journey that she needs to take on her own and that there will be ups and downs but that she needs to be allowed take it on her own. Tell the hubbie that is it great that he is supporting her but that she doesn't need minding to that extent.

LegacyUser

Neyite wrote: »

Tell him you are not a puppy or a toddler, but are a grown woman and if you want help with your diet or to feel like you are living with the Diet Police, you'll ask.

I think its terrible behaviour to snatch food off you out in public, and it to humiliates you - you need to let him know this. I would let rip at him when I got him home if that happened to me.

He sounds like a smug git who gets a kick out of making you feel terrible.

It does humiliate me. I've tried to get it through to him but he doesn't feel like i'm capable of making right decision 'food wise' He has literally gobbled down the rest of dinner in the pot so i won't eat it. It makes me depressed but he said it's for my health. I dunno.

LegacyUser

CaraMay wrote: »

Have you been talking about it for months? I'm guilty of talking about losing weight but bit doing anything about it. I imagine it's frustrating to listen to for my oh.

kind off but i've also lost over a stone. I don't ban bad foods from the house so he gets to eat what he wants.

jdsk2006

Maybe he just thinks he is being supportive to you. Spell it out to him!

LegacyUser

At this stage you need to teach him a lesson.
You have told him how you feel but he refuse to listen.

< snip. We do NOT advocate illegal or physically abusive advice here! Read the charter before posting again. >

If this to much you could start to do the following:
Start to give him salads every day, give him a weight watchers meal every evening as they would not fill a toddler and low cal bread sandwichs every day.

Don't buy biscuts, crisps ect. When he goes looking for this tell him well you won't allow me to have sweets ect so you can have what I am eating - diet yougets, fruit, ryvitta.

Bring him out next Sat night and in front of his friends take his beer off him and tell him
No //// your not allowed that you will have diet coke like me.
Tell him also that he is not going to the chipper after the pub either.

If he get a few days diet food and get embarrased in front of his freinds he will know how you feel and get the message to stop treating you like a bold child.

Cork selfbuild

Hi OP, I think I agree with wireless dude, he is over involved... Yes when dieting, support is great, but not to that level. If that was me it'd probably push me the other way!

Tell him exactly how you feel and that you appreciate support, but this is not support, and really how it makes you feel.

Tell him your stopping dieting due to the way he is and then when he agrees to back off, that you'll only go back on your diet your way your rules and no input.

R.D. aka MR.D

My boyfriend does the same thing to me when we are shopping/out and about etc. To be honest, I love it!

It makes me so happy to be with some one who cares so much about my health and he knows what I should and shouldn't be eating.

However, if i tell him 'no, i'm going to eat that'. He doesn't guilt me or anything.

he just knows that I'm bad at making decisions sometimes especially with food so he tries his best to help. It doesn't come from any mean or malicious place, it's pure concern.

If it is bothering you so much just sit him down and explain to him that it doesn't make you feel good but on the flip side of that I would stop talking to him about the diet and if you're having set backs etc. He might see that as another invitation to help.

zl1whqvjs75cdy

wise woman wrote: »

At this stage you need to teach him a lesson.
You have told him how you feel but he refuse to listen.

< snip. We do NOT advocate illegal or physically abusive advice here! Read the charter before posting again. >

If this to much you could start to do the following:
Start to give him salads every day, give him a weight watchers meal every evening as they would not fill a toddler and low cal bread sandwichs every day.

Don't buy biscuts, crisps ect. When he goes looking for this tell him well you won't allow me to have sweets ect so you can have what I am eating - diet yougets, fruit, ryvitta.

Bring him out next Sat night and in front of his friends take his beer off him and tell him
No //// your not allowed that you will have diet coke like me.
Tell him also that he is not going to the chipper after the pub either.

If he get a few days diet food and get embarrased in front of his freinds he will know how you feel and get the message to stop treating you like a bold child.

If your angling for childish escalation and unnecessary conflict go for this. Otherwise sit him down and talk to him like an adult.

Lisha

Hi op

Congrats and well done in such a great start to your diet. A stone lost is fantastic.

