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Anal? (Sorry if it's inappropriate)

  • 18-10-2013 1:22pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi,

    Not sure if I'm allowed to post this here but I'm just wondering how you go about having an anal sex?

    I've tried it before (haven't really done it) but it always just ended up being too painful and never was enjoyable so I think I'm done with it.

    But my boyfriend has done it with his ex girlfriends and he has always enjoyed it. He says if it's done properly it's not painful and not dirty but very pleasant for both parties.

    He has been very understanding about how I feel about it but sometimes he would joke about doing it and I take it as a joke too. But there's always this niggling feeling that maybe he still wants to do it?

    How do you go about this and do any of yis actually enjoy anal sex? (especially if you're female?)


Comments

  • Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Ah, the classic "Well, all my Ex's liked it" ruse. :rolleyes:

    Op, you are under absolutely no obligation to do anything with anyone that you are not keen on. Whatever that may be and no matter what "jokes" he drops into conversation.

    Suggest that you go shopping in an adult shop and get a dildo, and he demonstrate with himself first. You might find that he stops joking and hinting when its his bum that is the intended recipient.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 494 ✭✭trio


    Ah the old anal question. Cos apparently all women would just love it if they tried it. Thanks Internet Porn!! :rolleyes:

    You need to be more assertive here. Otherwise the "jokes" will continue indefinately. You tried it - you disliked it. This should seriously be the end of the matter.

    Next time he jokes about it, say "you want it? See if your exes would oblige you" and in a non-joking way. So what if it kills the mood one time? Big deal. The guy has to cop on that repeatedly joking about your girlfriend doing something she has explained she found painful and unpleasant is NOT a turn-on.

    Seriously - if this is something he really needs in a relationship, then you two are simply not sexually compatible and it's best ye find out now. You could say that to him too. If told "look, it's no anal with me or anal with someone else" what would he choose?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Tried it. HATED it. It hurts! I don't understand why any woman would like it, tbh. At least the vagina has all nerve endings up there, and men have their prostate gland.

    But what do we have up there? Nothing but OWWWWW!!! No matter how much lube you use, I can't help thinking whats wrong with my vagina buddy?

    And the poo danger. how do men get turned on by this when there's a lovely other place nearby???

    There is NOTHING in it for girls, sorry.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,528 ✭✭✭ShaShaBear


    If he thought it would be funny to tell you that all of his exs have done it, then there's something wrong with him. This sounds to me more like he is trying to play on your insecurities and make you think that you are not as good as his exs if you don't do it. Just like vaginas, all anal canals are different, and not everyone will find it pleasant - just like not every woman likes penetrative vaginal sex. It very much so CAN be dirty, I can assure you of that. Not always, but my partner and I have had numerous occasions where he has had to shower afterwards.

    So to recap, he's trying to guilt you into allowing him to have sex with you anally, he is lying about the mess and the pleasure (for the most part, he has absolutely no clue whether or not you will like it or be messy) and it's working on you. I'd agree with other posters, tell him you want to put a dildo up his anus so you can see how much he is aroused by it and how clean the dildo is when it comes back out. If he argues, you can insist that if all women find anal pleasurable, then surely with the added prostate gland in males, all men find it pleasurable too?


  • Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Get him locked some night
    smear a dump over his ballix so when he wakes up he may think youve gone the hole hog plus the log .
    that'll change his mind with anal

    That is assault. Which is illegal. And also advocating illegal activity is against our charter. Read it and abide by it or don't post.

    There is zero tolerance for muppetry on this forum. Genuine advice only please. Anyone who posts flippant, non-constructive posts that are not in line with the charter may get Infracted or banned.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    OP if ANY sexual act isn't something you're particularly keen on, and your boyfriend is "joking" about it, dropping hints, etc, "all my ex's did it", then suggest just as "jokingly" that he go back to his ex's if he's that pushed about it.

    I'm a guy and I've been asked to do it on a number of occasions, and I've tried it, and it just doesn't do anything for me tbh, if a girl wants to do it they can do it with someone else that likes to do anal, simple as that.

    Some things are fine in fantasy, and I even enjoy watching porn involving stuff I'd never think about doing to another person off camera, because I understand that porn actors are just that - actors. They're paid to do stuff they wouldn't normally do.

