Going back to college at 30- too late??

LegacyUser

Hi all.

Basically this is the scenario. I remain in a career I immensely dislike and gain no satisfaction from or I go back to college for a few years to do something I have an interest in.

My main fear is that I will be 34 coming out of college and in a way I am worrying that I am giving up a chance to have children. I am female and single. I am quite depressed in the situation I am in at the moment so feel I need to do something to change it.

However I am worried that I am going to be too late coming out of college to meet someone to settle down with etc. On the other hand I am so negative about my life at the moment I will not attract a man in my current mind set.

So do I chance doing something that would make me happy or hold off for years to come- again here could be a chance that I may not meet anyone either way. I am blessed to have a child already but would love brothers/ sisters for child as it is just the two of us. I worry a lot about everything so I can obsess with this at times.

What would your advice be? Am I thinking into this way too much and should I just do something that will make me happy or am I significantly increasing my chances of not having more kids.

I am aware of the biological clock etc however I am so miserable atm I will not meet anyone until I have a plan in place to change my career. Positivity etc......

Thanks in advance

listen_lady

Follow your dream. What's the worst that could happen?

wiz569

Go do what makes you happy now,
The future will take care of itself

average hero

Hi OP,

First of all, fair play to you for giving the decision proper thought. It is a tricky sort of situation (I know, I don't know what I want to do, I have just graduated and am kind of taking a year out, working abroad - at 25)

Do what makes YOU happy. That sounds simple, but it is not easy. Take a little time to yourself and decide 'What do I REALLY want to do with my life?'. If it is to find a potential partner and have children, perhaps look into that. If it is to do a 4 year course, than do that. Maybe there are online/distance learning courses for the subject choice.

My overall point is that we only have one go around at life,so you should do what YOU want to do. Make that dream a reality by doing practical things to make it come through. For example, if you want to live in Italy, perhaps learn Italian, maybe search for jobs in Italy, holiday there etc.

Once you decide what you want , make it your goal and work towards it. You are at a decision crossroads and only you can make the right decision for you.

In my opinion, no 34 is not too late however I have NO IDEA about biological clocks etc.

Stay positive OP - t is not the decision that is the big question, it is what you make of it that counts.

Nada es impossible - Nothing is impossible.

Fair play to you. Keep on truckin'

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

I just wanted to let you know that I went back to college at 30, and...it was the BEST thing I've ever done. I remember all those feelings, especially thinking that I would be so old by the time I graduated but you know what, I think I enjoyed it more being that bit older. I had friends who were 19 and friends my own age ...it really didn't matter to anyone what age I was.
Honestly it was the best fun and so rewarding as I accomplished a dream of mine. I'm now in my dream job and still actually miss those days of college.
My advice DO IT. If there's one thing I've learned its that you're never too old. There was a 70 year old in my year
Enjoy it and you will still be living your life while in college don't forget, you'll probably find its even more active with all the new friends you'll meet.
Best of luck to you, I hope you do it

SusieBlue

Do it. You won't regret it if you at least try.

As regards to having children, if you meet someone and decide you can't wait till after your degree there's no reason why you can't have both a child and continue with college. Aiming to give birth between June and September would be ideal. College hours are about 20-25 hours a week, which is in essence, the hours of a part time job. You could easily fit a baby into that. Not saying it would be easy, or you wouldn't have to make sacrifices, but its certainly doable with the right attitude.

Best of luck to you.

dafunk

Do it! Why stay in a career that you're unhappy in. I work in a college and there are tons of mature students your age. Ive had students as old as sixty five. Each year we take in hundreds of mature students. Plenty of them are parents and lots of them become parents while they're there. You should do it, the benefits of doing something you enjoy far outweigh the cons. Maybe you'll meet who you're looking for while you're there. Look into the back to education and council grants to take some financial pressure off yourself while youre there, citizens advice can give you all the info you need.

Obliq

Totally go to college! There's no better place to have fun, meet people and get pregnant! (the last was somewhat of a joke, but actually who knows? You might meet the man of your dreams within the first week and all that comes true!). Seriously though, you hate your job and would like to train in something else. You are single. You are stressing about what to do. You aren't meeting enough men. The answer to all those issues is go to college, for sure, and you'll meet many people your own age who are doing the exact same thing. Go have some fun

Ps. The clue is in your sentence "Do I chance doing something that would make me happy?". You have answered your own question already, I think. Go do it.

LegacyUser

Do it! I went back in my thirties. Am in my final year now and can honestly say it's been the most fun I've had in years! Sure, its hard work, but tbh no harder AT ALL than my previous corporate existence. I am doing a degree thats also a "trade" so have a great shot at a career when I get out. That helps a lot - I want/need to earn money.

