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Help for partner of survivor of childhood sexual abuse

  • 16-10-2013 7:54am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all,

    My fiance suffered childhood sexual abuse. He has not sought counselling for it and no matter how much i try to encourage him to do it, he won't. I respect his decision and we live in a country where there is little to no access to English speaking help.

    I know some of the services here offer help for partners but i am only visiting home for the month. So I am wondering if anyone knows if there are any resources for me to gain some insight on how i can be more supportive, for example, books or forums or just where to start!

    His past does affect our relationship sexually and emotionally and i find it quite difficult to deal with sometimes. I want to be as supportive as possible and learn how to be a better partner to him.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


Comments

  • #2
    donkey oatey
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 260 ✭✭donkey oatey


    I know that one in four has a support service for partners of survivors but I think there is a waiting list but perhaps if you call them ahead of your visit they could have a word about some things that could help you and your partner.

    There is online help available in the form of therapy via skype, forums and message boards if you google "sexual abuse online support". I think that you will probably find an english speaking therapist somewhere near you if you ask around. Good luck!


  • #3
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,754 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    The Granada Institute offer help for those effected indirectly by sexual abuse as well. May be expensive, but worth a call.

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hey OP.

    I'm inthe same boat as you, have been for a good few years.

    Most places mentioned above won't engage with the partner unless the survivor is working with them too, and specifically allows them to talk to the partner. I suppose I can understand that, but it's incredibly frustrating and lonely. I have no friends I can really talk to, no-one who understands, and while I agree that the main concern is my partner, it's hard to take being the one who has to be so understanding all the time, with no backup.

    There are some forums but tbh i haven't found them that good. But by all means try http://www.supportforpartners.org/ They also have a book list there. "Allies in Healing" is the main one that's recommended. It's pretty "American" though.

    I'll be honest, I'm 10 years into this and I don't see the point of books or therapy or anything like that. The main thing you're told by everyone is that it's your job to be there for support. That's it. If your partner doesn't want sex, well then that's just something you have to put up with, etc. I could go on a major rant about it, but I don't think that would be constructive.

    Best of luck though OP.


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