    If you not wanting to perform a particular sexual act is a deal breaker for your boyfriend, or the fact that he persists in wanting to perform a sexual act on you is a deal breaker for you, there's no need to be embarrassed about it.

    If he is incapable of acting in a mature fashion about it, then that's going to cause further problems in the relationship outside the bedroom.


  • Posts: 0 CMod ✭✭✭✭ Lucille Some Padding


    OP it doesn't matter if we all like it or not, you don't and you've made it clear to him you've tried and disliked it. All the "joking" is an immature and bad way for him to be approaching a subject like this and not very considerate of your feelings. "All his exes like it" is not an argument whatsoever - let him go back to them if he misses them so much then!
    Say again to him firmly that it's a non runner and you'd appreciate he stops the "joking" hints as you've already discussed it


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 159 ✭✭TwoGallants


    Christ, Ireland is so conservative on some things.

    OP, if you don't want to do it of course you are under no obligation to do so. But when I read people saying 'there is nothing in it for women' it just irritates the hell out of me. Human kind has always been engaged in anal sex, before the advent of contraception it was considered a form of 'safe sex'. Use plenty of lube and get him to go slow if you're interested. Get to 'reach around' so that he is stimulating both orifices at the same time. Be creative. Do something to yourself while he is doing it. Use your imagination! I know plenty of women who enjoy it, when its done correctly its great for both parties.

    Though obviously if you really don't want to do it, just tell him so.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Tell him you would like to try it on him first with a big dildo and once you see how much he is enjoying it you might like to try it.

    It's very crass of him to talk about the details of his sex life with his ex. Bear in mind you could be fodder for his stories in future.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭Zen65


    But my boyfriend has done it with his ex girlfriends and he has always enjoyed it. He says if it's done properly it's not painful and not dirty but very pleasant for both parties.

    Your boyfriend is wrong about this. At any rate, for a proportion of the population, he is wrong. Whether that aligns with his limited experience is irrelevant. Some people don't like it, and find it painful rather than pleasing. Some people do like it, or at least, they have liked it with certain partners. Without meaning to be funny, it is possibly a 'Marmite' experience - i.e. some love it, some hate it.

    It is undoubtedly true that you could probably train yourself to find it less painful, though there may well be other unpleasant consequences to doing this. For a start, if you want to avoid the 'dirty' problem then an enema is required, and that's generally an unpleasant experience. But unless the idea of anal sex fundamentally appeals to you, why would you?

    As for the jokes, it is quite possible that he is simply being funny. There is a lot of humour to be had in making jokes about sex, especially sexual variations, and it can be nothing more than that. I have used funny analogies in discussions which are purely to elicit a smile or other response from people. I certainly am not trying to suggest that I'm looking for anal sex from the listener. I'm actually not a fan at all (and I'm a man).

    But if the humour is genuinely pointed i.e. it is a proposition rather than a joke, then he's a bit out-of-order. You could call it, and tell him to stop, or simply respond calmly with an "in-your-dreams" remark.

    There are some compromises needed in every relationship to make it work. No two people have exactly the same tastes / interests / priorities. Minor compromises (e.g. no eating food in bed) should never be an issue as long as they are balanced between you. Some bigger compromises are worthwhile because the end result is good for both parties (e.g. giving up smoking because your partner hates it), but a compromise which imposes anal sex on you because he likes it is pushing the boat of compromise into the rough waters of subjugation, which is not a good place from which to be building a healthy relationship.

    Z


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭Zen65


    CaraMay wrote: »
    Tell him you would like to try it on him first with a big dildo and once you see how much he is enjoying it you might like to try it.

    Actually, because of the position of his prostate, he may actually enjoy it, which would not support the OP at all. It's far better to simply say "I do not enjoy it" and then stick to that, because it's not a small compromise to accept anal sex.


  • Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,948 Mod ✭✭✭✭Neyite


    OP, I doubt very much he has actually done it before. I've been in lots of relationships and only once or twice has it been suggested, and the subject is dropped once I've said its not for me. I dont actually know any women who do it regularly, or if they do, they are not saying (and most of them would be pretty open about sexual things)

    He may have seen it on porn, and thought it looks graaaannnd and not painful at all. But these men and women are a) actors, and b) professionals who are well used to it, and practicing for years.