In my course a couple of women have gotten pregnant. One had the baby around exam time April/May - all she did was take her exams in August instead, and she was back in Sept (her Mam was sometimes childminding but she was also using the university creche). The other woman had her baby last month - because it was at the start of the academic year it was more awkward so she is going to defer her last year until next year.

When you go back to Uni as a mature student you will find that your social life increases about 50%. I go out a lot with the ppl in my course - there's several other mature students in it. So I'm out on the town, meeting guys all the time. Even with the younger students in my year I've made a BIG effort to go out with them too - they usually go to just regular pubs anyway and there'll definately be guys my age socilising there if I want a flirt with someone a bit older. Though flirting with the 21 year olds is fun, I don't think I'd go there!

I find that Uni has taken years off me. Everyone has noticed it. I wear miniskirts again! And I laugh all the time. Best thing I've ever done.

Basically I think that if you want to drive your life FORWARD, do it. If you want your life to stagnate - then don't!

LegacyUser

I'm 40 - I went back to study for a Masters part time last year.

And, I met loads of people if you get me.

little lady

I went back to college at 30 for two years, then again at 34 to get my degree and now at almost 37 I am studying for my ACCAs. I am also currently living in the US on a year long graduate Visa. I wish I had have done it earlier but I also think being older gives you more specific direction in what you want out of life and you have more appreciation for what you are doing.


I am much happier that I went back to college at 30, received a qualification in what I really wanted to do, made one of the best friends I could have ever have met, experienced living in a different country rather than still being in a career I hated and getting more unhappy as the days go by.

If you qualify in 5 years you still have 35 years of a career ahead of you, that's your whole lifetime all over again!!

boobar

Op I'm in my 40s and still see well over 20 years of work ahead of me.

You're only 30...go for it.

It doesn't have to be either or with relationships and children either

don't stay doing something that makes you unhappy if you can do something to change it.

Good luck to you.

Manco

There were people in my undergraduate course in their 60s, 30 isn't old at all in terms of going back to college.

lewlew

Hi I went back to college at 30. It was the best decision I ever made. I am now in my final year. At the time I started college I was single and worried as you are. By the end of my 1st yesr in college I met my boyfriend. So needless to say my whole life changed for the better! I wont pretend being a mature student is easy and all plain sailing but its worth it. Go for it. You won't regret it!

shortie_chik

A couple of years ago I was in a very similar situation. I was working in a job I hated which was vaguely related to what I studied in college (the first time around). I felt really trapped because I didn't think I could work anywhere else than in that one specific job (what I did in college was really specific, and not something I have much interest in now!)

In March 2011, I got the opportunity to quit my job to do a FAS course in an area I was interested in - absolute career change & going back to step 1 on the career ladder. It was extremely stressful at the time - quitting a "proper" job with a good income just because I was miserable at work - such a first world problem! But the job-related-misery was seeping into every moment of my life & starting to seriously change my personality. I wouldn't go as far as to say I was depressed, but I felt utterly hopeless and I was constantly in tears.

So I finally took the plunge, handed in my notice, and headed off to FAS. I LOVED the course (1 year long), and even though I had a really tough time getting work experience to improve my skills after I'd finished, I got a bit more experience in short bursts here & there, and eventually this was enough to get me into a really excellent advanced 2 year course. First month is complete and I am LOVING it. Everyone in my class are mature students (the youngest is 22, many are 25-26, most are 30-31 & the eldest is 35, it's been a complete career change for ~70% of us) but we're all so frickin' happy to have the opportunity to pursue this new career, we don't pay any attention to the age gap. We're all in the same boat now.

I was 29 leaving my last job. The idea of being miserable in work for another 40 years was enough to give me the push to leave. I don't believe in heaven or reincarnation; as far as I'm concerned, this is the only life I'm going to have so I better make the most of it. In my new career, I'll never earn as much as I was paid before, but I will love going in to work every single day (I hope! ) And 40 years is a LONG time to be miserable!

I'll be 33.5 years old when I finish, and am starting to hunt for "my first job". So I'll have to work for a while before having kids as (a) I'll have no savings left by the time I graduate & (b) I don't want to get a job and then disappear off on maternity leave immediately. So realistically, 35+ is the earliest I'm even going to be considering trying for kids. I am aware of the clock ticking away in the background, but my potential children will have a much better life with a happy mother. I'd love to have 2-3 of my own, but if it turns out that I can't, I'll consider all the other options.

You'll meet so many new people in college, I reckon you're dramatically increasing your chances of meeting someone. There'll be plenty of mature students around who will understand how tricky it is!

