"Women don't seek sex - we seek love and affirmation"

Old Dan Tucker

I know I shouldn't care what some celeb has-been says, but I read the following comments on the RTE website, made by Amanda Holden and it perplexed me:

Britain's Got Talent judge Amanda Holden has spoken about her affair with Neil Morrissey during her marriage to Les Dennis.

In 2000 the presenter, who was married to Dennis for seven years, had an affair with the Men Behaving Badly star Morrissey.

She told Good Housekeeping magazine: "I don't believe women have affairs for no reason.

"Women don't seek sex - we seek love and affirmation. If a woman has an affair, there is normally a problem in their marriage."

She also defended Morrissey: "Neil rightly or wrongly got loads of stick. I feel like it was my fault - I was the one who was married.

"I want to change the general perception of him, as he was very caring and very loving and very worried about me because I lost so much weight.

"He used to cook for me and look after me and babysit the dogs."

She added: "We were thrown together when I ended the marriage, or at least moved out.

"Our relationship continued longer than it would have done had we not been so in the public eye, because we had no-one else to turn to."

Now, ignoring rest of the self serving tripe she came out with, does she really believe that men cheat for different reasons than women, as she is undoubtedly inferring? And that women "don't seek sex" but "love and affirmation"??

She seems to say with such confidence, that it would lead me to believe the idiotic view that men cheat for different reasons to women, are still held as tightly today as they used to be.

I vaguely remember Les Dennis going into Big Brother around their time the break-up and how he seemed to be cracking up in their. Now that I read some of the crap that she must have been saying to him, I can understand why. That kinda crap is tantamount to mental abuse.

As far as I'm concerned, there are maybe a dozen reasons why someone chooses to have an affair / fling outside a relationship (some of them perhaps more understandable than others) but NONE of them, are exclusive to men.

Am I wrong here or does anyone feel she has a point?

pwurple

It's the usual bull that people come out with to justify their failings. It's like this for me... ergo it's like that for everyone else with my genital configuration. Why anyone thinks that can be true is beyond me. It makes as much sense to claim all brunettes, or all white people or whatever else all behave the same way.

jaja321

Women don't enjoy sex either....

miamee

Nobody has an affair for no reason - if they were getting everything they wanted at home, why would anyone ever stray?
I don't see that women or men are any different in this respect.

Pawwed Rig

Old Dan Tucker wrote: »

I know I shouldn't care what some celeb has-been says, but I read the following comments on the RTE website, made by Amanda Holden and it perplexed me

I think this is the pertinent point in that who actually cares what this woman has to say for herself. She is looking to justify some (if I remember correctly) questionable behaviour on her own part. Her opinions on this have no merit as a serious topic of conversation. TBH I never heard of her until after the Les Dennis thing but a wiki search says she was 'discovered' on Blind Date and had a part in a show I never heard of.

The Corinthian

I'm sure Ms Holden can speak for herself, but I doubt if she is speaking authoritatively for her entire gender. Different people have affairs for different reasons - just like they have intimate relationships, in the first place, for different reasons.

This applies to men too, who can also have sex as part of an attempt to "seek love and affirmation" - if this were not the case, why would prostitutes offer 'the girlfriend experience'?

newport2

Old Dan Tucker wrote: »

I know I shouldn't care what some celeb has-been says, but I read the following comments on the RTE website, made by Amanda Holden and it perplexed me: Now, ignoring rest of the self serving tripe she came out with, does she really believe that men cheat for different reasons than women, as she is undoubtedly inferring? And that women "don't seek sex" but "love and affirmation"??

She seems to say with such confidence, that it would lead me to believe the idiotic view that men cheat for different reasons to women, are still held as tightly today as they used to be.

I vaguely remember Les Dennis going into Big Brother around their time the break-up and how he seemed to be cracking up in their. Now that I read some of the crap that she must have been saying to him, I can understand why. That kinda crap is tantamount to mental abuse.

As far as I'm concerned, there are maybe a dozen reasons why someone chooses to have an affair / fling outside a relationship (some of them perhaps more understandable than others) but NONE of them, are exclusive to men.

Am I wrong here or does anyone feel she has a point?

She's trying to make the following point:

If a husband cheats on his wife, the husband is at fault.
If a wife cheats on her husband, the husband is at fault.

Nothing new, been peddled for years by parts of the media.