    Have you googled what exactly is involved - not porn, but along the lines of what Zen says - the preparation involved, such as enema /how to have anal sex without a mess, - the technical aspect, exactly who does what, if there is discomfort or pain, what level is expected, and if you are going to be sore afterwards, what is normal. I've just had a quick google, and there are lots of articles that explain it in a clear way.

    At the end of the day, you should be doing it because YOU are curious and think you might enjoy it. Not because someone wants you to and you are expecting to hurt during it, and certainly NOT because someone's ex's were all apparently mad for it. And you need to utterly trust your boyfriend that he wont get carried away and stop as soon as you tell him to. And, if you did try it, and decide its not for you, that he respects that.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,528 ✭✭✭ShaShaBear


    Based on what Neyite just said, I'll suck it up and give my 2c as someone who engages in it more often than most.

    I can say that I definitely do not "enjoy" it. I do not get turned on by it, but I certainly do not find it unpleasant. We do it maybe once a month - what I do enjoy is that his build up to orgasm and the climax itself is much more intense and I can usually make him orgasm a second time almost straight away. I feel powerful and sexy, and that's why I don't mind doing it.

    If he is in any way bigger than average, you can expect anal sex to feel very much like you desperately need to go to the toilet for a number two, and you need to do it now :o . You can feel quite stretched afterwards - I find it difficult to hold in gas for about a day after and I can sometimes become constipated. My partner, quite often, has had to wash faeces off his penis in varying amounts, but nothing so extreme as to put either of us off.

    The uncomfortable feeling, and possibly pain, is usually down to normal human reflexes. The vagina is designed to allow a penis to enter, but the anus is designed simply to expel excrement. Obviously, as such, you will likely be clenching hard which makes the whole experience much less enjoyable, and can lead to anal tearing if your partner is not careful.

    Suggesting to him that he allow you to stimulate him with a dildo in his anus is a great idea, regardless of the prostate causing pleasure. Men like this who try to subtly pressure a woman into anal sex are of the impression that anything put into a man's bum is gay :rolleyes: If he agrees and allows you to do it without complaint, you can rest assured that he is simply sexually open with you and wants to explore different options regarding his sex life.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,676 ✭✭✭✭herisson


    OP if you dont want to do it, then dont. You dont have any obligation to do it. Tell him straight that you dont want to do it.

    If you are curious about it then you should try it. There isnt anything wrong with it.


    I like anal sex, i will admit it. I am usually the one to bring it up in conversations with a partner. Im not ashamed of it and i will never pressure them into doing it if they do not like anal.
    Jinted wrote: »
    Tried it. HATED it. It hurts! I don't understand why any woman would like it, tbh. At least the vagina has all nerve endings up there, and men have their prostate gland.

    But what do we have up there? Nothing but OWWWWW!!! No matter how much lube you use, I can't help thinking whats wrong with my vagina buddy?

    And the poo danger. how do men get turned on by this when there's a lovely other place nearby???

    There is NOTHING in it for girls, sorry.

    I get pleasure out of it. Every person is different. I know people who have tried it and found it hurt where as others wont try it or some who actually enjoyed.

    To say there is nothing in it for girls is unfair, because there are some girls, like myself, who get pleasure out of it. We get something out of it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Anal can be so much fun, if both people are actually interested in it. As a guy that is larger/wider than average, I found that using anal toys first can make it easier for the girl. OP, if it interests you, you should consider buying some. You can get starter ones, which are basically toys of various sizes, which can get you prepared for when he enters you. However, if he really wants to do it, then say that he must be willing to have the toy inserted into him.

    I've always believed that you should never have someone do something you're not willing to do to yourself. Heck, he might find that he enjoys it.

    Not to get too gruesome, but I've found inserting my baby finger into the anus during penetrative sex can add a certain level of depth to it. Of course, ensure that the girl is willing for it first.

    For the record, my girlfriend was always against the thought of anal until we tried it and she discovered just how much she enjoys it.

    Anal + fingering + using a bullet against the clit = pleasure overload.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 108 ✭✭JenEffy


    I'm sure there are some girls who enjoy it, but saying that all his exes liked it? I really doubt that. What are the odds that every girl he's been with liked anal? Pretty low, I'd say, considering that not every girl even like giving head. Even if it's true, it's not cool to pressure someone into anything. He needs to grow up.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    It's all fine to say "Do it to him first and let him see how it feels", but it's obviously going to feel different for him than it is for the OP, and if he does enjoy it, that still isn't any help to the OP. For some women even vaginal penetration, with buckets of lube and the best will and understanding in the world - vaginal penetration can still hurt like hell.