Weight loss is a very personal thing.
Tbh if my husband was treating me like that I'd eat something I should not out of contraryness. I'm not saying that's right but his behaviour is annoying .


Now in your husbands defence your weightloss might mean a lot to him for several reasons:
You are probaby happier lighter
Not to be crude, he just might fancy you more lighter. Your return to prebaby weight might mean a return to you as a couple in his head
Your general health

He possibly thinks he is being helpful. He might not see it as being controlling and demeaning to you.

So I think you need to do the following:
Tell him to mind his own business and allow you to make your own healthy choices.
YOU need to own this diet for your own reasons and motivations.
I think I'd stop buying treat foods tbh, tell him to buy his own
If you are having a treat, tell him it's a one off and that you will be back on diet after treat. Making you feel guilty will only spoil treat and make you eat more possibly .
Instead if helping by controlling maybe strike a deal for every pound/stone list that he treats you to clothes money or haircut/beautician/spa voucher

So keep going with weight loss and enjoy the great clothes you will be wearing by Christmas

Congrats and well gone again and remember 'nothing tastes as good as being slim feels'

CaraMay

Does he control you in other ways?

lmos

Hi OP, well done on your weight loss which is particularly difficult after having a baby, takes real determination. Its good your OH is supportive of your weight loss but really not acceptable to humiliate you. Perhaps he doesnt understand how his actions make you feel. I would sit him down and really spell it out to him. Be very precise about each thing he does which makes you feel bad, but also highlight what he does thats really helpful. Hope you get it sorted.

LegacyUser

My girlfriend, like you, has a major sweet tooth, sometimes completely binge eating. She is also on a diet and while already slender, she wants to lose more weight. There has been often times where she would buy a lot of junk food and eat it, only to complain about eating said junk food afterwards. Do you do this to your husband, OP? Perhaps he is just trying to ensure you won't complain afterwards.

Abigayle

myhusbanddiethell wrote: »

I'm on a diet to lose the baby weight I gained. I have a major sweet tooth and I struggle with this so I try and leave some cals for my sweet fix. I've lost 1 stone so far.
I have some health issues that would improve with losing weight and have already improved.
Anyway my issue is that my husband is too eager too help. As in he grabs stuff out of my hands, Tells me 'No' if I pick up something in the store. For example I had a packet of cookies (two small cookies) and he grabbed them out of my hands and hid them. I really don't want his help. I have lost weight before on my own and I'm sure I can do it again. He eats loads of junk himself but is skinny. I'm finding it really controlling and embarrassing when we are out in public and he takes stuff of me. I've been upset about it and he says it's because he is trying to help me. Am I over reacting? What can I do?

Firstly, he shouldn't be taking anything off you, that is not supportive it is controlling.

If he is eating junk or similar sweet things around you, again he is not supporting you, or being sensitive towards the effort youre putting into your weight loss efforts.

Ask a newly off the cigs person finds it when a smoker lights up beside them.

Tell him to back off number one, and if he wants to eat shït he can do it not in your face.

As an aside, you should keep no 'treats' in the house. They play no part in your weight loss journey. Sugar lows need to be remedied naturally through fruit. I know it doesn't seem as exciting as a chocolate bar, but give it a chance.

For what it's worth, I lost a lot of weight in the past, with a partner against me all the way.

Tell your husband you are appreciative of the help but it is insensitive. Then go hell for leather at it, you can do it x

dipdip

Your husband's behaviour makes my blood boil. He is not your father, he is your partner, and he needs to back the hell off. If my husband did this, I would have trouble containing my rage.

Cork selfbuild

I was thinking a bit more about this, sorry OP do not mean to offend you with my analogy, but he is acting more like the way you would when training a puppy, rather than being a supportive OH to help and encourage you on your journey.

I've been through the weight loss and my OH helped me by wanting to eat the same, low calorie, low fat and exercised with me, she didn't need to lose weight but did it anyway, bit we made sure it wasn't all work and no play, we had out nice meals went out for drinks, it was almost like silent support, she just did it, there was no commenting if I ate something, nor did she binge out in my face.