The Corinthian

newport2 wrote: »

If a husband cheats on his wife, the husband is at fault.
If a wife cheats on her husband, the husband is at fault.

I would word it more as:

If a husband cheats on his wife, he's at fault.
If a wife cheats on her husband, she's not at fault.

Essentially, she's playing the old victim card to rationalize and avoid any responsibility for her own infidelity.

batistuta9

is she not saying

if a woman has an affair, there's likely a problem in the relationship.
a man is more likely to have an affair out of temptation than a woman.

batistuta9

The Corinthian wrote: »

I'm sure Ms Holden can speak for herself, but I doubt if she is speaking authoritatively for her entire gender. Different people have affairs for different reasons - just like they have intimate relationships, in the first place, for different reasons.

This applies to men too, who can also have sex as part of an attempt to "seek love and affirmation" - if this were not the case, why would prostitutes offer 'the girlfriend experience'?

is the girlfriend experience not offered so men don't think they're paying for a living blow up doll?
so it has a more realistic/natural feel to it?

not solely for the love & affirmation, though some probably use it for that, i'd say most don't

newport2

batistuta9 wrote: »

is she not saying

if a woman has an affair, there's likely a problem in the relationship.
a man is more likely to have an affair out of temptation than a woman.

Based on what though?

The assumption that women are not prone to temptation and that all men are interested in is sex?

If a woman has an affair, it's the relationship at fault.
If a man does, it his fault because he's giving in to temptation.

??

Lemming

Amanda Holden wrote:

RHUBARB RHUBARB RHUBARB
RHUBARB RHUBARB RHUBARB

translation:

What Amanda Holden was really saying wrote:

I cheated, everyone knows, and I don't want to feel like sh1te for what I and I alone am responsible for doing. Thankfully a journalist was having a slow news day so this is my lame attempt to justify my actions to myself & anyone gullible enough to believe it.

Call Me Jimmy

Absolute cobbledash

The Corinthian

batistuta9 wrote: »

if a woman has an affair, there's likely a problem in the relationship.
a man is more likely to have an affair out of temptation than a woman.

Actually she is saying precisely that.

batistuta9 wrote: »

is the girlfriend experience not offered so men don't think they're paying for a living blow up doll?
so it has a more realistic/natural feel to it?

Why don't you read up on the subject?

not solely for the love & affirmation, though some probably use it for that, i'd say most don't

Is that your expert experience?

batistuta9

newport2 wrote: »

Based on what though?

The assumption that women are not prone to temptation and that all men are interested in is sex?

If a woman has an affair, it's the relationship at fault.
If a man does, it his fault because he's giving in to temptation.

??

i haven't a clue what she's basing it on.

that's what it looks like to me though rather than interpreting it as her saying it's the husbands fault or it's not the womans fault.

maybe she's just basing it on her own thoughts or experiences, even that of her friends.
in fact i'd even say she's trying to justify having the affair

batistuta9

The Corinthian wrote: »

Actually she is saying precisely that.

so i'm right then you agree.

i don't think she's saying if a woman has an affair she's faultless, which you seemed to interpret it as .

The Corinthian wrote: »

Why don't you read up on the subject?

i don't have particular interest in why people use prostitutes.

i've read enough though to get an idea of why they want that/people offer the service

The Corinthian wrote: »

Is that your expert experience?

no i have never paid a prostitute for a GFE since that is what you're asking.
have you?

what is your expert experience on said matter

Lemming

batistuta9 wrote: »

i haven't a clue what she's basing it on.

that's what it looks like to me though rather than interpreting it as her saying it's the husbands fault or it's not the womans fault.

maybe she's just basing it on her own thoughts or experiences, even that of her friends.
in fact i'd even say she's trying to justify having the affair

The simplest explanation is usually the most correct: her basing "it" on her own experience of being an idiot. And a cowardly idiot at that, trying to hide away behind myriad excuses, gender-oriented or otherwise.

To use an expression that I loathe: "Man up" Amanda.

mathepac

Lemming wrote: »

... To use an expression that I loathe: "Man up" Amanda.

She had a man up, just the wrong one from some people's perspective and now she's trying to blame the man who wasn't up for her having another man up.

The Corinthian

batistuta9 wrote: »

so i'm right then you agree.

I agree that she's not necessarily blaming the man. If she blamed the problems in the marriage on the husband, then she would, but she doesn't in that particular text.

i don't think she's saying if a woman has an affair she's faultless, which you seemed to interpret it as .