    There's no reason to assume anal sex would be any different and even with all the trial and error techniques and advice offered here isn't going to change that. The OP's boyfriend needs to learn that not every girl is the same - some girls enjoy anal, some girls detest it, some girls like to play around with the idea and will go to different levels, but what seems to be happening for the OP is that the boyfriend sees anal as "the next taboo we have to do", as opposed to actually taking the OP's understandable reservations into consideration.

    It's nothing to do with being conservative, it's more to do with the fact that some sexual acts work for some, they don't work for others. There's an infinite amount of other things to try in bed besides just focussing solely on one act that does it for you but does nothing for the person you're doing it with.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Im really disliking the anal is fun brigade and equally anal is not fun brigade.

    It is most certainly not pleasurable (for me). So, do not tell me it is fun for every woman! Or "just to relax" or "put on more lube". It is painful (for me).

    But I dont go around telling other people NOT to do it, because I find it painful.

    Everyone is made different, to the tips of our toes.

    If you can manage to do it and get some kind of pleasure out of it, go for it!

    If you dont like it, for what ever reason, dont do it. It doesnt make you weird or "Oh but he was able to do it with an ex". I mean, they are an ex for a reason. Do you think if butt sex was that important, that its ever saved a relationship?

    If you dont want to do it, you should be respected so.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    If he likes joking about anal so much apply the following tactic:

    Wait until you're in the middle of lovemakling, whisper softly in his ear "I think I'd like to try anal". He'll be up for it. Tell him you need a minute in the bathroom and come back to bed wearing a strap on. That'll put an end to it.

    By the by, any guy whos pressurising you to do something in bed that you don't want to do is an a$$hole. If someone used physical force to make you do something you didn't want to do the police would be involved. Emotional force is no different and just as damaging to your person.


    He doesn't sound like a pleasant person to be honest. I'm just surprised he hasn't used the "If you really loved me you would" line yet.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Zen65 wrote: »
    Actually, because of the position of his prostate, he may actually enjoy it, which would not support the OP at all. It's far better to simply say "I do not enjoy it" and then stick to that, because it's not a small compromise to accept anal sex.

    Well I've had offers before to get a poke up the bum and when I offered to provide the same service back to the gander, it was always (not so) politely refused.

    As I said before a big issue for me would be his lack of discretion.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2 chelsey121


    Have done it and just love it. Would be my preferred position can't get enough of it. Don't knock it until u try it. A female point of view.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I do anal with my partner a lot. He loves it, is my gift to him. I won't say I like it hugely and toys etc. make it a lot easier. First time he tried it I nearly got sick.

    He finds it hard to climax and this is a way we can, so he spends the rest of the night pleasuring me. So a bit of give and take.

    What I did say to me last week was that it was too much, was becoming the norm, which I didn't like, so we've been having regular sex since. After talking, he said it was a form of contraception in his mind....


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,120 ✭✭✭fungun


    Hi,

    Not sure if I'm allowed to post this here but I'm just wondering how you go about having an anal sex?

    I've tried it before (haven't really done it) but it always just ended up being too painful and never was enjoyable so I think I'm done with it.

    But my boyfriend has done it with his ex girlfriends and he has always enjoyed it. He says if it's done properly it's not painful and not dirty but very pleasant for both parties.

    He has been very understanding about how I feel about it but sometimes he would joke about doing it and I take it as a joke too. But there's always this niggling feeling that maybe he still wants to do it?

    How do you go about this and do any of yis actually enjoy anal sex? (especially if you're female?)

    There are a few aspects to your post, and a lot of the advice so far has been people sharing their experiences rather than answering.

    Firstly you ask do any enjoy it....sounds like the answer is yes, but they are in the minority. And even if in the minority, most do it for their husband and how it makes him feel. But you can say the same about oral sex, so thats no problem.

    Then your post gets to you tried, it & didnt like it. Then I would feel under no pressure to try it again. At all.