If he will not change, then tell him you want zero help from him in any shape of form, that your doing this yourself for you.

dipdip

girlfriend diet wrote:

There has been often times where she would buy a lot of junk food and eat it, only to complain about eating said junk food afterwards. Do you do this to your husband, OP? Perhaps he is just trying to ensure you won't complain afterwards.

Do this to your husband? Wtf? Your gf is not doing anything to you. Your gf is imperfect, sometimes overeats, then feels bad and verbalises it. Boo hoo, what a cross you bear.

People seem to lose their minds when it comes to this subject and all rational thinking goes out the window. Food issues are now judged like sexual mores were in the past.

OP it is up to you and nobody else what you eat and your partner's behaviour is, imo, outrageous.

osarusan

I can only imagine your partner feels he is supporting you in all this.

Have you ever said anything along the lines of 'don't let me buy biscuits when we go shopping' or 'i knew I shouldn't have eaten that ice-cream?'

Does he know, for example, that you 'budget' for some sugar calories in your diet?

Maybe he feels that this is something he can help you with, while you know this is something you want to (and can) do alone.

So basically just tell him that you don't think you need him looking out for you about this, and that you think the grabbing food out of your hands is too much, and you would like him to stop.

Toast4532

myhusbanddiethell wrote: »

As in he grabs stuff out of my hands, Tells me 'No' if I pick up something in the store. For example I had a packet of cookies (two small cookies) and he grabbed them out of my hands and hid them.
He eats loads of junk himself but is skinny.

myhusbanddiethell wrote: »

I've tried to get it through to him but he doesn't feel like i'm capable of making right decision 'food wise' He has literally gobbled down the rest of dinner in the pot so i won't eat it. It makes me depressed but he said it's for my health. I dunno.

If my partner did the above to me, he would find himself single ASAP.

Who the hell does your partner think he is grabbing stuff out of your hands, telling you no, eating the rest of dinner so you can't have it? :eek:

I would have the mother of all rows with my partner if ate the rest of dinner just so I wouldn't eat it. I would absolutely lose the plot.

You need to sit him down, tell him that you no longer want his help, and if you want to eat X,Y or Z you will, regardless of what he says and if he doesn't like it, tough.

He isn't helping you in the slightest, how he thinks his behaviour is helpful is beyond me.

I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who treated me in such a way. He is a nasty piece of work who needs to learn to keep his nose out.

up for anything

He's acting more like a father would which is not a great trait in a husband. You need to sit him down and tell him you appreciate his support but not to the extent that he is taking it to.

wirelessdude01

up for anything wrote: »

He's acting more like a father would which is not a great trait in a husband.

Don't they say at times that you end up marrying the man that resembles your dad. Anyway that is besides the point. He really just needs to get it into his hed that he needs to help in other ways.

December2012

This to me is a grey area - it's great you've lost a stone.

But

I don't know how much you have to lose or when you had your baby - maybe it's coming off very slow or has a on again, off again pattern.

As you say, it's your diet. However our health is not just our own individual business - weight in this way is similar to smoking or drinking.

He has a right to be interested in your health in my opinion.

Of course he's not going to get the execution perfect - he's your husband, not a weight loss professional and he should not be expected to behave as one.

If you truly want to keep it your issue, then in my opinion you should not complain or discuss your weight at all - there are fewer things more frustrating than a person being all talk and not enough action about a problem they have.

Nutrition is the key for a post partum woman - you would be better off avoiding the sugary and salty "treats" altogether.

Get proper nutritional advice. Go exercise. Get him to mind the baby while you go swimming / post natal yoga / the gym (presumably your dr has cleared you for exercise?)

Context is very important. If he controls you in other ways it's a problem. If your baby is less than three months old it's a problem. If you are happy with how you are it's a problem.

However, in my opinion, if it's been longer and you have the opportunity but are not doing the work then it's not a problem. If you moan about it then it's not a problem. If you're eating processed food and are unrealistic about your nutrition then it's not a problem.