She pretty much is, in that she is rationalizing why a woman would have an affair - because there's a problem in the marriage - and it is this problem which is ultimately to blame, not her.

Domestic violence is often rationalised in the same way; they beat their spouse because of what their spouse does or says, not because they want to. It's a cop out.

i don't have particular interest in why people use prostitutes.

Then why did you comment on why they would? I've never understood the need for some to have and share their opinion on things they openly admit they don't have a clue about.

And before you say anything, I respect your right to an opinion, but that does not mean that I should actually respect that opinion.

i've read enough though to get an idea of why they want that/people offer the service

I doubt it. Even beyond studies that have been published there's even been documentaries in recent years on the subject. Seemingly one of the motivators for such people (women use prostitutes too) are lacking the emotional intimacy that comes normally from a relationship.

no i have never paid a prostitute for a GFE since that is what you're asking.

That's not what I was asking. I was pointing out sarcastically, especially in light of your admission of having no interest in the subject, that you don't actually seem to know anything about it. You didn't even know what a 'girlfriend experience' was.

what is your expert experience on said matter

I don't claim to be an expert, however, with respects, you're setting a low bar given that you're commenting from a position of self-confessed ignorance, so there you go.

batistuta9

The Corinthian wrote: »

I agree that she's not necessarily blaming the man. If she blamed the problems in the marriage on the husband, then she would, but she doesn't in that particular text.

yeah she doesn't but people seem to think it was a men blaming statement, which it isn't.
well not from my view anyway

The Corinthian wrote: »

She pretty much is, in that she is rationalizing why a woman would have an affair - because there's a problem in the marriage - and it is this problem which is ultimately to blame, not her.

no i don't think she is.
she is rationalizing it definitely yes but not blaming the problems, she even goes on to accept the blame stating "I feel like it was my fault - I was the one who was married"

The Corinthian wrote: »

Then why did you comment on why they would? I've never understood the need for some to have and share their opinion on things they openly admit they don't have a clue about.

And before you say anything, I respect your right to an opinion, but that does not mean that I should actually respect that opinion.

i commented because you seemed to be asserting the only reason prostitutes offer a GFE is because men want love & affirmation
posing it as a question as well, as much as to say - 'well what other reason could there be'

i offered an alternative reason

and i never said i didn't have a clue about it, i said i read enough on it to have an opinion

The Corinthian wrote: »

I doubt it. Even beyond studies that have been published there's even been documentaries in recent years on the subject. Seemingly one of the motivators for such people (women use prostitutes too) are lacking the emotional intimacy that comes normally from a relationship..

i wouldn't doubt that a lack of intimacy is a reason people use the service

but you can't not think people don't use that type of service to like i said, don't feel like they're paying for a living blow up doll

The Corinthian wrote: »

That's not what I was asking. I was pointing out sarcastically, especially in light of your admission of having no interest in the subject, that you don't actually seem to know anything about it. You didn't even know what a 'girlfriend experience' was.

i didn't admit that i was an avid reader on the subject of the reason people use prostitutes at that point though - so you hadn't a clue what i knew on the topic, hell i could've even been a working prostitute for all you knew at that stage

you just seemed to jump on ahead and belittle the opinion differing from your own

where are you getting this from? You didn't even know what a 'girlfriend experience' was
i never said that, you're making stuff up now

The Corinthian wrote: »

I don't claim to be an expert, however, with respects, you're setting a low bar given that you're commenting from a position of self-confessed ignorance, so there you go.

i said i'm not an expert, not that i'm totally ignorant on it

i asked you the same because of they way you came across - very hostile

Pawwed Rig

Mod note - Calm it down a little guys

OldRio

Lads lads lads. 21 replys on something Amanda Holden said.
FFS.
Slow news day or what?

April O Neill

Old Dan Tucker wrote: »

Now, ignoring rest of the self serving tripe she came out with, does she really believe that men cheat for different reasons than women, as she is undoubtedly inferring? And that women "don't seek sex" but "love and affirmation"??

You got it in one. She's attempting to rationalise her past behaviour.

hatrickpatrick

I know a great deal of women whose general antics on nights out blow that remark right out of the water

um7y1h83ge06nx

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

I know a great deal of women whose general antics on nights out blow that remark right out of the water

True and fair play to them. Amanda Holden is talking rubbish.