    However you also ask how you go about trying again. I think thats a healthy question....you are willing to try it again for your husband. ShaShas post probably best answers this bit, so maybe its worth another try, especially if you feel that perhaps you being tense has made it painful before and it might still work for you in the right circumstances.

    Id also add a conclusion - wanting to do something to sexually please your husband is nice. Feeling under pressure to do something you absolutely dont want to do is not right. If its the former, great; if its the latter, remember you have every right to say no....and he shouldnt keep bringing it up if so.

    Best of luck! :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    **Graphic post ahead**

    OP I am female and have received anal sex several times. It's not pleasurable in the same way that vaginal sex is, but it has its own rewards. Firstly, if a guy likes anal sex and he is able to fully penetrate you anally, he will LOVE it. It is a huge turn on for guys who enjoy it to have a partner who is willing and physically able to receive them. It can also stimulate them to orgasm faster as it is, excuse the phrase, a tighter fit. From a woman's perspective, if you enjoy feeling a little dirty and naughty, it's a good thing to try. I enjoyed it for this reason, as well as the fact that once you get over the initial twinges of discomfort, and if your partner is very gentle and takes it slow, it can be pleasurable in an "oh my God I can't believe we're doing this it's so dirty and feels so good" sort of way.

    As for the act itself, I always found starting it doggy-style immensely painful and unsuccessful. But then one morning, meself and the ex were spooning and we starting messing around - so basically we were both lying on our sides, I had my back to him, and he started getting a little naughty from behind. I found I was more relaxed, as it wasn't our intention to do 'that', but after a couple of minutes it became apparent that that's where things were headed, so we went with it. To our surprise, after a few minutes of gentle effort and a couple of 'ouch' moments from me, which we worked through, he was fully inside me, as we both lay on our right sides. We just went from there basically, we found that position easiest for initial penetration (try using some lube) and then we could change to doggy style, missionary, me on top etc. He loved it. And so did I, which surprised me. Having tried it before with others and finding it too painful, I didn't really get the appeal. Then one day, almost by accident it worked and we both enjoyed it, always with him listening to me - if I said it was painful while he was entering me, he stopped or slowed down, if I was enjoying it, he really went for it :)

    Afterwards: You will need to visit the bathroom pretty much immediately as there will be a bit of mess, I can't lie to you, especially if he cums inside you. Your bottom will be a little bit tender, maybe for a day or two, especially if it's your first time. You may need to pass wind very soon after the act, you should endeavour to do this over the toilet. I'm trying not to be too graphic here :)

    At the end of the day, it's not for everyone. if you REALLY do not want to, then don't be pressured into it. But I ended up doing it almost by accident haha, and found out that I really quite enjoyed it :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    Tbh I find all this "surprise him by coming out of the bathroom with a strap-on", "bring home a dildo" stuff bloody daft.

    What's next? He insist you go out and perform oral sex on a woman so you know what it's like and unless you like licking girls out too then no more oral sex for you?

    You're an adult (I presume). There's no need for that kind of silly pointless petulance.

    But like some of the more realistic and usefull posts say. You shouldn'tfeel pressured into anything either. Do the research online like others suggest. Have a think about it and decide if it's something you'd like to try. If it's notthen tell him that and let him know you've given it due consideration but you've decided it's not something you want to do and so you'd like if he doesn't bring it up, even jokingly, anymore.

    If you'd like to give it a try, like other's said, decide before habf on some 'ground rules' and make sure he knows that after trying it if you wanna stop or don't wanna do it again, then the previous about him dropping the subject applies too.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    ShaShaBear wrote: »
    If he thought it would be funny to tell you that all of his exs have done it, then there's something wrong with him. This sounds to me more like he is trying to play on your insecurities and make you think that you are not as good as his exs if you don't do it. Just like vaginas, all anal canals are different, and not everyone will find it pleasant - just like not every woman likes penetrative vaginal sex. It very much so CAN be dirty, I can assure you of that. Not always, but my partner and I have had numerous occasions where he has had to shower afterwards.

    So to recap, he's trying to guilt you into allowing him to have sex with you anally, he is lying about the mess and the pleasure (for the most part, he has absolutely no clue whether or not you will like it or be messy) and it's working on you. I'd agree with other posters, tell him you want to put a dildo up his anus so you can see how much he is aroused by it and how clean the dildo is when it comes back out. If he argues, you can insist that if all women find anal pleasurable, then surely with the added prostate gland in males, all men find it pleasurable too?

