Jealous of his past..?

MildredW

Hi All,
I know this is a relatively small issue in comparison with some of the other threads on here but here goes anyway.....

I recently got back together with my first love. We got together when we were 14 and were on and off until we were 20-we argued a lot (the usual childish teen stuff). He moved away and I ended up getting into another relationship which lasted 6 years. In the meantime he had a few relationships which never really lasted more than a few months. We always kept in contact over the years (just as friends) Although I knew there was always unresolved feelings with the two of us, he would ask me intermittently over the years "would I ever give us another go, that he never stopped loving me" But I was with someone else and didn't think it would work, it had taken me a long time to move on from him so didn't want to put myself through it all again.

Fast forward two years and by this stage I has broken up with my boyfriend (no. 2) and myself and man (no. 1) started seeing each other again. Things honestly could not be any better, he is everything I could hope for and we are getting on like a house on fire, I honestly believe that we are ment to be together and cannot wait to start a family and grow old with this man.

My problem now though is I find myself getting really jealous of the girls that he has been with, all my OWN selfish issues I know!! How can I be jealous when I had the opportunity to be with him but it was me that didn't want to be with him at the time? I myself have been with other people so it's really irrational to be thinking like this. Obviously he wasn't going to sit around all those years waiting for me to change my mind and decide I did want to be with him after all. I realise my thoughts are ridiculous but I cant stop myself all the same...any advice to stop this way of thinking??

LegacyUser

dont focus on it ,think off it in a positive way if you have to ,use it to your advantage that he was with these girls and still wanted you . jealousy is ok but dont let it ruin or control your life it if you find yourself getting ate up about make a decison and thik of something else

wirelessdude01

Nothing to be gained from it. Most adults will have been with at least one other person so not much you can do about it really. Have you spoken to him about this at all?

Neyite

Jealousy is irrational, and it can feel like you cant help how you feel, but you really can. You've taken the biggest step, which is recognising its your issue and not his to overcome.

You really have to keep catching yourself every time you feel jealousy creeping in and stamp it out. Dont let yourself dwell on it or think about it, make a concious effort to remind you of something that helps counteract any jealousy e.g: Through the years you were apart, he wanted you back - because he felt more for you than any other.

Big Bag of Chips

There's probably a part of you that feels he is/always was "yours". You got together at 14 .. and spent your entire teenage years together, even if it was off and on. That is a huge portion of your life. And you obviously always had a soft spot for him.

I don't think it's that unusual to be a little bit jealous of someone we really really like/liked/loved being with others... It's just people don't usually admit to it. Especially if they've moved on and had other relationships.

You acknowledge you feel like this. You acknowledge it's irrational. Now you need to acknowledge that you wouldn't be the first to feel like this!

I would have had boyfriends/crushes/'shifts' (!) over the years that I would have felt a little pang if I heard they were with someone else... Even if I was in a relationship at the time! But it would be a fleeting thought, it wouldn't play on my mind.

It's something you do get over. So long as you don't let it affect your relationship, you'll be fine.

moochers

Hey OP,
You have nothing to worry about, you are the one he wants. He could have settled down with any of his exes but he didn't, the reason being they were not you. By your own admission, he repeatedly asked you back, but you were in a relationship and not available or ready.

I think relationship wise, this is a perfect scenario, ye both know its each other you want and love. It is also obvious that you both have a very honest and trusting relationship. You never cheated with your ex when you knew your bf wanted you back, and he never strung you along. A great start to a new and lasting chapter in both your lives. (The last bit there is a bit cheesy but I totally mean it)

Best of luck.

Catari Jaguar

Wait, you were in a relationship that lasted SIX years and you are jealous of a few months of meaningless flings? You were the one that moved on without him. You made a life with someone else. If HE was insecure/ jealous of your ex I would understand that.