friends?

LegacyUser

Hi I want to get people's opinion on something.

I had a group of fiends that I had from secondary school. I lived a bit away from them and had no phone reception back then so I only ever talked to them in school meaning I missed out on alot.
I had a revelation after I finished college that I hadn't heard from any of that group in a year and a half! So I questioned myself and it came clear to me that they didn't consider me a friend of theirs. I have since invited them to bbqs and events but they all made their excuses. I don't plan to invite them to anything else and I don't expect to get communication from them, unless I happen to run into them which I doubt will happen.
I always considered myself to be a good friend if a bit awkward and quiet at times. But this shouldn't matter to friends!

As you might imagine realising that your friends weren't, sent me down into depression, which I got through on my own.

I'd be surprised if any of my 'friends' if they read this will think of me if they do...I hope you feel ashamed!

My questions are were they ever friends?
and should I stand my ground and not invite them to anything again?

ps I'm 24

FunLover18

People grow apart in college. The fact that you only realised after a year and a half that there had been no contact demonstrates this; you had grown apart without even realising.

Can I presume you made new friends in college?

I wouldn't right them off as having never been your friends but certainly you're not as close as perhaps you once were. Have you met up with them at all since? I haven't met a lot of people since secondary school and depending on the person and the mood I'm in it can be awkward or it can be like no time has passed at all when I do bump into them.

Stavro Mueller

Lifebumps wrote: »

Hi I want to get people's opinion on something.

I had a group of friends that I had from secondary school. I lived a bit away from them and had no phone reception back then so I only ever talked to them in school meaning I missed out on alot.

I find this a bit hard to swallow. While it makes sense that you'd get left out of the loop to a certain extent it doesn't explain it all. I can't help but think that if your friends had wanted to socialise with you outside of school they'd have found a way.

I just wonder did you see yourself as their friend while they saw you as someone to be friendly to in school rather than to be friends with? There's a bit of a difference.

I had a revelation after I finished college that I hadn't heard from any of that group in a year and a half! So I questioned myself and it came clear to me that they didn't consider me a friend of theirs. I have since invited them to bbqs and events but they all made their excuses.

Drifting apart from school friends happens much more often than you think. Even to people who were close friends at school and thought they'd be best pals forever. People can change a lot as they move into adulthood. And that's before you factor in things like going to college, getting a job, meeting new people, making new friends.

I honestly can't answer the question for you as to whether they were your friends back in the day. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't. I'm only speculating. What you do know for certain is that they're not interested in being your friend now.

It doesn't mean that they're horrible people or that they dislike you. It might just be that they've moved on with their lives and you've drifted apart.

What's concerning me slightly is why you're looking back into the past and getting hurt by what has happened. Did you make any friends in college? In my opinion you would be much better off trying to make new friends and concentrating on those friendships. Thinking too much about these people is not going to do you any good at all

LegacyUser

I did make friends, good friends. They're scattered all over the country and seem to have settled into their old circles.

I know its not healthy to be looking back like this but I can't help it.

I'm working on building new local friends, but there's always the question 'bring a few friends' I feel if I say I don't have any local friends the new ppl will shun me thinking I'm a weirdo(something I need to realise isn't true).

Thanks for your answers