Heartbroken!

1dayattime

Hi All,
Need some advice!
i have recently split up with my boyfriend over the last month-we have known each other for years and finally got together a couple of years ago, he was my childhood sweetheart!
we briefly broke up for a couple of months last year (he ended things) but they realised he wanted to get back togehter, since then i have been feeling insecure about our relationship and picked fights whenever he went out with his friends, i guess i was afarid of him leaving again. since we have broke up he has totally removed all contact with me, i have now way of contacting him and there are things i need to say that i think he needs to hear. i just dont know what to do, i am stuck in a rutt and i am struggling to get out of it - any ideas on how i move forward?? i am struggling to accept that he is no longer in my life

dellas1979

Why do you feel you need to say things? He is gone.

Think about it, at the end of the day, what will it change? Is it to make him see the error of his ways or whats the motive. Is it to blame yourself? You think he is going to listen to you (if he went this abruptly).

Closure and acceptance needs to come from yourself. And yes, thats easier said than done, but in time you will get over this. And maybe youll learn a few things about yourself.

Cork selfbuild

OP if you feel you need to contact him, just Email him or something, I'm sure there is some way you could message him, I wouldn't hope for a reply though but he may read it.

However, what would stop the insecurity in the future from being there with him?

It is hard right now and probably will be for a while, but time does heal hurt... Maybe in the meantime take up a new hobby or a social group just to get you out of that "place" your in for now?

loubeelou

OP. i feel for you! It's a really horrible time you're going through.
What i found helped for me was to write emails and save as drafts. I'd read them back to myself a few times over the following days ( sometimes out loud) and then delete them when i was ready. Try it. It really works, you're in a situation where you are powerless to express emotion to the other person but this will provide a substantial release for the build up of emotion. Also... Talk to friends. As much as possible!!

heretochat

I think it is pretty clear that this guy wants to cut all contact and if that is the case I think you need to respect his position.. Further contact on your behalf is likely to bring up feelings on his behalf but I would be confident that they would not be positive ones..

Maybe what loubeelou suggests could be therapeutic for you. Different things work for different people but there is a template there..

lmos

Hi OP, I have found this site to be very helpful. Contacting him will not change anything. The best of luck to you.

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/

Sleepless and Manic

So sorry for what you're going through. It feels like your heart has been ripped out and trampled on. Unfair and unjust and wrong. And the emptiness too, like half of you is gone. Its like a death. Its almost worse, when someone dies you have to move on, but when you break up, they're gone but they're still out there. Almost taunting you with possibilities.

And of course in hindsight during those long sleepless nights you'll come up with a thousand things to say, misconceptions to correct, urgent advice, etc. The thing is, it does get better. One eternally slow day at a time. Like clawing your way up a hill. But it does get better, you'll learn to breathe again. In a month or so he may no longer fill your every waking thought, or it may take another month, but he will fade slowly.

And for you to heal an important part of that is not prolonging it or dragging it out by having contact. He's fine remember, this is what he wants. You need to take care of yourself and get through this stronger.

Something that has helped me a little, and probably goes against correct advice, is that I've given myself six months of no contact, after which I will send a brief closure (for me) email to her. I already have a few drafts, they gradually get less hysterical over the weeks. Six months is an eternity i know. But by then i hope to be able to think rationally and I realise now that there's a good chance I may not even send anything.

Sleepless and Manic

loubeelou wrote: »

What i found helped for me was to write emails and save as drafts. I'd read them back to myself a few times over the following days ( sometimes out loud) and then delete them when i was ready.

Yes. I even went a little further and set a date six months ahead (March 15th 2014!), when I plan to send it. Maybe not a good thing. Okay, yes, I now its not a good thing.

But I'm already thinking when the time comes I may not and that its a far more useful exercise in coming to terms with the situation myself than really getting "closure" from her.