    I genuinely think it is not his intention - we do talk about things very honestly and I think he was just being honest. He has never forced me into doing it but I was very surprised to hear that all his ex'es agreed to do it (at some point obviously).

    We have a great sex life and he has even told me that I've been the tightest so far (I'm not Irish) and that he always found anal to be tighter than the normal intercourses. I'm quite surprised that some girls came out to say that they actually enjoy anal sex.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP if you dont want to do it, then dont. You dont have any obligation to do it. Tell him straight that you dont want to do it.

    If you are curious about it then you should try it. There isnt anything wrong with it.


    I like anal sex, i will admit it. I am usually the one to bring it up in conversations with a partner. Im not ashamed of it and i will never pressure them into doing it if they do not like anal.



    I get pleasure out of it. Every person is different. I know people who have tried it and found it hurt where as others wont try it or some who actually enjoyed.

    To say there is nothing in it for girls is unfair, because there are some girls, like myself, who get pleasure out of it. We get something out of it.

    I already made myself clear and there's no major issue about it. I'm just curious about how other people feel about it is all.

    Thanks for your honesty!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 533 ✭✭✭heretochat


    Without going into the details on my own sexual history, I would say that there is no hard and fast rule on whether it is pleasurable for a lady or not. Different strokes for different folks and all that.

    If it is not something a person is comfortable with, there should never be pressure brought to bear to partake in it, no matter how enjoyable the other partner may find it...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 519 ✭✭✭YumCha


    Few things - some in agreement with other posters, and some definitely not!

    Every woman is different - and I'd almost go as far to say that even every time is different - even with the same guy! Sometimes it works but I don't really enjoy it, sometimes it works and I enjoy it a lot, sometimes it totally doesn't work at all and is ouchy... Overall probably more failures than successes, but now that I'm in a LTR I'd be more inclined to give it another go.

    If you want to try again (and only if):
    - There's no reason why you can't do some solo exploration first if you're worried that your boyfriend might go too fast. This way you can be in control and also work out what you like (if you like it).

    - For getting started solo you can just use fingers, or look at anal beads, anal dildos/vibrators (they're a bit slimmer than normal) or butt plugs - just make sure any insertable anal toy you buy has a flared base so you don't end up in the ER :p Also make sure to read up on sex toy materials as some can be harmful and others are more difficult to clean, however silicone is a good bet.

    - The key is patience. Like I said it's different for everyone, but personally I need a LOT of buildup and to be super super turned on before I even go anywhere near anal. If you have a favourite toy, use it! As a rough guide I'd say it takes at least 30 minutes for me before anything ass even happens... I very much doubt that anyone can just dive in hell for leather a la pornos.

    - The other key is lube - lube, lube, lube (I can't say it enough!). You WILL need lube - your ass doesn't produce the lubrication needed, and well, that in/out motion is creating friction! If you're using toys, make sure they're compatible with the lube you're using (water-based lube is pretty safe with most things).

    On cleanliness and such:
    - If you have poo concerns, look at getting an anal douche. Use it with room temp water, or slightly warm water, but NEVER cold water.

    - Have a few dark hand towels handy, and baby wipes.

    - Nothing that comes into contact with your ass should then come into contact with your vagina. NOTHING. ZERO. ZILCH. Once it touches your ass, it can either go back into your ass or it gets cleaned, but not anywhere else. Anal-vaginal contact is a recipe for bacterial vaginosis (goddamn porn myths).

    That's a pretty general overview - you'll probably find some more in-depth guides on the interwebs, or try the books Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin, and Tristan Taormino's The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women.

    Alternatively, if you totally don't want to try it again (which you are absolutely within your rights to do) - then just say it to your boyfriend and ask him to stop making jokes/mentioning it if it's bothering you. If he continues his passive-aggressive anal campaign after this, then it's no longer funny and a sure sign that he's being a bit of a douche. (pun intended!)


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 344 ✭✭wallycharlo


    Neyite wrote: »
    ...Suggest that you go shopping in an adult shop and get a dildo, and he demonstrate with himself first. You might find that he stops joking and hinting when its his bum that is the intended recipient...

    I would be careful of that plan, it could backfire spectacularly if he calls your bluff!


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