One huge concern I had was how I'd manage financially if I was unemployed / a student for a couple of years. I was saving to go back to college for the last while which has helped. It's definitely worth doing a lot of research about SUSI grants, council grants, Social Welfare supports, college-specific scholarships, university crèches, etc.

Aside from studying to work in an area that will make you happier, once you've looked after yourself & your mental health, you'll be in a much healthier position to get into a relationship. I was single in my old job, and the minute I packed it in, I know I was a more relaxed, fun person to be around. Less than a year later, I met a great guy who really respected the guts I'd shown in taking such brave steps to change my life. And it's bloody scary, so it is a brave move to make!

Good luck with your decision. I know I haven't regretted taking this chance for even a single second.

AineM2013

I think you should go and study, besides the new qual you will have the opportunity to meet lots of new people and more potential to find a partner. I'm 33 and going back to do a 2 year masters which I probably won't be able to start until 2015. My husband really wants us to start a family and at 33 I feel the clock is ticking too so I'm happy to take on both at the same time! Looking forward to the challenge!
Good luck!

LegacyUser

I don't think that going back to college at 30 is to late at all. I know some one who lectures in one of the IT and they told me that mature students can often do very well once they get use to studying again. Also at this stage you are going to college because you want to not because all of your friends are going like after you do the leaving cert.

I have a friend who is now 42 who I will call Mary. Mary started to do a certain course in 3rd leval but then got offered a job in a certain area which she took. Mary spent the next number of years doing further qualifications and working long hours to which lead to a good job.
One night I was out with Mary and she told me that she realy hated her job and was sorry that she did not do x course when she left school. Mary was in her early 30's when she said this to me and I said why don't you go back to college and if you want I will ask some people I know about this for you.
Mary told me then I can't do this now - what if I meet someone?

Well 10 years later Mary is still in the job she hates. She did not meet someone to get married to and I hardly hear from her now. She spent years wating for a man to change her life but she was the only person who could change her life.

At this stage I think that you should start to look into going back to college which will give you a chance to change careers and long term help you get a better job.
I would look into courses, go to college open days, see if you could get a few days work experience in the area you want to study in and see what financial help you can get to help cover your costs.
If your in a job you hate at the moment staying there long term is not going to imporve how you feel about it and could also affect your physical/mental health long term also.
How would you feel at 40 if you were still in the same job as you are now?
Then think how you would feel at 35/36 doing a job you like?
Also I think when you are in a job/course you like your will come accross as a happier person which helps if you want to meet a partner.
It is not an easy decision to make but life is to short to stay in a job you hate.
Also the only person who can change your life is you.

2011

Hi OP,

I graduated from a full time degree at the age of 40 :eek:

Going back to college in my late 30's was the best decision I ever made.
I was highly motivated during my time there and for the first time in my life I actually enjoyed studying (a very new experience for me). I think that this is because I could see the point in it.

My advice, go for it!
Don't spend the rest of your life thinking "what if?"

Best of luck

SillyBeans

You'll be 34 anyway, would you rather be 34 with a degree in something you like or would you rather be 34 and in the same situation as you are now, wondering what if?

Daisymay2007

Do it! Just graduated with a Bachelor of Arts at the age of 34! And if it makes you feel any better, there was a woman in her 80's in my class.....
I had the same reservations starting four years ago but the years FLY by and you will meet wonderful people along the way....go for it!

TheSupernova1

Hi,

I just like to know did you end up going back to college and if so did it work out?

I am a similar age now, not happy in my work and have been playing with the idea of going back to college.

kob29

OP, you said "go back" to college....have you been already? Because if you already have a degree maybe the area you want to get into can be done by a conversion postgrad diploma or conversion masters which would only require 18months or 2 years? Worth looking into for starters!

Assuming then that this is not the case, why put what you want to do now on hold for a fantasy man and fantasy baby and the fantasy that this is guaranteed to make you happy. Maybe it's just the way you thought it would be or should be?
You're miserable now it seems, you have an idea of what would make you happier- why wouldn't you act on that? Especially if the worst that could happen is that you wouldn't have a baby till 35 or 36 or 37- maybe you wont have one at all, there are no guarantees on that score at any age.

However you could take the next 3 -4 years by the scruff of the neck and do what you want to do. There are plenty of 30 and 40 and 50 somethings in college, have yet to meet one who regrets their decision to go after what they want. Some choose to spend summers abroad, international work placements, join clubs and societies like they never did before.
When you come up with your "what if" questions- answer them, ask what-if again and answer it and keep going with that to follow your thinking into more definites.

Please don't resurrect old threads and please don't ask OPs for updates

thank you